Should with CIO with him?

Matt is giving us a heap of trouble. For the last seven nights, he's been up at least 3-4 times a night for various reasons. "I need medicine" "Rock me" "Lay with me" "The monster got me" "Rub my back"------ you get the picture. He was sick last week and we got up with him, but he's better now, until it's bedtime,then he really lays it on thick. We keep their bedroom door locked at night, b/c of the stairs-- so he lays in front of the door and kicks it until someone comes in. Mind you, all three of the other kids sleep through this. I don't know how,but they must be used to it.

DH just told me that we are crazy for getting up all those times with him. I agree and I know he's just playing us now. So tonight, we plan to just tell him we aren't coming back in til morning and letting him kick away. I better wear some earplugs to bed. I'm just afraid that he's having nightmares or something and I don't want him to be traumitized. His sister is in the room with him,so he's not in there by himself.

Any suggestions would be appreciated & a full nights sleep would be very MUCH appreciated!!!!

Crystal

 

I have no advice, BUT Kate (twoin2005) shared this recently and other have had great success with it:

QUOTE
I learned this strategy at a parenting class a few months ago. We recently put it to work with GREAT success for Hannah.

Tomorrow morning, when you are not in the heat of the moment, have a chat with Martin about the night time routine. Share with him, "The new rule is...bed time is quiet time," or something to that effect. But use the language "the new rule is...." Be explicit. You get 2 books. Lights out. No getting out of bed. No crying for mom. It should be quiet. Go over this with him. Ask him to explain back to you what the rule is. Have him verbalize the expectations. Do this throughout the day. Get him to do the talking.

Then at night time, as you are putting him to bed, acknowledge the absence of negative behavior. Do not say, "Good job," or "I am proud of you." Instead, use descriptive praise to acknowledge what he is NOT doing (i.e., "You are not crying. You are not shouting mommy's name. You are not getting out of bed. You are not kicking the wall."). Say it simply without tons of fanfaire. Keep the inflection in your voice minimal. Just acknowledge that he is following the rules by pointing out what he is NOT doing.

Let me give you more concrete examples by sharing what we are doing with Hannah. Hannah's issue was that she was drawing out the goodbyes at night time and then crying and getting out of bed. So one morning I said to Hannah, "The new rule is, 2 books, prayers, and good night." I explained to her that she could not get out of bed. She could not cry for mommy. Babies cry and she is a big girl. I asked her questions back. "Can you get out of bed?" "Can you read three books?" "Can you cry for more books?" And so on. We revisited this throughout the day. "Hannah, what's the new rule?" By the afternoon, she could explain back to me, in her own words, what the expectations were.

At night time, as soon as we finished the books, I looked at her and casually observed, "You are not crying." I kept the inflection in my voice minimal, and just shared with her what I was seeing. Her smirk of pride was evident. "You are not getting out of bed," was my next observation. Again, a smirk. That night, she went RIGHT to bed.

We have had to tweak our rule a bit. She started calling for Daddy instead of mommy, for example. But overall, our nightime routine is easy and has been pretty much tantrum free now for a week. I revisit the rule a few times throughout the day now. And everynight I point out the absence of the negative behavior. "Hannah, you are not crying," as soon as I start to put the books away.

Anyways, sorry for the novel...just wanted to share a great strategy that has produced wonderful results in our household.

 

Kate's advice has worked for a few of us recently!!!

Crystal, I would start with Kate's advice and then personally - I would probably bribe him! I would tell him if he can stay quietly in his room all night long for 5 nights in a row (use a sticker chart or something) that he would get a PERSONAL trip to the ____________ fill in the blank. Go get an ice cream with one parent alone, or a toy at the toy store etc.... (Meanwhile, reward the remaining 3 at HOME for their GREAT behavior!). Just a thought!!!

We have late night wakings still too!! It's making me crazy! (I have a gate at the top of the stairs still because their door isn't locked ....) We used to have great sleepers!!

I wouldn't be able to ignore the kicking the door for too long probably. Maybe you could time the "tantrum" and have a cut off point. I can't remember if you are able to separate them or not, but that might be a thought as well. :hug99:

 

Thanks for sharing your suggestions. We are going to have a talk with him tonight before he goes to bed and see what happens. I may use a sticker chart too--that has worked with him in the past. I'm just at my wits end with this night waking. I'm a basketcase without sleep. I could deal with him getting up once at night, but every hour is ridiculous. I don't have room to seperate them, but I do feel bad for Mia. That poor girl's sleep gets interrupted every night!!!

Crystal

 

I am having the same problem with one of my girls. From day one she has been the bad sleeper. She has gone through the nightterrors. Now she is just playing us. Every night she calls us over to find her blanket, baby or just for a hug. She is very loud. We don't let her yell to much because we are afraid she will wake her sister. Now they are in separate rooms. They have been separated since coming home due to bad sleep habits. I think we will start letting her go or start taking the items that she must take to bed with her away. I am a person that needs sleep so I am getting to my breaking point.

Now she has slept through the night sometimes, just not regularly. It just has been every night now for the last month or so. Now the last couple of nights both of them are up at least once.

When does it get easier!!!!

 

Up until they turned 4, we went through this every time one of the girls got sick. We just did CIO each time and they were fine within 1-2 nights. Since the girls have their sister in the room with them I was never too worried about psychological impact. The cry is usually one of anger more than of fear. Good luck!

 

Can you explain how you do the sticker chart? I think we need to implement that at our house to have a smoother bedtime. Do you give them the sticker at night or in the morning? Do they actually remember in the morning whether or not they went to bed quietly the night before? I think we need to have more positive discipline at night...we usually end up separating them if they aren't quiet after 3 warnings. After my twins, who are 3, go to bed I am trying to get my 5 month old to sleep...so I really have no time to deal with their stall tactics.

Thanks,
Amy