SOMEBODY HELP ME!

I've posted a couple of times over the past several of days about our LO's sleeping (or lack there of) but last night was by far the worst night of sleep that the girls have ever had.
I'll start from the beginning....

I have two girls that were born healthy at 37 weeks, 3 days and they will be 12 weeks tomorrow (chronological age)... I have 1 happy spitter and one LO who has really bad reflux that we have her on 1 ml previcid 2x/day and we are thickening her bottles with 2 teaspoons of rice cereal.. seems to be working okay since we upped her dosage of previcid (less back arching and screaming after feedings) both have been formula fed only for about 2 weeks now. Both are eating between 3-4 ounces per feeding. I feed them like clockwork every 3-3.5 hours during the day. About a 2 weeks ago they started sleeping between 4-5 hours per night and I was ecstatic, though naptimes were hell. Both slept in carseats until A. (who has reflux) started screaming her head off from 3am on every morning no matter what we did. B. has occasionally started sleeping in her crib. Both sleep in our room. After a couple of night of really good sleeping at night they both started to wake up and fuss sporadically during the night. I'm an extremely light sleeper and DH is a very hard sleeper and has to work during the week, so it is usually me who has to get up with them. Last night it was terrible. They took turns fussing all night long. I seriously got maybe 1.5 hours of sleep TOTAL. I finally got up and took them downstairs at about 4am and fed them and let DH sleep until 8. I went to bed for a couple of hours once he got up. I tried EVERYTHING last night.. putting them in their crib, bouncy seats, back to carseats... I have some questions.. hoping somebody on here can help us!

1. We swaddle both girls at night but both fight it no matter what we use to swaddle them.. blankets or sleep bags.. we try to wrap them tightly but they are like little houdini's.. they can bust out of anything and will fuss until their hands are free.. even though we swaddle them with their hands to their sides. Should we continue swaddling them do you think?

2. We put them down at 7:30pm every night with a bottle, bath/lotion, book routine and I have been getting them up every morning by 7:30am. They are amazing sleepers during the day. I have been putting them down the MINUTE they yawn or look tired- I started this about a week ago when napping was an uphill battle- now it's awesome. Though, lately I've been feeling like they are not getting enough awake time. Now they sleep really well in their bouncy seats or swings during the day for pretty nice naps. Is it possible that they have their days and night mixed up again?

3. At night we have been putting them to bed around 7:30pm and then doing a dream feed before we go to bed (around 10:30ish) they USUALLY sleep pretty well from 7:30 until the dreamfeed, then we cross our fingers that they sleep from the dreamfeed on.. no matter what we do they always seem to sleep fitfully from 3am on... they usually wake up to feed around that time and then we put them back down. We do keep the light low and don't talk to them and don't change them unless we have to. should we just let them sleep and stop dream feeding?

4. I'm starting to think that sleeping the carseats is too constricting, so I've started occasionally trying to put them in their crib.. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I don't know if we should just fight one battle at a time and leave them in the carseats and stop trying to put them in the crib or if we should cold turkey put them in their crib and stick to it... the problem is A. because she has a very difficult time sleeping in the crib because of reflux.

5. oh the pacifier game... no matter where we put them they will scream when the pacifiers fall out of their mouths most of the time. SO I feel like a slave to the pacifiers all night long.

Does anyone have any good resources (e.g., books, articles) that they would recommend that they used to get their kiddos to sleep?


So sorry about the crazy long and detailed email, but I'm feeling DESPERATE! I feel like I can't function without a bit more sleep. I try sleeping during their naps, but it doesn't always work out and I just want to sleep at night. I do have my mom who will watch the girls and let me sleep in the afternoons if I really need it, but I really want to get them sleeping better at night if I can as I have to go back to work soon! I just don't feel like I can be a good mom to my babies when I'm functioning on little to no sleep- I get frustrated really easily and I just feel like I'm losing my mind in general right now! Thank you so much ladies!

 

Oh boy. You are trying lots of different things and that is so great! Big hugs to you because sleep deprivation is brutal and no one can understand that unless they have been through it. It really changes you for a while. Let's see...I swear by Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. There is a multiples version but I prefer the original and pick through it according to the age I am problem-solving for. I also swear by Happiest Baby on the Block - get the DVD from the local library - it is by pediatrician Harvey Karp. It talks about the 5 S's....Swaddling being one of them but there are other ideas to accompany swaddling to help them. This book/DVD is sheer genius, but again I would just watch the DVD and not bother reading the book. You need the information now. If you cannot get a copy PM me.

1. I would try to keep up with the swaddling because without it they tend to startle themselves awake. Watch Happiest Baby on the Block. What blanket are you using? We used SwaddleMes but by that age they were breaking free. The only one that worked after that was the Miracle blanket or a big regular blanket. You have to do it very very tight. If they are crying during the swaddle don't let it freak you out. They are going to fight it probably. What helped for us was swaddling them and them holding them on their side. Calmed them right down - how big are they?

2. At that age my girls would still take a 3 hour nap every morning consistently in the swings, then another hour nap two more times a day - we still woke for 2 feeds at night. Babies at this age need a LOT of sleep. IMO if you have their sleep signs down for napping, stay with it! From the night time schedule you are describing, it doesn't sound to me like they have their days and nights mixed up...but it does sound like they are trying to find a rhythm and the 3:00 am - 7:30 am is a great start. The better nappers they become the better night sleepers and vice versa...if something is working I would leave it. Remember, they are still really young to understand or benefit from sleep training so I think you are doing the best you can do for 12 weeks old and in one month something is going to change. I think it sounds like you are moving in the right direction.

3. From what you are describing, for now I would forget the dream feed personally. It doesn't work for every baby, and for some it works great. I might let them establish their own wake-up and not wake them if they are sleeping. What if they slept from 7:30 pm to say 1 or 2 am and then got up at 7:30 am? That would be wonderful. Of course my rule always was if one wakes, the other must get up and be fed too!

4. I am of the cold turkey philosophy - pick a way and go with it. But if reflux is involved, leave that baby in the car seat (I really prefer a bouncy) inside the crib so that they become used to their crib. But I would go ahead and move your other LO and start crib training. I went cold turkey once I felt the reflux had passed but I didn't want them used to sleeping in that position. It only took 2 or 3 hard nights and then I eventually did the same thing with naps.

5. The pacifier thing is hard. We have one who was never interested and one that used it until 7 or 8 mos. All I can say is that if it is a comforting thing, I wouldn't take it away. But one thing I tried to do sometimes was sneak in and remove it gently and lay beside them. To try and train them to sleep without it. I will never know if that really worked but it seemed to help.

Lastly, I just wanted to mention something. Are you trying to let them fall back asleep on their own after feeds? I know we would rock them to sleep at every feed and lay them down and eventually, we just needed more sleep. So we got to a point of when they would wake up we would feed/change, give lots of kisses, lay them down and go back to bed. Now, here is the thing...at that age our pedi had said it is very natural to let them take up to 15-20 mins to work it out. I think if I remember I was willing to go the 15 mins and sometimes it seemed an eternity. But it wasn't very long that even though they cried every time we put them back down they would be silent by the time we got back to our room and in bed. I am not sure how you are doing it...but giving them this time to settle is not letting them cry it out without response. You are teaching them to fall asleep on their own - a really important skill. It was a great learning for me personally. Reading HSSHC by Weissbluth really opened my eyes to how important sleep is. DH and I are not great sleepers and I don't want that for them. It is really important - you are doing a great job trying to put this puzzle together. So there, I have answered your email with a long book! HA HA. For us, we had one STTN by 7 mos and the other by 10 mos...I consider myself lucky after reading some stories on here. I have just always followed their cues the best I could, but I do not miss those exhausting days. So big hugs to you as you figure out this journey - they are very lucky to have such a great mama!

 

Wow, first of all, here's a big hug :hug:. What lucky kids you have to have such a great mom! Yes, you.

Here's my experience and some thoughts. Good luck.

1. If they're ready to not be swaddled, try leaving their arms out, or try not swaddling at all. I stopped swaddling about 10-12 weeks, and the arms were out by about 6 weeks.

2. Are they getting more than 3 naps total about 4 hours? If yes, maybe they are mixed up. Mine started a regular 3 nap routine at about 12 weeks, (by about 16 weeks, we were at morning 45-60 min, early aft 60-190 min, late aft 30-60 min).

3. I never did dream feed, but the first feeding gradually moved from 1-2 am to about 11 pm on her own. Bedtime has also gotten a bit earlier.

4. Can you move one to the crib and not the other? Or have you tried putting a couple of books under one end of the crib to provide a gentle slope?

5. They should be able to find the pacifier on their own soon, especially if in a crib (so it kinda stays nearby).

And, are you ready to move them out of your room...

I've been using Healthy sleep habits, happy child...I'm not 100% a fan but a lot of stuff in there makes sense. I suggest you fight one sleep battle at a time--swaddling, cribs, or pacifiers. And make a plan and stick to it. It took me a week to convince DH that we need to stop using the pacifier :lol: so we started today. She fussed a bit at each nap but not too bad.

 

I am a huge fan of swaddling, we went until 6 months. We used the miracle blanket but here is a good site for adouble swaddle technique. http://jeniallen.blogspot.com/2009/08/wfmw-double-swaddle.html

I agree with Healthy Sleep ... very good resource. My kiddo slept a lot at that age.

I never had much luck with dream feeds.

Hang in there.

 

I am so sorry that you are getting no sleep. I do remember those days and mine actually were on a pretty good schedule. My sister-in-law had a wedge pillow that she used in her crib, under the sheet for her kids reflux issues. Mine never loved to be swaddled.

 

Thank you SO much for your responses! I really appreciate it! I've been going back and reading and rereading what you have all recommended and I think that all sounds very doable. We have been thinking about moving them into their own room to help us sleep more soundly, so maybe we should just bite the bullet and do it... we put them both back in their carseats last night and they slept better. I think I'll start putting B. in her crib cold turkey as soon as I catch up on sleep. Thank you thank you thank you!

 

I am a big fan of swaddling - we swaddled until the girls were 7 months old and used a Miracle blanket (put that on first because it holds the arms in well) and a Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe blanket on top. They were very snug in there and we stopped swaddling when they started flipping over on their stomachs. They now sleep in sleep sacks (on their stomachs for the most part). Just because they fight the swaddle doesn't necessarily mean they don't like it once they're in there. We tried to stop swaddling at around 5 months but it was a disaster (girls fussed for almost 45 minutes at bedtime so we broke down and swaddled them - they were asleep in less than 5 minutes). But it's up to you - you know your babies best.

We also use a white noise machine set on rainfall - they seem to like that.

As for the reflux issue, there are many crib wedges on the market that you may want to try. Although I think at this age you should let them sleep wherever they're comfortable, be that a bouncy seat, a swing or a carseat. At night ours slept in the co-sleeper and usually one (or in the early months two) would end up in bed with me. Sometimes if things were really bad one might finish the night in a swing. They also napped in swings until they were about 7 months old and transitioned to napping in their cribs without a problem.

It sounds like you've got a pretty good nap thing going on - we didn't develop a consistent nap schedule until they were at least six months old. At 3 months old they were not able to stay awake for longer than 60-90 minutes so would have about 4 naps a day. Then they'd go to bed between 9-10pm and sleep till about 7-8am. There would be fussing during the night but usually giving them their paci and a reassuring pat would put them back to sleep. Now that they aren't swaddled they can get their own pacis but I still occasionally have to get up to help them get back to sleep (especially lately as they are teething).

Try not to worry too much about "doing the right thing" - there is not one right way to do things - you have to pick and choose the methods that work best for you and your family. So good luck and let us know how things go! :grouphug:

 

Quick question Mommas... do you swaddle them in their swings/carseats/bouncy seats????

 

I was a swaddler! I couldn't have imagined life without it! :laughing: We swaddled the boys until they were six months old. That meant-they were swaddled for naptime-in their swings, for an entire six months! And they were swaddled for bedtime, in their carseats, for an entire four months! At four months, we moved them to their cribs, and got rid of the swaddle for bedtime. And at six months we moved them to their crib for naptime without the swaddle. It was all cold turkey-and we all survived! I would DEFINITELY try the swaddle!

I hope you ALL get some rest soon! :hug:

 

megkc03-

when you moved them out of their carseats at 4 months into the crib did your LO's have a hard time transitioning???

 

Nope-I did it cold turkey! Just said to myself-they are going in their cribs-so in they went! I mean, I did rock them and sing to them, and would put them down pretty much asleep though. At six months old-I stopped all of that and did CIO with them. It took one night for them-and in all honesty, it wasn't that bad.

I do recall at one point(because I was putting them down on their backs), that Anthony REFUSED to go to sleep on his back. He just would NOT fall asleep. So out of desperation, I flipped him over and laid him on his stomach-and he was passed out cold. And that's how he slept from there on out...

 

We swaddled in bed at night, and in swings for naps. I did clip them in - they were wiggly.