Shower Dilemma

I'm struggling with the whole notion of registering and also with the idea of a shower. For some background: I have a private practice and work at home, so I don't work in an office environment any more.

We moved to a new city about two years and a half ago, and while I have made some good friends, maybe a dozen or so, and my DH has a bunch of old friends in this city, most of my dearest old friends are spread out over the country. Also, we're quite a bit older than the standard new parents, so almost all our friends have kids in school (or college!), so I feel pretty out of synch and odd.

Here's my dilemma: on the one hand, part of me feels that registering is just sort of ASKING for gifts, which I'm not really comfortable doing. I IMAGINE that people are going to want to get us some things (we never registered when we got married which was a bit of a hassle), but I don't want to assume.

On the shower front, well - gulp, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this but - I WANT a shower. I didn't have one for my wedding, since we had a very small one w/out our good friends (don't even ask!) It's been an incredible struggle to get pregnant, I've waited endless years, and - I'd really like that experience.

It's not even so much about what we would receive as gifts, more about just being in celebration with people. Because I work alone and from home, I am often pretty isolated, and would like to share the excitement of the babies with a group of people. And, to be perfectly honest, well, this has not been an easy pregnancy, and once these babies come I get the feeling that I will have time for nothing but them, and - darn it, I want to be the center of attention for one last time! (yes, I am obviously a horrible, selfish person!)

That said, I'm almost 24 weeks (tomorrow!) and nobody has offered to throw a shower for me (ok, how pathetic do I feel??). I know a lot of people at my husband's office and have good relationships with many of them, but - even if they are going to do something, that feels like it would be more for him (which would be great and would make me very happy for him).

Even if it would be pretty small, since my old friends wouldn't be able to travel, I'd still like to have my friends around, at least my local ones.

DH suggested asking a dear friend if she would organize it for me - we'd do it in our house because she lives in a small apartment....does that seem to weird or pathetic?

Thanks for your honest feedback.

 

I'm struggling with the whole notion of registering and also with the idea of a shower. For some background: I have a private practice and work at home, so I don't work in an office environment any more.

We moved to a new city about two years and a half ago, and while I have made some good friends, maybe a dozen or so, and my DH has a bunch of old friends in this city, most of my dearest old friends are spread out over the country. Also, we're quite a bit older than the standard new parents, so almost all our friends have kids in school (or college!), so I feel pretty out of synch and odd.

Here's my dilemma: on the one hand, part of me feels that registering is just sort of ASKING for gifts, which I'm not really comfortable doing. I IMAGINE that people are going to want to get us some things (we never registered when we got married which was a bit of a hassle), but I don't want to assume.

On the shower front, well - gulp, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this but - I WANT a shower. I didn't have one for my wedding, since we had a very small one w/out our good friends (don't even ask!) It's been an incredible struggle to get pregnant, I've waited endless years, and - I'd really like that experience.

It's not even so much about what we would receive as gifts, more about just being in celebration with people. Because I work alone and from home, I am often pretty isolated, and would like to share the excitement of the babies with a group of people. And, to be perfectly honest, well, this has not been an easy pregnancy, and once these babies come I get the feeling that I will have time for nothing but them, and - darn it, I want to be the center of attention for one last time! (yes, I am obviously a horrible, selfish person!)

That said, I'm almost 24 weeks (tomorrow!) and nobody has offered to throw a shower for me (ok, how pathetic do I feel??). I know a lot of people at my husband's office and have good relationships with many of them, but - even if they are going to do something, that feels like it would be more for him (which would be great and would make me very happy for him).

Even if it would be pretty small, since my old friends wouldn't be able to travel, I'd still like to have my friends around, at least my local ones.

DH suggested asking a dear friend if she would organize it for me - we'd do it in our house because she lives in a small apartment....does that seem to weird or pathetic?

Thanks for your honest feedback.

 

I think it's just fine to have a shower no matter your age. Especially since, compared to a wedding shower, the gifts are for the baby, which makes it more fun and exciting. Perhaps a couples shower would work? That turns it more into a party for everyone and gets the men excited. I threw a couples shower for a friend a few years ago and it was great - we broke all the rules. There were no "thank you notes" - the mom just opened the gift and said "thanks" to the friend - it made it seem much less like a shower and more like a fun party getting excited about the baby. I hope that helps - hopefully you can find a couple to host it at your home. W/ twins - that's a great reason to have it at your home too.
Good luck - keep us posted!

 

I think it is just fine that you want to be the center of attention right now. I mean, you are the one that is doing all the work keeping these babies cooking and I think that deserves some recognition! And I think that registering is a good thing. I see where you are comming from though, it is like asking for gifts in a way. But I think that it is a nice thing to do also. I mean, I hate getting someone a gift that they don't like or need. I would MUCH rather get them something that they picked out themselves. That way I KNOW they will use it. Plus, if you get gifts that you don't need it is a big hassel to take it back to the store and you are pregnant with twins right now. You shouldn't have to worry about doing that kind of thing!!! I agree with doing a co-ed shower. I think that sounds like a lot of fun. We will probably do that too (we did a traditional shower with my son) but we will have to have the shower after the babies come because it would be out of state. We have NO ONE here to have a shower with and I don't want to travel anymore before the babies come. So I guess my shower will already be "non-traditional" because it will be a Welcome Babies shower instead. Why not just go ahead and make it co-ed too?!?!?!?!? Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful and fun shower.

 

You NEED to have a shower! Even if it is for diapers and wipes! You will go through them like water!

You must have it soon! You don't know what could happen. Not wishing you unexpected anything...but I had my shower and a week later I had PTL and wouldn't have been able to go anywhere.

 

You absolutely deserve to have a shower. I'm sure everyone else assumes someoone else is throwing you one, so don't feel to weird about dropping hints that you would appreciate the gesture. Registering is a favor to those people who want to get you a gift you really need/want. You're being far too modest and humble!! Let your friends and family show their excitement for you, and bring on the gifts!!

Reyna

 

I think you need to have a shower! I don't see any problem with your scenario (though I'm sorry nobody offered to throw one for you!) I felt weird about having a shower because I have two children already, BUT they're boys and the twins are girls, these are TWINS and I don't have near enough stuff, and I think it's important for my morale and for the babies' books to have a celebration! I didn't put 'shower' on the invitation, I registered for my own sake (like a reminder or shopping list) and I've only told people if they've asked... don't feel bad- you and your babies deserve a celebration!

 

You definately deserve a shower! Just have your husband hint to your close friend that nothing has been organized, and I'm sure she'll jump on it! And make sure you do register... a lot of people will just get what they want anyway, but if you don't register, you are almost guaranteed to get a bunch of washcloths and sleepers... of which you only need so many, and there is a lot of other stuff you could really use!
And you are not a horrible selfish person!!! It is wonderful to be at the center of attention at your baby shower!

Now go... get to hinting!

Helen

 

You definately need to have a shower. You deserve it. It's tradition to register so don't feel rude about registering. It's just a way of letting people know what you don't have and you need for the babies and it cuts down on repeat gifts because people can see what others already got you. Talk about it with your favorite friend and go register. Hope you have a wonderful shower. Your babies are so worth celebrating!
Melanie (26 weeks)

 

If you feel weird asking someone to throw you a shower AND you truly just want to celebrate that you are about to become a family...why not just have some friends/aquaintances over in celebration of that? Doesn't need to be a shower per se, more a celebration of the miracles you are growing.

 

You definitely deserve a shower!! I would have your husband ask your friend if she could organize some sort of a celebration. (your age should never be a factor)

 

Absolutely have a shower, you may not get another chance and its a good excuse to have friends over that you might not get to see for awhile once the babies come. We also had a couples shower for my DD and it was really fun, more like a birthday party.

Now, have a laugh at my expense, my mind is NOT working today, I was thinking this post was going to be about actual showering, like you were having trouble getting in and out, not a baby shower question

 

I am echoing a lot of the others here, but IMO you have a few options:

1) Register! This is kind of standard practice, and is completely socially acceptable. Go and have fun.

2) Have DH (on the down low) contact your friend and let her know that you would like a shower. Let HIM be the one to get the ball rolling.

3) If the hinting for a shower does not work...have a PARTY! Make it for couples. Make a celebration out of it to honor the soon-to-debut twins. Our friends did this (on top of a shower that was thrown) and lots came and brought lovely gifts.

 

Thanks, All, your input is much appreciated. Guess it's time to get myself to BRU or someplace similar while I still can and register!

 

Oh - you really need a shower! It's such a magical time in your life - and from my experiecnes, everyone loves to share in your excitement! If you lived here in Iowa, heck, I'd throw you a shower! In reading the responses above, I REALLY like the suggestion of having your husband drop a little 'private' hint to a good friend. And I can tell you, the best shower I had was a couple shower where it was fun, somewhat casual and definitely a joyous celebration. And I would definitely register - people like to know what you need. Some will get you fun clothes and toys, but if you don't register, then that might be all you get and we all know there are a zillion things you need. BRU is the best - I was overwhelmed when I registered there with my first so I took a friend who was a Mom. She just pointed and said - "Register for that, that and that..."