sixth grade and independance

Hi everyone! Very close friends with single dad of 12 year old twin boys. I had "almost" twins 13 months apart, but they were nothing like this! LOL

I get frustrated and confused and would like to get some advice and input. They just do NOT seem to understand they are two people. I have seen Twin A cry and turn off the DVD because Twin B went to sleep while Twin A was watching a movie.. because HE wasn't ready for sleep. I have seen Twin B sulk. pout and stomp away because Twin A chose a polo style shirt because Twin B only likes T shirts.

If you take one somewhere without the other.. he barely speaks and fidgets the entire time. Dad cant spend any time alone with one because the other will make himself physically ill moping till they return.

Dad spent several days creating lovely bedrooms with each one's favorite colors. They thanked him half heartedly, but continue to sleep on a blanket on the floor.

They are entering sixth grade this fall. Is it normal to be so dependent on each other at this age??

Thanks!

 

Mine are six, so maybe I'm not qualified to answer, but if my sons were showing that type of behavior, I'd be concerned. Mine do get upset when one doesn't want to play what the other does, but they don't care what each other wears. They have traveled overnight without each other, and while they might mention they miss their brother, they don't get upset or want to go home to see him. I can understand their wanting to continue to share a room. I think gain a lot of comfort from that, especially at night. But again, mine have slept alone in a room before and not had any problems.

 

I agree. . . it's very concerning at that age in my opinion.
Can I ask, is him being single something new? Maybe they're dependant on one another because of their circumstances?

 

Do they have friends beyond eachother? Are they involved in sports or other activites? How are they at school?

Perhaps he can get them involved in activites (a sport or scouts) and that might kick start the separation.

 

I agree not the norm at that age. IMO, Dad needs to start making an effort to reinforce to each that they are seperate people and it is ok not to be totally the same. To me it kinda sounds like an identity crisis. DP was totally against rhyming names and dressing our twins the same as he knew a set of twins in high school who had the same type of identity problems as mentioned above. I would encourage him to slowly but surely start reinforcing the idea that they are twins and yes they are alike. However though they are still different people with different likes and dislikes.

 

I agree with everyone else saying that it is odd at that age. My sister and I are 16 and while we depend on each other a lot we are not totally attched at the hip. We used to share a room but then we got seperate rooms this past summer. We do places alone and have gone on dates alone and such, plus we have stayed in different places for a night. We do miss each other and we are very co-dependent on each other but we are seperate people and we are aware of our identities. I suggest that he try to seperate them just a little bit. You can still be a twin and have your own identity.

 

Thanks Everyone! I guess you don't have to be THE mother to have the mom instinct! LOL

No, Dad has had sole custody since they were two.. was remarried briefly when they were 6, but it only lasted a couple of years, as he does NOT want to hear anything even remotely critical... no matter how gently cushioned.

Both do well in school.. A's and B's... and no behaviour issues reported. They seem to be only interested in video games...don't get me started on THAT! :blink:

As a unit, they are really close friends with a boy in their grade and his younger brother.. independently of each other.. they are just starting to choose separate friends.

As a mother and as a friend, I REALLLLLLLLY think they could all benefit from counseling. But, as I said, even the softest suggestion is met with strong resistance.

 

what about the school counselor{s}? Do they play an integral role at all?
Are they in the same classes?

 

QUOTE(friendtwin @ Jul 29 2008, 01:16 AM) [snapback]901354[/snapback]
Hi everyone! Very close friends with single dad of 12 year old twin boys. I had "almost" twins 13 months apart, but they were nothing like this! LOL

I get frustrated and confused and would like to get some advice and input. They just do NOT seem to understand they are two people. I have seen Twin A cry and turn off the DVD because Twin B went to sleep while Twin A was watching a movie.. because HE wasn't ready for sleep. I have seen Twin B sulk. pout and stomp away because Twin A chose a polo style shirt because Twin B only likes T shirts.

If you take one somewhere without the other.. he barely speaks and fidgets the entire time. Dad cant spend any time alone with one because the other will make himself physically ill moping till they return.

Dad spent several days creating lovely bedrooms with each one's favorite colors. They thanked him half heartedly, but continue to sleep on a blanket on the floor.

They are entering sixth grade this fall. Is it normal to be so dependent on each other at this age??

Thanks!

This sorta stuff is hard with twins, especially when one parent is missing from the home.
It's a shame to hear they are so dependant on one another, if this were my situation I would be looking to create a game or situation so attractive to the other twin while the other is gone so he couldnt not be interested, maybe one idea would be to see if you can find a friend from school and take the remaining one to a water park or something similar, or a movie perhaps? All of this would need to be done however without the first one knowing.
Either way I am sure with more time especially after puberty hits they will start looking for time apart from one another, even if just short periods of time to start with.