Sibling rivalry

For those of you with older toddlers/preschoolers and younger twins, have any of you had problems with aggressive behaviour? My older DD loves to play with the babies but now that they are getting older, more mobile and extremely curious she is getting more aggressive. They can be playing quite well and suddenly someone is crying. She's either taken a toy, given one of them a bear hug into the floor, pushed someone over or hit them. If I haven't seen it and I ask what happened she calmly says "I just hit Ben" or "I just pushed Chloe". :angry: When I do see it, it can happen so fast I can't redirect her or she is so focused on what she's doing she doesn't hear me, I have to physically remove her. We have tried asking her to ask for help if one of the babies is getting in her way or into her stuff, we've tried time-outs, we've tried making sure she has her own time with us. I have no idea how to stop this. I'm sure sometimes it's unintentional and just getting too physical but other times I can see it's a reaction to frustration. Unfortunately she is venting the wrong way. It also doesn't happen all the time, so I get caught off guard. Does anyone have any suggestions or things that have worked for them, even for a short time? :search: I'd appreciate any ideas you have.

 

My boys were (are still are at times) like this with DD. I think when she was younger a lot of it was unintentional. They didn't realize how rough they were being, or that she was too little to do everything they could.

A lot of it is the age. She's at an age where they push the limits as a way of testing what they can get away with. Consistency is the key. Make sure you explain why she can't do certain things (we can't hit Ben he'll get hurt). Timeouts worked for us, but it took awhile.

The funny thing is my DD now rules the house! Guess them playing rough got old and she now bosses them around and keeps them in line. :laughing:

Now with the babies, they are just overly affectionate. They can't understand why the babies don't want them up in their face all day kissing and hugging on them. They think they're bigger than they are, and I'm constantly having to remind them not to pick the babiies u[, etc. They'll try and "play" with the babies and bring toys, and the babies usually just end up getting knocked in the head with a toy out of control.

 

It sounds like you are doing everything right. I think it will probably just take some time for her to adjust. I haven't had the same problem this time around but I do remember from the other three, you just have to be consistent & she will eventually get it. Either that or they will get old enough & big enough to fight back. Believe me, no matter how old they get, siblings can & will drive each other nuts sometimes but at the same time I know they love each other. At least that is what I keep telling myself... :laughing:

 

I have noticed that now that the babies are older, Josh is rougher with them. I guess he thinks that they are closer to his size now, so he doesn't have to be so gentle with them...which I quickly remind him that is not the case! I think maybe as the babies get bigger, they feel more "threatened" by them.

 

ditto to above, but what if you also showed her how she CAN play with the babies or say "the babies like it when you ..." so she will know that you want her to do stuff with them and she will have an idea of what that "stuff" is.

 

I have a 4 1/2 year old my twins are 7 months old. One of my boys is commando crawling and he's getting into her stuff which she is NOT thrilled about. She too, has been a bit more aggressive. I have to remind her to be "gentle" and to show her how we play with the boys, that we don't lay on top of them or hit them.

 

I hope the phase passes qiuckly or at least eases off. Things do seem to escalate when they start doing things she doesn't want them too. "They won't stay on the train" (a bunch of cushions). That's when she starts trying to drag them back or if they are trying to 'help' her with whatever she is playing with. I'm trying to get her to ask for help and then WAIT for the help. Not an easy concept! Although I'm also starting to notice that DS and to some extent younger DD are doing a good job of being dramatic if she does something they don't like... so I come running. Hmmm I seem to remember my little brother doing the same thing to me. Guess it's payback time.