So the trial run did not go so well last night...

Ok, so I'm going out of town next week for a work conference. I'm really wishing at this point that I was not going. I'm very concerned about whether DH will be able to handle it all next week. I had an appointment last night, so I thought it would be the perfect time for us to do a "trial run".

Here are the challenging parts. DH does not get off work until 5 pm. (I get off at 4). So at 5 he has to leave his office in downtown (not sure what floor he's on, but its up quite aways), walk to the parking lot (which is not close), drive to get the girls, and then drive to get DS. DS must be picked up before 6pm, and this is close to impossible for DH. Last night he left right at 5, got the girls picked up, and got to get DS right at 6. Usually the kids play outside, and we just sign him out right next to the playground, which is right next to the parking lot, so no need to unload the twins. Well last night, since DS was the last kid, and it was close to 6 they went inside, so DH had to unload the girls to go in and get DS. He was not pleased about this. (He said he wouldn't have cared if it was raining or something, but it was beautiful out). Then when he got back to the car he told DS to hold one of the girls hands while he buckled the other one in. Well by the time he got the one buckled in, he turned around DS and other DD were all the way at the other end of the school. He had to go chasing after them because DD would not follow DS. He finally got them all loaded up and home. Went to find dinner and claims he could not find anything. (There was already cooked spaghetti and meatballs in the refrigerator, frozen chicken nuggets in the freezer, boxed macaroni and cheese, he could have made grilled cheese sandwiches or even pbj sandwiches) No, instead he fed the kids cookies for dinner!!!!! Then he got them down, went to the bedroom to change into his workout clothes so he could go to the gym when I got home, he heard crying and went to find all the kids in the dining room crying, with no explanation from DS what had happened. DD1 was crying so hard she threw up all over herself, DH, DS and the couch. (I actually blame that on the fact that he fed her cookies, but I wasn't about to say anything at this point). So then he has to give them baths. By the time I got home he was putting the last one in her pajamas and DH was not a happy camper at all.

So, what can I do to make this easier on DH for next week? I was already planning on having all the laundry done, and I was going to make sure the house was stocked with diapers, wipes, and lots of convenience foods, but what else can I do so that DH doesn't have a panic attack while I'm gone. I don't really want to micromanage him, but at this point I think I'm going to need to. I think somehow I'm going to need to label what clothes the kids should wear every day, what pjs they should wear at night, what to feed them everyday, and have it all made up and in the refrigerator and labeled, otherwise they'll end up eating cookies all week long, and probably live in one pair of pj's the entire week.

Any ideas? How can I set the clothes out for the entire week so that he doesn't have to make decisions? Is there anything else I can do to make this easier on him? I asked him last night if he wanted me to get him help, because in all honesty I could probably have someone here to help him everynight, and he said no way, he did not want anyone else over at our house.

I'm so stressed right now, and I really just want to be able to go to this conference and relax a little bit. If you have managed to read all this thank you, and I appreciate any advice or ideas you might have to make this week easier for DH.

 

When I went away on business a couple of weeks ago I left clothes for each day in their closet. I put an entire outfit together (including socks) and then wrapped it together with a sweater or sweatshirt. Each girl got a different shelf in the closet and I put a name tag on the shelf since Ana is in a bigger size than Meara.

I also made a master schedule for DH (at his request), including when things happened and tips. I also listed things to serve for meals. I could have made the dinners and put them in the fridge, but he is more than capable of cooking. What he didn't realize was how long it takes to cook dinner! Dinner that first night was very late and by the time I called to check on them Meara was crying because she was so tired. The girls also helped a bit and reminded him when he forgot to do stuff. "Daddy I need cream after bath!" (I lotion them up before PJs).

Is there anyway your DH can take some time off while you are away so he can leave work earlier and not have to scramble to get your DS in time?

By the end of the week I'm sure he'll be a pro, but he'll be happy to have you home!

 

I just want to say that he will be fine. He sounds like an absolutely capable person and honestly, I'm not sure if you're giving him enough credit. I'm not trying to be mean or rude by the way. He'll get into the swing of things his way and everyone will survive, albeit a little messier than usual.

Eating cookies for dinner and pjs for a week straight is really no big deal in the grand scheme of things. I do think that if you have food prepared for the week, that would make things easier.

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ May 6 2009, 10:09 AM) [snapback]1302926[/snapback]
When I went away on business a couple of weeks ago I left clothes for each day in their closet. I put an entire outfit together (including socks) and then wrapped it together with a sweater or sweatshirt. Each girl got a different shelf in the closet and I put a name tag on the shelf since Ana is in a bigger size than Meara. I want to try and do something like this, I'm just not sure how I'm going to do it yet.

I also made a master schedule for DH (at his request), including when things happened and tips. I also listed things to serve for meals. I could have made the dinners and put them in the fridge, but he is more than capable of cooking. What he didn't realize was how long it takes to cook dinner! Dinner that first night was very late and by the time I called to check on them Meara was crying because she was so tired. The girls also helped a bit and reminded him when he forgot to do stuff. "Daddy I need cream after bath!" (I lotion them up before PJs). Hopefully DS is more helpful next week than he was last night. I'm going to try and give him some pointers for next week at all. The girls have very little communication skills, so the only thing they do to help really is lift their foot up when they need their shoes on, or feed themselves when they aren't throwing all the food on the floor.

Is there anyway your DH can take some time off while you are away so he can leave work earlier and not have to scramble to get your DS in time? He says he's going to ask to leave 10 minutes early every day next week, but he's not happy about asking for that time off.

 

QUOTE(becasquared @ May 6 2009, 10:11 AM) [snapback]1302931[/snapback]
I just want to say that he will be fine. He sounds like an absolutely capable person and honestly, I'm not sure if you're giving him enough credit. I'm not trying to be mean or rude by the way. He'll get into the swing of things his way and everyone will survive, albeit a little messier than usual. Oh, I don't think you are mean or rude at all. I know he'll be fine, it's just after last night he was not pleased with the way the evening went, so I dont' want him to be mad the whole week I'm gone, I really just want him to be able to enjoy spending more time with the kids than he usually does, so I want to try and make it easier on him.


Eating cookies for dinner and pjs for a week straight is really no big deal in the grand scheme of things. I do think that if you have food prepared for the week, that would make things easier. And I keep telling myself this, that in all honesty I don't care what they wear, or what they eat the week I'm gone, i just think it will put DH at ease if he doesn't have to make those decisions. In fact, I wouldn't mind if someone just told me what to dress my kids in and what to eat for dinner everynight. LOL.

 

He's not happy about asking for time off?

Okay, that's a little immature. Family always comes first. Always Always ALWAYS!!

Gah, that really bugs me.

Okay, for the clothes? Maybe put each days clothes in a grocery sack and hang them on hangers in the closet?

 

I travel for work every few months, and my husband is actually quite capable, but here's what I do to help out since this isn't his normal routine:

1. Plan a menu for every meal and write it on a calendar on the fridge. That way he can just turn to the calendar and know exactly what is for dinner. If he feels like deviating, that's fine. But I at least make suggestions.

2. Stock up on lots of convenience foods. Trader Joe's has wonderful frozen meals that are mostly healthy and heat up in under five minutes. I also make homemade pizza the day before I leave and that's the backup food for any meal where the girls don't want what DH is serving.

3. I don't plan clothes since my DH loves to pick them out. But I like the idea of putting outfits together and setting them on a shelf he can just grab from.

4. No baths, or at least the fewest we can get away with. Normally I bathe the girls every night. But when I'm gone DH will bathe them once every three days. The kids are a little dirtier, but it's just fine.

In your situation, I'd try to get someone else to pick your kids up so that DH isn't rushing around like a madman. Or convince DH to leave work an hour early each day. Good luck... and remember... even if your kids eat a lot of cookies and have clothes that never match, they'll all do fine and will be happy to see you when you get home!

Edited to add: That's silly that your DH doesn't want to ask for time off. His family needs him. His kids need him. This is one of those situations where he has to step up and be there for his family. If leaving work early will help him keep his sanity while you're gone, or will mean that he feeds your kids real food, then he needs to do it. (I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I just hate hearing about fathers who won't take time off or who won't step up to help out their full time working wives)

 

QUOTE(twinmuffin @ May 6 2009, 07:55 AM) [snapback]1302909[/snapback]
So, what can I do to make this easier on DH for next week?

My thought is to grow a thicker skin and let him figure it out himself. The girls won't be permanently harmed and it will give DH a great appreciation for all that you do. I would recommend to back off a bit and let him figure out what works for him. He needs to do it his way, not yours and hopefuly it will be the start to a closer relationship with his children. Do not do a thing for him. By doing that you are giving him the mesage that's it's okay that he's not capable of doing this himself.

 

I would let daycare and after school DCP know exactly what is going on and ask for a little help getting through the week. I did this for my DH sometimes when I knew he was going to have a rough/rushed day. I would call ahead and tell them and he would never know, but he would comment how helpful they were an how much easier they made it.

I used to put outfits under the beds in tote containers. I just folded them together, but you could put rubber bands or string around them to hold the outfit together. Since you can't control the weather, maybe just put them together and let DH determine if they need pants or shorts, sneakers or sandals, etc. As for dinner I would get stuff like: chicken nuggets, pizza, etc that you know they like. Anytime I leave my DH with the kids for long it in inevitable that he will go to McDonald's drive through at least once. Oh well, IMO that is a bit better than cookies.

GL and enjoy your conference and time away. I went somewhere for work back in January and it was nice to escape and SO great to come home!

 

I bought something like this, Much cheaper though to set up their clothes for the week, i dont always get a chance to prepare their clothes, but it makes it easy to have everything divided and at arms reach.

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ May 6 2009, 12:40 PM) [snapback]1302989[/snapback]
My thought is to grow a thicker skin and let him figure it out himself. The girls won't be permanently harmed and it will give DH a great appreciation for all that you do. I would recommend to back off a bit and let him figure out what works for him. He needs to do it his way, not yours and hopefuly it will be the start to a closer relationship with his children. Do not do a thing for him. By doing that you are giving him the mesage that's it's okay that he's not capable of doing this himself.


I agree with this! Also, in this economy, there might be more to your DH than asking to leave early--he may really be afraid of loosing his job! I remember the first time I left DH with the boys for a few hours--with all their food stacked for lunch and dinner, wrote it down, told him what to feed them. Well, I got home, and he did it all "wrong", and you know what, everyone was fine! I bet by the end of the week, you will find that DH is a pro at juggling it

 

I agree w/ several of the pp. I have mixed feelings about it. I would feel exactly like you do, and I would want to have all dinners prepared and clothes laid out, etc. . but at the same time, he needs to learn to do it himself.
If you are trying to help out as much as possible to make sure he's not a total mine field when u get home, I would suggest, as pp's did, to lay out all of their clothes. .i know kmart and walmart carry the hanging organizers that have the 7 'shelves' to put the outfits on for each day. (I THINK these are only like $10 and you could put all three outfits in each of the 7 slots) Of course buy some frozen things that he could easily heat up for dinner and some snacks. . .or make some dinners and freeze them.

Either way you decide to go, I would DEFINITELY call the daycare/school where he is picking DS up from and let them know the situation so they can work with you the best they can. That way if DH is running a little late, they may not charge a late pick up fee (if thats something they do) or maybe if he is one of the last few children, they could have a teacher/care giver waiting w/ him by the door, or even walk him outside. I would feel like this part would be a MUST. . to let them know whats going on and that he might be late, or cutting it close, especially if they are used to you picking him up much earlier.

 

I'm torn between planning out the week for him, and letting him sink or swim.

Honestly, here's what I'd do in your shoes. Stock up on convenience foods, and then make a chart for DH on what to serve for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. You could make some things in advance if you want, but I'd let him deal with the easier stuff. (Seriously, anyone can make mac n' cheese!)

Pajamas -- eh, it doesn't matter much. Just stack them in the closet, and remind DH to grab a fresh pair every night.

Clothes for the day -- I'd probably show him in advance how to match up outfits, or hang them on hangers already paired up, etc. My own DH is probably the most capable dad ever, but you should see what tops and pants he thinks go together. (And, it only matters because your kids have to go out in public in whatever he dresses them in, LOL.)

I might also write down some notes of things DH might forget -- brush teeth, give vitamins, milk sippies twice a day, turn on white noise at bedtime, whatever.

And yeah, they'll all be fine. I do an annual girls' weekend every February, and last year I left my DH with a 4-year-old and 8-month-old twins who were still on two naps, and still drinking EBM...and he survived! (Granted, he didn't have to drive them anywhere.)

 

QUOTE(Becca34 @ May 6 2009, 12:21 PM) [snapback]1303136[/snapback]
I'm torn between planning out the week for him, and letting him sink or swim.


Yes this is my whole deal here. You've summed it up. I want to be somewhere in the middle.

DS is pretty much self sufficient, he can shower, get dressed, brush teeth, even fix sandwiches.

I know some people say don't do anything, but in all honesty, that's just not right. DH has other responsibilities that he takes care of around the house, with our business, the cars, the yard etc, and if he left for a week without prepping me for any of those things that would not be right, so I can't rightfully leave for a week without at least prepping some things for him.

And as for the comment about Family comes first. Of course it does. In fact 95% of the time when the kids are sick it is DH who stays home with them and takes to the Dr. appointment, it just so happens that May tends to be his busiest month of the year, there are multiple people in his department on vacation next week and it will just not be easy for him to leave early, although he will do it.

I have already alerted DS's daycare about the arrangements next week, and I have my parents as back up if DH gets stuck in real bad traffic or something, he can always call them to pick up DS.

Thanks for all the suggestions about clothes/food. I think I'll just buy a bunch of convenient foods for him, and make sure they are 'visible'. Like mac n cheese, frozen pizza, frozen meals, rotisserie chicken etc, and I'm going to try and get a roast in the crockpot Sunday morning, so that they can eat that Sunday night and maybe even Monday night also. I like the idea of a menu, or maybe a list of suggestions up on the refrigerator.

Still not sure about the clothes, I'll have to look into that 7 day hanging rod thing. That might actually be helpful all the time.

 

My thought is that you know he will take care of the kids - he wouldn't have been so upset if he didn't care about trying to do it right.

Just let him know that everything will be okay, and encourage him - he can do this!!

I agree- try to have some convenience foods ready for him and let him know what's available and where it is kept, then get some outfits together, stock up on all of the major necessities. Maybe offer some suggestions, but unless he asks, don't give too much instruction. He'll probably do everything totally different than you would, but he will take care of the children and I am sure all will be well. It took me a long time to learn to lighten up and force myself not to intrevene so my DP would have to forge her own way when alone with the kiddos. Now, she is awesome with them.

:hug: Good luck - I hope it all goes well for everyone!