Somebody talk me of the ledge!

What am I doing wrong, I hate to say this because I feel like I should be thankful for the things I have-a good husband, three healthy children, a job I like, a nice home, a nice car and parents that help me with what ever I need but...I am hating my life right now!
I cant take this anymore...my babies cry ALL THE TIME, my 3 year old has taken on the role of the devil, my husbands job has him completely maxed out to the point that he cant handle the stress either, I have these last 10lbs to lose and feel like a fat cow, I have zero time to exercise, I started back to work and none of my pre pregnancy dress clothes fit me, I have no extra money to go buy inbetween clothes, I wake up and barely make it to work on time because I dont know how to manage my time between getting myself ready, my 3yo ready and feed the babies, and try to pick them up every once and a while so that they arent completely neglected (the whole time they are crying) pump and grab something for breakfast! Then I work all day long to leave work pick up kids from two different daycares, make dinner (the whole time the babies are crying) some how find a free second to pump, hold and feed crying babies, get 3yo bathed and ready for bed and then fall in to bed myself for the few sweet hours I get, to wake up at least twice to feed both crying babies, to wake up and start it all over again....will this ever get better?
I honestly am finding it hard to even like these babies-they are not enjoyable what so ever, if they are awake (which seems to be more then not) they are crying. They will sometimes stop crying if we hold them, but if we put them down and they arent sleeping...guess what THEY CRY! My husband does help me, he has one crying baby, while I have the other we are both overwhelmed!
I AM DONE! I AM DONE! I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to sound like a crazy person, but I am going crazy!!!

 

Ohh honey I am so sorry. That 6 week mark is not what I called the witching hour but what I called the witching DAY. It was tough being home all day with them so I can't even imagine how it would be to work AND have a 3 year old. I know the cliche is that it will get better but it really does. What are they doing at daycare? Do you think they are getting enough sleep and that is why they are cranky?

 

Deep breath! I went back to work when the girls were 8 weeks old so I can relate. However, I didn't have a toddler as well so you have much more on your plate than I did. It was really hard to function at work when I was getting up twice a night to feed them. One day I was driving home from work completely exhausted and I realized that I probably should not be behind the wheel because I was about to pass out.

I think you need some help here. One thing that helped tremendously was DH would be on baby duty after i fed them at 8 pm. I went to bed and he'd take over until their next bottle at midnight and then he'd either do it himself or come get me and I'd only have to be up for 15 minutes before going back to sleep. It totally s*cked to have to go to bed this early, but it was only for a short period of time and I needed the sleep especially since I did 4am by myself.

The other thing we did was wear the babies in the Bjorns if they wanted to be held. This gave them the closeness they wanted, but kept hands free to do other things (like hold the other baby!).

How are they at daycare? Do they nap well there? Ours didn't and its was such a pain because they'd come home completely overstimulated and overtired, which led to much crying. Are they being held all day at daycare? This was our daycare's solution to them not napping. They had the staff to hold them while they slept and while I love that they did this, it definitely made it more difficult for me at home because my DH works late and I was usually home with them alone until he'd get home at 8 pm. How can I hold two babies at once? Thats when I discovered that using the Bjorn works.

GL and hang in there. This really is the height of fussiness and it should get better soon. If it doesn't, maybe you could put in a call to the pedi about reasons why they are crying all the time. -Leighann

 

It sounds cliché’ to say it, but it will get better (and by that I mean different). I really don’t have any advice, just wanted to send you a hug and well wishes. :hug99:

 

:love0028: I am not even going to pretend that I know how you feel because I have neither a toddler nor a job outside the home to relate to your situation. But I can say that I'm pretty sure most people in your shoes feel the exact same way. That is A LOT to handle! I'm tired after READING about it. I agree with the others, just take a deep breath, invest in several baby carrier styles and grab some ear plugs. Seriously, if it weren't for my slings and wraps, I never would have gotten anything done those first few months. It really helps. Evn my husband who typically thinks all things baby will turn him into a sissy was on the babywearing bandwagon after seeing how quickly it soothed them. At first I assumed there was no difference in holding them and wearing them, but in actuality, if you're holding them and you're tense and trying to grab things with one hand and bend over and not drop them, they're feeling your tension. With the slings and carriers, your hands are free, you're walking (which they love) and they feel safe. Give it a try. I think you'll find it helps. I hope (and know) that things will turn a corner soon.

 

You are not alone. So many of us have been there. You are doing NOTHING wrong. Are there some things that you could maybe do to help, sure, but that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. I truly believe that just surviving the first 8 or so weeks was the toughest thing I have ever done. Nighttime sleep is a mess, naps are a mess and there is no schedule to speak of. On top of that, you have a 3 year old and you have returned to work. It’s a lot, and more than most people could handle, but it will get better.

I returned to work when the kids were 16 weeks, and I thought that was hard. I didn’t (and still don’t) fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, so I’ve had to make due with stuff I wore early on in pregnancy and picking up a few things here and there. It sucks, so I can empathize.

Here are some things that helped us out tremendously around 1-3 months: Slings, Miracle Blankets and white noise. My fussiest at that age, whom we dubbed Mt. St. Henry, would instantly calm down when he was carried in the sling. My husband and I would each wear a baby when things got rough, and we could move around the house and have our hands free. I can’t say enough good things about swaddling and more specifically the Miracle Blanket. These blankets lived up to their names for us. And finally, when all else failed I’d put the babies in their swings (which did NO good most of the time for us until at least 12 weeks) and turn the vacuum on right next to them. It quieted them down and gave us a few minutes of relative peace to get something done or scarf down some dinner.

Also around that age, we started with a bedtime routine and early bedtime. The kids were in bed by 6:30, so we had the evenings to spend with our older daughter and each other. It really was a life saver.

Good Luck! This board is a great source of support and advice, and I’m sure many more Super Moms will respond with words of wisdom and support.
Suzi

 

Just wanted to let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I walked in your shoes a few months back juggling work, a two year old and two babies that seemed to cry endlessly. We reached a turning point at 4 months and it has only gotten better from there. I know it seems like a far way away from where you are right now, but you will get there. If it's possible, try to enjoy the quiet time you get at work. I know it sounds silly, but I would call my husband at work on Monday mornings and say "Hear that? Its the sound of nobody crying, whining or getting into trouble." For a while we pretty much looked forward to the weekend being over and Monday coming so we could get back to work and destress from the weekend. But again - it will get better, you will survive and DON'T FEEL GUILTY about not liking your babies right now. I think most of us felt that way at one point or another in the first six months.

PS - My prepregnancy clothes still don't fit me very well either. For the first 5 months I wore the same 4 pair of my "fat" pants to work everyday and left them unbuttoned. At 6 months PP I can fit into a couple other pair of my "not quite as fat" pants and actually button the real fat ones without fear of taking someone's eye out. You'll get there too!

 

Well, it for sure gets better but that doesn't help anything right now. You are just in the crappy part of this whole thing. It sucks. I can not imagine how you are working with 2 month old twins. I'm so in awe of you mothers who do that! It's inconceivable to me. Don't get me wrong - I'd take a day at the office right now...sounds like a dream, but I can't imagine getting my life in order enough to do that. You are amazing.

I'm going to go a little woo-woo on ya here....I read a book recently called The Law of Attraction by Michael Losier. I know there's a lot that's been done on this subject, but this book was my favorite so far. Super short book (read it in a day) very simple and connects the dots between a weird out there idea and everyday practice. Here's what I recently tried (from the book)...I wrote a desire statement. I can give you more details if you PM but the gist is you write in a clear concise format what it is you'd like for instance:

I am in the process of attracting all I need to do, have and know to create my ideal life. I love knowing that I have enough time to take care of myself so I can take care of my family. My babies are getting used to this big world and crying less and less - instead they are looking around in wonder and smiling often. We have an organized efficient home and ....blah blah blah...you get the picture. If you read it everyday it will keep you looking up... Also, put sticky notes on your mirror and in your car with little uplifting notes.

I realize this sounds too simple to work, but for me that's the point. I can't force my babies to stop crying - only time will do that. I can't change my DH's work, I can't force my babies to take a bottle or get on a good nap schedule (my dilemma) so I need to do practical things to keep myself happy and functioning. These things help me.

Before you know it - this will be over...your babies will be happier, your life will make a little more sense. In the meantime, take care of you - get some exercise and do things that make you happy. Pray, be thankful for little things and take deep breaths and soon you'll wake up and realize that things are MUCH easier and you'll forget about this time.

Lastly, I can tell from your post that you are a funny, strong and fabulous woman. You have it in you to get through this part. You are stronger than you know. You should be so very proud of yourself for how you have done so far. You are not cutting corners in your life and in the care of your family - you're just powering through! You deserve to pat yourself on the back everyday! I'm rooting for you!!!

 

You really aren't doing anything wrong. :hug99: I had some thoughts that may or may not help you.

1. Do you have a crock pot? I *needed* my crock pot at that age otherwise we wouldn't eat. Also, paper plates and bowls were a lifesaver.

2. When my twinks were 2 months I was still just doing the bare minimum to get by. If it didn't absolutely *need* to be done I would skip it.

3. If someone offers you help - TAKE IT! Immediately. If they say, "Do you need me to do anything for you?" say, "YES! Please mop my kitchen, it's scary." not, "Oh, I'm fine."

4. I know you're overtired and overworked, but it will get easier to deal with by the time they're 6 months old. I know 4 months sounds like forever, but time seems to fly past faster than you think it should.

5. Is there any way that you could either go on a date (alone and kid free) with DH or at least get an afternoon off? If you can manage to get a few hours to yourself every week that would be the best.

6. Have you talked to your doctor about how you're feeling? You may have postpartum depression.

Please try to take care of yourself too. :hug99:

 

Hey Kansas girl! I am one, too!

Ok, take a deep breath. First and foremost, you are doing great momma and don't feel bad about being stressed even with all the blessings you have! It's COMPLETELY normal!

Babies go through a phase in the beginning where they are crabby a lot of the time. They don't want to be held all the time but they don't want to be on the floor, bouncer, etc. It's normal and it will get better. Look at it this way, it is building up your tolerance for crying babies. I couldn't stand it at first and now it doesn't phase me much!

If you are only 10 lbs away from pre-pg weight at less than 2 months, AWESOME! Your body will readjust. I am 11 months away and am still seeing that my stomach is getting better.

Order take-out, eat frozen pizzas, do whatever it takes to just get by. You don't have to be supermom! Just as long as people have food in their tummies, then you are good to go. Who cares if they eat pancakes for supper 3 nights in a row?

It will get better. I remember at 3 mos thinking it might be getting a little better. Then, by 4 month appt, I was able to smile a LOT about the twins and the days we were having. 6 months, awesome! Each day gets easier after about the 4-6 month mark. I hated when people told me that b/c it seemed so long.

Moral of the story: Just do what you gotta do to get by and worry about the rest later. If your house is a mess, so be it. If you eat McDonald's 5 nights a week, no big deal. You'll find your groove soon!

 

Oh, poor woman! I'm so sorry things are stressful. You should be so proud of yourself though. You are a working mom, wife, mother, chef, the list goes on and on....that's amazing. And although right now you are feeling like a total crazy person (been there myself), sometimes taking a step away from the stress (even for 20 minutes) can give you the perspective you need to push through these tough spots. I can't say I know what it's like (YET!) b/c I'm 35 weeks preggo w/ b/g twins and my daughter is 2 1/2. But I can forsee myself struggling w/ some of the same stressors you are encountering in the very, very near future. Try to remember that we are all human, not perfect, no such thing as a super-mom...and there's only so much we can do at one time. You are doing the best you can. Hang in. And feel free to vent more if you need to!

 

May I suggest a postpartum doula to take a night shift a couple of days a week. Many have twin experience and can do both at once. Couldn't have done it without them.

 

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. At about that age I screamed into a pillow every night, "I hate my life." I do not work outside the home but I do have a toddler and it is very stressful to say the least. The sleep deprivation alone is enough to make anyone crazy let alone working outside the home and caring for a toddler. You have gotten some great advice. I survived and you will too!!! Hang in there :hug99:

 

Zoloft

 

QUOTE(Lesley Anne @ Mar 5 2008, 10:57 AM) [snapback]653810[/snapback]
What am I doing wrong, I hate to say this because I feel like I should be thankful for the things I have-a good husband, three healthy children, a job I like, a nice home, a nice car and parents that help me with what ever I need but...I am hating my life right now!
I cant take this anymore...my babies cry ALL THE TIME, my 3 year old has taken on the role of the devil, my husbands job has him completely maxed out to the point that he cant handle the stress either, I have these last 10lbs to lose and feel like a fat cow, I have zero time to exercise, I started back to work and none of my pre pregnancy dress clothes fit me, I have no extra money to go buy inbetween clothes, I wake up and barely make it to work on time because I dont know how to manage my time between getting myself ready, my 3yo ready and feed the babies, and try to pick them up every once and a while so that they arent completely neglected (the whole time they are crying) pump and grab something for breakfast! Then I work all day long to leave work pick up kids from two different daycares, make dinner (the whole time the babies are crying) some how find a free second to pump, hold and feed crying babies, get 3yo bathed and ready for bed and then fall in to bed myself for the few sweet hours I get, to wake up at least twice to feed both crying babies, to wake up and start it all over again....will this ever get better?
I honestly am finding it hard to even like these babies-they are not enjoyable what so ever, if they are awake (which seems to be more then not) they are crying. They will sometimes stop crying if we hold them, but if we put them down and they arent sleeping...guess what THEY CRY! My husband does help me, he has one crying baby, while I have the other we are both overwhelmed!
I AM DONE! I AM DONE! I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to sound like a crazy person, but I am going crazy!!!



Trust me. It takes a CRAZY PERSON to know a CRAZY PERSON and I WAS one and still sort of AM....................

The first 14 weeks I literally wanted to blow my brains out all over my wall. I am not kidding you. I dreaded and hated every single solitary moment I was alive.

And I did not have any other children or work to deal with.

You are my HERO! God bless you and all that you are doing. Oh and I was not breastfeeding either so DOUBLE TRIPLE Bless you!

I took the easy way out on work, breastfeeding, extra children-- you name it! And it was still HE** on earth at my house. I cannot stress enough how much I hated my life.

I was soo annoyed too cuz everyone kept telling me how it was "going to get better" and I just kept thinking.. "Yes, whoopee that's wonderful!! But right now it SUCKS and when is THAT special miraculous day going to show up for ME?"

It finally did. 14 weeks ACTUAL age and we were no longer hanging by our fingernails over here. I have ID twin boys, both reflux, one had colic!!! It ceased at 14 weeks. We had a 3 hour "Witching Hour" and it was dreadful. ScreamFest Gone Wild.

I would literally fall on the floor and cry almost every afternoon cuz I didnt' think I could make it to see another day. I didn't enjoy my babies and frankly- thought about changing my mind on the whole idea of kids!!!!

The bottom line is this:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Make it thru one minute at a time, one hour.. Do not try to see tomorrow cuz it is too far away right now.. Just make it through NOW! That is all you can do. You are doing it. You are all going to make it. You really will wake one day (very soon) and it will be BETTER and you will say "When and HOW did that happen??"

It is going to get better.

Just get through this. Pretend you are fighting in a war. Pretend you are fighting for your survival right now because for me- I was.

Just get through this hour and things will improve.

I can tell you that my boys are five mos old now (4 adj) and life is TEN THOUSAND times better than it was when they were the age of your kids. There are still tough times. But nothing and I mean nothing can compare to those first 14 weeks.

Please... TRUST ME... a fellow "crazy person".. it will get easier.

 

First, you're NOT a bad mommy, you are a superwoman who is completely overwhelmed. NOT because she can't handle it, but because what is on your plate right now NO ONE could handle. I am in AWE of your being back at work, managing to get out the door at all.

So, a few things:

re: the clothes - um, it took your body nearly ten months to make these babies, it will take a while to get back. That said, if there are some thngs you can do to make it easier for you - i don't know what kind of work you do but if it's not super dressy, then - invest in a pair or two of black/charcoal 'yoga' style pants; you can get them pretty cheaply at target or someplace like that", wear them with a long sweater and some sort of colorful scarf around your neck. You can do the same with your preggo clothes - OR, get online nad order a bella band in black - they'rea about $26 bucks and they are basically a tube top for your waist - they work great when your preggo pants are too big so they don't fall off, and you can wear your pre-preggo pants without buttoning them and they won't fall off. They look like a long layered camisole under a shirt - nobody will know! I still wear mine all the time!

YES on the slings/bjorns, whatever. If you do use bjorns and get an older one (you can usually get these ofr about $25 on craigsilist or somewhere, no need to spend full price for new), make sure that you see if they have an extra closing on the leg so the babies don't slip through if they're really little.

it's been said - this is the height of fussiness. It does get better (man i hated hearing that but - it really does)

you are EXHAUSTED physically; nursing and pumpin - are you making sure to get enough WATER and calories??? I swear i lived on Ensure and power bars for the first four months - and i DON'T have a toddler or a job outside the home! I just ordreed cases online and made sure i was getting enough nutrition. try not to worry about the weight, it will come off.

tap into all your help resources: do you belong to a synagogue or church??? that was a lifesaver for us - i literally had people folding my laundry, or just coming over for an hour in the evening at the witching hour. it made a HUGE difference.

if you can afford to swing for any nighttime help, do so. Also agree with pp about having your Dh take a shift so you can get a chunk of sleep - even four hours at a time will make a HUGE difference in your life.

Most of all, BREATHE. A few deep ones in, with a longer exhale. Somehow, somehow, you WILL get through this, and soon you will have two babies whose faces light up when they see you.

DO NOT feel like you are a failure or a bad mommy. You are doing an AMAZING job!

(and yes, talk to your gyno about PPD)

HANG IN THERE! BIG HUGS!
you need some help.

 

You've gotten some wonderful advice already, so I'll just send you a :hug99: I'm sorry things are so rough right now. Have you talked to you doctor? :hug99:

 

Hey, if I talked you off the ledge, who would keep me company?

Seriously, I have never had as many pity parties for myself as I have had these past few months. My twin pregnancy was unplanned and frankly, unwanted. I had a 10 month old DD at the time, and had just gotten back into my self-employed business full time. I went on bed rest at week 29, and my husband lost his job at week 33. Then the twins came, and while I KNOW they are blessings that I will be grateful for, they just felt like burdens that I couldn't ever handle. Many many nights I sat with a screaming baby staring out the window in the dark weeping, thinking how much I hate my life, that I'll never have a life again, that I'll fail these babies because of my resentment, blah blah blah. Then I'd log on TS and read how grateful and happy other mothers were and feel like a bigger failure because I couldn't stand one more minute of it all.

Its a tiny bit better now, but Im still a virtual shut in because of the weather, having infant twins and a 19 month old, and as much as I want to go back to work I CANT. The babies melt down every evening for HOURS of screaming and my DD can't stand it by that point and melts down too. Still, I can see it will be better one day, even though Im betting that day is one million days away.

I just wanted to say that you aren't alone, and that if you ever have time (HA HA HA!!), feel free to PM me for some empathy. Regardless, know that you really AREN'T alone.

 

First of all - you are not doing anything wrong. It's truly difficult being a Twin Mom - it's a lot of work. And YES, it does get better. :love0028:

I highly recommend that you have a family member or a close friend watch the kids for a few hours on the weekends so that you and your DH can catch up on your sleep or go out on an afternoon date if you have the energy for it.

If someone offers to help you - Take it. Every little helps! Hang in there - it will get better. I'm sure we've all felt like that - at one time or another. I still have 18lbs to loose from my pregnancy weight........yes, it sucks but I find myself wearing some of my maternity slacks to work. Until I get some time to work out - I'll have to keep wearing them.

Soon you'll be enjoying your double blessings. It does get better.

 

I would ask your parents to come help you for a couple weeks. They could help you get out the door in the morning and wash pump parts for you. (It pays to have a lot of those!!)

If you could get on your MOMS list of people who need meals, that would help you at dinner time. (Frankly, we ordered out or had very simple meals after my Mom left).

You are stretched very thin right now. It's ok to ask for help!! :hug99:

It will get easier and harder all at the same time, but the crying SHOULD slow down!! :love0028: I'm really sorry to hear how stressed out you are!!

 

I have a five year-old in addition to my boys, so slightly better that your situation, but I know that having the older child does really complicate things.

Have you looked at the financial picture to see if you could not work for a year or so? I know with daycare expenses so high, by the time you factor in gas, lunches, wardrobe, etc. that you need for work a lot of times you're not bringing home enough to make a difference. Sometimes you find out that you are paying to work. I've known several women who were in your shoes and could not even imagine not working but hated hated hated being pulled in so many directions. They reluctantly reorganized their lives -- cut out some luxuries and learned to live a little more thrifty and stopped working. Every single one of them is glad that they did it. It's not a permanent move, just something they are going to do until their kids are a little less work intensive. I know I never ever thought I would be a SAHM. It does not suit my personality, but it has turned out to be the best decision for our whole family, especially the kids. I look forward to going to work again in the future, but for now I am happy to only have to juggle balls at home, not at work as well.

GL to you. I hope it gets better very quickly.

Nikki

 

I'm so sorry. I don't know how you are surviving! Our girls were colicky and screamed day in and day out. So that part, I understand. My husband is a medical resident and was hardly ever home and when he was home, he was exhausted and stressed, so that part I understand. The outside job and 3 year old. I don't know how you do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could barely take care of the babies and my dog!

My guess is that they are overtired or just colicky. Whatever "colic" is ... unexplained crying, that helps a lot, huh?!

... the ONLY thing that was foolproof for us was to bounce them on the exercise ball. I would swaddle both, lay them on a bed pillow, pick up the whole pillow and bounce bounce bounce. I have bounced for an hour before. Maybe you and DH can switch off giving each other a break. Also, hire a college kid or even high school just to come and HELP you ... maybe in the mornings with the morning routine or in the evenings ... not to leave them but just to have an extra set of hands. We only paid ours $9 an hour b/c I was always there with her. The other thing that worked most times (but not always) was the side to side cradle swing. Pop 'em in there ... turn on a white noise and leave the room ... even just for 15 minutes. To give you all some time ... and to feel like you are trying (with the swing and the noise) ... my girls screamed in the car ... but sometimes I would drive around just to feel like at least I was TRYING to soothe them (with the motion and noise) but I could call my best friend and cry or whatever ... or go through a drive through and actually eat a meal. You can almost always find the cradle swings on Craigs List for cheaper than BRU ... we borrowed one and bought one ... the best purchase we ever made!

It will get better and you will get through this! I don't know how our baby monitor still works, I have thrown it across the room so many times. Find an outlet for your stress. Drink a glass of wine =) Hey, maybe it will make the babies sleep better since you are nursing. The first time Hannah slept through was when I had a glass of wine =) Probably coincidence ... but you never know! I am a die hard nursing fan ... but how would you feel about not pumping until you are through this. Supplement with some formula, nurse as often as you can and start pumping again when they give up some night feeds or when things slow down a bit. I stopped pumping for a while (I was just pumping for a freezer supply for babies that wouldn't take a bottle anyway ...) and then started again when they started cereal to mix the cereal with. At first I would only get an ounce or two and now I get 6-9 ounces each night! So you can build your supply back up after the babies start figuring out that they can exist without crying.

Good luck to you. You will bond with your babies. I always tell mine that they better be DARNED glad they are so cute!!!