Soical Skills

Ok My twins are 7 year old in the 2nd grade. They are different classes because One of my girls have Autism and is in a special ed class. Now my other daughter is great at talking etc at home. But I feel she has trouble making friends at school she tends to attach to adults though. why is that? I try talk to her about it and tells me the other kids are playing with each other etc. She will play by herself at recess. i told her to go up to the kids and play with them not to be shy etc. I don't know how to help her out though. I want her to have friends. But I notice when another child says hi she tends to be shy and not say anything. any help would be great.

 

I seriously recommend reading, "look me in the eye: my life with asperger's," by John Elder Robison. He talks very specifically about how when he was young and wanted to play with the other children, but had trouble understanding body language and other contextual clues. He said he always wanted to play with other children, but they didn't like him and he didn't understand how to make them like him, or how to relate to him. For that reason he often spent more time with adults. Later in the book he talks about how he did eventually learn what people expected, and how he wished he had had a better understanding of that when he was small. I really think it could give you some valuable insights as to specific ways to help your daughter learn to socialize.

 

Another suggestion is to speak with her teacher, and make her aware. She can do small things like buddy your daughter up with a potential friend to break the ice, and basically put her into non-threatening situations where she can make friends.

 

We had this issue with Isidra last year in Kindergarden. I had the counselor talk to her and then she was "assigned" a buddy each day, who was not to leave her side. It worked out great, and she ended up making lots of new friends.

 

Does your school have a social worker? Ours does and her job was to work with kids (special education and regular educaiton) that had trouble with socialized, family issues, ADHD, etc. They had 'play goups' , lunch chats, and play acted social scenarios (how to ask to play with someone, what to do if someone asks you for help, how to invite someone to play, etc) and that really helped some of the Asperger/ADHD and other socially unsure kids make new friends.

Talk to the teacher/principal and see what the school has to offer.

 

Berkley has been like that before. It's never been so bad I worried abut her, but in K and evenlast year in 1st I remember her being sad soemtimes.
Adults always coment on how friendly she is to them too.

What I've done is have playdates w/ different children, this had made a HUGE difference.

If they play after school sometimes, they get to know each other better and tend to find one another on the playground.

Also, talk to teh counselor, she/he may have a system in place for kids like this.

Oddly enough Berkley's issue was confidence, but aside form a few instances she was very outgoing. Her counselor has a "lunch bunch" weekly for a small group of kids and Berkley was the groups' mentor. The other 5 girls were having different social issues like being away from Mom and being sad, being too shy or not assertive enough, etc. . .

It's worth talking to the counselor about, also, usually they'll agree to go outside and just sort of observe to see if there's any red flags.

 

Definitely talk to the teacher. Let her have a friend over your house,too. Maybe being in her own environment will help. Good luck!