Singleton family comparison!

Just a short little vent...
I probably need to join my local twins support group because I am really missing interaction with those that can relate! Why do friends with children close in age or with the same num of children think their situation is the same as ours is with twins?! It drives me crazy when they make comparisons or pass judgements when we opt out of an activity because it is just too much effort. We definitely do not let having twins keep us at home and we get out quite a bit... but sometimes the logisitics just aren't worth it. For example, how do you take twin 5 mo olds and a 3 year old to the pool alone?! Speaking of... I may put a separate post out about that!

Ok... that's all... I know it is normal for others to try and relate their situation to yours but it still gets frustrating at times!

 

It is definitely frustrating at times! I do just remind myself that they are my friends & they mean well (not that it always helps but if I say it enough times... ardon: ) and I did find as the babies got older it was less & less of a problem. But the MOM's group is a great idea if you have one in your area. Balancing out the friends who don't always understand with some who do would probably help!

 

i would definitely recommend getting involved with your local MOM group. you might be able to find playgroups or events with people who share your same frustrations (and joys).

 

I can't tell you the number of times I've uttered the words, "they just can't understand." I mean, people always make comments about how hard it must be, but it's hard in ways they can't even imagine.

 

I smile and nod, and know they HAVE NO IDEA!
My favorite is the description of their kids 11 months or so apart "actually harder than twins.." In my head I say "REALLY? Did you teach them to breastfeed on the same day? Sleep in their crib? Crawl? Walk? Hold your hand in the parking lot?" "Oh really? No, you had one to model it for the other. Well than it WASN'T HARDER THAN TWINS!"
Someday I will be in a funk and actually say this. Until then I nod and smile...

 

On my good days, I just smile. On the other days... well, I get frustrated, like everybody else. But then I keep reminding myself, at least it's "only" twins. What would a mother of triplets/quadruplets do alone?...lol
Join a club, it'll definitely help.

 

You don't know how alone I felt when my friends who had singletons invited me out. I had to say no. You are not alone!! :hug:

 

You are not alone!!!! I don't know how many times I feel the same way! That is my biggest issue, I just wish they would "get it".

Grrrrr yeah they are crazy if they think that! Those people drive me nuts!

I feel like that alot too. My baby group girlfriends are all just having their second kids and still have get togethers etc and I know they are thinking "well i can do it with 2 how much harder is 3", when i have to bow out of an activity (ok pretty much everything). It gets tiring dealing with the logistics of it all. I can't wait to NOT have to lug two car seats and a toddler around just to go buy milk or get out of the house for a sanity check.

 

I feel like that alot too. My baby group girlfriends are all just having their second kids and still have get togethers etc and I know they are thinking "well i can do it with 2 how much harder is 3", when i have to bow out of an activity (ok pretty much everything). It gets tiring dealing with the logistics of it all. I can't wait to NOT have to lug two car seats and a toddler around just to go buy milk or get out of the house for a sanity check.
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And... It is totally different when you have two people that can't walk! If a stroller cannot be involved... then we are out of most events. Singleton families just don't understand the logistics of having 2 kids at the same stage. Luckily we have many joys that they don't have... like watching two babies make each other laugh. That has to be the best thing in the whole world!!

 

It sucks, doesn't it? I just generally grin and move on. To this day, my SIL still tells me how hard it is with two kids (hers are 16 months apart, almost 4, and 2.5) and how I couldn't possibly understand...um I had two before she had her second...and...well...let's not forget that third one I have too.

There's always some comment to be made...just try to take it, toss it, and move on!

 

I swear I had my third just so I could tell people that having 2 kids close together is NOT like having twins !! I put one twin in daycare alone somedays and just have the twin 2.5 yr and 12 month old and it is wonderful. I would hate to take the twins out at this age they dont' want to be in the stroller and head in different directions. Plus are not listening very well either. It really comes down to finding the time to take care of YOU. Find even an hour here and there to take ONE baby out to get groceries. Get a singleton stroller for those occasions if you can. Or carrier if that is possible.

Think of what you really want and find someway to make it happen. Maybe your son could take swim lessons with an instructor one on one ? Or on the weekend.

I don't know your situation. Find something that will work, or just know your son will be in school soon. I dream of the day my girls go to school !!!!

Heather

 

I am currently dealing with my BFF, who is preggers with her 2nd baby. She is at the end so I understand her discomfort but my Lord, everything is sooooo hard for her. We are both involved in the music ministry at church and there are times, when we are about to a rehearsal or something and she's like, "I don't feel like this or that, I'm tired, I had to deal with M( her 3 yr old) by myself cuz hubs worked late, can you...blah blah?" Can I? Hey let me remind you, you have 1 kid and 1 on the way, I have 4 including 2 year old twins, and 2 on the way, oh wait now I've lost one and I'm dealing with that AND my DH is a truck driver so I have to deal with the 4 kids 12hrs a day at any given slot, like today when he works 12p-12a which means I am basically alone, but by all means let me add some of your stuff to my plate. I know that was a lot of venting, sorry ladies. I love my BFF but she has no IDEA how hard things could be when you are worn out and still have to cuddle 2 baby boys on your ever diminshing lap. I guess my biggest beef is throughout ALL my stuff...I LOVE my life and the way it is, call me crazy but it works for us.
But I know full good and well that if she walked in my shoes for a few days, she'd go running back to her singleton life with reckless appreciation. So dear friend, I love you but SHUT-UP and get your anties:

 

I completely agree! It drives me nuts when people try to compare having 2 close together to having twins "They're almost like twins" Ummmm.... No, No they're not!

But my favourite was when MIL tried to convince me she knew exactly what it was like - "I know exactly what it's like to have three little ones - I've been there" No - Having a 7 year old, a 5 year old and an infant is absolutely NOT the same as a 3 year old and twinfants!! Your older two were in school all day long when you were raising your third. UGH

 

I must be the oddball.....I find the twins (so far, mind you) are easier than having a 3yr old, 16mth old and newborn....my thoughts could change, but the first 9mths of my 3rd child's life I cried nonstop because it was overwhelming. The twins? its easy compared to that.


All that being said, it is very hard when someone who is NOT in your shoes compares their life to yours. Same as twin moms comparing our lives to theirs. Unless we've been in THEIR shoes, we honestly can't say which is harder. Just being devil's advocate here.

 

Yes, if you have a local MoMs group, definitely join in! We have a great active one and its nice to get to the park - which is always fenced in and be able to enjoy the park and the friendships I've made!

For a while I thought having twins was "easier"... well that was until they became mobile and not cooperative! Ours are now 2 yo and wow, life is difficult... I wouldn't have it any other way, but its challenging. I hope you are able to find a happy medium to enjoy your life and friendships without feeling like you are being compared to their lives etc.

 

My 2 "big boys" are 8.5 and my "baby boy" is 20 months and I still wouldn't take them to the pool alone and I think taking one 1 yr old (let alone 2!) and one 3 year old sounds like a bad plan. Just sayin'...

I think each family situation comes with it's own challenges. Our twins were actually easier than our singleton. They were both perfectly healthy where as my singleton has special medical needs. The twins were so much fun and so magical and that all just came through normal development while I had to do intense, 5 days a week therapy to accomplish the smallest things with my singleton and it was anything but fun. I am currently expecting #4 and my singleton will be 2 when she arrives. I am honestly a bit scared of what it is going to be like. I know I'll figure it out and make it work, but it's going to be really hard. I worry about how with the twins when they went through a rough stage, they went through it together and even though it was so hard for their to be 2 of them it ended together whereas my singleton the stage drug on and on and on and just doesn't end and if the new baby has similar issues then that's dealing with the issues I've already concurred all over again as well as the new challenge. My point being that everyone's situation is "hard" at times in it's own ways and there are advantages and disadvantages to both points of view. Like the PP said, unless you've been in someone's exact shoes you just never know. Having 2 that are the same age, or 2 that are close in age or whatever the case may be doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's frustrating when anyone compares their situation to yours when you're struggling and they haven't been there. It seems to me that if your friends are really your friend they will just accept when an activity doesn't work for your family no matter the reason and be supportive of that, no comparisons needed.

 

Is THIS why it is so much harder? All I have is the twins, so I have no other comparison?

 

My first 2 were 22 months apart. Then I had twins when my youngest was 3. And I say it all the time, "Twins are a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL GAME!" That doesn't take away from how hard it must be to have 2 children really close in age...I'm sure that really has some unique challenges. But there is definitely something especially inherently hard about twins! And it's impossible to understand unless you've been there. Sometimes I think I should install a hidden camera in my house because I must look so funny chasing them around when they get into all sorts of trouble....one peeing on the floor while I'm getting one dressed after their bath. The other one emptying the bookcase while I'm chasing the other one out of the bathroom! I need more hands!

Shannon

 

I cannot even imagine what fun and chaos is to come with twins. I think we are in the "easy phase" right now as our twins just turned 6 months old. They aren't crawling yet but I can already tell that our little man is going to keep us hopping once he is mobile. I would imagine the 1-2 age is the hardest. We'll find out soon enough. Time is flying!