Single baby envy

This morning my 22 month old girls and I went to the park. We walked up, and I saw a mother swinging with her small son on her lap. They were snuggling, giggling. It seemed perfect, simple. My two ran off in opposite directions. I am used to it, of course, leaving one to go down the slide while I chase after the other who is climbing up the ladder. When I do swing with one in my lap, the other stands to the side and cries "turn! turn!".

I'm not saying I would change anything for the world, obviously I love my girls. But sometimes I get severe single baby jealousy. I feel guilty for complaining at all, because I was blessed with two healthy kids and some people don't have any. But I still feel it, it's real. I just crave that one-on-one bonding time. I wonder if my bond would be greater if I had one at a time. I couldn't do a lot of things because I had two babies at once.

I just came here to write this because I'm hoping someone else will understand, and because I don't feel like I can "complain" about this to anyone. It just makes me really sad sometimes, thinking about what I miss out on. I feel like a jungle gym with both girls climbing all over me constantly. When I do get that rare one-on-one time, things seem so much more peaceful and manageable.

 

You are not alone. It can be completely exhausting especially then they are little and mobile. You (at least I did)feel like a baby juggler. If you aren't feeding, changing, soothing one you are trying to figure out how you can get to the other one. Or trying to get the 2nd one to sleep so they stayed on the same schedule and you had a moment to breathe. Not a bad thing, it just can be a lot. I remember when my two were just over a year, one of my friends had a baby and I went to visit. When I got home I told my husband. "it was amazing. The baby was sleeping in the bassinet, she was sitting by her self not holding anyone. We had a conversation." It hasn't been until they have been older really that we have gotten one on one time and that is priceless.

 

:hug: I've had both sides of the coin. My older 2 were singleton's, so I know what's it's like to have one baby at a time. However, I've also seen the amazing bond my twins have, and the things that non MOM's will never get to experience. Whenever you feel that "single baby" envy, try to remember that someone parents of singleton's are jealous of MOM's and the things MOM's get to see and do that they don't

I don't feel like my bond with my twins is any less than my bond with my older kids. It's just different. And for each kid it's different. Yeah having twins was more work and more stress but it's also an amazing experience over all

 

I totally understand how you feel. I don't even TRY to take my two to the park by myself at almost 2.5 (we don't have any parks or playgrounds that are enclosed by a fence near us, which stinks). I also don't try to do things like grocery shop by myself at this point because they pitch too many fits right now (we are in the tantrum and "I do it" phase....).

I do envy people who have singletons in those respects, BUT, I also love watching my kids interact and play together. And on a selfish note, since we only ever wanted two kids, we are DONE, and I don't have to live through another baby phase of no sleep, bottles, etc.

 

I totally hear you! I remember what it was like when my older girl was born and three (yes, three!) of my close friends all just had babies within about a month of each other and I'm jealous of how. freaking. easy. it is for them!! Just one tiny sleeping baby.......... and I've been completely stressed out since my girls were born.

If it makes you feel any better, my DH and I always talk about how if we had had just a singleton this time, we still would have been completely overwhelmed (at least in the beginning), because of adjusting to another kid, etc etc. Now we're overwhelmed on steroid levels lol, but we try to tell ourselves it might not necessarily been as easy as we think it would have to have just had a singleton.

Just think of how supermom-ish other moms think you are . As someone else said on here in another thread, we are part of an elite club

 

Funny you should post this because just yesterday, I had major single baby envy!! My sister called and told me how she was taking her nearly 2.5 year old daughter to the pool for the day. I asked what she was doing about nap. She said she was just going to skip it for the day. Not only was I jealous that she was able to pick up and go with one baby to the pool (one million times easier than wrangling twins at a pool, plus I have another young child), but she was only going to have to handle one sleepless child later in the day (two sleepless kids is exponentially more of a challenge). So, YES... I get single baby envy very often!! But like most MOMs, I love my family just the way it is!!

 

Ah thank you so much for your replies! When I feel this way, I try to see the bright side, remember the good things about twins etc. I was just having a hard time this week. I really appreciate your understanding and uplifting words. I've never taken the girls to the pool by myself, and only have while on vacation with my husband and parents! They first went in a pool at 18months, I felt so bad for them that I can't do stuff like that!

 

I am chiming in late, but have you ever split the two and gotten that one-on-one time? We did it this weekend with our twins (2 Y) and it was AMAZING! We split up after breakfast and one went with the grandparents for the day and the other went with DH and I until dinner. We did this both days, so both got 2 on 1 attention two days in a row. I don't know why we didn't do this sooner, but all six of us had the best days. We took them out to eat and did things that we wouldn't have done with both. It was a great bonding experience for us all. But I will tell you that at the end of the day, we all got back together and we were all really glad to see each other. Singleton may be easier, and you may get to go more places and be more spontaneous, BUT no one has more fun than our crazy crew doing what we do.

As for the pool thing, have you considered hiring a cheap babysitter for an hour or two to accompany you? Maybe a neighbor's high school kid? You'd be there to supervise so you don't need top notch child care, but you'd have a second set of eyes and hands to hold your kiddos as they explore water. I also am terrified of taking the twins to the pool, but have managed it a few times with some help. It's the best $20 I spent - The girls napped soundly after the pool and I felt better for having exposed them to it.