soooo stressed

i keep thinking about having 2 babies at once and how it is that i am actually going to be able to pull this off. i'm scared out of my mind, not only about having patience enough for the twins but having enough patience not to snap at people who are trying to help me.

it's hard enough being pregnant for the first time and it's even harder to be pregnant with twins and when people constantly are on your case about your pregnancy symptoms and how they dealt with everything it gets hard to manage.

my MIL says she feels left out because i'm not talking to her on a daily basis. it's like she wants to know everytime i throw up or when it's 5am and i still can't sleep, or what foods i'm eating and at what times. it's driving me crazy!!! seriously, are my symptoms going to change so drasitcally in the first trimester that she needs daily updates? it's not like the babies are moving yet! and she actually asked me if i had started to bond with them yet and then yelled at me for saying no...making me feel like i'm not measuring up to the pregnancy milestones and am not loving my babies enough. ugh! it just get's so hard to deal with.

and on top of everything else, i don't work. my husband does. so we have to raise these two babies on one income and currently only have 200 bucks to our names. nevermind the emotional aspect of raising kids, how are we going to be able to buy them diapers and clothing??

please tell me this gets easier!?!

 

can not lie to you...it doesn't get easier...we as parents just do what we have to do. Whether it's 1st time or 5th time becoming a parent. The best advice I can give you is to just do what you can. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Speak up! No one is going to just offer to help you out. Even if they see tears.
Good luck!
Sorry if I've come across as mean, just saying it as it is...

 

Oh sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same way. Get adopted by a TS Sister. If it was not for Rachel, I would be so depressed. I went through some depression when we found out. It gets easier and maybe you have to tell your DH's mother to back off. You can blame it on the hormones for being that way, but it is for your sanity.

I did not feel any connection to the boys until I could see them move. Ya, I liked seeing all the ultrasounds, but once they were done, I went back to the outta-sight, outta mind thing.

I promise that you can afford it. You just will make it happen.

Hugs,
Jenn

 

It does all work out eventually. My mother also wants daily updates and since they were ivf babies she treats this pregnancy as if I cant do anything on my own. Try not to stress too much about the money, I know how you feel and it will work out. I am also a stay at home mom and times do get tough. Right now we are making more money than ever and dont have a penny. It makes me very nervous with two babies on the way, but there are people that are worse off and these babies only need me to love them and care for them they dont need stuff. And I also gained a pound a week every week and then 2 here and there and now am 29 lbs heavier. I also did not let myself get to attached to these babies until recently, it all seemed like it was to good to be true.
Hang in there it will be worth it!!

 

I can so identify. I am pregnant for the first time with twins, and my mom got on my case about not being excited to be pregnant when I was in the midst of throwing up every day and feeling like I had the flu for 10 weeks. When we found out it was twins, I couldn't even cope with the idea of how much extra work and expense it was going to be. Hearing my mom say "do you even want these babies?" made me cry for about three days. Hormones! If I were you, I'd let MIL know in as nice of a way as possible that you're just being honest about how you're feeling and to keep her opinion to herself about it. No one can prepare you for how overwhelmed you feel after twins news... and it's just not fair to hear that you're not feeling the way that you should!

Now, I just kept repeating to myself that people do this ALL the time.. and if anyone else can do it, I can too.... I know that sounds hokey, but you just have to think of all the babies in this world that are thriving out there with next to nothing.

As for expenses, get motivated and get around to looking for free ads and asking friends and family for anything they're getting rid of. We've nearly managed to furnish our whole nursery with free stuff (although I don't have it all quite yet).

Hang in there, it does get better when the nausea eases up and they start wiggling around in there. For me, finding out the sex really made it "real", I am sure that moment will come for you.

 

You will make it through this! Maybe you could just text your MIL with daily updates instead of talking to her. That way she is still in the loop, but you don't have to have lengthy conversations with her on a daily basis. Can your DH talk to her and let her know now much you guys are going through, maybe letting her know she needs to back off a little. Getting use to the idea of twins is a huge adjustment for anyone, and it definitely doesn't help when you have everyone telling you how you're suppose to feel. One way I have found to combat that is to be an authority on the subject. Read as much as you can on having twins, become as knowledgeable as you can (TS is a great source), so that way if someone says something you can either correct them, or know enough not to let it bother you (sometimes it just feels so good to put people in their place though.) As far as financials go, get as much free stuff as you can. Do you qualify for WIC? There was a thread about places to send requests for free stuff. Craig's list often times has really inexpensive baby stuff. Clip coupons, get the off brand diapers...you can make it happen. The truth is that it may not necessarily get easier, but after the initial shock settles in you will be able to figure it all out and it will be okay! Good luck!

 

This is my 4th pregnancy so this will make 5 kids for me. In the beginning I let myself become stressed out but honestly I can say after evaluating the positive people and things in my life, it has and is still is, becoming more clearer. NO, not easier, but now I can see where the pieces actually fit. You may have to brainstorm a bit, but your new motherly instict will set in, and you will do great, just watch and see.

 

Haley

OK first of all you are going to be fine and LOVE those babies and will never be able to imagine your life before them once they are here. Is it hard YES. The nausea will go away. I threw up all the time for 18 weeks. finally felt GREAT found out I was having boy/ girl twins SUPER exciting!!! Now i had an 18 month old when I found out at 7 weeks I was having twins. I cried out of fear daily for multiple reasons. Pardon the pun!!! I even expected and researched vanishing twin syndrome. To see how common it was to ease my fears. I thought would I be that upset??? I'm only telling you that so you can understand the gravity of my fears, I CANT imagine I even thought that for a second.

My point money will fall into place. Breastfeed if that works. That will save $. Check out mom to mom sales..Ask for diapers at your shower.... I could go on and on. Do you happen to live in MI? I would be glad to give you all my outgrown items!!

Tell your MIL you appreciateher concern and for now you just dont feel up to daily update but you would be happy to keep her updated of any changes. For now you just need to take this all in. You mom does not understand. 9 weeks i very early I wouldnt expect you to have a strong bond. you will. If you think it would be better right now just talk to those people that make you feel good. For now it is all about you!!! enjoy this pregnancy goes by fast. I am wulling to be tthe first us where they are moving around youll be in love. Your just feeling overwhelmed and its sooooooooo normal. Sometimes I',still shocked I have twins and they are 2.5...

Your pregnancy will get more interesting but it wil sink in and you will be fine. Hang tough!! It seems like the anticipation is worse than what the reality will be.

PMme ifyou would like. I dont agree it with the prior poster at all. Everyone is different but what your going thru emotionally will get better.

If you want to feel closer to your babies... proceed with caution but you could try to read a bit on the grief board. Not much I dont want you to freak out but man it puts it all into perspective! Wheven I am at my witts end I pop on that board and I just want to go hug them! No matter what they just did! I also had a miscarriage before my first son so it does hit home,

Hang in there.

If its any consolutation I would love to go thru the last 5 years all over again. In a heart beat!!!!

Much love

 

Yesterday was the first day I was truly happy about having twins - when we found out their genders and each was thoroughly examined and deemed in good health. Until then I didn't want much to do with them. Family members were more excited than I was. Basic things like "How do you even take two babies to the grocery store?" seemed overwhelming. I was sad we weren't having only one baby.

It's been 2 weeks since my morning sickness stopped, although I still get sick occasionally. I'm SO much more energetic and happy than I was during the first trimester. You don't realize how rough it is until you're past it. Hang in there!

I don't have a MIL issue but my mom tends to think I should be able to feel things that I don't. She pretty much demanded that I "listen to the babies" and tell her what genders they were! I blurted out "boy/girl" just so she'd stop asking. lol My parents also have strong feelings about certain things but know that ultimately I'm going to do what I think is best.

To keep my family in the loop, I started doing an online blog. I made it known up front that I'll only be posting on Friday's but I'll do a full week recap so they know how we're doing. I also put up u/s pictures and links to anything we buy for the nursery. In your MIL's case, it might be a good solution since it clearly sets boundaries BUT she can check it a million times a day and post comments so she feels like she's part of the experience. My DH's family likes to see what we've been up to, then send us links to things they think might help.

Lastly, I just wanted to send you some ehugs. Things have a way of working themselves out, even the financial stuff.

 

Aww It's all going to work out in the end!!! I promise!!! I had the same fears as well, going through all of this alone, the financial fears, becoming a mommy and a mommy 2 two for that matter!!! It somehow works out in the end! Some things that helped me were of course the baby shower, hand me downs from friends, family and co workers. Garage sales, garage sales GARAGE SALES!!!!!!! I got sooooo much stuff at these that it was unbeliveable!! You can just look for ones that are in good areas and that advertise baby items and more than likely you can bargan with people that are selling large items like a crib....if they want $ 50, ask if they will take $40, clothes for a quarter and crib sheets for a buck! I found that you can get better deals at these tan you would at a second generation thrift shop. Also, when you are in the hospital, ask the social worker if there are any programs that you qualify for for being a mom to multiples. Similac has a program and all you need is a "birth letter from the hospital ( proof you have multiples) and you can send away for 2 FREE cases of whatever formula you babies will be on. Mine were on Neosure by simlac and it was 16 bucks for a smalllllllll can of powder, and they sent 2 cases of the premade stuff....it saved a ton of money...also breast feeding/ pumping helps of course!! also, I found that White cloud diapers from walmart are wonderful...Knock on wood never had a leak in 11 months! They are super cheap and just as good!! Some how it all works out in the end....I am raising twins bymyself and their deadbeat dad hardly ever pays child support!! I sure know how to pick'em!! Sorry, anyways, If there is anything else I can help you with please let me know. Sometimes churches have rumage sales too. good luck and hang in there...my ex MIL is a piece of work so if you have to snap back to get the point across, you can appolagize later on and blame it on the hormones!! lol It's like a free ticket ...lol always blame it on them!!

 

thanks guys so much for the advice and just the overall reassurance that everything will work out. i really needed that.

for the longest time all i could think of was how much of a freak i seemed to be, not being overly excited about having multiples or even being pregnant. not bonding with them. not crying when i saw them for the first time on the u/s. everything seemed wrong. even now all i can think of are things like "what if i don't love them both the same, what if i can't give them both the same attention, what if they hate me, what if i fail them" all of these terrible "what if"scenarios. i haven't really gotten to a place that i feel good about this pregnancy yet. i mean for one thing i'm gaining a TON of weight, my skin is breaking out like crazy and everything won't stop itching (and i do mean everything - even my eyeballs!). so i'm physically uncomfortable and my self confidence took a MAJOR nose dive. not only that but i'm emotionally a mess, crying all the time, yelling, you name it i've done it. so it's just nice to know that i'm acting normally and am not alone in this.

and thanks for the financial tips too, those should be life savers. and on the plus side at least next year i will get one hell of a tax rebate! lol.

 

Haley, you will get past what you are feeling.I also presently do not work.I am waiting for Wed. to get here because this thrift store will be having a 50% off sale on all clothing.So that means that the infants clothing will be .50 a piece.I have already racked up on onesies.Think about it 0-3 mths...the baby only wears that clothing for 3 mths. if that long and 3-6 mths....3 mths, my point is that those clothes are gently used and can be washed twice if it makes one feel comfortable.But the clothing I have are in good condition. I will use whatever outfits that I get from my babyshower to be the clothing that my kids will wear to events. Also on Craigs List there is a free stuff section where people give away stuff just to get it out of there house.As far as the overwhelming feelings that you are having towards your MIL and other people "I know how you feel."My DH family is doing alot of calling nowadays.I know what I want to name my kids but I haven't even told my husband because I know that out of excitement he will tell his fam. and I don't want to hear any suggestions.His father already told us that it was tradition for him to name the kids.lol.Whatever names that he come up with I will use as their middle names.His fam. offered clothing and furniture for the babies-although I thought that was very nice of them,I am really going to try ro get everything on my own and whatever I receive from my baby shower that my friends and family will be giving me in April.Because I am afraid that I may feel obligated in some way because of their gifts ( They don't know )But I turn down any help that I feel will cause unwanted stress. Another thing that I do to get people off my back is to take advantage of my hormones as an excuse to escape an unwanted conversation or obligation. Good Luck every thing will work out.

 

I know how you feel, I felt very similar--we all have those feelings. But if I could do it, just about anyone can! Read as much as you can, either in books or here on TS--go read the first year forum, most of your anxiety is probably fear of the unknown, so calm it with knowledge.
And it sounds like these are your MILs first grandbabies too? Just try to understand where she is coming from, but don't take her too personally, don't let her get under your skin.

Also check out the money saving tips forum that is a subform of the parents club.