So the boys are 6 <gulp> and going into 1st grade. They are in separate classrooms so only see each other at lunch and recess and an occasional "visit" to one anothers classroom. But neither of them have any friends. They have class mates .. but that's about it. I've seen and heard other kids trying to reach out and be friends, but the boys just have no interest and will turn down offers to play. It's kind of embarrassing too, like at the playground when other kids come over and say "hi, wanna play with me ?" and my boys will just walk away or will sometimes mumble "no". I feel bad for the kid .. and get "looks" from the parents. I know they're both shy .. if that's really what it is .. just being shy. But I'm worried they will come off as being snooty or bratty. I can sort of understand when I try to introduce them to a grown-up .. I was terrified of grown-ups when I was a kid. But I LOVED playing with other kids ! I don't want them being rude or seem like they are. They can be really pleasant once they get to know someone. I wonder how I can help them .. or if I can. I've apologized to a few parents and their reply is usually "well they're twins, and they don't need to play with anyone else .. they have each other" but I don't want "because they're twins" to be an excuse. It seems like I use that one enough ! Any thoughts or experience ?
That is so tough!! I don't know that I have many good suggestions as mine are just 5. But is there a friend that you can think of that they might have fun with if you invited one each to your house? Or took one out and left the other with a friend at the house...kinda forced them into the situation to see that they might enjoy it? I haven't dealt with shy kids just yet but I would love to see how others have handled it in case it should happen when mine go into real school this year!
I suppose I could ask the teachers to keep an eye and see if they form any bonds with a particular student and see if we can get a play date. Other than that the only kid they play with is my friends 8 yr old but they've know him since they were babies. I really want them to meet some new kids. I'm also thinking about gymnastics .. they like that sort of stuff and they would meet new kids there.
Mine aren't very good at the socializing yet, either. I was horrible at it as a child. Even still it's difficult at time as a grown-up. Kids they've known for several years, they do well with. But at playdates, I've noticed they either get bossed to death by the other kid, or get super-silly and the other kid looks at them like their crazy and we don't see them again. Both me and dh are pretty reserved people. They come by some of this honestly. But they are smart and healthy and do fine otherwise. I figure it's a skill that will come with practice. So we keep practicing. Marissa
Mine are 6 and going into first grade too. We also have socialization issues. My DS can be very shy and timid in newer situations. It took him awhile in K to start to play with kids on the playground before school. And when we're at playgrounds or at the Y, boys will come up to him and he does what your boys do. He either turns away or says "no thanks" quietly. Once he knows kids, he can be very social. I had planned on trying to have some boys here for a play date, but the summer just got so crazy. My DD is different. She will talk to or approach pretty much anyone, but her social skills are not quite there and she isn't always reading social cues. She'll sometimes follow other girls around even if they don't want her to. She needs some playdates, too. But it's been tough to find the time. I'm going to try harder this year to have occassional play dates. To make it more complicated, DD and DS don't play great together all the time. They just have very different interests.
I have one of each. One that is a little shy with kids (although he will talk an adults ear off lol) and one that can get to a park and have a gaggle of friends. So, I was worried when they started K together because the more social one did not want to "have" to play with his brother. The best thing that happened for them, him really is that his brother was sick within the first couple of weeks and he had to go to school by himself. This helped him come out of his shell. Honestly this is part of who he is. He has a few kids he really likes, and he seems ok with that. I think talking to them about including other kids to play with them will help. Talk to them about how they meet other people. I think that once they get into school, by themselves, they will have to find new friends. They will not longer have the excuse of "twins" in their class.
