spending the night out

I'm just wondering if this is normal? This all started b/c on weekends when my DH is working the babies and I would spend the entire weekend at my parents house. By Sunday night, both my mom and I were exhausted. (part of the reason is b/c she spoils them big time when we're over there - like giving them a bath in the sink every time they poop! It wears us all out!) So my mom suggested that she keep the babies 1 night on the weekend and the other 2 nights we would stay at our house.

Now my SIL has also volunteered to keep the babies overnight. She kept them one night for me last week. She is a teacher and is out for the summer, and she keeps our other cousin (3 weeks older than the twins) on a weekly basis, so her kids want for our babies to spend the night too. So now we're up to 2 nights per week away from the house. It would really help me out more if they could be away from the house during the day so I could clean and get things done, at night all they are doing is sleeping and I don't sleep as well when they aren't here. I just lie awake and wonder how they are sleeping.

When they are spending the day somewhere I will bring them over after the first morning nap, but if they are spending the night I don't bring them until almost bed time, because I don't want the person who is keeping them to be tired of them, if that makes sense.

I've asked my mom if she could just keep them during the day b/c that would be more help - but she said no! She wants her time alone with them and likes being there when they first wake up in the morning. She said I need to just relax and enjoy my time to myself and be appreciative that I have it. So this week I've told my SIL that they can not spend the night, that the rule is they can only spend the night out 1 time per week and this week it is Mimi's turn. Their cousins really want them to spend the night over there though, so I've already said they can spend the night there next week. I haven't told my mom yet.

Part of me thinks it's so absurd that people want 2 babies to spend the night at their house! And of course I am so grateful that we have family who wants to spend time with our babies, I would rather it be like this then the opposite and have no one who wants to see them. But do you think I should just let them spend the night out 2 nights each week? Should I go to the doctor and get some sort of anti-anxiety medication so that I can sleep on the nights they aren't here? Do you think it's normal to be awake worrying when they aren't here? Does anyone else go through this?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

 

I think that the kids should spend there time at home and maybe spend one weekend away a month at grandmas house. If she really wants to help then they can spend the day with her, she still gets her time alone with them and if they still take 2 naps then she will see them when they get up from them.

 

Maybe you could see if your mom will take them during the day on the week you let your sister have them all night and then vice versa, that way you get one full day and one full night each week...if that doesnt work then tell your mom that you sleep better when they are home but if she really wants some alone time with them then she can help out during the day so you can get some things done.
My mom and dad keep the babies over night every other Sunday and on the oposite Sunday they keep our 3yo so she gets alone time with them. This helps us because mine do not sleep through the night yet and I can look forward to one full night sleep every other week...sigh...

 

No one has ever offered to take the girls for the night. But I think if its more help to you if they watched the girls during the day, I'd have that conversation again with your mom and try to work out a compromise. GL and what a wonderful supportive family you have!

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Jul 2 2008, 08:29 AM) [snapback]856432[/snapback]
GL and what a wonderful supportive family you have!


I know, it is really great that we have the support that we have. I hope this thread doesn't sound like a complaint b/c that's truly not how I meant it. Also I wanted to add that when they are at our family's houses I know they are being very well taken care of, so it's not an issue of me worrying if they are being cared for. I really like the suggestion about them spending the day at one person's house and the night at the other's each week. I think my mom gets offended when it's not her week though. Is the worrying and anxiety about them being out over night normal? Does everyone do that when they are away from their babies, even if you know they are in good hands?

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Jul 2 2008, 09:35 AM) [snapback]856445[/snapback]
Is the worrying and anxiety about them being out over night normal? Does everyone do that when they are away from their babies, even if you know they are in good hands?


Of course it is normal. We all worry about our babies. Mine are actually just a few weeks younger than yours and assure you they will NOT be sleeping anywhere that I am not for a few months. There is no way I could do that. I am not saying there is anything wrong with what you are doing, just saying I don't think your anxiety is any different than anyone elses.

 

Aimee,

:hug99: It sounds like this situation is really affecting you. I think it makes sense that you want help during the day, rather than the night, when it's not helpful and keeping you awake. Maybe your mom/SIL can each take them one night a month.

 

If someone wanted to take my girls overnight once a week, I would be all for it! I was just talking to DH last night about us not having much alone time. Yes, we were without the babies for two nights this weekend, we still had Emily. Now she is at the lake, and we have the twins. My MIL took them overnight for the first time and it went great. I am hoping that she will be willing to take them for a weekend in August before school starts so DH can have some time.

Like someone else said, switch between your mom and your sister.

April

 

What do you mean "time alone with them?" What does that mean? She wouldn't be alone with them during the daytime? Aren't they sleeping at nite so how is that "time alone" "WITH" them?? I'm confused (or stupid.)

I would not be "worried" about them at someones house at nite (cuz I would assume they were sleeping so what could happen?) BUT It would be a "waste" perhaps because I would be in bed and getting no "ME" time, and that's not exactly ideal.. I guess.. for me.

I allow my boys out for one day per week at my Dad's house but if they asked for another day I would say "yes". They do a gazillion things with them and they have asked me if they can spend the nite. I will say "yes" for sure when the time comes BUT I would NEVER just have them do a nite there and not a day!! It would be more work than pay off for me.

Take Tylenol PM to sleep!!

Sorry if I'm an idiot but I don't get the "time alone" part

And I TOTALLY get what you're saying.. My boys have never slept somewhere cuz it's a hassle but I wouldn't worry-- well, I'd worry that they weren't STTN at that house and that they'd come back here and NEVER STTN again!! I'm neurotic in that way

 

Well, I'm not sure how much help I will be but since my girls are very close in age to yours, I just wanted to share what we do.

We're very blessed to have both sets of grandparents nearby. I'm a SAHM and my DH works pretty long hours and sometimes on weekends. My parents come over almost every day during the week and help out with the babies. My in-laws are traveling this summer so my parents are really such a huge help right now.

I have one DD that STTN and the other doesn't yet. Our girls usually spend the night at my parents' house once every week or every other week. My parents LOVE having the babies their and will watch them all day and night ... whatever I suggest. My mom told me that they never like to "ask" for the babies to spend the night but I know the invitation is always open. For example, at the end of last week I was absolutely exhausted so the girls stayed with my parents that night and much of the next day so that I could get a full night's sleep and do some errands during the day.

Honestly, I sleep fine and don't worry at all when they're over there. My parents are so wonderful with them (not that yours aren't ... I'm sure they are!). Also, I think it makes it easier because we have everything they need at my parents' (exersaucers, swings, toys, PNPs, bottles, food, etc.). That's makes it a lot easier on me so that I don't have to lug a bunch of stuff over there every time.

Also, when the girls are out, DH and I will sometimes go out to dinner or something so it's nice to have that time with him as well. Don't get me wrong, I completely miss my girls when they're gone and am so excited to pick them up. I just really appreciate the breaks I get.

I realize that what we do may not work for you ... it's just what works for us. I think the bottom line is that you need to do what works for you!

 

I think it is very normal to worry when your babies are away. My girls have never stayed the night away from me because I would be a wreck and wouldn't sleep all night. Come to think of it they have never been away from me for more than 6 hrs. I think that is awesome how supportive your family is. I think you should do whatever you feel the most comfortable with and what will help you out the most.