Shower Planning

So my sister has been pressuring me to give her timing of when she can have a shower for me. I have been so unbelievably nervous this pregnancy because I had a loss last year at 9 wks and a dear friend who lost triplets just 2 months ago at 20 weeks. I'm just shy of 18 weeks now and for some reason have been postponing any decisions till after that magical 20 week mark. I don't want to plan things too early but the ladies I've met in my local multiple support group say I should try to have everything wrapped up by 30 weeks.

What is everyone's thought on this? I think some of my reluctance to give her a date is fear of losing the twins between now and then but she is so excited and been looking forward to planning this for me for years so I really need to give her an answer soon!

Thanks!

 

I am sorry to hear about your loss and your friend's loss. I know from personal experience that pregnancy can bring up a lot of anxieties, but talk to your doctor or midwife about all of your fears and keep up with a healthy lifestyle and chances are overwhelmingly in your favour that everything will be just fine.

If you don't want a shower because you hate showers then by all means. But it sounds like your reservation is for the health of the babies. In that case, my advice is to let people celebrate you and the impending birth. Maybe your sister can help you organize some resources by way of the shower; get everyone to sign up for a meal calendar after the babies are born, or get everyone to help you stock up on diapers or whatever. Or just ask that your support system; sister, grandparents-to-be, close friends, and family members get together to connect before the birth instead of having a big shower. All that's up to you, but if you're up for it it will be a nice day to spend with everyone.

 

I felt the exact same way about planning my shower. Having been through two miscarriages in the past, even though they were very early in the pregnancies, I was just really nervous about it all. Plus, I was worried I would be on bed rest for the shower, and unable to attend. I was actually on bed rest for my shower, which was at 27 weeks (I'm 31 now). But my doctor gave me permission to go for a few hours, as long as I stayed in a recliner and kept my feet up.

I'm so glad now that I had the shower. It was great to feel all of that love and attention, and to see everyone and see how excited they were for these babies. It will be a wonderful memory for me through the coming weeks of bedrest. I think your anxiety is totally normal and understandable, but if you think you want a shower, just go ahead and go for it. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and hope that all goes well for your pregnancy.

 

Thank you both for your input. My hesitation is totally about the fear of planning for something I will have to cancel. My older sister has been dying for me to have kids and been waiting years (15 literally) for her opportunity to come so I guess I'm going to go ahead and give her a date. I am thinking I will give her between 27-30 weeks to pick a weekend. It seems so early compared to when I've had showers for friends but it will be good to get it out there with a few months for her to plan.

VW it is awesome you are at 31 weeks! Are you having girls/boys/do you know? I will be thinking of you to keep those twins baking for a while longer before they join the outside world!

RollerGiraffe - My OB is very much aware of my situation and anxieties. She actually brings me in for extra heartbeat checks because she doesn't want me carrying anxiety around between appointments as she felt being able to hear heartbeats more often helped her during her pregnancy. I'm really blessed to have the support network I do. It still doesn't make the fear that losses plant in your mind go away.

 

I think between 27 and 30 weeks is a great time to have the shower. I had my shower at 31 weeks and had the girls 4 weeks after that. I was so tired in the weeks to follow that a shower was the last thing I wanted to deal with, so the timing was perfect.

Although I have never experienced a loss, my husband refused to name our girls or get too attached to the thought of having them for fear of losing them. It was very stressful for me to try to maintain a positive attitude when he held so much anxiety. As hard as I can only imagine it to be for you, go ahead and let her plan it. You could always just ask her to wait to send out the invitations until closer to the event date. The shower will give you something to look forward to and it will allow your family to be involved...which it sounds like they are ecstatic for you!

 

I personally had hoped for a shower before 28 weeks because that's when my doctor told me activity restrictions would start going in, as long as there were no complications. Unfortunately, these being babies #2 and #3, I didn't think I was in a position to make requests or demands along those lines. My family got into the game too late and will have to wait until the babies come to do anything (they were shooting for 30-32 weeks but they live an hour and a half away and my doctor had restricted my travel). My mother-in-law and sister-in-law did organize a shower for about 29 or 30 weeks. That's about as late as I would have wanted it. I haven't had any complications but all the energy got sucked out of me in the last 2 weeks (I'm 33 weeks now). For reference, one of my best friends is having a singleton that is due 3 weeks before my girls and her shower was the week before mine.

If you are still uncomfortable with the idea of scheduling/planning a shower in advance, would your sister perhaps compromise and plan a welcome party for the babies? (To be scheduled, planned, etc AFTER the babies have come and you've had some time to settle in to life with the newborns.)

 

This is what I was going to suggest. Originally, my "shower" was scheduled for 36 weeks. Turned out, the date was the day after the girls were released from the NICU so it ended up being a great welcome party for the babies instead. It was a fun opportunity to introduce them to our friends & family, although a little exhausting too.

Another option rather than a shower, would be a Blessing Way. These are more mother focused & a great way to help center yourself & gather up lots of positive energy heading into the final stretch of your pregnancy. This is what I did with my singleton & it was really great. They can be as hippy-dippy or not as you want but are a really great time.

 

My friends scheduled a shower for me at 26 weeks. I thought that was WAY too early but the timing was actually awesome. I had a ton of energy, wasn't too big, and the aches and pains of the third trimester hadn't set in yet. I was able to organize clothes and set up some baby gear. My family put one on at 31 weeks and my husband's family put one on at 34 weeks. Went in to labor the day of my family's shower and the babies were already born by 34 weeks. It was crazy hectic putting away and organizing gifts that late. In summary, my recommendation is for before 28 weeks for your enjoyment! Congratulations!!!!!

 

Hi DannyT,

You're getting some terrific advice here! I'm having a little girl and a little boy; thanks for asking. ;-)

 

I had mine before 30 weeks (26 and 28 weeks or thereabouts, if memory serves). I remember being paranoid that I wouldn't make it if I got put on bed rest or had the babies early. I made it to both showers and was able to enjoy them, though they were utterly exhausting too. If they had been later I would have been too big and uncomfortable so I would say earlier is better. Good luck!

 

Both of my showers were very early (trying to remember exactly, but maybe between 22 and 24 weeks?). It worked well for me because, as a pp mentioned, I had energy to go home afterward and wash and organize clothes as well as go to BRU to spend my gift cards. My girls came at 30 weeks, so I'm glad not to have waited too long.

 

I definitely feel you for not wanting to set a date. Jews are super superstitious-many of us won't even bring baby stuff into the house until after the baby is born, and in my family we don't even BUY anything until after the baby is born, lol.

With both births, we just got everything afterwards. With Rivky, I think my mom went out and bought a few outfits and blankets. I was co-sleeping so we didn't need a crib, and all the goodies that the hospital sends you home with were good enough for the first couple of days. With the twins, they were in the NICU so it was a whole different story. I felt superstitious getting anything until they came home from the hospital lol. So we borrowed a portacrib from a friend until ours came (I HIGHLY recommend getting Amazon Mom or Amazon Prime-it's the cheapest way to buy diapers also), and rented a hospital pump. I had all the clothes from Rivky, but you could easily get away with some white gerber onsies and leggings, or some of those dressing gowns (another recommendation, the less snaps and zippers, the better!) for a few days.

 

I had my shower around 31 weeks - it was good timing - I enjoyed it (and I was SORE the next day LOL)...

 

I probably won't have a shower with this pregnancy, but I can tell you that like others have said, my energy/comfort level has taken a nosedive in the last couple weeks (I'm 33 weeks now). I agree that 25-30 weeks is perfect timing.