Soccer/sports question for boys/mean kids

I started my boys in a developmental soccer league-it is from 6:30-8 Pm one night a week. My boys are just turning 5 and it is a 5,6 year old group. That does mean that some kids are well on their way to being 7 actually. My boys are tiny-honestly they look more like 3 1/2 year olds and they are pretty shy at new things and they are not aggressive at all. The reason I signed them up for soccer is because I want to try to build up their confidence but sometimes I wonder. Soccer is huge where I live and I do not want them to feel left out or behind when they start Kindergarden next year but sometimes I wonder if I am over sheduling them. I work full time so they are in all day preschool with after school care from 7:30 to about 5 every day.

So here is the deal. One boy obviously older got right into my one son's face and screamed at him for nothing (they were waiting their turn) and then he pushed him out of the way. I have worked so hard to raise polite and caring boys but I feel he should stand up for himself and tell the other kid to knock it off. My son started crying so I had to go over and intervene and tell him to ignore the kid and get back in line. Later in the practice a kid smacked my other son in the eye and then he started crying and then he lost his turn. I want this to be a good positive and fun experience and getting yelled out by some bratty kid and hit in the eye does not seem like fun to me.

I am kind of confused-is this too early for soccer? And how do you teach boys to get in there and go for the ball and ignore the bullies. I started sports much later in life-2nd grade and I know they are tired from being in school all day. There were some nice kids there-but my boys were the only ones crying-they are so sensitive. They were having fun at other parts of the practice.

I was a real scrappy kid-I never started any kind of fight and I had full respect for coaches, teachers parents, etc-but if someone pushed me I would stand up for myself.

Any thoughts? I do not want my boys to be intimidated so easily but as a mom I kind of cringe and want them to work this out on their own instead of crying or whining to me about it.

Thanks for reading this. I do not want to lose my sweet boys and I just have such a hard time with bullies and bratty obnoxious boys at this age.

 

I really don't have any answers for you, but I SO know where you are coming from. My 6yo son does not have an agressive or competitive bone in his body and we're going through almost the exact same thing. My son asked to do soccer b/c he just wants to go out and play with the other boys, but really could care less if he wins. Well, the other kids want to win and get really nasty and cruel if you're not "good." My son just doesn't have it in him to be mean or retaliate or stand up for himself, so we've been trying really hard to teach him b/c we don't want him to become the kid everyone picks on b/c they are too sensitive.

Anyway, :hug99: I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but I understand.

 

Personally, I would pull them out--that is a really late time, and after being in preschool/daycare all day, they must be exhausted. My boys are in rec soccer right now, and Marc played one session with USA soccer, and this is Jon's first time playing. In the 4 practices they have been to, there has been a ton of improvement, and I don't think your boys will be behind if they wait until next year to begin.

 

Maybe this will make you laugh but last night after soccer we had a mini practice in their room about putting their arms out at the side and holding the other kids off the ball-I made it kind of fun and joking but I was trying to show them how to place their whole body inbetween the ball and the other kids and stand their ground. This sucks because I have never played soccer so it is hard to help them.

The other funny thing I did (not very proud of) was when we were leaving soccer my one son was asking me why that boy was mean to him and screaming at him-I had been working all day-rushed to pick them up from school-ate in the car, had traffic for an hour to get there-so you know what I said? Let me warn you this just slipped and normally I would never do this.

I said that kid is mean and was screaming at you because he was a %^&^%*& brat. It just slipped-thank goodness nobody heard except my two boys-and I apologized for the curse word-but it just took everything in my power to not pick that boy up by the shirt collar and walk him over to his oblivious parents who think this behavior is acceptable -this kid was probably a year and a half older and about a foot taller.

Like I said before-I am so proud of my boys-they are little gentlemen but when it comes to sports they need to be more aggressive and hold their ground.

 

My oldest son Jackson is a very sweet, sensitive boy, so I know where you're coming from.

I think at 5, they're a little young yet to understand how to stand up to someone who is yelling at them or pushing them, especially if they tend to be emotional or sensitive. If I were you, I would definitely talk to the coach about it. Jackson has played baseball since shortly after he turned 6. We've been blessed to have coaches who really emphasize being a team and encouraging each other, and your coaches should be doing that, too. At that age, I think the teamwork aspect is the most important thing they should be learning.

There have been the occasional problems with boys criticizing something Jackson did or teasing him in some way, but thankfully he has learned to just let it roll off his back. I've told him it's OK to tell them to knock it off, and he's done that. The good thing is, with boys, they can be rude to each other one day and best friends the next, so we haven't had any long-term problems.

Good luck!

 

If your son's are timid, soccer may not be a good sport for them. They really have to have an aggressive personality to go after the ball. If this was their first practice you might let them try it for a couple more weeks, but I wouldn't force the issue if they are going to continue to be sensitive. T-ball might be a better option come spring season. There isn't any real contact in the sport and is really an individual sport (one person hitting at a time, one person covering an area of the field) played as a team. I would take the winter and practice throwing and catching the ball (at least get throwing down) and maybe hitting off a tee.

 

My boys did T-Ball at age 5, last spring, and are starting soccer in a couple weeks. You might wait until next year, they won't be too far behind or anything by then. And they might be better at dealing with the aggression/brattiness by then.

My boys have spent a lot of time at the park where they've had lots of interaction with mean older kids. And we've had lots and lots of conversations about why the other kids are mean, etc. I've always told them that they are mean (or hit them, whatever) because they obviously didn't learn good manners. I ask how it made them feel, and did they think it was nice to make someone else feel that way? Stuff like that, just to get them thinking about how their behavior affects other people.

The other thing I've encouraged them to do is to tell the kid how their behavior makes them feel. "Don't hit them back, just turn and tell them how it makes you feel." This has been surprisingly effective. Most kids are so surprised to have a little kid saying, "You hurt my feelings!" or "You made me really sad!" that they usually apologize. And it lets my boys get over their hurt much faster than me just comforting them. Even if they don't get an apology, it seems to make my kids feel better just to have done something rather than nothing.

In any case, just talking with your kids about how they feel about what happened, ways to deal with it, etc. are good conversations. I think some of the best/most important that I've had with my kids.

 

QUOTE(twoboyz @ Sep 13 2007, 09:29 PM) [snapback]407114[/snapback]
I started my boys in a developmental soccer league-it is from 6:30-8 Pm one night a week. My boys are just turning 5 and it is a 5,6 year old group. That does mean that some kids are well on their way to being 7 actually. My boys are tiny-honestly they look more like 3 1/2 year olds and they are pretty shy at new things and they are not aggressive at all. The reason I signed them up for soccer is because I want to try to build up their confidence but sometimes I wonder. Soccer is huge where I live and I do not want them to feel left out or behind when they start Kindergarden next year but sometimes I wonder if I am over sheduling them. I work full time so they are in all day preschool with after school care from 7:30 to about 5 every day.



Let me tell you my approach with my kids activities. It has nothing to do with being left out or behind or something being popular. It's all about whether they want to do it or not. Our boys said they wanted to play soccer right before turning 5 so we signed them up. They stopped showing interest in it fairly quickly (it certainly wasn't as intensive as what you're describing) and for the next couple of seasons they told us they don't want to do it, so we didn't sign them up.

Same thing for karate, t-ball and now Cub Scouts. If there is no interest, they don't get signed up. If it fits schedules and there is interest, we'll try to accommodate the request. Usually we ask several times over a couple of week period as the answers can vary day-by-day and boy to boy.

I didn't see in your post any indication of whether your boys seem to like soccer. That would be the number one question I would have before deciding about the other bullying factors.

 

Maybe you could try getting them in something through the YMCA or parks and rec? My kids have all started out at the Y with their team sports(soccer, t-ball) and they teach respect for their fellow teammates, as well as learning to play the actual game. I have had nothing but good experiences with them, and my kids started at age 3. It was usually a Saturday activity, which might be good for them(and you!) also. My older two are now in more competitive leagues, but we generally don't see that type of behavior out of the kids, and if it does happen, it is quickly stopped by the coaches.

I hope you find something that "fits" with their personalities! I think sports are great for kids!
QUOTE
It's all about whether they want to do it or not.


Completely agree!! We have tried a bunch of different sports, and now at 9 and 10, they definitely have found their niche!

 

Thanks for all the help-I greatly appreciate it since I have no real clue what I am doing since these are my first kids and I am just not used to the "boy's world" yet.

My boys have shown a strong interest in soccer. Personally I like it because it is a true team sport and it is something that requires very little equipment to practice-just the backyard and a soccer ball.
I had them in a developmental league this summer and it was horrible. By horrible I mean there was one good kid on the team that hogged the ball the entire time and even took it away from his own teamates-the coach was one of the kids mom and not to complain because I did not volunteer-but she really did not get involved in a coach type of way. The team would practice for about 10 minutes and then play games for the rest of the time-and some of the older kids would keep score-at one point the boys team had scored 15 goals and you could tell the other team was just humiliated so I asked the coach if the team could just work on some skills like passing and try to let the other kids on our team have a turn-and she said it was not her problem that our team was so much better.

I thought this would be more stuctured but what I found out was there are about 60 kids in this program and the coaches are probably all of 18 years old. I have already paid for it (X2) but I may decide to start leaving a bit early if I feel we are all tired. Certainly if it just gets worse then we will quit because the whole point is to have fun.

Another point is that there were at least 3 other boys that were very well behaved (met the parents, etc) it was just one bratty/bullyish kid that I noticed (I really should not blame the kids-the parents are really at fault) but one mean kid should not ruin the experience for everyone.

It just amazes me at how psychotic some of the parents are at such an early age and how competitive they are-come on these are 5 and 6 year olds. I am not looking at porfessional soccer aspirations here (great if they were super great at something-but highly unlikely)-what I am looking for is great excercise, learning to play on a team, and as boys buring off the much needed energy and staying busy and out of trouble.

I think it may just be a matter of trying different sports and see what they really like-I like the one suggestion of trying T-ball and trying out different sports.

Any other ideas or thoughts on aggressive boys or sensitive boys (is this something they eventually outgrow-the crying and whining) would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading this!

 

My oldest son was extremely shy. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He started soccer at age 5. Fortunately he had a coach who knew a little about soccer and paid attention. The coaches son was probably the biggest bully, but the coach kept a handle on things. Then, he wouldn't even attempt to play. He ran up and down the side of the field. DS is now ten and loves it!! He didnt start getting aggressive until last year. But he is doing really great now! Just letting you know that things can turn around. If they are saying they like it, I would let them stick with it. My DS always said how much he liked it, even when he was getting picked on. Now we can't keep him off the field.