SO tired of the "my kid can" competition

And I thought mommy competitions were absurd. DH came home from work on Friday with stories of what someone at work said their nephew can do (and the kid is the same age as our boys within a week...) SO, he now thinks our boys are behind and it's all my fault because I should be sitting them down for an hour a day and having an organized teaching session rather than the current informal teaching them a little of this and that as opportunities arise during the day. He claims this other child can spell 3-letter words, read site words, recognize the entire alphabet in random order, and is beginning to read phonetically. The child also knows the numbers 1-12 and is learning to tell time.

I told him that the child is either exceptionally advanced or the proud auntie is exaggerating but he still insisted upon marching the boys over to the oven's digital clock and having them repeat after him the time on the clock for 3 minutes.

T&T recognize some numbers and letters but not all. They are not yet reading or telling time. Everything I read says they're on track or ahead, though, so I'm not worried but how do I convince DH?

 

By third grade all children are at pretty much the same level. Some kids come into K knowing how to read, and others don't even know their letters. But by third grade everyone does these things. If a child is interested in doing all of that early, well that's great. If a child is not, why push it? My first was one of those teach-me-now types, and he knew all kinds of stuff when he started school. My second knew the first letter of his name. Now they are in high school, and DS2 is an A student, but DS1 is not. Knowing the alphabet before 3 is not a solid indication of future academic genius. I'm more laid back about teaching them in appropriate moments, because I want them to love learning, not feel drilled. Some kids love to learn letters and numbers, and some kids would rather be studying bugs. Everyone is different.

 

Oh jeez, sorry your DH is doing that to you Yeah, either his co-worker is exaggerating (my guess) or he's very advanced. Is there any way your DH could tag along to a playgroup, so he can observe average children? Or have him log on to TS and read 1-4. I know you know you're kids are perfectly normal.

 

Well, Andrew is composing symphonies and Ivy is solving problems in quantum physics, and they're only...um, whatever my ticker says! :rotflmbo:

Sheesh. All that competition is just ridiculous. I have no idea what's normal for what age, but I'll take rubyturquoise's word - she always knows what she's talking about! I'm sure your boys are just fine. Sounds like they are too busy with empirical learning (ie, cayenne in butt crack) for all that letter and number stuff right now.

 

QUOTE(debid @ Aug 10 2008, 05:20 PM) [snapback]923242[/snapback]
And I thought mommy competitions were absurd. DH came home from work on Friday with stories of what someone at work said their nephew can do (and the kid is the same age as our boys within a week...) SO, he now thinks our boys are behind and it's all my fault because I should be sitting them down for an hour a day and having an organized teaching session rather than the current informal teaching them a little of this and that as opportunities arise during the day. He claims this other child can spell 3-letter words, read site words, recognize the entire alphabet in random order, and is beginning to read phonetically. The child also knows the numbers 1-12 and is learning to tell time.

I told him that the child is either exceptionally advanced or the proud auntie is exaggerating but he still insisted upon marching the boys over to the oven's digital clock and having them repeat after him the time on the clock for 3 minutes.

T&T recognize some numbers and letters but not all. They are not yet reading or telling time. Everything I read says they're on track or ahead, though, so I'm not worried but how do I convince DH?


I'm sorry but I had to chuckle at your DH or should I just say H with the digital clock. Of course they are not reading yet or telling the time, they are two years old. It sounds like they are on track for their age. DH needs to chill out oh my.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Aug 10 2008, 09:54 PM) [snapback]923262[/snapback]
By third grade all children are at pretty much the same level. Some kids come into K knowing how to read, and others don't even know their letters. But by third grade everyone does these things. If a child is interested in doing all of that early, well that's great. If a child is not, why push it? My first was one of those teach-me-now types, and he knew all kinds of stuff when he started school. My second knew the first letter of his name. Now they are in high school, and DS2 is an A student, but DS1 is not. Knowing the alphabet before 3 is not a solid indication of future academic genius. I'm more laid back about teaching them in appropriate moments, because I want them to love learning, not feel drilled. Some kids love to learn letters and numbers, and some kids would rather be studying bugs. Everyone is different.



Not ALL 3rd graders (I am a teacher) can read or do these things.

However, your children are fine like mentioned above! Every child seriously is different and I cannot stand that sort of stuff either. But then again, Jake can ride a unicycle while reciting sonnets and Peyton can run a mile backwards and then sit down and ace a Pre Algebra exam!

 

At the risk of sounding rude, I don't particularly care what OTHER kids can or can't do. I just care that my kids are happy and learning at a rate they they are comfortable with. Does that make me sound horrible?

 

Sheesh!! THey are not quite 3 yet! I think they are perfectly normal. If it helps, my DD1 (who is a genius BTW :winking0009: ) wasn't doing those things at their age either. I think putting pressure on them is damaging. You don't want to give them performance anxiety or turn them off to learning. I think doing it in a fun, relaxed way is best for toddlers.

 

well if Im reading this write then my 2yr old is far behind... she cant read, tell time ya right and really only knows how to count to three and some color recognition but she sure knows her animal sounds LOL.... I say tell DH to pay for the nice private advanced school that child is in and they will be just as smart... no really come on my twins are 4 and cant read.....o and one more thing she isnt potty trained yet either but sure knows how to go get her diaper and wipes for me

 

Dealing with a child with learning disabilities and special needs can often times be EQUALLY as challenging as dealing with a child with gifted tendencies. I think your DH needs to count his lucky stars that his kids are normal! :blbl:

 

Well my kids can make TOOTING NOISES WITH THEIR MOUTHS!! Can yours?! Come on! Catch up!! Oh, and they can screech at decibels that only animals can hear!! So, can your kids do THAT?! HUH? HUH? Can they?! :blbl:

 

I think you should smile and nod when he feels the urge to turn his kids into geniuses. He can spend his free time beating his head against a wall and you can smirk to yourself.

And all y'all have something wrong with your kids. James has graduated from college already with a masters in accounting and Sean is a partner in a law firm. Come on folks, keep up!

 

I have to say that I get tired of the competition that creeps up on this very board. I skip the "Is my child advanced" posts. We have speech issues (boys+twins+bilingual environment) and I am tired of feeling like a parenting failure when I read the "She only has 20 words at 12 months. Is she ok?" posts.

Sorry, sad rant over. :blush:

 

QUOTE(Mellizos @ Aug 11 2008, 12:07 PM) [snapback]923839[/snapback]
I have to say that I get tired of the competition that creeps up on this very board. I skip the "Is my child advanced" posts. We have speech issues (boys+twins+bilingual environment) and I am tired of feeling like a parenting failure when I read the "She only has 20 words at 12 months. Is she ok?" posts.

Sorry, sad rant over. :blush:



We have speech delays here, too. Don't feel like a failure. I've had to get over that myself. They are just developing at their own pace. I don't think that either one of us are going to have mute children in a year.

 

Thanks, everyone. I knew I could find some voices of reason here.

I know they're doing fine. I have some pre-K workbooks in the closet that were given to us unused by another parent (her children turned out fine without them) so I think I'll get those out just to amuse DH.

I have a feeling this is mostly about what year they'll start school. Their birthday is 9/16 and the cutoff date here is 9/30. DH wants to do whatever is necessary to start them at 4. I've told him that just because I did it doesn't mean they should; it's their readiness that counts here. And yes, I was a gifted child so I do have some concept of how difficult they can be and that it is not something that is taught with flashcards and repetition.

 

QUOTE(Mellizos @ Aug 11 2008, 08:07 AM) [snapback]923839[/snapback]
I have to say that I get tired of the competition that creeps up on this very board. I skip the "Is my child advanced" posts. We have speech issues (boys+twins+bilingual environment) and I am tired of feeling like a parenting failure when I read the "She only has 20 words at 12 months. Is she ok?" posts.

Sorry, sad rant over. :blush:

You know what? Me too. I've read "Worried about DD!" and I expect something major, but then it's that she's ONLY saying three words at 10 months, or not walking yet, and the poster is all "where did I go wrong?" Sometimes these posts make me feel like a failure too as I have a child with a gross motor delay who didn't walk until nearly 19 months, didn't even crawl or pull up until around 14 months. I remember when they were 18 months old and they only said a couple words, someone said to me "Have you had their hearing checked? Do you know what's wrong with them?" Uh, nothing's wrong with them! Even though Ainsley is a little delayed in speech, she doesn't qualify for services. So if they aren't worried, I'm not worried.

 

I've just decided to let DH try to teach them that stuff if he really wants to. I refuse to stress about it, but I've stopped trying to convince him that 2-year-olds don't need to learn to read. He enjoys teaching them and they seem to enjoy learning (or at least they like having time with Daddy), so what's the harm.... But it would be a different scenario if he were really worried that they were "behind." In our case, it's more just that he wants them to be precocious.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Aug 11 2008, 09:00 AM) [snapback]924280[/snapback]
I've just decided to let DH try to teach them that stuff if he really wants to.


This is my reaction to the situation too. He is making this your problem You really need to get on that . Fact of the matter is that this is his issue.

Whenever DH feels the need to criticize the lack of academic structure, physical/speech delays, etc. in their lives I simply tell him that he's welcome to quit his job to oversee toddler bootcamp. Until then, I'm going to enjoy my time exploring the world and teaching the kids about it while we enjoy the moment instead of getting wrapped up in getting to the next level and turn around when they are 14 and hate us because we were too hyper-focused on winning to stop and smell the roses. (Sorry, not going off on you, but my own DHs tendency toward competitive parenting.)

 

I just realized my DH is the one who wants to do the flashcards and quiz them about their letters and numbers too. He will say things occasionally like "We're letting their numbers slip!" and gets concerned about things like that. He never really says anything about them being behind, but does wonder because they really don't get counting. They can recite 1-15ish, but if you put a number of objects in front of them, and say "how many?" they really can't count. They count one repeatedly, skip some, just don't get the concept. I let DH do the "drilling", it's kind of his thing, but sometimes if he's been at it a while and they are getting bored/frustrated, I signal him that they've had enough.

 

I don't think any of mine actually grasped counting younger than 3, and DS2 is a serious math geek now. He's the one who started K only know the letter "A." I had made him learn colors and shapes, but he didn't know any numbers by sight (he could count small quanitities by age 5), he didn't read, etc. He was never interested in that stuff. Now he's the academic one, but when he was small he wasn't interested. And I didn't push it, and he turned out just fine. He also talked late, only 3 words at 22 months.

 

I would tell you DH to chill out and print out 'develomental milestones' for him

EVERY CHILD develops at a different rate in different areas...

My girls both have gross motor delays (one more so than the other), yet they are academically advanced. One has beautiful speech, the other speaks ok- but doesnt really talk much in public (or to drs , and other people). One DD is a social butterfly and the other could care less about people, but bring on the animals!

Do any of those things predict that they will be super star successful adults- no. Does that make one 'smarter' not really...

SO WHAT- they are what they are and due to different interests they have different skills. Just like adults, they have strecths and weaknesses. Appreciate them both for what they are and let the kids know that they are proud of what they CAN do (letters, physical skilks, memory, helping around the house, etc)- in the long run that is what will make them self- sufficient and well rounded adults.


There are wonderful totally successful adults that were late talkers, late readers, late walkers....and wonderful totally successful adults that were early talkers, early walkers, and early readers. There are gifted kids that have learning disabilites and never learn to read well but manage giant corporations- and there are 'average' IQ kids that grow up to run multi-million dollar companies.

When other people do that try to remember that they may be insecure on what their kids can do and/or are jsut really proud of them. Listen shrug- and then think of all the wonderful things your kids can do.

 

My DH is actually much less the competitive parent, and much less inclined to do any structured teaching - and the reason is that he himself was a 'flashcard kid' who was forced to do structured lessons before school and on summer breaks. The result: He's a highly intelligent college dropout (of no less than three different colleges by the way). He was always ahead in school, got bored, didn't have the motivation to learn for the sake of learning, didn't have direction that he himself initiated but only what was forced on him, etc. etc. etc.

Having seen the 'advanced' side of academics, DH has no interest in pushing that on our boys. He would like them to enjoy their schooling and actually finish college (in other words, he is learning from his parents' mistakes).

ETA: I'm the one who has to stop myself with the competitive and structured learning tendencies. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to articulate DH's excellent reasons for being more laid back - I may even be convincing myself here!

 

QUOTE(BridgePort @ Aug 11 2008, 10:13 AM) [snapback]924491[/snapback]
He was always ahead in school, got bored, didn't have the motivation to learn for the sake of learning, didn't have direction that he himself initiated but only what was forced on him, etc. etc. etc.


Even at two, Nick is sooooo very bored with the academic dog and pony show that he will purposefully tell us the wrong number/letter we ask him to identify (which he totally knows) because it interests him more to prove to us he's not a circus act than to be praised for his intelligence. Kids can demonstrate their savviness in many more ways than academic success. BridgePort makes a great case for taking all the fun out of learning and making it stink.

 

I am not in this age group for another two months but I just wanted to add...I HATE COMPETITION AMONGST CHILDREN! They all learn at their own rates and some of it is no things we can necessarily teach them they just learn it on their own. The only ones that I compare my own kids to is MY own kids. I know that is just as bad but I don't get worried if one gets it and one doesn't. They even being twins learn differently. They eventually catch up and they get excited about it so I just let them develop based on their cues.

I did have a cousin who was very advanced. He read at 3 and spelled words and still till this day is a genius. But that doesn't mean everyone has to be that way.

Tell DH that your kids are happy and are enjoying their childhood!

 

I can't imagine that the girls will be reading in a year. I think people (especially braggy aunties) love to exaggerate their children's accomplishments. Does the kid in question know 100 different ways to undress himself, open up the cabinets, open the fridge, get a container of peppers open, climb the stairs on the outside, and jimmy several different baby gate locks?! I'm guessing not. So your kids are focusing on their analytically, problem-solving skills, while other kids are studying numbers and letters.

Even between my two girls, Ana pretends to read her books (using my inflection which is funny), while Meara practices climbing on different objects around the room. All kids are different!

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Aug 14 2008, 09:06 AM) [snapback]929823[/snapback]
I can't imagine that the girls will be reading in a year. I think people (especially braggy aunties) love to exaggerate their children's accomplishments. Does the kid in question know 100 different ways to undress himself, open up the cabinets, open the fridge, get a container of peppers open, climb the stairs on the outside, and jimmy several different baby gate locks?! I'm guessing not. So your kids are focusing on their analytically, problem-solving skills, while other kids are studying numbers and letters.

Even between my two girls, Ana pretends to read her books (using my inflection which is funny), while Meara practices climbing on different objects around the room. All kids are different!


Wow, you pay attention :laughing: Don't forget that I have to lock up the broom because they use it to get down anything that's on a high shelf or the wall. I took a break from sweeping yesterday and turned around to realize it was gone just as I heard the sound of things crashing to the floor. I know, they're special in their own way.

I just HATE the implication that they aren't doing something because I haven't taken the time to show them. I need to figure out how to tune him out or shut him up, though, because it's getting old fast.

 

QUOTE(debid @ Aug 14 2008, 10:30 AM) [snapback]929862[/snapback]
Wow, you pay attention :laughing: Don't forget that I have to lock up the broom because they use it to get down anything that's on a high shelf or the wall. I took a break from sweeping yesterday and turned around to realize it was gone just as I heard the sound of things crashing to the floor. I know, they're special in their own way.

I just HATE the implication that they aren't doing something because I haven't taken the time to show them. I need to figure out how to tune him out or shut him up, though, because it's getting old fast.


I do pay attention because one of my girls is a total monkey. I read your posts with both fascination and trepidation because I think she might just try some of those antics.

In all seriousness, can you talk to your DH about how these statements affect you? Maybe he doesn't even realize that you're interpretation is that he is "blaming" you for the fact they aren't translating Homer's Odyssey yet.