sleep issues

This might be kinda longish, but I am desperate!

DH and I have probably created this monster, but DS is having terrible sleeping issues. We have gotten into the habit of laying down on the floor with them in their boppies to get them to sleep at night. DD will lay with us for a little bit, and she can be put down awake with no problem, and she hardly ever wakes up. DS has to be good and asleep before he can be moved to the bed or he quickly becomes hysterical. Once he is fanilly down, usually between 1-3am he wakes up screaming bloody murder. We mentioned it to the pedi yesterday who thought maybe he was having night terrors, but after doing some reading today I don't think that is it. I think he just wakes up alone in his bed (they share a room) and freaks out, like he hates his bed or something. When either DH or I go in there he will usually calm down after he is picked up, but if you take one step towards the crib he starts right back up. So he has either wound up in bed with us...NOT a habit I want to keep up, but sometimes we are just so tired that we give in...or we end up back in the floor until he falls asleep again. :wacko:

He has gone through his phases with sleep, sometimes good, sometimes bad. We really didn't actually do CIO until he was about 13-14 months, and it only took about 5-6 nights and he was going down alright. Seems then he wasn't waking up in the middle of the night though. But even then when we were doing CIO he never got near as hysterical as he does now. It is heart breaking! :cray: I am a little tougher than DH, he is worried that he is emotionally scarring DS or something, and usually can't take the screaming, which is why DS always screams for daddy when he wakes up. But either way, usually the only person in the house that is getting any sleep is DD, she snoozes right through it all, bless her heart, and DH and I usually end up yelling at each other due to frustration!!

So if you have hung on through this, please offer some advice or critisism, no matter how "constructive" it may be!!! I'm desperate here!!! :unknw:

 

QUOTE(samilymom @ Jun 19 2008, 08:31 PM) [snapback]835522[/snapback]
This might be kinda longish, but I am desperate!

DH and I have probably created this monster, but DS is having terrible sleeping issues. We have gotten into the habit of laying down on the floor with them in their boppies to get them to sleep at night. DD will lay with us for a little bit, and she can be put down awake with no problem, and she hardly ever wakes up. DS has to be good and asleep before he can be moved to the bed or he quickly becomes hysterical. Once he is fanilly down, usually between 1-3am he wakes up screaming bloody murder. We mentioned it to the pedi yesterday who thought maybe he was having night terrors, but after doing some reading today I don't think that is it. I think he just wakes up alone in his bed (they share a room) and freaks out, like he hates his bed or something. When either DH or I go in there he will usually calm down after he is picked up, but if you take one step towards the crib he starts right back up. So he has either wound up in bed with us...NOT a habit I want to keep up, but sometimes we are just so tired that we give in...or we end up back in the floor until he falls asleep again. :wacko:

He has gone through his phases with sleep, sometimes good, sometimes bad. We really didn't actually do CIO until he was about 13-14 months, and it only took about 5-6 nights and he was going down alright. Seems then he wasn't waking up in the middle of the night though. But even then when we were doing CIO he never got near as hysterical as he does now. It is heart breaking! :cray: I am a little tougher than DH, he is worried that he is emotionally scarring DS or something, and usually can't take the screaming, which is why DS always screams for daddy when he wakes up. But either way, usually the only person in the house that is getting any sleep is DD, she snoozes right through it all, bless her heart, and DH and I usually end up yelling at each other due to frustration!!

So if you have hung on through this, please offer some advice or critisism, no matter how "constructive" it may be!!! I'm desperate here!!! :unknw:


I just went through something similar with my daughters, age 2 yrs 3 mos. Hannah was frightened by a thunderstorm and needed parental support to go to sleep. After a few days, the fear dissipated but she expected one of us to sleep with her each night. She would ask for mommy pillows or daddy pillows.

I met with several behavioral specialists. We had to retrain Hannah to sleep on her own. We started by telling her that mommy and daddy sleep in their room and that Hannah and Jessica sleep in their room.

Have a good bedtime routine. Bath, books whatever, but remain consistent. Also, make it a family event, you and DH put the kids to bed, if possible.

Put your kids in bed, say goodnight, leave the room and close the door. Do not speak any more words after goodnight. You may re-enter the room at 20 minute intervals, but do not speak, do not make eye contact. Just give DH a toy/binky/blanket and leave the room. No picking up, no hugging, etc. He has to learn that his job is to go to sleep by himself. He's dependent on you for the comfort right now, and you have to break the pattern. Wear earplugs if you have to. I had to leave the house and sleep at my mom's because I couldn't stand the cries. If your DH can't take it, kick him out or to the basement, whatever.

I was told that retraining could take up to 2 weeks. My daughter did well after 2 nights. We also use sticker rewards for going to bed without fuss, taking a bath, whatever. Try to give rewards as much as possible, it's a great reinforcement.

Good luck, please let me know if this helps.

 

One thing you can try is to do your bedtime routine, minus the floor sleeping. After everyone's pajamas are on, teeth brushed, etc. put the kids in bed and lay down on the floor between their cribs. You can put your hand through the rails of his crib to pat him if you'd like. He's going to cry and be really mad but you're right there so don't feel bad. You'll probably fall asleep before he does as well but the more you keep it up, the shorter his crying will become. Eventually, you can move to a further part of the room to lay down and, finally, out of the room altogether. One thing that always made me feel better about CIO was that the kids were never truly alone because they had their twin in there with them.

Also, do you have a nightlight that lights up the room but is not too bright? Some kids get scared of the dark for a short time at that age as well. Good luck!

 

I would CIO, it will stink for all involved but it will work and be the quickest solution, which in the end involved less crying.

I will relate my story:
About 2-3 weeks ago I started getting sad that the babies were growing up so I decided to start rocking them each for 1-2 mins right before putting them to bed. Dd did fine with it. Ds on the other hand started wanting to be rocked more and more and also started to cry about 3 mins after being put down, all we had to do was go back in and hold him for a few seconds and he was fine. Then on Friday last week it got to where he would scream as soon as we approached the crib, he wanted to be rocked asleep........I worked hard to have kids who fell asleep on their own and STTN, what was I doing????!!!!
So on Sunday night we decided it was time to nix the rocking and do CIO, it took 2 nights. The first night he cried for about 1 1/2 hrs the second night for about 5mins and since has not needed any rocking. I think ds is one of those kids that you give an inch and he takes a mile, dd on the other hand totally goes with the flow. So I know now that if I want my sleep I am gonna have to stay strict with the bedtime routine, lol!!!

 

We went through a really long phase similar to this recently. It got so bad that I was sleeping all night every night on a mattress on the floor of the nursery so that I could hold their hands through the crib to help them get back to sleep during their many wake-ups. Like you, we initially did CIO very late - at 16 months - and although it went smoothly the first time around, I was worried that their tendency to scream like the world was ending might mean it wouldn't work again at 24 months.

The best advice I was given was that if your bedtime routine involves you being there until they fall asleep then you can't expect them to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night (and ALL kids wake up many times in the night - it's a natural thing).

We did a variation of CIO, but I went in to check on them after 5, 10 then every 15 minutes until they were asleep. The key to it working, though, was preparation. My boys are very into books, so I made a little book using pictures to explain our new bedtime routine (I got this idea from the book 'The Sleepeasy Solution'). We read it several times a day for several days before we made the change, and now we read it every naptime and bedtime as part of our new bedtime routine.

For us, this solution worked very well. It really only took 3 nights before they were going to sleep on their own without a fuss and putting themselves back to sleep within a few minutes when they woke in the night. I can't express how much improved our lives are now! The first night was a little rough, but I made sure I had a really good book on hand, and every time they woke up I would just get up, go to the guest room, and read my book between check-ins - it was far better than lying in bed listening to them! It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be, though - and it made me wonder why I had let the situation get so terrible before doing anything about it.

If you want any more details on how it all worked, PM me!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

QUOTE(SharonB301 @ Jun 19 2008, 08:55 PM) [snapback]835568[/snapback]
Good luck, please let me know if this helps.

Thanks for all the tips! I'll keep you posted!


QUOTE(Ali M @ Jun 19 2008, 09:49 PM) [snapback]835661[/snapback]
One thing that always made me feel better about CIO was that the kids were never truly alone because they had their twin in there with them.

Also, do you have a nightlight that lights up the room but is not too bright? Some kids get scared of the dark for a short time at that age as well. Good luck!


That's a really good point, and no I don't have a night light...think I'll pick one up tomorrow on my run to Walmart!

QUOTE(excitedk @ Jun 20 2008, 02:21 AM) [snapback]836010[/snapback]
I would CIO, it will stink for all involved but it will work and be the quickest solution, which in the end involved less crying.

I will relate my story:
About 2-3 weeks ago I started getting sad that the babies were growing up so I decided to start rocking them each for 1-2 mins right before putting them to bed. Dd did fine with it. Ds on the other hand started wanting to be rocked more and more and also started to cry about 3 mins after being put down, all we had to do was go back in and hold him for a few seconds and he was fine. Then on Friday last week it got to where he would scream as soon as we approached the crib, he wanted to be rocked asleep........I worked hard to have kids who fell asleep on their own and STTN, what was I doing????!!!!
So on Sunday night we decided it was time to nix the rocking and do CIO, it took 2 nights. The first night he cried for about 1 1/2 hrs the second night for about 5mins and since has not needed any rocking. I think ds is one of those kids that you give an inch and he takes a mile, dd on the other hand totally goes with the flow. So I know now that if I want my sleep I am gonna have to stay strict with the bedtime routine, lol!!!


Weird!! My DD and DS sound tempermentally the same as yours! Looks like I am going to have have to do the CIO again, it just seems different doing it now since he is so much more aware of things if you KWIM?

QUOTE(megginmj @ Jun 20 2008, 02:32 AM) [snapback]836037[/snapback]
My boys are very into books, so I made a little book using pictures to explain our new bedtime routine (I got this idea from the book 'The Sleepeasy Solution'). We read it several times a day for several days before we made the change, and now we read it every naptime and bedtime as part of our new bedtime routine.

If you want any more details on how it all worked, PM me!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

The book sounds like a fantastic idea! I actually read JicJac's post earlier about the book that she is putting together to help her DD with her bedtime issues. I mentioned it to DH earlier and he's all for it. I think I'll try to put something like that together soon.

As for tonight, we went and let DS pick out a "night night bear" at Target this evening and explained to him that he stays in Sam's bed, and he can only have him in bed. We were trying to make bed more appealing, hoping that the bear might be a security blanket of sorts.

I plan on starting back with CIO after the weekend. The twins are going to DH's parent's on Saturday night after their birthday party so I think it would kind be pointless to try and start something tonight.

Thanks for the luck!!