Sorry need to vent! ARGGG!

So this was going to be the first time we went out as a family to a restaurant. I was not completely keen on the idea but was willing to give it a chance. Our twins are 9 months old and we also have a just turned 3 year old. We were going out with many friends (there was like 10 adults) so I thought there would be loads of help if needed. NOT!!!!!!!!

ARGGG!! As soon as we get there my girl starts with the tears, so my husband walks around with her for awhile. My boy won't let me put him down for at least 10 minutes. But that was doable, not a big deal. Then our friends proceed to seat all the children down at our side of the table. LIKE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO HANDLE! My older one is then so hyped up and doesn't want to sit down. Now I get that my twins have only gone out to a restaurant only 2 other times in their lives. So I understand why they don't want to eat their dinner (solids) and just snack on finger foods. My girl then while sitting in the highchair smacks her head against the table (awe poor baby) then after calming down from that pins her arm against the chair. So she isn't having a good time AT ALL. My boy is doing alright most of the time. I sit him next to another adult asking them to help pay attention to him since my husband is taking care of the girl and I have to also tend to my older one who decided this is the day to be a pain in the rear. Now does that adult help me and take care of the boy, hell no she would rather talk with the adults that are all at the other end of the table. Finally my older one decides he still doesn't want to sit down. Then starts to argue with me about it. I lose it. Announce to my husband I am leaving. I am done. Now we ordered but the food has not gotten there yet. My husband is like what is going on? I tell him I am just done and the older one has pushed it too far. My husband just stands there baffled. (Granted, majority of the time he was walking around with our girl so he doesn't know what I was going through sitting at the table). I start to cry because I am so damn overwhelmed and just want to end this misery.

Finally other adults wander over asking what is wrong. I couldn't talk I was so damn pissed off. Well one adult then gets the waiter and asked them to pack up our food. My husband takes the older one who is now screaming because he doesn't want to leave and doesn't understand consequences yet. I wait for the food. Adults help me dress the twins in their coats while I get my things together. (oh now they decide to help) I get the food and leave.

UGH!! It was not a good night. Now I know my older son from time to time will have bad behavior and I understand that my twins who hardly go out are overwhelmed in a place like that and won't eat much there. What I had a very hard time with is that the other adults just don't get it. I guess even after telling my friends that this won't be easy and telling them that I will need help just wasn't enough.

Other people just don't get what it is like having twins.

I wish it wasn't so hard to go out. I hope it gets a little bit easier when the twins are older!

Thanks, sorry so long.

 

I am sorry, it is awful to be excited for a night out with the family, then have a bad night.
It is frustrating when other people are not able to help when you need it.

 

Oh man I could have written your post except we don't go to restaurants but that's what its like when we go to the ILS for dinner or when I try to go anywhere to visit with all 3 of mine. I am so sorry you had such a crummy night and so sorry that no one helped til it was too late! :headbang: I really hate that other people just don't get it, say they will help and then don't...this is exactly why we end up staying home 99% of our days and nights. HUGS!

 

I think I can help you with your situation about having your twins out in public. A good way from my experiences of getting your twins adjusted to the over stimulated world is to take them on walks around your neighborhood if you can if that is not possible try to take them with you when you do errands. I have done this and my twins just love being out in the public. It does them and you some good by just going to small places with them. My twins are 8.5 months old now and we go out to eat with quiet a bit. We take them to church and pretty much everywhere we go. I do professional wrestling and the our kids sometimes go to the show with my wife and I.

Now for the adults not helping you. I can see this from both points of view. Yes you would love help but to see assume people are going to help you well we all know the saying when it comes to assume. It is not demanding to ask for help at the beginning of the night. Something like "Hey would anyone mind helping me get so and so in a chair or can someone watch so and so for a little bit while I attend to my other kids". Just don't put it on someone ask them if they would help. When you said I sat them next to this adult and told them to watch my kid, it is not that adult's responsiblity to do it. It is not their kid and you didn't ask you just told them.

I am really not trying to bash on you I am just trying to help you out with some ways that could and will help you out in the future. The key thing to remember about this is to try and get your kids out more as this will limit the overstimulation of the world.

Good luck!!

 

Oh sweetie that doesn't sound fun at all!! :hug: I am sorry that your night turned out that way and that the other adults there weren't willing to lend a helping hand so you could stay and enjoy your meal. :grr: What a shame! I am sure it will get easier to go out as a family but just not sure when!! I don't foresee taking the girls out to a restaurant for a while yet. I am sure it will end in tears. Just on Saturday we went out to the mall to look at high chairs and Viv had a meltdown of supreme proportions. Even holding her did not calm her down for longer than a minute. Worst of all, we don't have a car and had walked to the mall so we had to just put her back in the stroller and walk home with her screaming the whole way (it was the longest 15 minutes of my life)!! Lo and behold she was fine the SECOND we entered our apartment building. Little bugger!!! But don't let this experience stop you from trying to go out together - it could have just been a bad night. I hope the next time is better for you! :hug:

 

Ugh, I'm sorry it was such a rough outing. I would give it some time & try again, maybe with just you & your husband. It's possible they were just overwhelmed with so many people around plus the new environment. :hug:

 

I'm sorry it ended up being no fun at all! Having the twins and a 3 year old is really difficult and people don't always understand.
I agree with Tina. You should try to go out just as a family, so your 3 yr old would not get hyped, you would not get anxious and maybe your twins would not sense that either.
I know it's hard to believe, but it WILL get better!

 

Now you are totally right. I shouldn't have assumed that she would have helped me especially considering the past. Sorry for the way I typed it, it didn't completely happen that way. When I sat him down in the highchair, which it was already set there, she said "Let me help you with this one" and proceeds to sit next to my boy and starts to feed him his food. I then say "Are you sure because that would be great since I also need to look after my 3 year old, thanks!" And when my 3 year old becomes a pain I look to her and ask could you pay attention to my LO?" She said sure! but then after a few minutes completely ignores him. UGH! This isn't the first time she has done this and I should know better. I put too much on her and should learn my lesson and shouldn't expect her to help (assume it!) Oh well I know better now and it isn't fair to expect that of anyone.

Thanks for the reminder! LOL!

 

Yep, I would dust yourself off and try again in a smaller setting. It takes practice on your part and learning on theirs to know how to deal with a restaurant environment. When ours were that age, we usually went to a mall food court and fed them in their stroller off snack trays. That way they could get out and get some stimulation and still be confined in something they know.

 

That stinks. I'm sorry it went so badly. I think success depends on the company. When we go anywhere with our family, we get loads of help. Hang in there. I hope the next outing goes more successfully.

 

Well, the good thing is that you've had about the worst case scenario, so next time it probably won't be so bad!

In all seriousness, the best thing to do is practice. We've always taken our kids out to eat, so it's something they understand, and they understand how people behave. We also took them out only for breakfast and lunch during the first year because they were so much happier at that time of day. Now we can do dinner too. It actually gets to be a lot of fun. You are going to have good experiences and bad experiences. Just pick kid-friendly restaurants and be prepared to make a run for it if necessary. If you don't build expectations, it's not a big deal when it doesn't work out. Just a learning experience. I'd talk to your 3 year old a lot about why you had to leave and how he can help next time so that you don't have to leave. Even at 2, mine do understand consequences, not that they always modify their behavior accordingly.

Sorry you had such a bad night out! :hug:

 

Dealing with an older DC and twins is so incredibly hard. I feel your pain. And I'm a little freaked out by what the future holds!