so what do "good parents" do?

So we went to Costco today to get just a few things and the boys decided to start squealing at the top of their lungs. I could NOT get them to be quiet, they lost the item I had bribed them with "to be good" and I feel terribly guilty about this, but I squeezed their little cheeks and kept telling them over and over that we need to use our inside voices. But they just thought it was hilarious and kept going on. Joel would even tell me that "Mommy doesn't like it!" :gah: So seriously, what's the "right" answer in this situation? I feel so clueless, helpless, embarrassed, frustrated.... you get the picture.

 

Pretend no one else is paying attention.

Seriously, in that situation, first I would evaluate a) how annoying or inappropriate the noise actually is, and b) how much I needed to get the Costco shopping done. Sure, squealing is annoying, but unless it's truly ear-piercing (or they are saying rude things about other people), I would tend to ignore it and just get on with the shopping. The less you seem to care, the less fun it is for the kids.

If you decide you have to get them to stop, think of something they would hate to lose and make it clear that that WILL happen. If the loss of the bribe you had promised isn't enough, take away something they already have. Just know that this will be ugly, and you will have to either finish your shopping with screaming kids (which defeats the purpose in the short term but may make things easier next time), or leave the store before you planned to.

Making good on a threat to actually leave the store can be surprisingly effective, if you can go back and do the shopping some other time. Of course it doesn't work if they don't like being at Costco in the first place (mine love it).

And if you absolutely MUST get the shopping done no matter what, just pretend they are someone else's kids and you have no idea what they're doing in your cart. Who cares what some random person at Costco thinks? (Easier said than done, I know -- and I am a hyper-self-conscious person -- but sometimes it's easier if someone else tells you to do it!)

:hug: Sorry you had a trying Costco experience.

 

The exact same thing happened to me today while waiting at the base pharmacy. Jake could seriously break glass with his shattering scream and he kept doing it even after I asked, even after I squeezed his cheeks so I took him out of the stroller and put him in time out. We've been doing time outs at home so it worked really well. That was the end of it. I hate putting them on a dirty floor, but since it worked, I'm tempted to try it again next time it happens.

 

I don't know what a 'good parent' does, but I just ignore it. My girls love BJs and sometimes get VERY excited and squealy about being there. Thankfully BJs isn't a library-setting, so who cares if they are squealing. Like Alden said, the less attention they get for it, the less fun it might be for them. Unless your kids are like mine and just love hearing their squeals echoing with the background noise in BJs.

 

Agree with pps - I'd just ignore the squealing, since it sounds like your kids were totally doing it for the attention. I don't like getting dirty looks from people either, but I'm trying to just grow a very thick skin. If anyone staring at you is thinking nasty things, well, they're not the ones trying to get the errands done with two 2.5 yr olds.

I think taking away the bribe for being good was totally appropriate. Ditto Minette about figuring out something very important to them, warning that you'll take it away if they do x, and then following through. And it should be something immediate, not "if you ____, then we won't go to the park after naptime."

Also, make sure that you are very, very specific about what you want from them. At this age, they can't really understand "be good" or "behave yourself." Try to frame it as "You are not allowed to scream or use a very loud voice when we're at the store. If you do, I will [insert consequence here]." And try to pare it down to just a couple really important things for now so you don't get totally overloaded with behaviors to discipline for.

There is a lot of frustration at this age! And lots of second-guessing yourself. Don't worry, you ARE a good parent. The "right" answer is whatever works for your kids, and YOU are the world's best judge of that. :good:

 

Ditto this!

 

Food will keep them quiet. :tomato: Yes, I know, we've had the snacks-while-shopping thing, but seriously, sometimes I get the popcorn or a pretzel and that will keep them fairly quiet in BJ's. Ditto the threat to leave and following up. They LOVE going to BJ's, so if we threatened to leave, and I made good on it (haven't had to, the threat is usually enough), I'm sure they would be pretty well-behaved the next time.

Also a ditto on be specific with the behavior. Keep your hands inside the car (this is the only place around that has car carts, big treat), no touching each other, no yelling.

 

I also pretend no one else is paying attention! The more you stress the funnier it becomes. I also feed mine through the store- if the store has a snack bar I will, like Kelly, grab a pretzel or popcorn. I have also been known to just open a bag of animal cookies or goldfish in the store.

 

:shok: :woah: :faint: You actually open something before you've paid for it?? That's almost as bad as popping off a couple grapes for them while you shop. :catfight:

opcorn:

 

Sometimes I start singing or talking in a quiet voice, grabs their attention every time. :good:

 

Me too! Feeding them gives them something to do. Most of the time when mine are eating they are quiet.

 

Atthat age. food works great. Also, it depends on if it is screaming or squealing. One day i wa shopping w/them and they were top of their lungs singing jungle bells. Now I think they were about that age and honestly it was pretty cute. I was at first mortified. Then I stopped and thought, they were honestly having fun, actually behaving (in their own way) not grabbing things, not tormenting each other adn it could have been worse they could have been screaming. So I went with it. A few people seemed irritated, many laughed and honeslty they have no more "right" to be there than we do. Now, if they were screaming, we have a talk and/or we leave. this is a fun age, enjoy them. Before you know it they will be in school.

 

If none of the above works, sometimes I'm able to divert the squealing attacks by telling a story. I ask my girls in a really excited voice if they know what Uncle Chris (my brother, and one of their favorite people) did when he was a kid in Costco. They'll usually clam up so they can hear my made up story.

 

That is the MO I often use...usually if DH is shopping with me (it makes it easier to pretend I don't know any of them). Plus, I like to see DH sweat. He needs to know how I feel doing it alone!

 

I second the food idea. I always take bags of treats to the store so they will keep quiet while I shop. Also, at their age, it's almost impossible to sit through a boring shopping trip for more than 10-15 minutes. If I absolutely needed to buy something that day, I went in and out of the store quickly while the kids munched on their snacks. For longer shopping trips that was going to take 30 minutes or longer, I waited until the weekend when I could leave the kids with my DH and shopped alone. ( I also shopped alot on the internet, including groceries, after the kids were down for the night.)

Another thing I did was to stroll around the shopping center just before nap time. Then when they fell asleep in the stroller, I could take my time shopping while the kids napped in the stroller.

 

Every parent has times when their kids refuse to act like we want them to. My DH and I have really struggled with the girls in the last month...they've grown horns all of the sudden and completely lost their minds when we go out...I don't what happened they were so well-behaved but not anymore. I have started telling them what is expected before we get out of the van and the consequences for not doing it..then I will give them a reminder when we get in the store. It usually involves taking a favorite toy for the remainder of the day. It's starting to work for us now that I've actually had to take toys as punishment. I also just ignore, ignore, ignore and get through with as much of my sanity in tact as I can.

 

that's good Alden! Thanks for the suggestions... I think I mostly need grow that thicker skin and quit letting them get to me! :tease:

 

OK, someone has to take the bait! :laughing:
FWIW, I see those as different things. A packaged item costs the same whether it's open or not. I haven't done that very often, but I would in an emergency. (In fact, once when I was pregnant I snarfed an entire Reese's in the checkout line and just gave the cashier the wrapper to scan. She didn't bat an eye. :ibiggrin: )

But I wouldn't feed them something that's paid for by weight until after it was paid for.

 

I've opened a drink (bottled water, coke) before, taken a gulp and then given it half-full to the cashier to scan too! You do what you gotta do. I always bring their snacks and books for quick grocery trips. I hate taking them to Costco for exactly the reason you described and try to do it without them. I had a full-on screaming fit on my hands at the library yesterday - C. was rolling around on the floor screaming because she wanted to play on the kid computers after I said it was time to go. I was mortified. But I picked her up and carried her out, kicking and screaming (luckily the other twin followed along obediently) strapped her in the stroller - time out! and told both of them that we were going home, not out to lunch, because they were being naughty. I don't know that this will prevent future outbursts, but at least I didn't reward bad behavior! It is so hard - I am also very self-conscious, and this was the first public screaming fit I've had to endure, usually she saves it for at home. I think she may have been testing me - they are doing that a lot these days, and unfortunately, it often ends with me losing my temper and screaming right back, which gives them a certain amount of satisfaction. I think ignoring and downplaying and firm consequences without visible anger on your part is the way to go - I wish I could do that myself all the time!