Singleton moms just do not understand

I had made not very firm plans with two of my lifelong girlfriends to meet up today and do whatever (one has two kids 8 and 6 and the other has no kids). I was going to get a babysitter, but she canceled on me. So, I told my mom-of-two friend (whose kids are in school right now) that I will know more as far as when I can meet up with them with my girls when they are in the vicinity of my place. I told her that I'm not crazy about taking them out to eat when it's supposed to be a catching-up-with-each-other sort of meal. I mean, really, they'll be two next month. TWO two year olds in a restaurant. Enough said. They both told me they didn't care.

So, when they got closer to here my non-mom friend called and I said, listen, the girls are really tired (my husband had them out literally all day yesterday), so I'm going to put them down for a nap. Are you guys going to stick around this area (I live in the city) or what. She said, "well, what do you want us to do?" I said that honestly I didn't care. If they wanted to go shopping first and then meet up with me and my girls, fine. If they wanted to get something to eat first and then I'd meet up with them after, fine. Whatever suited, but there was no way I was going to take them out in the moods they were in. So she said that they would go shopping first and then meet me.

About ten secs later, my mom-of-two friend called and said, cant you just take them out and let them nap in their strollers? When i explained that though it's about a half hour earlier than their normal naptime, they were really just out of it. They are nightmares when they're like that and I just don't want to do that to them because they really enjoy their nap. So, mom-of-two friend said, "well, I used to take my kids in the stroller and they'd fall asleep and nap in the stroller." Well, I wish. I wish my girls didn't set each other off and try to pull hair, poke eyes, get out of their stroller to the point that the other wants out too. I wish I had one kid at a time sometimes. And not because I don't enjoy having the both at the same time, but NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. One in a stroller can probably nap very nicely. Two two year olds? Not so much.

They think I'm being difficult, I can tell. Mom-of-two friend asked me twice, "do you just not want to go?" Well, as of right now, no I don't. And not because of my kids, but because of them. What would've been the big deal to say, okay, go put the girls down (they fell right asleep as soon as I layed them down) and we'll meet afterwards. I even offered them to come here when they were finished so that we could go somewhere to eat right from here.

Okay.....I feel better. I just get so frustrated because I can FEEL them rolling their eyes as if I'm being a prima donna. Believe me, I LOVE taking the girls out. I love to meet up with my friends. But one does not always go with the other. I guess this is what I get for not wanting to just say, "I'm out. Can't go."

Sorry for the length.

 

Sounds like you were having a stressful enough time, plus trying to pacify two women who had nothing much to do that day it seems, so decided to be difficult.

Don't feel bad, they could easily have gone shopping and met up with you later. I've had friends who have done this with me when my kids were younger, so I understand how you feel. Some days are just not good, and you tried your best to accommodate them. :hug:

 

I know how you feel. People just don't get it. This summer we had a friend stay with us and she always wanted me to take all five of mine out to the zoo or shopping or something with her and her three kids. The twins were just about 4 mos. then and she didn't get why I couldn't just go. She has one the same age as the twins, but it was just one. She would tell me that she would help with them, but how was she supposed to do that when she had her own to take care of?

 

If I hadn't seen them in ages, then I would just go for it and if the kids were nightmares I would leave. If I see them regularly, I would probably say "when they wake up I'll call and find you guys and meet you!" OR invite them to my house so we could REALLY catch up during naptime.

I learned after they were about 2 - 2.5 what our limitations were and how tweaking the schedule didn't ALWAYS spell disaster.

Good luck!! :hug: Sorry you are so frustrated!

 

:hug: I'm sorry that they made you feel bad. You would think that as they were both child-free it would be easy enough to work around you.

I will say that as far as napping while out I think it's not necessarily a twin/singleton thing so much as it's just down to the personalities of the children. For example Alyssa and Bryony were always fine sleeping in their buggy (at one stage they actually prefered it!) whereas Naomi and Luke didn't like to at all.

 

I completely understand what you are saying!! They don't understand - and they never will. My mother (of all people) still challenges me to do things with the boys, that go against their schedule. I protest, she huffs, then we figure out somehow to meet in the middle. It was really bad during the summer, but after she spent a week with them while I worked, she was all about the schedule!!

 

If it werent so much for the kids, I would've taken them out and when they were being fussy and making a scene, I would make sure to tell friends "See, this is why they should've napped!!" But I think what you did was right. They need their sleep, as you need your sanity. I know how hard it is to take all 4 of mine out, even when they're not cranky.
I dont see what the big deal was. Why couldnt they just do the shopping thing and then meet u after? I dont get it. But I totally agree that childless women totally dont understand the concept. My "SIL" is a perfect example. She was always confused as to why I could never go anywhere, and now she has twins herself and understands better; although she does have a lot of babsitters at her beck and call. She still gets to do whatever she wants.

 

QUOTE(~* dfaut *~ @ Nov 10 2008, 11:50 AM) [snapback]1064215[/snapback]
If I hadn't seen them in ages, then I would just go for it and if the kids were nightmares I would leave. If I see them regularly, I would probably say "when they wake up I'll call and find you guys and meet you!" OR invite them to my house so we could REALLY catch up during naptime.

I learned after they were about 2 - 2.5 what our limitations were and how tweaking the schedule didn't ALWAYS spell disaster.

Good luck!! :hug: Sorry you are so frustrated!



I would probably do the same.

 

I am sooo with you. I was supposed to meet two girlfriends out for lunch with my two girls, and one of my friends would have one almost 4 year old. I called a day early and asked them if they minded just eating lunch at my place because I just wasn't up for the battle in the restaurant.

It also depends on what kind of kids you have. Mine sound like yours. One very calm, reserved, shy child is very different from my two wild Indians. My mom always says how easy my sisters kids are to watch (not in a mean way-she loves all her grandkids), and says that if my sister and I were to switch kids for the day, I'd be relaxing while my sister would be "horrified" at how much more active my kids are than hers. Again, she says this all with love! Don't feel bad. Twins are more than twice as hard as one!

 

So, in the end, my friends went shopping while the girls napped. They met me at my place, the girls woke up, we put their socks and shoes on, jackets, went to the restaurant and had a nice time. I said to my two friends, If I hadn't let them nap, this would not have been pleasant. Everyone was in great form. No one knows a child like their mom. Bottom line.

 

Argh! Two 2 yr olds, AND 2 clueless grownups! :hug:

 

I completely understand!! How frustrating! :hug:

 

I have felt just as you sooooo many times. Some of my friends totally understand but most do not. The ones who have kids especially do not understand. I used to always get "Well mine were a year apart so I know how you feel"....no you do not know how I feel... or " There will be plenty of people there to help"....yeah right. Two babies of 6 months are totally different than a 1 year old and a newborn. They just don't get it. I remember going to family suppers and being so nervous (even now I get that way) about how my kids would behave. One time there were several adults and just my kids at a family gathering. Do you think that any of them would remember to pick up their drinks, snacks, etc. so I didn't have to run around safeguarding all my kids? No of course not and I ran around all night looking like a fool picking up after everyone and never had a second to myself. So after supper and dessert (of which I barely ate....again just too busy watching my kids) I was ready to go home. Just fed up and frusterated I started to pack up the kids and announced we had to go. Big mistake....I should have packed up and snuck out the back door.....everyone had something to say about our early departure. I finally snapped and made a few comments that I don't really regret. Now that family has a child of there own and are learning about how I felt. It feels good to see the shoe on the other foot and I can't help but chuckle at them struggling with just one child.