Sooooo tired, feeling hopeless

I'm mostly a lurker but could use some support. My twins are almost 6 months, and they're really great babies except for sleep - they are TERRIBLE sleepers. This past week, I've devoted myself to getting them on a schedule for naps, hoping that would help, but it's worse than ever.

Last night, I had such a horrible night, and I sort of lost all hope around 3 and started crying uncontrollably and woke up dh and now my eyes are all puffy and I have a headache. I was actually afraid in the middle of the night that I was going to lose it and hurt the babies (that's why I woke up dh) or myself (preferable, though still not ideal, I now realize in light of day).

I am so tired of being miserable and grumpy and things are getting worse, not better. I do have a tiny rational part of my brain left that argues with the rest of me and says this will pass, but it's hard to believe it. Our night in a nutshell - nursed Sabrina at 10, 12:30, 2:30, 4, 5:30, and 6:30. Nursed Simon at 11, 12:30, 3:30, and 5:30. That's just the times they ate, though - neither of them really slept in between, they just cat nap and cry out every 15 minutes or so. It's awful, and I seriously am out of ideas. I can't MAKE them sleep, and I can't believe they're able to stay awake like this.

Thanks if you read this far. Any tips, advice, survival stories? I feel like the most useless lump, I can't function any more. I can't remember the last time I slept more than an hour straight.

 

I'm mostly a lurker but could use some support. My twins are almost 6 months, and they're really great babies except for sleep - they are TERRIBLE sleepers. This past week, I've devoted myself to getting them on a schedule for naps, hoping that would help, but it's worse than ever.

Last night, I had such a horrible night, and I sort of lost all hope around 3 and started crying uncontrollably and woke up dh and now my eyes are all puffy and I have a headache. I was actually afraid in the middle of the night that I was going to lose it and hurt the babies (that's why I woke up dh) or myself (preferable, though still not ideal, I now realize in light of day).

I am so tired of being miserable and grumpy and things are getting worse, not better. I do have a tiny rational part of my brain left that argues with the rest of me and says this will pass, but it's hard to believe it. Our night in a nutshell - nursed Sabrina at 10, 12:30, 2:30, 4, 5:30, and 6:30. Nursed Simon at 11, 12:30, 3:30, and 5:30. That's just the times they ate, though - neither of them really slept in between, they just cat nap and cry out every 15 minutes or so. It's awful, and I seriously am out of ideas. I can't MAKE them sleep, and I can't believe they're able to stay awake like this.

Thanks if you read this far. Any tips, advice, survival stories? I feel like the most useless lump, I can't function any more. I can't remember the last time I slept more than an hour straight.

 

Oh, that sounds so rough! I think it sounds like you might have PPD, but then again it sounds like you really need some sleep! In your case I would wake them both for feedings at night to maximize the amount of sleep you might possibly be able to get, also if you nurse them more frequently during the day they might wake less at night.

I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

 

Debbi,

I totally understand how you feel and have been there. I did not nurse my twins . . . pumped instead. I started having so much anger and frustration towards two 5 1/2 month olds and then I got mad at myself because I thought I was STUPID for getting aggitated with little babies. Most of the frustration was because of lack of sleep at naps and constant nap and night wakings. I spoke with me ped. last week and he said it was absolutely time to CIO. I never dreamed that I would be able to do this. I used to think it was totally mean. However, I decided that I would rather listen to them cry knowing that they are safe than go and try to get them back to sleep with such anger overcoming my body. Does that make sense??? So, we started the whole CIO thing and it is really working. They did not nearly cry like I thought they would and they are quick learners. I do know if you are up for it. I just wanted to let you know that I TOTALLY understand! Best of luck to you!

 

Thank you guys so much for the quick responses. I'm reading everything I can find online about sleep (all conflicting) and it just makes me cry and feel desperate. I really do sound PPD-ish, but I've been doing well until this last few days. I think a little sleep would really help, but I have no idea how to get there.

Stephanie - how exactly are you doing the CIO? Right now, the twins are staying up until 10, which is totally not working. I was thinking of putting them down around 7 instead, starting tonight. They actually go to sleep pretty easily, but they wake up every 15-45 minutes. Do you go to yours at all when they wake up, or do you just wait them out? I'm so happy to hear that it's working for you, and I'm willing to try anything that might help at this point.

Thanks again, really. I hope I'll be back soon with a happier update.

 

I don't have much advice - I just know what has worked for us. If one of the girls woke up we would wake the other and feed them both together. We also still swaddle the girls in miracle blankets. This seems to REALLY help. We also gave pumped bottles at night so that my husband could get up and help. This cut down on the amount of time I was up for feeding. Even though he had to work all day I needed to be rested for my job - to stay home with the girls!

We have not done CIO but I would if I needed to! Good luck, I hope that you get some sleep soon.

 

Debbi,

We do have a bedtime routine that we start at 6:45. We give baths, massage, pjs, and bottle. We then put them down awake. We have been doing this routine for months.

Because we were having a hard time getting them to go to sleep on their own and numerous night wakings, my ped. said it was time to just let them cry. The first night my dd cried for 35 min, woke at 1:30am and took a 4 oz bottle and then woke at 7:05. My ds cried for 30 min. and I had to wake him the next morning at 7:20am. The second night dd did not cry and ds cried for 15 min and they both slept through the night. Last night they fell asleep taking their bottle . . . which I was very disappointed in. DD woke at 5am and I gave her a paci and she went right back to sleep. She woke at 7:15 this morning and I woke ds at 7:30. I have also been putting them in their cribs for naps awake and walking out. I usually have to replace a paci or two after 5 min of crying and then they're off to sleep. It is so hard hearing your little babies cry; however, it is much healthier than me feeling extreme anger.

I hope this helps and let me know if you have more questions I can answer.

 

Stephanie, thanks so much for sharing your routine. I think I created two little monsters letting them stay up all this time. We have 4 older kids who have strict bedtimes and have school in the morning, and it's just been easier to deal w/the twins after everyone's in bed, but I see now that that's not a good idea (I'm such a quick learner lol). I'm going to try putting the twins down around 7 tonight and see how it goes. Your experience gives me some hope, thanks again!

 

Hello again,

I did see where you have 4 older children. Try to give yourself a little slack. I cannot imagine how chaotic and wonderful your life must be!

I have read sooo many books on sleep and it will probably be quite difficult for you to make such a big jump from 10pm to a 7pm bedtime. You may need to do this gradually. Just my suggestion . . . I don't want you to get frustrated if it doesn't work. Maybe you can try going 30 minutes earlier for a night or two and then earlier and earlier.

Take care!

 

I will tell you that when we go out of town and I know my kids won't sleep, I give them half a tsp of Benedryl to help them. You may want to try that and at least get a few hours of sleep before trying the CIO thing. I only say that because it's hard to listen to and even harder when you are already exhausted(at least for me).

 

HI Debbi,

I totally understand where you are coming from on your note. I have 4.5 month olds and we've had a similar tough month. Don't beat yourself up about feeling anger -- sleep deprivation is a tough thing and it makes us not really deal with adversity well.

I read everything I could find and here's what I have done that seems to be working in cumulative...

1) I am putting the boys down earlier -- actually we kept moving their bed time up and they still stayed in bed til the same tim ein the morning.
2) then I started putting one of my sons down drowsy but awake. I read somewhere that babies stop needing you to help them down over time and that rocking, replacing binkies, etc actually starts getting in the way and bothering them -- so I've really cut back. I just started to watch for sleepy signs. . which for my son Cole is rubbing his eyes. when he does that I immediately bring him upstairs, swaddle him and put him down with a little shushing and a binky if he wants it. He falls asleep like a charm now. we did it first with naps and second with bed --
3) we separated our boys for now as we needed to let them fuss to get to sleep without waking the other. that's worked too. (naps and bedtime)
4) I've become diligent about learning the babies sleep signs... it is night and day to put them down for a nap when they are ready instead of "after they are ready" --
5) we always had a nighttime ritual but we are religious about it now and will forego it only if the boys show signs earlier than normal time.
6) I stayed home for a few weeks to ensure that I was around to execute the naps.

Don't beat yourself up. your babies are young enough to still learn how to go to sleep on their own...

Good luck,

Teri D

 

my twins are almost the same age as yours- mine are 6 months old. they are in bed by 7pm, usually between 630-645pm. i found that if i waited until they were fussy, they were too tired to sleep. sounds odd, but it was true. i only have one other child, but usually, i do the twins and my dh does my dd, or the other way around. Here is my opinion- I think you might be nursing them too often in the middle of the night. They do not really need to eat that often, especially by that age. They might need to eat once, but that should be about it. By now, they should be able to sleep at least a 5-6 hour stretch. I nursed my first dd exclusively, and around 4 mths, she stopped sleeping through the night, i could not figure out what was wrong and only nursed her back to sleep. Hence, every time she woke up, she thought she had to nurse to get back to sleep. I was at my wits end (and I only had one child!). I propped her crib up and got her some zantac, and she slept like a newborn baby all night. another time this happened, it ended up that she had an ear infection at 6mths old. i am still swaddling my 6mth olds...not willing to give it up yet. so, here is my advice.
- prop the crib up so that they are sleeping gently sloped, just in case they have a bit of reflux.
- swaddle them (might be difficult if they have not been swaddled before, but a friend just started swaddling her dd again at 6 moths, after not having done it for 3 months.
- make sure they are plenty warm, or not too warm- put a thermometer in their room to check...i think i was cooking my twins for a few nights when it warmed up outside!
- during the day, feed them every three hours- dont let them get into a habit of snacking, they they will just nurse a little here and there to take the edge off the hunger, but not really get a deep feeding, thus not getting the hind milk that is richer in fats, etc.
- work on their nighttime sleeping habits before their naps. better sleeping at nights equals better naps. i think it is best to work on one thing at a time, so work on their nighttime routine and sleeping first, and then the naps should/might fall into place.
- oh, and by the way, i am pretty sure there is a growth spurt at 6 months...so they might actually be really hungry. are you feeding them any solids? by 6mths, many babies are unable to drink enough milk to really satisfy them...they are ready for some solids. i waited until 6 mohts with my first dd, and it was like night and day...her naps were longer and deeper and she was a happier baby during the day- she was finally full.
- would you allow your husband to give them a bottle at the 10pm feeding? when i was nursing my twins, i would just get so completely tired- i did all the feedings as well. every once in awhile, i just gave up, fed them, and went to bed when they did at 7pm...they allowed my husband to do all the feedings that night. this allowed me to sleep all night, and it was well worth the engorged leaking boobs in the morning! i would get so tired, that nothing seemed right, i was so overwhelmed, and i could not remember things...some nights, my speech slurred! (and you have more kids!)
- i too am trying to get mine on a schedule for naps, but it just seems that with two, something is always throwing things off, so i am going for routine rather than schedule. i always feed them at the same time, put them to naps at the same time, bathe at the same time, etc. at night, maybe you can nurse one while you give a bottle to the other, this way, it takes half the time.
---honestly, i doubt you have ppd, i think you just need some sleep. lack of sleep makes anyone loopy and crazy and your mind does all sorts of crazy things!
---as a last resort, you might try the benedryl that someone mentioned. just go by the weight. mine are 17lbs each, so according to dr. sears website (that someone here showed me), they would get 3/4tsp each. when they had runny noses, i gave them 1/4tsp, and it worked well, so you might want to try with just a little and then work your way up if needed. it is is teething though, go for tylonel or motrin (when they are 6mths.)

 

You guys are so great. I'm so glad I posted here and so thankful for all your thoughtful comments. I'm doing a combination of everything, sort of - I put Sabrina down at 7, and she's still down (at 10)! This is by far the longest stretch she's had lately, I think you all are right that she was over tired later in the evening. I'm also going to work on them separately - Simon has always coslept and has always been just a little behind Brina developmentally, so I'm going to keep cosleeping him until at least Sabrina is sleeping better. I am giving Simon solids, but Sabrina still refuses them (I try every day but don't push it, and she still does the tongue thrusting thing). I'll keep trying, and I'll get on a more regular routine over all. I think I'm going to write up a schedule like Supernanny (lol) so I can remember what I mean to do - I'm so out of it these days, I can't trust my memory.

So, of course the one night I get a decent start with the twins, my big kids are having a tough time. It's back to school tomorrow, and they are NOT settling down. Better get back in there!

Thanks again, really. I appreciate it so much.

 

Debi,
I was right there with you last week. I read someone's post here that recomended the book Heathy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. OMG, it has been a lifesaver. This book tells you how to get them on a schedule without feeling guilty. It only took my babies 2 nights! Last night was the first night I put them both to bed at 7pm without them crying at all. They didn't wake up until 4:30am, I nursed them, and they both slept until 7. It was heaven. I want to write to the doctor who wrote the book and thank him.

Like you, I was at my wits end. The book tells how sleep deprivation can also affect babies and make them super grouchy during the day, just like you and me when we are sleep deprived. Now that they're sleeping better at night and during naps, the time they are awake, they are completely different. They are much happier, and so is the rest of the family.

Good luck to you and your babies. I hope you are all sleeping better soon.

 

We had a good night! Sabrina slept from 7pm to 8am with 3 feedings (10:45, 3, and 6) - not perfect, but SO much better, and she seems more cheerful today, too! Simon was up quite a bit, but didn't disturb his sister, because we put him in a pack n play, and he only ate twice, at 3 and 6. It's amazing how 6 hours of sleep with one interruption feels sooooooo good after nothing. And, my big kids are back in school today, so it's just me and the 3 year old and the twins. I needed a vacation from that vacation!

Thank you all so much again for your help. I ordered the Healthy Sleep Habits book last night, can't wait for it to get here. At least I feel like we're heading in the right direction now!