Sometimes I feel confined to staying home with the twins...

One of the things I didn't prepare myself for twins was how hard/work it would be to go out with two babies, or at least how hard I would percieve it to be. In my mind I never thought about any limitations, I knew my friends with single babies were always on the go doing the stuff they did pre-baby so I assumed I would do the same. Silly me, I really have to think about whether it is worth the work to go somewhere with two babies by myself. It isn't as if I can easily comfort two crying babies by myself if out in public. Granted it would probably be easier the more I did and it has gotten a little easier as they get older but still...I have several friends with new babies who are always on the go...going to dinner with the baby, going to movies (specially for mothers and kids)..or lets meet for coffee...how about you drive 2 hours to come see me..In general I know my anxiety level has increased since the twins, I find myself avoiding going places by myself with them. I find it hard even going to other people's homes with them by myself. Anyone else relate? I feel like I have become such a hermit.

 

It might help to have a friend travel with you at first. Honestly, you just have to GO FOR IT! I started out in open places where their crying wouldn't mean the end of the world, like the mall. Also, if things get out of hand (and your dying of embarassment), you have the option to simply leave and handle things outside or in the car. I then tackled taking my 5-yr-old with the twins to Six Flags. I was scared to death at first, but now we go all the time! It's outdoors and loud, so they can scream and make all the dirty diapers they want and the walking motion in the stroller usually puts them to sleep.
There are only 2 places I haven't accomplished a solo trip with the twins. One is the supermarket, but only because I refuse to do it! As sad as it sounds, grocery shopping is the longest "me" time I get! I'd also love to go to the beach more often, but couldn't possibly entertain a 5-yr-old who only wants to be in the water, lug a stroller and umbrella across the sand, and keep the twinnies happy all at the same time. Any other friends that are home during the day are also stay-at-home moms and have to worry about their own little ones at the beach. *sigh*
As you assumed, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Get out there and enjoy your summer!

 

I felt confined unless i had someone with me. At first.. I stopped by the mall for just like 30 mins.. I would walk around sooooo fast.. and now.. Its just like any other day. Really after they can hold their own bottle it gets MUCH easier. I would see if someone could go with you.. Then you would feel more comphy..

 

NO, you are not alone, I would bet most twin moms feel this way, even if they get out! I did make a point to get out with mine for my sanity, but only to safe places. By that I mean places I could escape easily on my terms (go for a walk, to the park, mall, grocery, friend with small infant). I avoided places that would be difficult (no handicap/automatic doors, gymboree by myself, friends who don't have kids, etc).
And I honestly rarely looked forward to getting everyone ready and going out, but often had fun once out, evne if it was a fiasco!

Do you have a twins club in your town, my twin playgroup was so important at that age

 

I did tackle flying cross country with the twins and another adult which did help me feel a little more confident but overall I still feel like it is just easier to stay home. I think part of my problem is their feeding schedule. I can't get them to go much beyond 3 hours between feedings. So by the time they get fed and we get out the door we are probably already down 30-45 minutes. THen since we live so far away from anything it is at least another 30 minutes in the car. So it usually gives me about an hour and a half before it is time to feed them again. I think I get the most anxiety thinking about having to feed them while I am out alone with them. I know I just need to get out there...maybe I will try to tackle the mall this weekend for some window shopping.

 

QUOTE(Ash Twins @ Jul 25 2008, 10:12 PM) [snapback]896975[/snapback]
I felt confined unless i had someone with me. At first.. I stopped by the mall for just like 30 mins.. I would walk around sooooo fast.. and now.. Its just like any other day. Really after they can hold their own bottle it gets MUCH easier. I would see if someone could go with you.. Then you would feel more comphy..


I think the holding their own bottles would probably help a lot and help reduce some of my anxiety. They make some effort to do it now, hopefully it isn't too far away

 

I can definitely relate There's something more predictable to staying home, knowing you can at least try to keep their feedings and naps on a schedule of some sort (not that it usually works out exactly as planned, but there's routine anyway!). But I go nuts when I'm home for 2 days straight. I prefer to get out without them, if my mom can watch them, or my hubby, but I do have fun most of the time when I take them out to meet someone who doesn't have babies. For example, I go to the mall and meet my mom, so we still have a 1:1 ratio, or lunch with a friend who has no kids. But really, 4/5 times they don't need me at the same time. They did cry through a lunch the other day even though my sister was there to hold one, which was a drag, but it was still better to be out than at home. Mine are on a 3 hour feeding schedule too. We used to always rush home for feeding time but that got to be a problem b/c we were cutting our trips short. Now I feed them one at a time in the car or in public with a nursing cover. It is so worth it!!! In a way, I feel like we need to get out now, because my guess is it will be harder in some ways when they're walking and have stronger opinions about what they want and don't want to do

 

I was just talking to my mom about this tonight. It is so hard when they are both crying or even when one is and you are trying to keep the other one entertained also. I have not gone out as much as I did with my other singletons. I have avoided the stores especially after a couple of disasters. I have gone on walks a couple of times but that requires loading everyone in the car and going somewhere as we have no sidewalks here and live on a major state route. It is really hard and I also feel like a hermit most days. GL and I hope it gets easier for all of us.

Jen

 

I can relate to hermit life- I, like you, do not live close to any place where I can easily go, most places are a 20min drive away, so by the time I would get everyone loaded up and get somewhere it would be ready to come back home again, as I really don't like having them miss a nap - they are way to cranky then! So, I guess I am making a choice to some degree to stay home. I am lucky tho because I usually try and get out every day or every second day in the evening for a few hours once they go to bed.
I am hoping that I get more comfortable getting out with them as they get a bit older. But so far the only things I have done on my own with them have been go for walks, and even that is not possible right now because it is too hot where we live.

 

I go through moods where I want to get out of the house and take them to target. Then my parent will say they want to see the babies and I feel that it will be too much on me to pack everything up and drive 30min. I seem to get very overwhelmed easily these days. Most days I prefer to stay home with the boys b/c its the easiest on me.

 

Yeah. I was just thinking about it tonight and realized I have hardly been out of the house since March. Actually, then I remembered, since Feb. because it was difficult for me to get around those last dew weeks while pregnant!

 

You are not alone!!! I refuse to go to my IL's without my DH, it's a 1 hour drive and no one helps me with the girls over there, so I won't go! I always gauge my decision to go to a friends house based on if the friend is someone who is going to help me or not. I have gotten a lot faster about getting them ready to go somewhere, but the bottom line is that when I bring them out I'm still going to have to do all the same work that I do at home, only without any of the comforts of home. (ie baby supplies to help me, like high chairs and boppy pillows and a change table!)

I think all moms of multiples go through this.

ETA - The worst thing is when you are alone with the babies in the car going somewhere and you get stuck in traffic and both babies start SCREAMING! One baby screaming is bad enough, but when they both do it, it's like screaming in surround sound and is enough to make you lose your mind. I absolutely, positively refuse to be driving anywhere with the girls between the hours of 4:30 - 6:00 pm because of this. They can handle sitting in traffic in the mornings better than the evenings, if we are out in those evening hours it is a guarantee there will be screaming in the car. Traffic here is REALLY BAD.

 

It does seem to get easier the more you do it. Although I have to take the dog to the vet to get some stitches removed this morning, and I am NOT looking forward to pushing the double stroller and trying to restrain my overly exuberant 170 lb. puppy. :lol:

 

I understand and feel that way sometimes. I recently bought Podee bottles and they are a lifesaver!!! I've only used them once, but it made my life so much easier. My boys only act up when they are hungry so being able to give them their bottles without having to hold it makes it so much easier.

I also just bought these:

Nuby 3 Stage

It comes with a nipple and a sippy spout. Right now they are just playing with the bottles but they have been able to get them in their mouths and drink. Once they can hold their own bottle I know I will be able to do more with them.

 

It makes me feel so much better to know that you all can relate to me. I do take advantage of having visitors in town to go with me places...I much prefer the 1:1 ratio when possible and feel more able when there are two of us. I have gotten better since they were born but still have some hurdles to clear...Maybe I should go out more now before they are walking and running all over the place

 

Its one of those things you just have to DO IT! I belong to a mom's group and lots if not MOST of the activities are more geared towards toddlers but I NEED to get out of the house or their cranky and bored at home so we just go to the events and you know what is it challenging sometimes yes but I'm usually pleasently surprised by how much fun we all have like yesterday we went to a park with a little pond with fountains where are the toddlers were running around in the water, well I had one on my lap and one in the stroller playing with toys and I just switched and you know what they had a BLAST and took a 2+ hour nap when we got home

You just have to do it and then you realize that a)its not as hard as you thought it would be and B) both you and the babies have fun!

gl

 

oh i can definately relate. i hate going to friends houses who's house is not child friendly. my kids get into everything and i can't even enjoy myself all i do is say no to them. one goes for the cabinets the other for the nice glassvase then the other goes towards the cat toys while the other tries to pull apart everything in the entertainment cabinet. when i go to my SIL's house i am usually doing things by myself and i hate to go somewhere where the kids can get into everything and i have no help. it is just way to much work where at home they can roam around wherever and i know they are safe. we do get out though and do things but it is soo much work i tend to think is it worth the effort and the hassle. sometimes i go most times i stay home. i don't know many people with kids so i would love to do a play group and i am looking into different options now.

the more you do it and the older they get it does get easier. but it is alot of work.

 

I feel the same way. My first two singletons were so easy to care for and were such great babies. I too was not expecting the twin life whle pregnant. I thought it was going to be easy.

 

I swear twin moms often get bedrest in their final month(s) because it prepares them for what it is like when they finally arrive. In the beginning I was bf and don't enjoy doing that in public. They also took bottles so i just gave them a bottle out -- but it always ment getting home to pump or feed again.

I had one twin who needed alot of doctor appointments in the beginning and it never seemed to get easier. -- I still didn't enjoy it. I got better at it I guess and I always gave myself lots of time. I feel like a shut in but I've been trying. I have been going to a single's mom's group and it has been good for the girls to play with others their age. I find the single mom's often have more time to help me with one of the girls if I need it. I have found a large mall I like with great parent rooms and when you have some good parking spots sorted out it helps.

My family doesn't live in this country so I don't have that support and often I share the car with my dh. This combined with a difficult city to drive in, I don't venture too far. I dont' mind my own company and I LOVE spending time with the girls but I feel like something is missing too. I ignore it most days.

Somethings that have helped me when I do go out.... get a map of the mall you are going to if there is something you need to buy park closest to that store, know the parent rooms, repack your bag immediately after returning home, keep toys attached to the stroller and toys on the car seats -- sort of like new toys to them each time, love my twin stroller cover, I keep blankets in the car for travelling so I don't have to worry about blankets just them, always have tylenol & teething gel to be kept in your bag, walk fast sometimes. When they were younger I could put the cover over them and walk and they'd fall asleep -- now at 8 months it doesn't work the same. Pre-pack your diaper bag the night before and put it into the car the night before. A purse like a saddle bag that goes over your chest and is small -- I never have to think about my purse. Plan to go out just after a nap.

I feel you with the loneliness ... even when you do get out it is often so rushed it seems easier to stay home.....


Heather

 

Oh- I totally relate. I have barely gotten out since being put on bedrest in November and then having the twins in the winter and then because I waited so long to go out (due to RSV and such) I was really nervous and overwhelmed. I am constantly evalutating wether the effort of packing up and getting everything together is worth the actual outing. Most days it isnt' to me. We do take walks in the neighborhood everyday- but that isn't too big of an issue since all I need to do is put them in the stroller. I was just telling my mom yesterday that I really need to just begin to tackle outings and get more confidence so I don't view it as such a hassle all the time. Good luck!

 

I went out with them immediately by myself. You may be surprised they may like going out. I think the surroundings, noise, other people etc. kept their attention. In the beginning it got to the point they would be cranky at home so we'd drop what we were doing and just go to the grocery store or visit people. Anything and it calmed them down. Probably got them used to it too because I still drag them everywhere. To reduce stress don't go when you are rushed, give yourself time if you need to stop and feed both babies, or change them etc. If they do get too cranky just leave and give it another try on another day. You'll get your confidence up and it gets easier. Good luck.

 

I am working on getting out with them on my own. Pretty easy when I have my hubby with me, doesn't feel so overwhelming. I joined some local playgroups...right now more for me than the babies lol And this week there are a lot of places I want to get to and hopefully I will make it. Lots of great advice from everyone

Dianna

 

I can relate. After the babies were born, we hardly went anywhere with them due to fears of RSV. It was not until I went back to school at the end of January that I would take them down to my parents for baby sitting. Gradually we worked our way to Target, the supermarket (always with DH, I can't handle doing the market by myself with infants), walks outside, to the parks, malls. I don't find it so daunting now but I do find that I do curtail my traveling because sometimes I just do not feel like packing up the babies and all their accessories to just go somewhere.

 

I totally understand how you feel. We hardly ever go anywhere. I'm starting to feel kind of bad about it (for them--I work full time outside the home, so I get plenty of time out of hte house). We used to go for walks, but I live in Texas, and this summer it's been like living on the surface of the sun. I can't wait until it cools off (in October <_< ) so they can at least see that there is more to the world than our house and daycare. So far on the weekends, we have managed to take them to Costco twice, and yesterday we went to Lowe's and Whole Foods. Big time!!!

When I was on maternity leave, I took them out more--walks, the mall, Target, etc. But I always felt like it was a race to get them fed, loaded up, to the location, and home again before they needed to eat again. It's still kind of like that; but usually I have DH with me when we venture out now. My hat is off to those of you who have managed grocery shopping with them. I refuse. I don't know if they'll ever go grocery shopping (Whole Foods yesterday was more of a field trip.).

I'm sure when it's cooler (and when we get our jogging stroller), we'll have more adventures; but now I'm just crossing my fingers that they don't become agoraphobic. I try to take them into the yard at least once a day so I can show them that there is an outdoors.

We may try a restaurant (we used to take them when they were really small and sleeping all the time) sometime soon; but that sounds risky to me .

Good luck!

 

I tried to never let the twins get in the way of me getting out of the house. Of course, they always dictated WHEN we got out, but we still went. I remember being at Menards & someone stopping to oogle over them. They asked how old they were & they were SHOCKED that I was out with 2 week old twins by myself! I just couldn't handle sitting inside! Being that I've done it from the start, it's gotten much easier. Once they get off bottles (or can hold their own in the stroller), it's a huge step in independence! I always tried to go to places that I knew had 'family rooms' for bottle feeding or food courts or something & I usually always had a diaper bag packed so all I had to do was throw in the bottles. I actually find getting out of the house harder now that they're older...I miss the days of just keeping them strapped into their infant seats in the stroller & letting them doze as I shopped. I won't ever go out during nap time now & mine don't like to 'sit still' for very long anymore. That being said, we still go out at least once every other day....whether it's to the grocery store, Target, the mall, the zoo, a friend's house...whatever. Regardless of the age, I think the outings always wore ALL of us out...being a twin mom, you never get to just sit & rest!!!! I even notice that when I'm out with someone who can help! I also think it depends on the tempermant of the kids. Conner LOVES to shop...Aiden used to but doesn't anymore . If you have a bad shopper, leaving home is always daunting!

One thing I haven't tackled....a pediatrican appt with SHOTS (I've done others on my own)....

Just make small goals & keep getting them larger & larger until you feel more comfortable out & about on your own.

 

I would suggest just getting out and doing what you can a little at a time, no pressure on yourself. Sometimes you have to force yourself out. Having said that, taking one step at a time, little by little will ensure you're not overdoing it :hug99: .

 

I drive 3 hours back and forth every other weekend with the twins by myself... it is sometimes hard. I learned to use the restroom before I go the hard way... haha but it is getting easier in some ways and harder in others. Mine are only 4 months old. But venturing out is a pain and having a friend meet you is a great help to say the least. Unfortunately people are not always available and it has become a major adjustment and a lot of planning on how to manage both kids. I stuff them full of food and bring them extra food just in case. I know I am limited to the amount of time to be out before they get overstimulated. As I am alone with my kids the majority of time without relief I have no choice but to bring them in order to get things done. Grocery shopping is absolutely the worst to bring the kids with me by myself. If I am alone with them I just get the minimal amount of stuff I need and store it under my snap 'n' go and when I get relief I go shopping for the week. Otherwise I am pushing a cart and dragging them behind in the stroller going from the limo to a train. haha God I never want to hear a mom of singletons *****. If I can handle two kids alone by myself they are surely able to care for one. Most of my friends don't have kids... if they do their kids are 6 or older... so no one ever understands and assumes all is easy and I should just jump in the car with the kids at a whims notice and drive 30 minutes to meet them for coffee. I am like yeah dude see you in 3 hours... or they assume that everything is like it was pre-pregnancy and I can just dump the kids off and come out to play... that is a rare occasion now... I think it is harder on everyone else to adjust to me entering motherhood then it has been for me. I have been blessed with two amazing, awesome, wonderful kids that are not whinny and cry for no reason but are usually full of joy and laughter and talk none stop. If they cry... they have a reason, food, diaper, wants to do something else, wants to hang with mom, or they are getting tired. Anyways I guess the only thing I can say is that I fully understand the situation you are in and you are not alone. The only way to overcome the anxiety is just to go out and do it.... that way they can also adjust to different environments so that it will be easier when they are older... Just remember the rule of two store max... Getting in and out of the car is just as stressful on them as it is for you. There are times Arden start crying just because she wants the freak out of the car and I count down the stop light to her... 3 more stop lights 2 more stop lights hahaha I think that is more for my sanity than for her comfort considering she has no concept what I am talking about lol. Anyways best wishes and just get out there! You will find you rhythm and it will become easier.

 

I know exactly how you feel!! Having twins is hard enough, and when I add my 2 year old into the mix forget it...I stay at home ALOT. By the time I pack all their stuff up, get them in the car, and then drive to where I am going I have very little energy left. Some days I am more ambitious then others and I will go out, but I find myself staying home alot more then I ever did when I just had my older DS. I find myself often asking for people to come visit me because it is so much easier. Alot of times if I need to go out I will usually wait until DH gets home and then we go, or I have my mom go with me. At the ages my kids are right now I find it easier to just be at home then attempt to go out by myself very much, and I am really looking forward to when that will change because I go stir crazy sometimes!!