SOS-My son is driving me insane!

:help: My son is driving me insane. I can't take it anymore. The whining, the high-pitched screaming when he doesn't get his way, the defiance, the fighting. :gah: I know from experience that this "half-year" time tends to be especially bad for him. So while I understand that it's normal and he's not gone crazy on me, I still need help dealing with it.

I've be using 123 Magic with both kids for a couple months now. For the past month, when I start counting DS, he always gets a TO because he never stops the behavior. When this doesn't seem to be working, do I still keep doing it? He hates going to TO, but the threat of TO is never enough to get him to stop doing whatever it is that I'm counting him for. I am not open to spanking at all. I don't yell and I don't think it'd be effective for him anyway. I've read Love & Logic, but I don't really know how to implement it with DS. I do offer him lots of choices and I am trying very hard to only say "enforceable statements" so that he understands that I mean and will enforce what I say.

I'm just feeling very lost. It's getting to the point where it's so unpleasant to be around DS and I hate that. FWIW, he has a speech delay but he's nearly caught up to age appropriate. He also is on the autism spectrum, but he has lost most of his "autism-y" behaviors and mannerisms.

ETA: He is a very intense kid. He gets frustrated easily. He wants what he wants right away and will get fixated on it until he gets it. While he's waiting (like for dinner to be ready), he quickly escalates into being out of control. If he can't have what he wants, he will tantrum. Overall, he's just prone to emotional outbursts/tantrums. I feel like right now, every thing is a power struggle with him and he's freaking out all the time.

 

I'm sorry, it sounds very frustrating! I have a friend whose son sounds very similar to yours, though she recently had him tested and he's not on the autism spectrum. She's told me that she has to give him lots of notice for everything they're going to do. For instance, on Saturdays they talk about going to Church the next day, 15 minutes before she needs him to do something, she gives him advance warning that he'll soon need to quit what he's working on and soon start something new. Would doing something like that help with some of the issues? If he has a hard time waiting for dinner, maybe have him help with some aspect of dinner prep? Like putting napkins, cups and silverware on the table, choosing a side veggie and getting it from the fridge/freezer/pantry, etc.? Or make him a tiny 1/4 sandwich to have something to hold him over for the last 10 minutes of getting dinner ready?

I don't have kids who are exactly like that, but do have a couple who are prone to drama and sobbing hysteria. Instead of a timeout, what works best for me is to basically tell them, "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're needing or asking me. And you're hurting my ears. If you need to throw a fit, you're welcome to do it in your bedroom. When you're calm enough to talk to me, please come let me know how I can help you." It seems to give them the validation that I recognize they have a problem, without me losing my cool. And it gives them the control to choose to calm down without me totally forcing it on them.

 

I am at work so I do not have time to respond in detail, but I am sure someone else will suggest reading any number of books on spirited children (we are reading "Raising Your Spirited Child"). My daughter is definitely intense, focused and needs to be in control. Reading this book and understanding her nature has helped me relate to her needs better.

Giving her advance warning of upcoming change and making sure she can make choices has helped us!

 

I haven't read Love & Logic, but amd starting to implement the info in the books by Becky Bailey - loving guidance . her book "Easy to Love Hard to Discipline" is what I started with. but recently I went to a conference in town of hers and it was very enlightening. I also got some seminars on cd. What I found interesting was the she says that kids don't really understand the TO approach... and she said that they don't have any "internal talking" to themselves, so if we tell them to think about what they did wrong, they can't do it...

anyway, its all frustrating. I know, I get frustrated during the day with my two and generally they are good.

I'm not saying not to do TOs, I do them sometimes still, but more often I'll just count and take away the item in offense. then I tell the offender that if you want mommy's attention you call to me, you don't bite y our sister. And to the offended I tell them to tell the other "I don't like it when you bite me, biting hurts"...

another simple example of what the books talked about was trying to make whatever you want them to do seem like fun. So for bedtime if they are balking at it I ask if they want me to "bounce" them in bed, or "fly" them into the bed... something silly, but it seemed to work wonders tonight.

 

I will say after riding this post on Friday afternoon, Aidan has actually been pretty good. He's been listening and following directions with a little extra encouragement/guidance from me. I can tell a correlation between how I behave and how he does. It's like we get into a negative cycle where I get more demanding and he gets more defiant. I don't know if I am more patient these past 2 days because he's been acting better or if it's the other way around. I do need to read that Spirited Child book. I have heard a lot of people recommend it, and I really do think that Aidan's temperment is the reason behind a lot of his challenging behaviors.

 

I have found it to be the most helpful book I have read so far! I have a short-supply of patience and it has really helped calm me down. I can understand both DD's behavior and her reactions so much better. It has helped both DH and I become better parents, working with DD's temperament and not against it

 

Yeah, one of my twins is a spirited child too. I am tearing my hair out with him. He screams and screams at the top of his lungs about the littlest things. Time out is a game for him. If I "count" him to 3, he goes in his room for Time Out (or I put him there) and a minute later he is out purposely screaming to see what will happen. Over and over this happens. Giving him choices doesn't help, he just changes his mind again and again to test me. He is SUPPOSEDLY not delayed (his brother is) but I sure don't feel like he acts like other kids his age. I am thinking of hiringa parenting coach, because I feel like I am completely losing it!

 

I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend getting the book "Setting Limits with your STRONG-WILLED CHILD".

This book has LITERALLY changed my life and the way that I see my boys. It honestly has. It has even changed the way I see MYSELF.

I also LOVE "ScreamFree Parenting."

I'm BIG into self-help right now cuz I've found that I NEED IT!!

These two are AMAZING and have honestly changed my life!

You will really love them.

See what you think!!

 

Ah, the strong willed child! My 14yr old is mine. Let me tell you what!! :headbang: all I know is just be consistant with him and if you tell him you are going to do something do it.

:hug: