Sleep training

So frustrated...Benjamin still sleeps with me, wakes on a regular basis to make sure I am there. When he crys it can go on for an eternity and he has a VERY long memory. Phillip was doing well in a crib in our room but has developed separation anxiety. I have looked at countless sleep training methods and know that I don't want to do the Ferber Method (and I know what may work for Phil will not work for Ben). I wouldn't mind the co-sleeping so much if they STTN. They also still need to be carried or rocked to sleep. I know this is only for such a short period of time...one day I will miss it....I have found myself online looking for a sleep trainer to consult with (no one here locally). Has anyone used one? :crazy:

 

You just have to figure out what you are willing and no willing to do. There are many methods out there - I believe that The Baby Whisperer has a pick-up put-down method, whenever they cry you pick them up comfort them and as soon as they are calm you lay them back down, you have to do this over and over again, but they eventually will learn to comfort themselves. She says expect to do it hundreds of times before the babies understand the concept.
Or there are modified ferber methods, where you go in and comfort, but don't pick up the baby. Or even where you wait increased times before going in, the first time is 5min, the second time is 10min, etc, etc.
it appears that most of these methods will work, they are just going to take consistency and some time.

We did not use a sleep trainer, I just read HSHHC and did some research on-line to find out what worked for me. We did decide to let them cio a bit at night to go to sleep, and they only cried for about 15-20 in the beginning before they fell asleep. I was ok with fussing/crying for 15-20min so that method worked for us. Now, most days they go down with little fussing.

Good Luck, I hope you find something that works for you guys soon!

 

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I let mine CIO. I Just wanted to offer you a hug :hug: and say that I know it's frustrating when your babies have a hard time getting to sleep.

 

I agree with the pps. It's all about finding something you are comfortable with and then being consistent with it. GL!

 

Yeah, consistency is the key. We did CIO so that's all I know ... but good luck ... the sleep stuff is just SO HARD!

 

Thans so much everyone - having my own pity party!
While thinking in the shower this morning - daily private time I am leaning towards doing a version of PUPD. I would put Phillip in the nursery crib and stay in there with him and Benjamin can stay in our bedroom and get used to having dad sooth him during the night & me not being there. Now I just need to get the husband on board and pick a date to start! Will let you know how it goes...again a big thanks for the support and understanding!

 

MY DD cannot see me or it makes it worse! I hate hearing her cry, but if I pick her up and calm her down and then put her down again, she FREAKS! Just a warning, please do whatever you feel comfortable with!

A fan or other white noise can help. Also, remind yourself that they won't remember this and it's your job to help them develop good sleep habits- these are all things I tell myself when it gets hard. Good luck!

 

honestly- at that age you need to make sure they have a VERY consistent bedtime routine and very consistent place to sleep. You really should have transitioned them to cribs in a separate room long ago -- sometimes co-sleeping doesn't encourage good sleep (which might be why one is waking often at night) I can tell you that it doesn't have to be that way- I have not used CIO and my girls have been sleeping through the night since they turned 3 months old. And they sleep anywhere from 8-10 hrs at night without waking up. I got them on a good bedtime routine, I feed them their last feeding in the dark very quiet and then rock them for about 5 min and then in the crib and they are out.

 

I got comfortable having read a lot about co-sleeping from Dr. Sears. When I was pregnant I assumed that the boys would just seep in a crib together...I found since I was BF I would never get any sleep (told to feed on demand) so they ended up in bed with me. We have a consistant bedtime routine. At the end of the day I think I put too much pressure on this whole issue and I need to trust my own instincts more. :BDH:
Both my boys are happy and thriving at almost 8 months and I am still BF (no formula) with a couple of solid meals a day.
In my reading about sleep & babies I learned that the brain development occurs in the light sleep not the deep sleep so mayby they are going to be little brainiacs like their dad and grandpa!!

 

QUOTE(Sydneysmom3 @ Aug 30 2008, 11:16 PM) [snapback]955480[/snapback]
honestly- at that age you need to make sure they have a VERY consistent bedtime routine and very consistent place to sleep. You really should have transitioned them to cribs in a separate room long ago -- sometimes co-sleeping doesn't encourage good sleep (which might be why one is waking often at night) I can tell you that it doesn't have to be that way- I have not used CIO and my girls have been sleeping through the night since they turned 3 months old. And they sleep anywhere from 8-10 hrs at night without waking up. I got them on a good bedtime routine, I feed them their last feeding in the dark very quiet and then rock them for about 5 min and then in the crib and they are out.


I really think some people just luck out with good sleepers. Some babies naturally STTN early with no sleep issues and others are awful sleepers. Ours STTN at 3 months for about 3 weeks. I was like I've finally figured it out! (But later came to the conclusion it really didn't have anything to do with me or what I did). We had a strict schedule and nighttime routine from the begging as well. BUT it backfired on us at 4 months, and have had all sorts of sleep problems we are currently trying to disect. And like you said, maybe we are just putting too much pressure on the situation. I know I've been doing that, waking up sleep deprived and analyzing the previous night's problems while formulating a new plan each day to have it not repeat itself. I've added room darkening blinds since I felt they were waking too early, added white noise machines to their cribs when I felt like their stirring was waking the other, jump at the first noise I hear to replug a pacifier so they don't wake all the way up, pull one out of there so they don't wake the other, tried the most ridiculous swaddling mechanisms to keep them sleeping longer, started adding rice to their bedtime bottles, the list goes on and on. But once one problem is solved, a new one pops up. Then I hear from my friends how they do absolutely NOTHING and their babies sleep great. I really think it is in the babies genes or something, and unfortunately I haven't been blessed with good sleepers either.

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Sep 1 2008, 11:03 AM) [snapback]957362[/snapback]
I really think some people just luck out with good sleepers. Some babies naturally STTN early with no sleep issues and others are awful sleepers. Ours STTN at 3 months for about 3 weeks. I was like I've finally figured it out! (But later came to the conclusion it really didn't have anything to do with me or what I did). We had a strict schedule and nighttime routine from the begging as well. BUT it backfired on us at 4 months, and have had all sorts of sleep problems we are currently trying to disect. And like you said, maybe we are just putting too much pressure on the situation. I know I've been doing that, waking up sleep deprived and analyzing the previous night's problems while formulating a new plan each day to have it not repeat itself. I've added room darkening blinds since I felt they were waking too early, added white noise machines to their cribs when I felt like their stirring was waking the other, jump at the first noise I hear to replug a pacifier so they don't wake all the way up, pull one out of there so they don't wake the other, tried the most ridiculous swaddling mechanisms to keep them sleeping longer, started adding rice to their bedtime bottles, the list goes on and on. But once one problem is solved, a new one pops up. Then I hear from my friends how they do absolutely NOTHING and their babies sleep great. I really think it is in the babies genes or something, and unfortunately I haven't been blessed with good sleepers either.


Thanks so much for that! I do the samething - pulling the one out of the room so as not to wake the other...good grief! We have covered the windows, have a white noise machine, pacifiers... & a routine so we just keep trying. They are going through so many changes and they are babies after all! They will eventually be 16 and we'll both be trying to get them out of bed!!

 

This is what we started doing. I will not do CIO and we co-sleep (they are on a queen mattress on the floor in our room) and I also Bf on demand. My girls were waking frequently. I want to add at this point that I started putting them down sleepy,but awake around 2 months and put tons of effort in trying to not make sleep associations.... BUT sometimes babies just do what they want anyway.

So here is what we have done. I have a solid bedtime routine and I nurse them to sleep or dh wears one down. But if they wake before 3 hours, I will not nurse them back to sleep. We pat bottoms first without picking up. If that does not work, we pick up and soothe, rock and lay down not fully asleep. If it has been three hours I nurse. They will unlatch and roll over and go back to sleep. They have been doing much better and I plan to stick to this until they are 12 - 14 months and then I will do the ten nights by Dr Jay Gordon.


I really would not worry too much about it. Eventually they do sleep and so will you. But it can be frustrating and hard at times. Good luck!

 

I also think some babies are just good sleepers...and some are not. They are only babies once - so only do methods you are comfortable with.

My (almost) 8 month olds are fairly unpredictable at this point - some nights they sleep through from 6:30pm - 5:30am - other nights they are up at 11:00 and 2:00. Some nights I have to rock them to sleep, other nights they watch their Ocean Wonders Aquariums and drift off without a peep. I just go with the flow for now. I know I initially spent way too much time analyzing their sleep - and I never did that with my older DS and he was a horrible sleeper - up every 2-3 hours to nurse until he was 10 months old. Maybe it is because there are 2 of them and there is so much pressure to have wonderful sleepers.

The only "advice" I can offer is to take the pressure off of yourself to have these fabulous sleepers. Don't second guess your "mommy instincts" - you know your babies best and you know what they need. If that means rocking/patting/walking them to sleep and putting them down in your bed or PNP - so be it. It works for your babies and they are YOUR babies!

I can tell you that my horrible, up-every-2-hours DS is now a wonderful sleeper who goes to bed at 7:30, falls asleep within minutes of us leaving his room (after books, prayers, etc.), and sleeps until 7:00 or 8:00 the next morning (only waking if he has a bad dream). So, not all sleep habits are formed when a person is an infant. No, I'm not arguing with the sleep experts out there. I'm just offering my experiences. Do what works for you - and don't let the pressure to have amazing sleepers get the better of you. They WILL sleep eventually. In fact, you'll probably have to drag them out of bed to go wake up for school one day! Hang in there!! :hug:

 

QUOTE(clkafka @ Sep 1 2008, 03:17 PM) [snapback]957635[/snapback]
This is what we started doing. I will not do CIO and we co-sleep (they are on a queen mattress on the floor in our room) and I also Bf on demand. My girls were waking frequently. I want to add at this point that I started putting them down sleepy,but awake around 2 months and put tons of effort in trying to not make sleep associations.... BUT sometimes babies just do what they want anyway.

So here is what we have done. I have a solid bedtime routine and I nurse them to sleep or dh wears one down. But if they wake before 3 hours, I will not nurse them back to sleep. We pat bottoms first without picking up. If that does not work, we pick up and soothe, rock and lay down not fully asleep. If it has been three hours I nurse. They will unlatch and roll over and go back to sleep. They have been doing much better and I plan to stick to this until they are 12 - 14 months and then I will do the ten nights by Dr Jay Gordon.
I really would not worry too much about it. Eventually they do sleep and so will you. But it can be frustrating and hard at times. Good luck!


Thanks for your support and the link! I have actually do the same re - not nursing unless it has been 3 hours & it has worked out well w/o much protest. We have a Queen & a double on the floor (DH on the double). I like what I read in my quick read of the link.

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Sep 1 2008, 04:45 PM) [snapback]957709[/snapback]
I also think some babies are just good sleepers...and some are not. They are only babies once - so only do methods you are comfortable with.

My (almost) 8 month olds are fairly unpredictable at this point - some nights they sleep through from 6:30pm - 5:30am - other nights they are up at 11:00 and 2:00. Some nights I have to rock them to sleep, other nights they watch their Ocean Wonders Aquariums and drift off without a peep. I just go with the flow for now. I know I initially spent way too much time analyzing their sleep - and I never did that with my older DS and he was a horrible sleeper - up every 2-3 hours to nurse until he was 10 months old. Maybe it is because there are 2 of them and there is so much pressure to have wonderful sleepers.

The only "advice" I can offer is to take the pressure off of yourself to have these fabulous sleepers. Don't second guess your "mommy instincts" - you know your babies best and you know what they need. If that means rocking/patting/walking them to sleep and putting them down in your bed or PNP - so be it. It works for your babies and they are YOUR babies!

I can tell you that my horrible, up-every-2-hours DS is now a wonderful sleeper who goes to bed at 7:30, falls asleep within minutes of us leaving his room (after books, prayers, etc.), and sleeps until 7:00 or 8:00 the next morning (only waking if he has a bad dream). So, not all sleep habits are formed when a person is an infant. No, I'm not arguing with the sleep experts out there. I'm just offering my experiences. Do what works for you - and don't let the pressure to have amazing sleepers get the better of you. They WILL sleep eventually. In fact, you'll probably have to drag them out of bed to go wake up for school one day! Hang in there!! :hug:


Thanks so much! It has helped take the pressure off with these last posts and I feel less like a =@ as a mom when it comes to sleepers!

 

I think there are actually more of us out there that have babies that don't sttn, then those who do. It's just those lucky ones who do, like to talk about it alot more (no disrespect to them, I happy for them).
i think all you can do is to try your best and the babies do the rest. We have always done everything "right" in my mind anyway to help our babies sttn, and yet still at over 7mnths they still eat 2x/night. So, don't feel bad, there are many of us out there whose babies don't sttn, and it doesn't mean we are bad parents!
Now saying that, I believe in the "adult are no fun" rule at night. We change diapers, feed, etc all in the dark, with no interaction (no smiling, cuddles, songs, talking etc), so i think our babies may have learned that they might as well go back to sleep because we are just no fun at all.