Someone help me!

We have 4 kids, the twinks are the youngest, I stay home 24/7 ~ so that seems like the DUH answer there huh?!
I feel like we get the hang of 'things/life/schedule/trips' etc... and all of a sudden we have taken 5 steps back... my life is insane right now and I cant even see straight. :help:
I dont remember the last time I peed, changed a diaper, put a baby down for a nap, filled up a bottle, did laundry, I mean seriously... the list goes on.
I just got on anti depression meds, its only been a few weeks, so maybe they havent kicked in yet, I also have zanex and ativan that I deviate between - it does help ease the chaos... but its still chaotic, and I KNOW the meds dont take away the kids or their cries :blush: but I am feeling very much in over my head. :shok:
We just had a pregnancy scare (despite DH's vasectomy)and I was SO freaked I was adimant about an abortion, its THAT bad around here (for me) and Im in the process of donating ovum for a couple (just the testing phase) and we just found a cyst on my ovary... Ive had two periods in the last 3 weeks and my DS1's dad has us back in court for custody, ontop of that DS1 has decided he would rather live full time with his dad (I guess more of a shot to my ego?)
I guess after reading all this- I have a lot on plate, but what parent doesnt?
How do you handle all this 'stuff'? aside from :wine:
DH does help a lot and we have family, I feel ungratful for saying this, but it just doesnt ever feel like enough :fool:
Gosh please tell me things get better SOON! :cry:

 

Wow. You do have a lot going on! :hug: Momma!!! Do you take time for YOU?!?!!? I would definitely start there! Whether you go out to a book store and sit and drink a coffee, at least you are ALONE, and in PEACE. I find I go crazy if I don't get out on my own every now and then. And then if dh and I don't get out alone, I go crazy as well, and it seems like the relationship suffers as well.

I just take things one day at a time. My boys are 3 and Annabella is 21 months. And I am watching my friend's daughter three days a week. Since doing so, I think I've gotten some anxiety issues going on. It's a lot, that's for sure... but one day at a time. And cherish those quiet moments!!

Good luck with everything! :hug:

 

Oh man, you have a ton on your plate! I think you need to take a breath.. ask DH and family to just give you a couple of hours and get out of the house to get your head on straight. And then come home and have a nap! The first year with twins is totally 100% survival sometimes.. punctuated with little moments of joy, but a lot of it is a slog. Add to that health issues and personal stuff going on, and well, that's just a recipe for disaster.

Cut out anything that isn't necessary; cut down your list of chores to the bare essentials needed to keep everyone clothed and fed and forget about the rest.

Also don't make too much of personal obligations. It sounds like you're committed to donating an ovum, which is really commendable, but if it's something that is adding more burden to your life maybe reconsider whether now is the best time.

Also if friends and family are chipping in, that's great, but don't be afraid to direct people and tell them what you really need. And if they're coming over for a visit, put them to work.. "hey, while we talk, do you mind helping me fold this laundry?"

And know that you'll get through this. It does sound like you have a lot on your plate, but you'll survive, things will get better and you'll have a clearer head to sort it all out eventually. :grouphug:

 

Okay, first I am so sorry you are going through this - you do have a lot on your plate momma! :hug:

Time to organize. I mean literally. Get out a pad a paper and write down your schedule for the day and account for every spare minute. I know it sounds crazy but just try it for something different. This is a mental trick to try. Once you write down the schedule for feeding, sleeping, etc., insert any chores you must accomplish into it. Only what you must! Then try to follow it and check off everything as you get through it. The stuff is all there but it gives you a focus and a home base mentally for you to keep coming back to. Ideally, you can slot in something for you. More ideally, you can slot in a family member you have asked to come and help, and you have written exactly their role in that slot, i.e., play with kids so you can nap or shower, unload dishwasher or fold laundry, whatever. The "schedule" is not meant to run exactly perfectly or even get done 100%. It is for you to say "this is what I am going to do today and that is all that can fit into one day. Nothing else is expected or planned for." Treat this like a job, because it is a job. For me, anxiety gets the better of me a lot, then I read your email and think I've got it made. When I want to rest I can't. I am on the way to fold laundry and I notice mega blocks all over the floor. Then I remember I committed to send an email for my twins club and at the same time I remember I was going to get the laundry, AND, that I saw two diapers left upstairs I wanted to go back and get, etc. etc. etc. In the meantime none of it gets done because suddenly someone is whining for me to hold them. And you have 4! With your twins I feel like 5 months was still quite hard...it wasn't until 7 or 8 mos that things eased up a bit for a while, and they might get more interesting to your older two. Hang in there...

 

Ok. WOW. Girl. You made me want to run to take my meds just reading that. Of coarse you are overwhelmed. Couple of questions,
1. Is your 3 year old in a preschool program? If not could that fit in the budget? I find at that age for both mom and child a mothers day out program ROCKS. Most are 3 days a week 3 hours or so a day. Its just enough time to breathe and collect yourself, go to the store or library or gym just some me time. My oldest was 4 when we put her in a mothers day out. I felt guilt at first because I was a SAHM and thought I am putting her in "daycare" when that is my job but girl first its not daycare its more like playdates and preschool. Plus if you can find a good program at that age they will be learning things like letters, numbers, colors, handwritting etc and the biggest bonus for us was come kindergarden we had NO TEARS! She was used to being away from mom so she didn't have that melt down.
2. Could you go to a mediator with your ex? That could take some of the pressure off as far as its not a court setting its a little less formal and you will both get a chance to get your sides out there and come to some sort of agreement. Its also most times cheeper.
3. I don't know what your budget is like but we are considering a mothers helper. A teenager or college student who would come to the house 2 days a week or so who will help with the babies fold clothes load and unload the dishwasher things like that. Contact your local college that has a nanny program. Alot of times the people in the Nanny program have to do field work and you can get a nanny part time for really cheep or even free. I have a friend who did that and every Friday she got a nanny for 4 hours. Now you can't leave the house but you can go upstairs, take a shower a nap read a book. The Nanny is fully in charge so you don't have to worry about the kids but you still have to be there but heck you can lock yourself in your room!

Another idea would be a trade. What I mean is do you have friends with kids? Could you make a deal to watch a friends kids one day a week and in return they watch yours one day a week?

Sounds like more than anything you need time to yourself. I agree with PP that you should make our a hardcore schedule so you know exactly where you time is going. Get on that really goood routine. Work twards getting the twins and the 3 year old on the same afternoon nap schedule. If your 3 year old won't nap then inforce quiet room time. She has to stay in her room, she can liston to music, play with dolls, look at books but it has to be quiet. Sounds mostly like there just needs to be a balance. You are giving 100% of what you have to your family and nothing to yourself. You need to give some to yourself to or after a while you won't be any good to anyone else.

 

I like that idea... she will be going into prek in August... and I know its going to be tough... I already know! She is gunna flip.
Court is a done deal, which is why I havent been back on in a bit... my DS1 is now with his dad full time and with us every other weekend, his choice. So.... Im at a loss there. :sorry:
Writting everything down seems so logical and easy but Im SO scatter brained .... I think that will be the first thing I try.

Ive been ((TMI here)) on my period, activly bleeding for 11 days... I dont have a clue what is going on with my body... Ive never had anything but round the clock 28 day cycles, so this is really making me feel like Im starting to loose it. Ontop of everything else, I now need to change a tampon every two hours... like I have time!!! :drown: It sounds bad and gross, but thats what Im thinking.

Well the pitty party is still going strong this way :wine:

 

We have 8 kids (7 at home 1 in the Air Force). So I feel ya on going crazy! The best advice I got after the twins came home was to take time for me. Often that meant I would wait for DH to get home and go to the store even for a gallon of milk, or just to a store to look around for a bit. It wasn't long since I am nursing but by the time he got home I was ready to get out! So PLEASE take a few minutes for you every day! Oh and don't worry if the laundry piles up and the dishes aren't done.... just take a breath and enjoy some you time!