someone bit my baby

She had a bite mark on her arm when she came back from day care Monday and then one on her shoulder when she got back yesterday. The teachers there say it's one child who is bitting everyone. They say they can't get to him in time. They joked that next year it will be worse because they'll all be bitting each other.
Is this normal? Is there anything I can do about it short of teaching my girls to bite back?
I mean this is a bite that left a sign for more than 24 hours. Doesn't it take some time to do that? Shouldn't they have separated them by then? Shouldn't they have seen it coming?
Or am I overreacting?
Thanks

 

At 13 months, children bite. The teachers can only try to be super vigilant. It is developmentally normal for children to bite at that age--not really fun if your child is the one getting bit, but it does happen. My guess is that the biter is probably getting some molars in, and once they come in that child will stop. Until then, the teachers just have to do their best to watch that child very carefully. And with that age, no, sometimes you can't see it coming.

 

You would be surprised how innocent a child can look right before they strike with teeth. Realize that the child isn't doing it out of anger and I am sure the daycare is doing all they really can at that age to stop it.

 

It's so scary when your child gets bitten, isn't it?

DS1 was in a daycare with one of "those kids" who bite everyone. He got bitten less than an inch from his eye when he was 5 months old. While I was waiting in line with him at the doctor, the biter's mom came in behind me and tried to make her son feel guilty. He was just little, and didn't "get" her message. I think he was a stress biter. Some kids can't handle the stress of a social situation and they bite to relieve the stress. Because it was a military center, the carers were not allowed to say who the biter was (nor were they allowed to kick him out), but all the other children told. I took my son out of that day care because they were letting this 2 yo near enough to infants to bite them.

If your child and this child are similar ages, I would say PP is right. This will pass. It won't be fun, but it will pass.

 

I understand how horrifying it is to have the child who gets bit. When DS (now 6) was in daycare and got bit for the first time I hit the roof!!!!!! That being said...this just happened to me the other day with my twinkies...

Sarah took a nasty bite out of Ben's arm the other day, RIGHT IN FRONT of me and I had no clue until I heard Ben scream. If it had happened to DH, I wouldn't have believed him. They were sitting three feet away from me on the floor playing with toys when Ben let out a "holy **** that hurt" scream and sure enough he had a nasty bite mark on his arm. By the time I realized why he was crying, Sarah had already boogied into a different room. It left a horrible mark on him, but truly, I was paying attention to them, folding laundry and they were playing at my feet. I went and told Sarah no, tapped her mouth to help her understand what she did wrong, but at this age...they're going to try some things out and it cannot be stopped 75% of the time.

I'm sorry your baby got bit! It unfortunately is the age and hopefully the biter will grow out of it soon!!

 

My daughter is a biter. Luckily the only person she's ever around to bite is her brother. But it only takes a second and there will be a bruise for days. It depends on how mad she is as to how harsh a mark. But the only way to teach her is to actually catch her doing it and she does it so quick that's near impossible! But when we do catch her, and yell NO, she'll stop doing it for a few weeks. We haven't broke her completely yet though. I used to bite as a child too. I remember only one time and I remember jsut getting so mad and not knowing what to do. It was over something stupid like not playing the game I wanted to play. But I didn't know how to express it so I bit. I wouldn't teach your kids any violent action response because then you'll have to deal with that at home too. You don't want them being violent as well. It's the daycare's responsibility to tell the parents and together they need to work out an answer to fix this biter's problem.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Oct 3 2007, 07:04 AM) [snapback]433802[/snapback]
It's so scary when your child gets bitten, isn't it?

DS1 was in a daycare with one of "those kids" who bite everyone. He got bitten less than an inch from his eye when he was 5 months old. While I was waiting in line with him at the doctor, the biter's mom came in behind me and tried to make her son feel guilty. He was just little, and didn't "get" her message. I think he was a stress biter. Some kids can't handle the stress of a social situation and they bite to relieve the stress. Because it was a military center, the carers were not allowed to say who the biter was (nor were they allowed to kick him out), but all the other children told. I took my son out of that day care because they were letting this 2 yo near enough to infants to bite them.

If your child and this child are similar ages, I would say PP is right. This will pass. It won't be fun, but it will pass.


She has a good point. This is only acceptable if the biiter is close in age to your children. If it is a 2+ yo doing the biting on younger babies, I would throw a stink about keeping the biter away from the babies.

 

Not much you can do - kids at that age bite, and if you throw a fit and your kid is the one that bites next, the daycare will probably throw a fit right back at you. My son has been bit and has bit others. They outgrow it.

 

I just had this happen to me yesterday and I was so mad! I wanted the ladybugs to meet me and bring the little biter to justice. I hope it gets better and that they keep them seperated, in your case & mine!!

 

It's a normal phase that kids go through. Put it into google and you will come up with lots of info on this.

My boys bite each other sometimes, unfortunately. They have never bitten anyone else at daycare (except each other). It only takes 2 seconds for a bite to be a severe one - we have had one or two that drew blood.

I can see how it would be hard for the daycare staff to prevent it from happening. It's tough for us at home to stop it unless you have your eyes on them every single second, it happens so fast. I think that would be tough at daycare where there are a lot more kids to watch.

It's a very common thing. Please don't think the little guy doing it is a monster. Your girls may go through this stage too at some point!

Michelle

 

Thanks for your posts.
Of course I do realise that this isn't mean or deliberate behaviour on the little boys part. Babies do baby-ish things and mine could be doing the same tommorrow.
I will ask the day care teachers how they respond to the bitting when they catch him in the act.
I will suggest what pp mentioned- maybe they can say No or give the child a time out or whatever so he can realise that what he's doing is not ok. Maybe that will help.

 

I'm so sorry your child got bitten. It's an awful feeling. I might have sided with the "they should be able to stop it" crowd before my girls started biting each other. Sometimes it's so fast and so seemingly unprovoked that there's no way I can stop it - and I am only watching 2 kids at a time. I always tell the biter "We don't bite people. If you want to bite, bite a toy" (or I say "bite this" and hand her something biteable). Eventually the message gets through, but it is very hard.

 

Jonah is my biter...and he LOVES to bite Morgan. Currently Morgan has a bruise on his shoulder and his forearm. Oddly enough, Morgan is the only one who has biten someone at daycare. At my daycare, they give immediate attention to the child who was biten, then they tell the biter "no biting". Hopefully it's just a phase. We just say "no biting" whenever one goes for the other (or us). As for being the "bitee", I would ask the daycare how they handle it when it happens. I too agree that if it's the same age group, then it's just a phase. HOWEVER, if it's an older child in the room with younger kids, it is not okay. That older child needs more supervision around younger kids. I would definitely hit the roof about that.

Sorry your baby was bit. I understand both sides of this equation because I have one who likes to feast on the other. Shannon

 

Ian bites his sister also - and you don't know its coming till the scream hits...also Ian bites out of love - he's not stressed or angry when he bites he's usually playing with his sister and hugging her when out come the chompers...

I'm sorry your baby was the recipient...Abby on the other hand will bite me or DH but NOT her brother...

 

My sister was a bite victim in her nursery school. She was older than yours (about 18-24mos?) at the time, but my mom taught her to put the palm of her hand on the kid's forehead pushing back so he couldn't bite her arm and yell, Back off, Robbie!, which also got the staff's attention quickly to come and help.

She's 27 now, but we still like to employ the phrase, Back off, Robbie, on occassion.

 

Please try to be patient and understanding of this situation. I know it is difficult, but as the mother of a biter I would just encourage you to try to give the daycare and the other child's parents time to address the problem. Believe me, I bet the parents of the biting child feel as horrible as you do about the situation, I know that I have.

One of my sons is a biter, and has bitten at daycare. The daycare, and we have been working with him since the summer to try to curtail this behavior, but it is very difficult, especially since he has been teething his molars.

I guess my observation is just that I worry about my son being labeled and treated by the daycare staff or other children as a bully. He is not a bully, he is a two year old child who doesn't know how to channel his feelings about a situation (usually arguments over toys), into words, so he uses actions instead.

Just my .02 cents.

O.

 

QUOTE
My daughter is a biter. Luckily the only person she's ever around to bite is her brother. But it only takes a second and there will be a bruise for days. It depends on how mad she is as to how harsh a mark. But the only way to teach her is to actually catch her doing it and she does it so quick that's near impossible! But when we do catch her, and yell NO, she'll stop doing it for a few weeks. We haven't broke her completely yet though


Same thing going on here. Kenna has been a biter for over a year now and uses it to get what she wants. She is learning slowly. Thankfully she has only ever bitten her brothers (that sounds mean). Most daycare centers don't put up with biting once it gets that bad. One told me that they sometimes have an assitant JUST for that child. Sometimes its the only way to stop it. Mitchell has more bruises from biting. At one time he literally had about 5 on his back (right around their 2 yr check up), the dr looked at his back and looked at me, I told her if she took prints of those bite marks they would match McKenna's mouth. I am horrified. I try to stop them but I cannot physically be on top of her even at home 24/7....

I think I rambled off...but I think its a great idea to ask what their policy is and let them know you are very concerned and don't want your child to get bitten repeatedly.

 

Put tootpaste on bite marks right when it happens...and it reduces the mark that is left...and it goes away alot sooner!


Good luck on this one ladies!


Missy

 

Mine probably look like they should be reported to DSC. They each have about 3 briuses on their arms from biting each other, and being bit at daycare. We have tried everything (except biting back) and it got better for a while, but now that they are getting their molars the biting has started back.

From the perspective of the parent of the biter, I don't know if I feel worse that my child was bit, or my child has bitten someone else. They can't tell me who bit who, but I feel awful when I go to pick them up and and I get the incident reports that one of my twins bit someone. I know it happens so fast, and most of the time the biter wasn't even provoked in anyway, so I really don't fault the daycare teachers for not catching it.

At the twins' daycare, they tell the biter no, put him/her in timeout in their crib, and give the bitee lots of attention, which is what we do at home as well.

I think it's just one of those phases that they are just going to have to grow out of. And I agree with the PP that said that you may want to be careful about raising a stink, because next week your child could be the biter.

 

There is a fair amount of biting that goes on at our daycare too. They treat it basically the same way they treat hitting, which is to try to catch it in the act (or ideally before the act), and if it happens, reprimand the biter, have them apologize or give a hug (your kids are a bit too young, but pretty soon this will be possible), and comfort the bitee.

There are a couple of kids who bite more than others -- it doesn't mean they're bad kids, just that this is how they react when they're angry or scared or upset or whatever. The teachers try to watch them especially closely, but with a 5-1 ratio and a pretty big room, there's only so much they can do.

Amy bites Sarah pretty often, sad to say. So it can happen whether they're at daycare or not. And it does leave a mark that can last for days. It doesn't seem to hurt after the first couple of minutes, though.

I may be really weird, but it doesn't really bother me that much. It's just something kids do. The first time the teacher called to say Sarah had been bitten (I think they're supposed to notify the parents), I was like "Is that all? You called me at work to say someone bit her?" After the first few times, they learned that I just didn't need to know.