sleeping and wanting to be held all THE TIME

My twin girls are 10 weeks and 2 days! Wow time has flown.

Firstly, one of them wants to be HELD all the time! I try not to hold her alot so she does not get used to it! BUt here lately this past week she is only content on her playmat for a short period and unless she is eating she wants to be held. She will cry and the second I pick her up she will stop! VERY frustrating, anyone have this!?! I feel bad for the other one bcause she is content so I never feel like I get one on one time with her because one is always fussy, I rather pick her up then listen to her cry!

Secondly, for the past 2 weeks the girls have been going to bed after their 9:00 btl, they wake up at 2:30 AM to eat, (well usually its just one that wakes up) then not again usually til 7 the next morning. So we are doing pretty good with sleeping. BUT my question is, do I keep waking the one up that does not wake up on her own? THye switch off its not the same one everyime, but I feel like if I keep waking one up bc the other one wakes up then they will never understand that night time is to sleep the whole night and not eat. I am VERY big on feeding at the same time, I am with them by myself during the day so I want them on the same sschedule! Any suggestions?? Did anyone else have this?!? Wil they eventually understand even if i continue waking them bc the other one wants to eat? Also the one that likes to be held the past 4 nights she wakes up btwn 5:00 and 6:00 and wants to eat the only way I can hold her off til 7 or so the next morning is to hold her in bed wiht me( I AM NOT AN ADVOCATE for babies sleeping in the bed with us) but i feel like i have no choice, im exhaussted, she will go back to sleep and be fine with not eating for a liltte while only if i hold her!!!! Alsowhen did you babies start sleeping through the night!?! i hvae to go back to work on the 28th of june very saddd!!! when did you start getting on a consistent eating schedule with your babiues?? I want to ge them on the wake up btl6a 9a 12p 3p 6p 9p bed tiem schdeule!! i know many of you will suggest putting them to bed earlier than after 9 btl but my DH does not get home from owrk til 630 and we wil want to spend some tiem with them!!

 

Congrats on your first 10 weeks momma! A true accomplishment. :clapping: Unless you are noticing a terrible pattern of being overtired I don't think your bedtime schedule matters at 10 weeks old. Some babies may be trainable at 4 mos on the very early side, but usually not until 6 mos or after. I always just followed my LOs cues on bedtime, and we are the 6:30 pm people now...LOL. But at that age we went to bed very late. I always woke up the other baby when one woke up to eat. This was essential for my sanity and I was lucky and it worked out rather nicely. I know you are trying to hold off that 5 or 6 am feed. I had an LO like this but I also knew she had to eat and I wouldn't let her lay there hungry...at this age they still need to keep eating very frequently. I would wake them both up at 5ish, feed, then lay them back down. Even at this age they would fuss or cry a little bit and then pass out until 7 or 7:30. I didn't let them cry past 10 mins and if it was irate crying shorter than that. But it didn't take long for them to get themselves back settled to sleep. Co-sleeping wasn't a good option for us either so I understand your dilemma.

Lastly, about the holding thing. Right now is when you build the foundation of security and trust with your baby. If one wants to be held, I would go with it. If you are feeling guilty about not holding the other as much, believe me, they will switch roles several times in the coming months. They just know they need you. My one LO had a much more sensitive temperament as a little baby and I held her and soothed her a lot. Now she is the more independent. Their only instinct is to survive, and it sounds like your one LO needs that extra attention. I think it was closer to 4-5 mos that I started "practicing" some more independent play...after a short time, they would cry but then start playing as if I wasn't there. Anyway, you have to do what works and it sounds like you are going back to work soon. Hang in there...I remember these weeks in particular being some of the most challenging. Good luck!

 

Congrats to you! This is a hard age.

I think it's fine to wake them up to eat at this age to keep them on the same schedule. At that age they are going to wake up to eat anyway, so I don't think you are teaching them to wake up. They just do.
We always woke ours up at the same time to eat, and that helped get them on the same schedule. Pretty soon they just started waking at the same time on their own (most of the time anyway).

I very much agree with the above comment by the PP.

I kind of look at it this way: all babies are born into this world wanting to be held--at least to some degree. I think it's something they are born with, not something they learn after they get here. After all, they were held 24 hours a day in your womb since they were first conceived. It's all they know, and I imagine it's quite shocking to suddenly not be surrounded by warmth and comfort all the time. I think some babies adapt better than others to this transition of no longer being held all the time. So I agree with the PP in saying that you are building that foundation right now, and if one wants to be held more then the other I would just go with that baby's ques. I also agree that they will take turns--the other twin will go through a needy phase as well. I know there are many different ways of looking at it, but I tend to believe that a need met in infancy is a need that gets outgrown, and then is no longer a need and helps the child move toward greater independence in the long run. So, rather than 'teach' them to be independent at this age I tend to fall toward the belief that if I meet their needs now they will outgrow those needs as they grow older and more secure in their world.
A lot of people told me to not always hold my babies because I would spoil them. In my gut I felt this was wrong, and I am SO glad I listened to my gut and attended to their needs.

That being said, they're your babies, and your gut will probably tell you what's right for them and for you.

As for the sleeping thing, if you don't want to co-sleep have you thought about a co-sleeper, a crib that attaches to the side of the bed?
That way the babies are close, can smell and hear you, but are not actually in the bed with you. We used one until the boys got too big for it, and I LOVED it. Sometimes when they woke I could just reach over and place my hand on them and they would calm back down.

My boys are almost 10 months and they sometimes STTN. Sometimes they still wake up once to eat, but that's fine with me because they go back to sleep so easily.

I think all babies are different. There is a lot of information about there that says babies *should* be sleeping through the night by a certain age, but certainly not all are. After all, lots of adults don't even sleep through the night. Of course, when the twins were very young I did everything in my power to encourage good sleep habits. We don't do CIO, but to help ours sleep better I used a lot of techniques from the book The No Cry SLeep Solution.
It really helped us. We adopted a night time routine which we started implementing at about 2 months, used white noise and cue words. It really seemed to help.

Good luck to you! This is a hard age, but it really does get easier.

ETA: spelling...grr...always misspelling something! ha.

 

My daughter was fussy and wanted to be held a lot in the beginning as well, although really only up until about 8 weeks, but I think it's normal! She will grow out of it, just keep on trying to get her to be on her own or be put down and one day she'll surprise you and be fine with it I bet.

As for the night feedings I would definitely wake the other at this point to ensure that you won't be up again in a short while to feed the other. I fed both of mine when either of them woke to eat at night I guess until about four months and then I started letting them go and seeing how it went. Some nights it was terrible because they would wake within an hour of one another which mean that with feeding time and getting back to sleep for ME time I was awake a LOT! So, yes, at this point I'd continue to wake and feed the other to make sure that you get some good sleep because most babies at that age still do definitely need night time feedings. Babies who will sleep 9 to 7 with one or less feedings are few and far between. As far as your early morning waker, personally I'd feed and go back to sleep. Both of my kids were still eating 2 times a night sometimes at that point, so if your baby is up and fussy then I'd feed. At 10 weeks you're really still feeding on demand and dealing with growth spurts and lots of changes as they grow and figure out what their schedule is!

My kids finally started sleeping most of the way through over the past month. My son started sleeping 7 to 7 in mid May, and my daughter is sort of hit or miss sometimes she makes it til 3 without fussing and sometimes through til 6, it all depends, but we are trying now to hold her off until 6 as we know that she doesn't need the night feeding. Anyhow, don't rush the sleeping through the night. Sounds like you guys are doing pretty great for 10 weeks, so just enjoy and it will get even better as they get older

 

When my boys were that little-I fed them at the same time. I want to say it wasn't until they were four months or older that I stopped waking the other. I wanted to see how long they really could go. And dh and I would switch off who woke and fed them, so it worked for us.

As for holding-looking back-I wish I did that more! They grow SO quickly! I'm sure you hear this plenty! :laughing: But honestly-if the other one is content, go ahead and hold the one who is not. You are not spoiling them by holding them at all! Not at this young age!

And I also wouldn't worry about the scheduled feeding-at this point in time. You can work towards one, but I think right now it's going to be all over the place. Things will get easier as they get older-I promise!

Good luck with everything and congrats on the first 10 weeks!

 

My girls are 9 weeks old tomorrow and I am in the same boat. They take turns needing to be held all the time, and at first I worried so much about spoiling them, but I finally realized that all I was doing was making things harder on my self. Now, if they wanna be held, I hold them. If they want to lay on the floor or in a bouncy, that's what they do. I often spend most of my day carrying around both of them. The way I see it, they are small enough to hold for a very short time and I'm going to enjoy it! I'll worry about breaking any bad habits later.

As for waking them up to feed, I ALWAYS do! Like you, I am by myself with them all day, and I like to keep them on the same schedule. When the first wakes up, I feed her, then wake the other to feed. If they wake at the same time, I feed them at the same time. Lately they have been having their last bottle between 8 and 9pm then waking for their next between 3 and 5 am. Then I feed them at 8, 12, 4 and 8.

I say do what works for you and helps you keep you sanity! Good Luck!

 

When you are in it, it is overwhelming. In 4 months or less you won't be holding them for hours. It is such a short period of time but it is so magnified when you have twins. First I loved the book "happiest baby onthe block" (good up to 3 months of age) plus the book "Healthy sleep habits happy child". like the pp mentioned they PEAK in fussiness at 6 weeks past their DUE date (not birth date) then it starts to get better.

I found I would get some food ready have it on a plate and park my butt in front of the T.v. Try to start to teach them to nap at certain times by holding them. Yes often on in the arms and the other on the lap. (always pee first). Take the time to slow down and find ways to enjoy watching them breathe. Love the warmth. Invite a friend, or any grandma over they will love to hold them.

Swaddle them ? Swings ? Give them a bath during the day and immediately put them down for a nap. The Healthy sleep habits book will give some great advice for when to nap, how long they can be awake and bedtimes for that age group.

heather