Sleep

So things are going pretty good. I can't complain to much. It's just this sleep thing. I know it's the newborn stage, but I need SOME sleep. With SO other gone (military), it's beed 6 wks of little to no sleep. Ive been handeling it ok so far, but Im about to hit a wall. There have been many days were I will go up to 2 days without closing my eyes at all. I have the twins all night and the kids all day. Im not a fan of CIO and I don't think it's right at this age, but something has to give. There is no one to help, it's just me here. The babies are now 6 wks, do you have any ideas? They are in my room, to move them out would be to put them in the other kids room and I can't do that yet. They wake every 2-3 hrs to eat, and it seems like there is always one of them up between that time. what would you do if yor were in my shoes?

 

I would wake them up. When one gets up wake the other! Do keep them in your room.
Is there a teenager or church member, neighbor, friend, family member, anyone that can volunteer or you can hire for just a few hours? Its not a permanent solution but a little bit of sleep can work WONDERS on a tired mama. It might be a good investment.

Im sorry I dont have better advice. At 6 weeks of age they sound like they are doing just what they are supposed to. the only way to get sleep is to sleep when they sleep, wake them both to feed when the first wakes and get some help anyway you can!

:hug: Hope you get some sleep soon!

 

I would also suggest to wake them up...like the pp said. We kept ours on the same schedule that way, and we were able to get a couple of hours of sleep several times each night. They are still on the same schedule - it has been a life saver for us. Maybe there is someone to help even for just one feeding, so you could have 2-3 hours? GL!

 

They do wake at the same time to eat, its just between feedings they might not sleep at the same time. It seems Colin is my night time baby, and Lia is my early morning baby.

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Feb 22 2009, 01:13 AM) [snapback]1199985[/snapback]
They do wake at the same time to eat, its just between feedings they might not sleep at the same time. It seems Colin is my night time baby, and Lia is my early morning baby.

I have a few ideas you may or maynot have tried. Swaddle the babies for sleep at night. DO you have a rocker or glider? Try rocking a swaddled baby with a binkie in it's mouth, Since you already try and keep them on the same schedule, about all you can do is try to get them to sleep just after night feeding, or if they stay awake in the crib but not crying, them put in with a binkie in their mouth swaddled and let them go at it. If you have a bouncy seat or if they sleep in their car seat, put them in that at night for a while until they get the idea that night after eating is time to sleep. you could also try what one friend did, the baby that won't sleep at nihgt, car seat on top of the dryer going with a load.

You mentioned that SO is in the military. Do you live on campus? Do they have any programs for military kids, like day care or school and pre-K that would take the older kids during the day so you could find an hour here or there to nap?

A pp mentioned teen or church... if you have any other options, then reach out. Sometimes an elder neighbor or a grandma from the local elder center, Kiwanas club, Lions Club, anything will be willing to come help for a few hours for a few $.

I'm in a similar boat with 6 week olds who one has reflux and the other likes to be awake ALOT! I happen to have a DH who is around and very helpful, but I still am getting sleep deprived, so I get where you're coming from.

Best of luck! Get as much sleep as you can!

 

also make sure you REALLY emphasis when daytime/nighttime are.
For example- at night, no talking, smiling, singing, eye contact, bright lights etc. Meet their needs but keep it strictly business and boring.
In the daytime you can open all the blinds, turn on the lights, be loud, cheerful, etc. Make sure they have very clear differences!

In addition to the swaddling, we did white noise (a sound machine, a fan, anything).

How about any support groups in your town? Most military bases (as a former af person here) have the FRG or a community resource, parenting classes, daycare etc. Some of the on base childcare even give a certain number of childcare free per month when spouses are deployed.

 

The others have posted all the advice I've thought of. We do swaddle at night and have really worked on the night and day difference and they are now sleeping their longer shifts at night--2 to 3 hours at a stretch, usually twice. Sometimes one or both will be up in between or they will make a lot of noise in their sleep sometimes, so it is hard to sleep in the same room with them! Hugs and I hope things get better. Just now one twin basically "dream-fed" at his 4 a.m. feeding but his brother was wide awake for over an hour ... I finally put the wide-awake twin, swaddled, in the rainforest cradle swing. He finally fell asleep in there after about 20 mins and I was able to transfer him to his crib. I find that usually works if I do have a baby who wants to have "play" time at night!

 

I feel for you. I was alone at nights and with the babies during the day BUT I had my mum helping me out during the day and she would send me to bed for a few hours. I was still exhausted but at least I slept. As some PPs have mentioned, is there someone who could come in and lend you a hand? It´s really important you get some sleep.

As for the nights, keep them minimal and boring (as a PP mentioned) withi minimum lighting. My DS was a nightmare at nights as he´d wake and take 2 hours to settle again by which time DD would be up asking for food. I learned to change his nappy pre-feed and rock him as I fed him (I FF). More often than not, he´d fall asleep as he finished his bottle and I´d put him down. I know it´s not a good habit but it didnt backfire and I never had any repercussions from it. Both babies have been sttn 12 hours since 4.5 months.

I hope things get better soon for you. :hug:

 

the only problem we had with letting our oldest fall asleep on the bottle, is it kinda became a "crutch". As she got older, it got harder to get her to sleep unless she had food of some sort (bottle, nursing....) and I eventually became tired of being the human binki. LOL! To break her we had to start rocking her solidly asleep, which started a new crutch... we went through 7 months of a pick-up-put-down routine to get her to learn to sleep on her own... nightmare!!! She was almost 1.5 yo before she could get to sleep on her own. We drew it out TOO long... sigh. But, that had even extended into naps, and a nap routine of 1 to 1.5 hours sucks! So, for your own sanity, break them of the bottle/nursing down by about 6 months old.

As to having them in the same room and the grunting being too much to sleep, try ear plugs. It won't kill all the sound, but it will help. And if you have the whitenoise going on (we like a filter fan going), it helps cancel-out some of their night gruntings. I'd asked a question earlier today about the gruntings, and consensus was it was likely them learning to deal with gas or learning to poop. Apparently, they are born without the ability to relax their anus to poop or fart and a lot of the sleep gruntings are attributed to them learning.

 

:hug: You have gotten some great ideas. I am sorry that things are so rough but it does sound like they are doing what is age appropriate. Hang in there, it will get better. I would swear by some white noise in our bedroom. That can really help dull some of the noisyness of babies for a bit and maybe you can get some rest between feedings.

 

Thanks guys :hug: . The isolation can be the hardest sometimes, but ya'll are awsome!

Let me answer some questions and fill in some gaps.

First, this isn't my first time around the block. My other kids were sleeping 8-12 hrs at night by the time they were 6 weeks. I know every kid is different...
Here is what I do- I have a very solid night time routine. Dinner, a little baby play, baths, eating (again), rocking, sleep. Starts around 5 and ends around 7:15 (this includes all kids). The babies sleep in my room. I keep the bathroom fan on for white noise, IF I need a light on I use a very dim one. No playing at night, very boring. Morning we get up and change into day time clothes.

Last night I did try something new. They last eat at 7pm and then again around 11 pm (this is their longest stretch). The dream feed was new to me, but last night I gave it a try. I get the babes up at 10 and feed them. They slept tell 2 am! That was awsome! They again woke every 2 hrs after that, but I got three hole hrs of sleep.

As for help... I have one freind who could help, but she comes in and tells me everything Im doing is wrong (my life, my kids, my home, etc) and almost everytime she is here she tells me the twins are punishment for not being married. I mentally can't handle her. I have another friend, but her 9 yr old was recently caught milasting (can't spell that) a little girl around the age of Ella. She doesnt put her kids in school and takes them with her wherever she goes. I dont' want Ella around him. Also, she watched Milo for me last week so I could take the twins to the drs and when I went to pick him up, he was MISSING. When we found him his butt was burnt from not being changed at all and some how his back was all cut up. I called the church I HAD been attending. THey told my since I was not in a bible study they could not help. THey are just to big of a church and they need people to find help in small groups....

Jim is in the military, but we decided marriage was not for up. That leaves any help from the military out too.

Im going to try the dream feed again tonight. I am also going to set the timer and try feeding the babies eery 2.5 hrs during the day ( I think they eat more at night then during the day) and see if that helps them sleep longer at night. ANy other tips you might have, Ill try...

I forgot to add. I do swaddle

 

sounds like you have a good routine in place and are doing great... like you said every child is different.

What worked for us was the swaddle, the white noise... I use the "Happiest Baby on the Block" cd, and set it to one of the last tracks, the one that sounds like rain. I saw Harvey Karp (author) in person at a seminar and he said that just a fan doesn't quite have all the "highs and lows" that "white noise" has... At the beginning, we were just playing the cd from track 1 to 5, for only one cycle - a little over 1 hour. He actually said we should just pick one track and play all night... so we pick the "rain" sound and play it all night now.

We didn't try the dreamfeed at first, but later when we had more sttn issues we tried it and it makes sense logically... so I'm glad that its working for you.

It sounds like you have them both on a the same schedule so that's good, hopefully you get the sleeping thing down. It is really hard to have twins in the beginning and you have your hands full, I hope you continue to get progress. Good luck and big hugs to you!

Oh, btw, we quit swaddling for a few weeks and started back at almost 6 wks, and I was amazed that they slept through their 2am feeding! I hope that the dreamfeed is your big help!

 

QUOTE(maybell @ Feb 22 2009, 11:25 AM) [snapback]1200447[/snapback]
sounds like you have a good routine in place and are doing great... like you said every child is different.

What worked for us was the swaddle, the white noise... I use the "Happiest Baby on the Block" cd, and set it to one of the last tracks, the one that sounds like rain. I saw Harvey Karp (author) in person at a seminar and he said that just a fan doesn't quite have all the "highs and lows" that "white noise" has... At the beginning, we were just playing the cd from track 1 to 5, for only one cycle - a little over 1 hour. He actually said we should just pick one track and play all night... so we pick the "rain" sound and play it all night now.

We didn't try the dreamfeed at first, but later when we had more sttn issues we tried it and it makes sense logically... so I'm glad that its working for you.

It sounds like you have them both on a the same schedule so that's good, hopefully you get the sleeping thing down. It is really hard to have twins in the beginning and you have your hands full, I hope you continue to get progress. Good luck and big hugs to you!

Oh, btw, we quit swaddling for a few weeks and started back at almost 6 wks, and I was amazed that they slept through their 2am feeding! I hope that the dreamfeed is your big help!



I think ill head out today and find the cd! thanks.

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Feb 22 2009, 02:40 PM) [snapback]1200466[/snapback]
I think ill head out today and find the cd! thanks.

If you don't find it out, try on line, like one of the shared music sites... almost certainly there.

Glad that the dream feed gave you a little break.

OMG! I'm s sorry to hear about the "friend" issues... do you happen to have a "nice" neighbor, or elder lady living near you that you know even a bit? what about the kids doctor? Do they have any recommendations for safe and cheap child care?

here's a thought... Kidango near us charges for day care on a sliding scale, and I think will start looking after kids about 6weeks. THey also are pretty much a pre-K for slightly older kids. If there's something like it near you, that would give you a day time break, let you run errands and doctor visits, get a nap, maybe even a part time job if you're into that? We also have a group of mom's who do play group stuff called FUN moms... some of the groups do child care exchange. If you could find a group like that???

the church thing may be helpful if you can find time to bring the kids to church and bible study/?? but that may not be possible until a few weeks. Sorry to hear that military won't help unless married. They won't even help if you guys do the domestic partner thing? It's not actually "marriage" but it could afford the kids the legal assistance that the military wants to see??? My DH and I had been living together for almost 7 years before we decided we wanted kids.... they're really the only reason we are married, for the legal coverage and security.

 

Thanks lisa-

I have thought about doing a co-op once I can see myself commiting to it. we just moved to this location and it is some what "out there". we never made it out of the house, but I have on the baby bach cd. i used it for my other kids and it worked for them. i forgot i had it! im still going to try to make it out tomorrow. maybe any nature sound cd would work. Colin seems much happier tonight, and Lia didn't take as much work. i think im just getting tired and mentally am having to work much harder to stay in the game. ill admit to one cup of coffee in the morning, and it is my saving grace!