Spinoff Poll: Do you LOVE being a mommy? New ? added

Double-or-Nothing's post got me thinking if there were other things related to whether or not you LOVE being a mommy.....are there factors?

What am I forgetting?

 

I think on the last ? of whether I think infertility or my age has anything to do with how I feel I'm not really sure. I answered no but perhaps it does. Perhaps having children so much later in life, only allowed me to be used to my independence more and more. Perhaps, my infertility issues did play a factor. Perhaps I wanted to be a mommy for so long and tried so hard that I had very unrealistic expectations but what it would be like. I think I would have been better prepared for the reality of being a SAHM if I had spoken to other ones or had read up on it before I gave birth. I think I had such a fantasy/fairytale of what it would be like and when reality hit, it hit hard.

One question you might add on to that I wonder about is whether or not they are SAHMs or have a job outside as well and whether or not they have real family support or they are on their own. I always feel that moms who have good family support and can get out now and then either on their own or out with dh would probably be happier moms. I think everyone probably needs to be refreshed now and then and I'm sure that's a big part of my problem.

 

Ok, updated....I didn't look at the #'s but they've been wiped clean, so please respond again (unless I need to change the wording again )

 

One of the questions really hit home with me... I had a c/s and had no one at home to help for the first two days. Then my Mom came and all she helped with was walking my oldest to school. I can readily admit that I am VERY bitter. It irks me when people (not necessarily here) complain about only having two weeks of help. I think the fact that I was thrown into it makes me love it even more. I feel as though I have met and exceeded the challenge of being a twin mom.

Don't get me wrong there are days where I don't like that they screamed all day or had major huge blowouts but when I get that smile at the end of the day makes it all worth it. Now ask me if I like being a homemaker. Those are two different things. I HATE being at home - the cooking, the cleaning etc. I'd rather play with babies, do homework and craft projects than clean!

 

quote:
Don't get me wrong there are days where I don't like that they screamed all day or had major huge blowouts but when I get that smile at the end of the day makes it all worth it. Now ask me if I like being a homemaker. Those are two different things. I HATE being at home - the cooking, the cleaning etc. I'd rather play with babies, do homework and craft projects than clean!


I could have written that myself. I ditto that wholeheartedly!

 

DIDDO
Love being home with the twinkies but hate the cleaning

 

Well my answers to the poll
Im 24 and love being a mommy, I am a SAHM who never had fertility issues but did have all very complicated pregnancies, I may be able to easily get preggo but staying pregnant is what is hard for me. I think my age has alot to do with my loving being a mommy, sure there are the times they make me crazy (mainly my 3yo bossy boy) but that doesnt make me wonder why I wanted kids. I never really had that independance to do what we want when we wanted. Dh and I got married at 19 and 8 months later he was off to Iraq, so I moved back in with family, he came back and I got prego with ds, so we never were the type to go out to parties or bars or anything like that. I never had a full on career, sure I had jobs, but hadnt settled into anything. Money is tight but we dont own a house or any of the other things we likely would have if we were older.
Im not sure on the whole PPD thing, part thinks maybe that is going on with me but Im more likely to think its more like PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder) from the death of Kaitlyn...alot more emotions have been brought up since the girls were born. I think for the most part Ive handled 2 27 weekers, one living one not and 32 week twins pretty well. Ive seen what its like to lose one so I know I have to appreciate them for still being here...thats not meant to put anyone down, just explaining how my whole life prespective has changed over the last 3 years.
i voted other on the help...we started out wiht my grandma there for a few weeks, but she left shortly after the girls and I came home, then I feel sick and was in the hospital for a few days so she came back again to help me get healthy again. My ILs, lived about 15 minutes away and were completley useless, they would complain about never seeing the kids but would never help out Now Im temporaily at my grandparents house, they both work and go out of town alot so alot of times Im on my own again but when they are here they will do the cooking for me or play with a kid. Very soon we will be on our own again in another state (dont know where yet) but we will not be near any family.

 

On the last question - relatives in town - I said yes who help...but I wanted to clarify that my mom helps by going to the grocery store, or picking up things - she comes over and hangs out w/me and the boys - but does not relieve me from taking care of them...I rarely go out - I think I've been out three times since the boys were born w/out them and two of those were weddings...It's help, but not help w/the kids, and I still love being w/them.

I was however just curious at whether or not NICU time affected anyones feelings? How that changed perceptions of motherhood, by spending weeks in the hospital bonding w/babies rather than having them at home? Might be another question to ask.

 

RE: Did NICU/ Special care nursery have an impact? Absolutely, for me. I already had a son when the twins came along. I just kind of figured I would feel that incredible sense of love and fascination I felt with him for the twins. I was wrong.They were in the hospital for 15 days. I had to pump every 2 hours around the clock and deal with my then 2.5 yr old all day and go back and forth to the hospital, etc. They never latched on to breastfeed, even with tons of help and lactation consultants... I could go on and on! I feel like the whole process took away from my ability to bond with them from the beginning and has made it difficult to enjoy it all as much as I did with my first born. Don't get me wrong, I think they are the cutest most wonderful boys in the world, but I have found it harder to emotionally connect to being their mother than I even thought I would. It changes a little every day and of course, love grows more and more. I have always loved them, I just don't feel as close to them. I guess I rambling!

Oh and the house work thing- hate it! I am not a housekeeper and just because I am home, it doesn't mean I have time to do all the work. It's way more important to spend face time with the children than it is to worry about a clean house or how many loads of laundry need to be folded! (I can wash them, just not fold them) Great moms don't have spotless houses in my opinion- unless you're paying someone to do it for you!

Kelly

 

I definitely think that issues with the pregnancy and birth (and consequently NICU time) have a lot to do with recovery and shaking the baby blues. I think it is much harder if you have to do NICU time. You don't have the time to worry about yourself, you're desperately worried about your kids.

Oh- and I hate being a homemaker. As soon as I pick up a wipe or a bottle to dry, the boys know it, and scream. But that's life.

 

I definitely think that our issues with infertility impact the way that I view motherhood. We really had to go through some heroic efforts to have these babies and I appreciate them that much more every single day. I don't know if I would have quit my job if we had been able to have kids naturally. I definitely feel like I owe it to them and me to stay home and give them the best life I can.

 

I answered that some days I wonder what I was thinking but I would NEVER change a thing! I LOVE these boys so much it hurts sometimes!! The hard part is the night-wakings for no apparent reason or the times they don't nap well and I have no down time or time to get things done. But, hey, these things are temporary!! About family being in town...it's my ILs and let me tell you...NO HELP when it is needed!!! The boys have a stomach virus...YUCKY...and now I think they're coming down with maybe the croup and have they even called to check on them or us to see if we need anything?!?!?!?! NO!!! But when someone like my Mom is here and they want to impress, they're right there...to an annoying point. When I just want to spend time with my Mom and the babes, my MIL won't leave! Anyway, that's a whole other post I guess! Overall, being a Mom and especially a MOM is the most wonderful experience I have ever had and I thank God each and every day for these miracles.

 

I'm a mommy, but I am NOT a housewife. I have all kinds of love oozing everywhere for my kids. I'd do anything in the world for them. And I could not imagine taking them to daycare or leaving them with a nanny all day. I'd be so jealous! That's why I'm totally committed to making telecommuting work for my employer. And if it doesn't work, I'll find something that does! I've been the primary bread winner for years, so we might have to find ways to live on less (even less)! But we all do what we think is right for our babies.

With that said... I am not in the least bit domestic! I HATE HATE HATE cooking, dishes, laundry and grocery shopping! In a perfect world, I'd have someone else come in to do those things. But we don't have the $ for that right now. During my bedrest and c/s recovery, my amazing DH has been doing the bulk of the domestic things. Now that the official recovery period is winding down, I'm afraid I'll be back on the hook for them! I'm not looking forward to that!

My ex-MIL didn't think you could be a good mom if you weren't a good housekeeper. She HATED me, but I think that's because I proved her wrong. My older kids are AMAZING kids and I've never been a domestic goddess...never will be!

Good thread! ~Laura

 

Great idea Diane!! I loved viewing the results... so far not many of us in the age group of 18-21

 

quote:
Originally posted by Evanly:
I was however just curious at whether or not NICU time affected anyones feelings? How that changed perceptions of motherhood, by spending weeks in the hospital bonding w/babies rather than having them at home? Might be another question to ask.


With my boys being in the NICU for 2 months, one thing I've thought about and worried about is whether they bonded with me like they would have if they'd been home with me 24 hours a day from the beginning. I can tell they love me and know me, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to be like since these were my first children. Still makes me sad to think about the whole experience.