Sleeping with mommy

So ever since my twins got their big girl beds, they want me to sleep with them all the time. Like they won't fall asleep on their own, and they wake up at least 2 times during the night, come to my room and cry to go sleep with them. This is becoming tiring. When they were in their cribs they were such good sleepers. Slept all night without a problem and would fall asleep on their own. Is there a way for me to break this new habit? I don't mind laying down with them at night time to fall asleep but the middle of the night awakenings are really bugging me.

 

If you are actually going and laying in their beds with them when they are getting up, then it's not going to go away anytime fast. I know how tiring it is. I would just put them back in their beds and hopefully (SOON) they'll learn that you are not going to give in. Get them maybe a special stuffed animal to sleep with or blanket... perhaps as a prize for X number of nights in their new beds alone. Good luck! Bedtime has always been stressful for me because their dad doesn't see how the things he does interferes with their sleep (laying with them no matter what etc)

 

The night awakenings are hard. I would go with whatever method gives you the most sleep.

My LOs seem to go through phases of independent sleeping and wanting to sleep with mom (mine come and get into bed with us). I just go with the flow unless it becomes too disruptive to my sleep, enjoy their independent sleeping and give them the closeness of co-sleeping when they need it - as long as they play co-sleeping by the rules, i.e. please bring your own blanket, please do not talk in the middle the night, please do not strangle me and a few others.

We point out that co-sleeping in their or our bed is a privilege not a right now they are pre-schoolers and that seems to work too.

one of my friends has a family rule that limits co-sleeping to certain days a week with success, i.e. if the kids sleep alone during the working week they may pick one weekend night for co-sleeping (in a bed of their choice). This way it becomes a weekend ritual, and the disruption to your sleep comes on the days when you do not need to go to work (assuming you have a regular working week).

 

We have a similar fluid approach to sleep. Nights are pretty much a game of musical beds in our house but I don't mind because it actually maximizes sleep for all of us and we really like sleeping with our kids. I know they won't need it forever (in fact the girls have already started talking about my needing to sleep with us anymore) so for now we set boundaries as needed and look for solutions that take in the wants/needs of all family members.

 

Ok so what is your routine of putting them to bed? Like I said when they were in their cribs they fell asleep on their own. Now I need to lay down with them. Let me just say they are 2.5 now so I don't think explaining to them what days they can and cannot sleep with us will work.

So last night I told them that they will need to go to sleep without mommy and I had one twin who was so great about it. Just layed there and kissed me goodnight. And the other was just furious, crying screaming telling me she is scared etc. I had her cry for a bit but then ended up going to sleep with them. This who switch to big beds is no fun :/

Ok so what is your routine of putting them to bed? Like I said when they were in their cribs they fell asleep on their own. Now I need to lay down with them. Let me just say they are 2.5 now so I don't think explaining to them what days they can and cannot sleep with us will work.

So last night I told them that they will need to go to sleep without mommy and I had one twin who was so great about it. Just layed there and kissed me goodnight. And the other was just furious, crying screaming telling me she is scared etc. I had her cry for a bit but then ended up going to sleep with them. This who switch to big beds is no fun :/

 

When I had enough of them sleeping with me I would go in and sit at the end of their bed while music played till they were asleep. I did this for a few months and them moved to the door for a few weeks and then stopped staying in there all together. But since my xh is back in the picture nightwakings are back and I keep finding babies in my bed . I know they aren't sleeping well because of him

 

We have a bedtime routine which involves lots of cuddling with mom or dad while reading and evening prayers; we all cuddle up on a spare mattress that we have in the kids' bedroom. Then the children move to their bed for lights out, tucking in and lullabies - I used to sing them to sleep as babies and I still sing to them softly every night. After that DH or I stay with them in their room on the mattress, until they are calm and sleepy (this used to be until they were asleep after we transitioned to toddler beds from full co-sleeping shortly after their 2nd birthday). If things do not calm down I tell them I will leave the room if they leave their beds repeatedly or carry on talking to me as they are disturbing their twin. For us, this method has worked right from the beginning.

So, we are close by, they can see us and hear me softly singing, hear our breathing (it is a small room), but they cuddle up with their blankies and their favourite stuffed animal not with us.

DD has phases of trying to come on the mattress with us and go to sleep there. DH is fine with that and she often sleeps there the whole night. I really prefer her to stay in her bed and quietly take her back with minimal interaction.

 

At 2.5, we had a bedtime routine that took about an hour all told (bath, PJs, teeth, stories, songs, cuddles, etc). Then they usually were fine until their first night waking when they would come in our room.

Emmett's current bed time routine is PJs, teeth, story, breast feed and then DH sits with him until he falls asleep (he has his iPhone/iPad with him), then moves him into his crib. When he wakes up the first time he usually moves into our bed.

What about laying down with them until they're asleep is not working for you? The time it takes? Or being bored? Or...?

 

I don't mind laying down with them when it's time to go to sleep (usually around 9) I just think they got so used to it that they wake up in the middle of the night, see that I'm not there, and go to my room and ask me to come sleep with them. This happens usually at least once per night. I guess it just bugs me switching beds back and forth. I don't like waking up and having to fall asleep again.

 

Gotcha. What about making up beds for them on the floor of your room? That way they could be close to you during the night but wouldn't necessarily have to wake you. We did that with the girls when I was hugely pregnant with Emmett and they loved their little nests. They started the night in their room but ended most nights on the floor of our room.

 

You need to decide what you can live with it, tell them, and stick to it. You can't tell them they have to go to sleep without you then cave when they cry. You have the best of intentions but teach them that crying more or longer gets them what they want. If you are fine with them in your room, go with that. If not, tell them no and stick with it. Even if it means they are upset for a couple nights. If you are okay with laying down with them at night, do that, but tell them you are sleeping in your bed overnight and they can't come in. If they do, take them back to their room.

 

I totally understand - switching beds back and forth during the night would bother me too. I second the idea of trying to prepare a nest for them in your room so they can just come in and go back to sleep close to you but not as close as if you took them into your bed (if you are ok with having them in your room at least for part of the night).

If you have a hard time getting back to sleep after one of the kids wakes you I would try to find a solution than minimizes how awake you have to be in your response to their night wakening. Just to give you an idea what I mean: In phases when mine stay in their bed and don't visit us if they awake but softly cry for us, I seem to be able to walk over, check their forehead for temperature, shush them, pat them and get back into bed without fully waking up. I would say this takes care of about 80% of the night wakenings if I hear the crying before it is full-blown. My body walks through this on auto-pilot - sort of like breastfeeding half-asleep if you did that and remember the feeling? As one of mine is a horrible sleeper, even at 4 she rarely sleeps through a night, this automatic reaction has been sanity saving.

 

Ok ladies PROBLEM SOLVED:: so I simply told them that I'm ok with laying down with them when it's time for bed but not in the middle of the night. The first night one of my daughters woke up, came to get me and after telling her to sleep on her own there was crying for a good couple of min. But she ended up falling asleep. The nights after were much better. Now if they come to my room I tell them to go back to sleep and they do without a problem.

Wow this was easier than it seemed. Thanks everyone for ur input.

 

Glad it went easier than expected! Awesome.

 

In glad it works. IMO, the keys to work with kids are communication, patience and insistence.

We had the same problem when our kids were 18-2 something. We converted to big bit/girl beds at 18 months. My kids are climbing monkeys. We had so many problems. And finally we had to stay in their bedroom until they fell asleep. Well, it's ok. But from 2- almost 3, my girl had nightmares so often. An she woke up in the middle the nights cried and I had to come in.. Since this yr, bedtime just got so much better. They just go to bed themselves. They stag in beds, read books and fall asleep!! We just keep their door open. They usually go to bathroom at night all by themselves not even bother us!!!

However, we DO cosleep couple times/week. I do it for ME. I love our cuddling time. My boy usually sings me songs. And they both give me kisses and hugs and say I love u mommy. And we talk what happens at school today.

Just be patient, it will get better though. Gl

 

Thank you! I remember your comment a while back under another post I wrote on patience and communication. Def trying to talk to them as much as I can, so thank you

And my girls don't have nightmares. They just wake up because they want to sleep with me. But it's a huge improvement today compared to just last week.