Should I stop being a SAHM?

My intent is NOT to get into some kind of debate about working vs. SAHM. I really need some input from both types of Mom's.
A little backround. I have a 17yo ds and 19month b/g twins. One month before getting preg with twins I lost my job to downsizing. One month after the preg news came the twins news. We were thrilled that 5 yrs of trying a FINAL IVF worked. It finacially did not make sense for me to seach for a job while prego and working in a medical office did not make enough to cover daycare for the twins.
Fast forward to my life with the twins....I feel like I am not very good at this SAHM stuff. I was never a neat freak but I feel like I am always stuck in a messy house. It is just overwhelming to see there is so much that needs to get done but it gets undone so quickly that I just quit trying. I feel I'm not as patient as I should be with the twins. My entire day is spent getting them off tables, off the computer desk, out of the bathroom etc. Our house is a ranch and it seems impossible for me to really shut access to these areas. I feel like I am always yelling and loosing my temper when I have to get them/tell them for the 10th time "no" by 8am. I just feel like I am burned out and that "everybody" does a better job at this SAHM stuff than me, like I'm failing at it. I'm so tired of my messy house, whiney kids and not getting anything acomplished that needs to like cleaning bathrooms, floors and laundry. It is so hard to be motivated when tomorrow will be the same thing. Fights and messes.

Am I the worst Mom ever?

My dh is not the most helpful when it comes to housework. It's tough because I feel like he works all day and I should have a better handle on things as far as the home.

My MIL take the twins every saturday for 5 hours or so and that is my only break

If you got to the end of this rant...thanks...I just feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to turn.

Sarah
Raina & Mason 19 months old

 

My intent is NOT to get into some kind of debate about working vs. SAHM. I really need some input from both types of Mom's.
A little backround. I have a 17yo ds and 19month b/g twins. One month before getting preg with twins I lost my job to downsizing. One month after the preg news came the twins news. We were thrilled that 5 yrs of trying a FINAL IVF worked. It finacially did not make sense for me to seach for a job while prego and working in a medical office did not make enough to cover daycare for the twins.
Fast forward to my life with the twins....I feel like I am not very good at this SAHM stuff. I was never a neat freak but I feel like I am always stuck in a messy house. It is just overwhelming to see there is so much that needs to get done but it gets undone so quickly that I just quit trying. I feel I'm not as patient as I should be with the twins. My entire day is spent getting them off tables, off the computer desk, out of the bathroom etc. Our house is a ranch and it seems impossible for me to really shut access to these areas. I feel like I am always yelling and loosing my temper when I have to get them/tell them for the 10th time "no" by 8am. I just feel like I am burned out and that "everybody" does a better job at this SAHM stuff than me, like I'm failing at it. I'm so tired of my messy house, whiney kids and not getting anything acomplished that needs to like cleaning bathrooms, floors and laundry. It is so hard to be motivated when tomorrow will be the same thing. Fights and messes.

Am I the worst Mom ever?

My dh is not the most helpful when it comes to housework. It's tough because I feel like he works all day and I should have a better handle on things as far as the home.

My MIL take the twins every saturday for 5 hours or so and that is my only break

If you got to the end of this rant...thanks...I just feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to turn.

Sarah
Raina & Mason 19 months old

 

Hi Sarah. First I want to say that you are not alone. I am a SAHM and there are days that I could have written your post. I think that the age of your kids is a really tough stage. I think the challenges they pose can make us feel like not the greatest Moms. I too find it extremely difficult to keep up with all the chores and DH doesn't really help either. I try to focus on one thing at a time and set small goals. Today it was get the kitchen clean and do one load of laundry. I got one out of two, since the laundry still needs to be dried. There are days that I really miss my pre-kids work life, but then they do something silly and I think that I wouldn't trade it for the world. Your feelings are totally normal. At least you get a break on Saturdays (I have no breaks since we have no family/friends here). I have no advice except hang in there.

 

Wow, Sarah, sounds rough for you. The twins are at a trying age. I am a SAH mom and would never suggest that a mom take a job to being with her kids. I would try spending time with other SAHM and get some support, suggestions, and service (some time off!!) from them. My friends who are home with their kids don't mind a few more in any given day for a few hours. See what other mom's do to cope. Try different strategies. Try more confinement for the twins to keep them out of trouble. Make sure they have things to do so they don't DO things that they shouldn't. Bored kids are "bad" kids.

Feel free to Pt me if you really want more suggestions.

 

Sarah,

Honey you and me could be twins. LOL. I am also a SAHM. MY house is NEVER clean. I am like you, it was never done before (cleaner yes, but never spotless), and now forget it. I think too, would my kids be better off in a daycare situation. Then I think, no. My kids belong with me. As much as I loose my patience, I am allowed to, I am there mother, and its HARD!!!! My DH is helpful to me. I can leave the house to get shopping done at night...take a nap on a saturday, etc. So that helps me out. I also attend college online, so its even more challenging when I have something due.

We just found out we are expecting another. (Hopefully just 1) I am afraid of this too, as Im sure it will just add to the pile. I also know they will not be young forever. Before you know it, we will be busy soccer moms with a whole other area of concern. Try and enjoy them as hard as it is...take a break and put on a video!! Its not going to rot thier brain if 2 hours (Mornging and afternoon) a day they watch elmo or dora. It keeps us sane...
Good luck and HUGS to you!!

AmandA

 

I can really relate to your comments, and although I never had a singleton I reckon that there are days when being at home with two very small children is half as much fun and four times as much work as being at home with one toddler.

I've done a bit of everything. I stayed home with the girls until they were 11 months old. My husband worked part time and we lived off our savings. But you can't do that forever so I went back to teaching three days per week from 11-18 months of age. We were still going backwards financially so last year (end of January till December) I worked four days per week while my husband studied to become a teacher too. Now, he's working full time and I'm working a 0.5 fraction (two days one week, three the next). And I would have to say that this is shaping up to be my best year with kids yet. Last year I felt so regretful that I was missing so much of their lives, at such an interesting age. They did three days of daycare and one day with my husband and one with me, so I didn't have the agonizing fulltime daycare dilemma. But I missed them desperately. This year, I get to trot off to my fulfilling, rewarding job two or three days a week. My girls spend two days each week in a quality daycare program, and one day a fortnight with my parents who adore them. Yes, on my days at home I do find myself racing around in circles trying to get a minimum standard of hygiene happening around here (I promised my husband I would take on most housework this year while he gets his teaching career established - I even iron his shirts! ). But I love my days at home and I love my days at work.

So I guess what I'm asking is - can you work part-time? I know that daycare is hideously expensive in the States (over here it's government subsidised and our income still counts as low-middle, so it's quite affordable). But you guys also seem to have a range of options in terms of babysitters who can come to your house, etc, or maybe your mother in law could do one day a week? I don't know if it's feasible to work part-time in your particular line of work, but my mum is an administrative secretary and has always been able to land agency jobs whenever she wanted them - even being called out by the day sometimes. I know what you mean about feeling trapped, and as the PP have indicated, you are really not alone. Maybe you can strike some kind of balance between work and home?

Good luck.

Tania.

 

I was a SAHM until the kids were 25 months. For me, I feel like going back to work was the best thing I've done for myself and my twins. I am incredibly grateful that I had two years to stay with them, but like you, I started feeling frustrated with the "day-in, day-out" routine. I also felt that my kids were missing out on something because I couldn't have imagined playdates or other activities because I felt my hands were so full already. After taking them to a daycare, it amazed me how much they learned, not just talking and potty training, but I saw them interact with other kids and other adults in a very positive way. I'm thrilled with the result because I think they've blossomed, and I absolutely love their teacher this year. When we all come home at the end of the day, I'm happy because I got out and did a job I love, and they're happy because they learned something new and played with their freinds all afternoon.

 

Well, I too understand your boat. I have had the feeling of the day in and day out. I had to work when my daughter was younger, so even though I get those feelings, I remember how tough it was to work full time with just one baby and how much I missed out. My boys are slow in their speech and all of the "experts" have said I need to put them in preschool in the fall (they will be 2 1/2 years). Secretly, between us ladies, it makes me sad that I "need" to put them in so young, but I also am a bit joyed. My intent is to use that time to be productive, like volunteer at their school or my daughter's school. I also might try a little ebay selling (my mom makes customized baby stuff). Bottom line, I will try to use that time to reconnect with myself. Is that a possibiity for you? We are doing the preschool through a local church, so it is much, much cheaper than a day care. Then you could use that time to work part time somewhere, enjoy the time to yourself, or have that little bit of extra time to get the house cleaned.

 

No, you are not the worst mommy ever. In my experience, the age they're at now is by far the hardest. Life with twins or a singleton at 18-24 months is a nonstop whirlwind of "NO!", temper tantrums, and saving them from injuring themselves. It's not fun to take them anywhere, and if you can't babyproof the house or block areas off with gates, it's not a lot of fun to be home with them either!

Once your kids start getting closer to age 2, you're going to see a big difference in how they listen and understand, which helps so much, and things like timeouts will start to have an effect. And that's followed by the fantastic preschool years -- IMO, the greatest age -- when they are so sweet and loving and curious, learning things so quickly, and the things they say and think of are hysterical and insightful and all around wonderful!

Hang in there!

 

I feel you, I'm not a sahm but I work full time and than I get home and have to clean up and do everyone's laundry. Sometimes I get in a rut where I didn't do laundry for 3 weeks. I would do some of my clothes here and there but no one else's. I give sahm all the credit in the world because by the time I get home I just want to relax and not deal with anything. I get aggrivated really fast with the girl's and I feel bad that I do that but I ask myself why can't they just be good tonight so everything goes smoothly. But just to answer your question No you are not a bad Mom, You are a great Mom!!!

 

I think you are at a difficult age...and this is a difficult time of the year... I didn't look to see where you are from...but it's harder for us to get outside b/c of the cold weather.

My suggestions is that you should not go back to work simply b/c you feel like a failure at doing the SAHM thing... that's going to leave you feeling not so great about yourself...

My advice...connect with some local SAHMs...they don't have to have twins... but that wouldn't be a bad idea either...

Here are some things that help me.. Set a Laundry day...and 1 or 2 Cleaning days... Monday is my laundry day..by setting this in stone I will always feel like I've accomplished something on laundry day... I let the kids stay in their pjs on most winter laundry days... when I know we aren't going out and no one is coming over... Thursday and Friday are my cleaning days... I need two days most weeks b/c I can't clean both the first and second floors on the same day. When I clean the second floor all the kids go into my older dd's room (on the same flr) and get gated in to play while I clean...it takes 1.5 to 2 hours...and they usually do pretty well... When I clean the 1st floor I usually put something on TV for them..I prefer videos without commercials..and that are age appropriate for keeping their attention.

By setting these 2-3 days out of the week I always feel like I've accomplished something every week, even if tuesday and wednesday are bum days... As far as doing dinner... I try to only cook 2 or 3 meals from scratch during the week.. the other nights are leftover nights...and I very rarely ever cook anything fancy on the weekends... we do pizza or something super easy. This keeps it more managable.

Daily clean up activities involve the kids cleaning up before nap and before bedtime... My twins were involved since age 1... It is challenging but you must "force" them to help. When they were younger I literally took them and made them pick things up, walked them over to where it belonged and had them put it in there. My involvement depends on their willingness..but whether or not they are willing they do get involved... It's not perfect...there are days where I have to alternate between A and J working with one and then the other to get them to help. It is more work than just cleaning up the stuff myself..but I feel like it's a very crucial lesson for them.. my kids must understand that I am not their servant..that if they get it out they must be involved in putting it away. The younger this lesson is learned the better.

Another thing that you really need is time out for yourself. I'm not great about this...but dh can usually tell when I'm getting burned out..and he'll at least help for a few hours here and there so that I can at least go take a shower and spend some time by myself.

Other things that can make the day go faster... set as a goal of doing one art/crafts thing a day... I don't do messy stuff with the twins, but they will sit and color or work on their doodle mat thing... In the summer time I make sure to get the kids out more often..

Having some play dates with friends. We don't do this as much in the winter just b/c of the odds that someone winds up sick... plans tend to fall through more often. But if you can't get friends over you can at least try to take the kids out...even just for a walk through walmart...

Here's rule 101 to being a SAHM...which I'm not following today... GET YOURSELF DRESSED.... it'll make you feel much better about yourself.

As far as temper... I have found that I'm much less likely to get angry when I deal with discipline issues immediately rather than repeatedly telling them 'no'.. we do spankings here... a great book is Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. Anyway my basic thing is to not let things build up until I'm screaming at them... I believe that a calm spanking is much more effective and much less painful than mom always screaming... I don't want my kids to scream in the house...so I try not to do it either. It's just not very effective either..kids are good at tuning you out..but they can't ignore a spanking. When I do give spankings I explain exactly what they did (briefly), spank them once or twice (depending on the offense and whether or not they are responding to the discipline..if they are fighting me and throwing a fit then they are not responding...) and then I hold them (usually they cry even over a light spanking...b/c they know that they did wrong)... and I reassure them that I love them and that's why I discipline them... Consistency with this should curb really naughty behaviors like climbing on tables, going into toilets, etc... My kids pretty much instinctively stay away from certain things b/c they know that they aren't allowed. Every once and awhile they do need a reminder..kids have shorter memories..

Anyway I hope I helped a bit... The chaos you describe isn't abnormal at all... that pretty much sums up my first year... and I wasn't always this organized... cleaning rarely happened even when I just had my first dd... It wasn't until the twins turned 18 months that I really got my act together as far as structuring my week...and now it seems like I've been doing it forever. Don't give up on SAHM... you are in a difficult phase...it gets better...

 

I work full time outside the home and feel pretty good about that decision most of the time. I hate housework, and although I love spending time with my kids. I find that I really do spend a lot of quality time with them when I am home because my time is limited. I notice that I am more patient and creative with them after working outside the home all day than I am at the end of a Saturday when I've been with them all day. There are cerainly times I wish I was a stay at home mom, but if I am honest with myself, I don't think I really ever could be a full time stay at home mom.

Good luck in whatever you decide and there is no wrong answer, you have to do what is right for you and your children.

 

I am FT working Mom, speaking as one who would sell her liver to be able to be home with the kids, I can only say, stick it out. Winter sucks and I think that I a big part of the blahs we're all feeling.

Also, a friend of mine is a SAHM(1 3y/o and a 6mo with Down syndrome) and I think her sanity saver is being disciplined enough to get them all out of the house a few times a week. Playdates, she drops the kids off at the sitters at the Y and teaches yoga and other classes a few times a week, take them to volunteer "work"(visits really)at the local nursing home. Etc...

Your kids are at an age where they could do bouncy houses, is there any place close by that has them indoors, that was you can get them to work out their energy on those days when they are just way hyper. Sounds like they might be getting a little bored too.

You are dealing with all the things that I often worried would make me a lousey SAHM, but listening to my friend, I now have a "plan" for if that bag of money were to ever fall from the sky and I could be a SAHM. Good Luck!

 

I think that working outside the home can work well for a family as long as you have good child care. I work full-time, but we are lucky enough to have two sets of retired grandparents who care for the girls in our home and take them to a lot of extra-curricular activities. I join them for tumblebugs on Thursdays on my lunch hour and they go to the library every Tuesday for a pre-school program with Nana. This situation couldn't be better. I was home with my girls for the first year and I loved caring for my children. I didn't love the drudgery of housework, or the monotony of the stay at home routine. We also were not in a financial situation to have me continue to stay home without DH working a second job or out of town and for our family this was far worse than me going back to work. This way, the girls get a fresh, energetic caregiver each day, and I get to come home to happy girls who are thrilled to see mommy. If you can work things out, maybe part-time work may be an option, or if you get a good caregiver, you might want to go back full-time. Take your time deciding and weigh all the options. It really is up to you.

 

I really feel for you . I think you are doing the best you can. Being a SAHM is tough and I remember your kid's age as being particularly hard. I'm just now getting to the point where I feel like I can take the kids out by myself -- although the places I'll try that are limited. That makes it especially hard since you feel like you are all on your own all the time. Some things that do help is to do any child proofing you can and to try to get outside a little every day to tire them out (not always feasible in the winter, I know). Sometimes you have to be creative about the child proofing. Our office area is in this loft area where it was really difficult to put a gate (wide hallway area leading to the office with no walls to attach a gate to). We ended up getting a superyard and using a couple of the panels from that to block off access to the office. So, you have to step over the fencing to get to the office but I'm willing to do that. We also had problems with blocking access to the bathrooms since none of the knob covers for lever type doors seemed to work very well. So, I bought a couple of cheapie round knobs since those were easier to get safety covers that actually work or to just lock from the inside. Blocking off a "bad area" is SO much easier than having to say no over, and over, and over again. When I really need to get something done I put in a favorite video or turn on a TV show they like. They love Elmo so the last half of Seasame Street gets me a solid half hour to do something I need to or to just have another cup of coffee. Another thought -- any chance you could get a Mother's helper for a couple of hours an afternoon or two (i.e. after school so neighborhood kid)? I did that for a little while. Even though you are home, too, an extra set of hands makes doing things so much more managable.

I can't really comment on whether going to work would be a good thing for you or not. It is such an individual decision. I do think you can be a better Mom if you get a break from the kids once in awhile, whatever that means for you.

 

I know exactly how you are feeling!! I am a divorced SAHM!! Yes, my ex and I wanted me to be home before we split up....the day of our divorce the judge asked us both if we were sure this is what we wanted....because it is so rare for a couple to get divorced and the mom stay home with the kids! It is just what makes sense for us right now!
Anyway....he works mon-sat from 7am until 9pm....so he NEVER takes the dudes during the week....somestimes he has to work on sundays too.....so I am with the kids ALL day and ALL night ALL the time! I somehow always manage to get out of the house everyday...and I feel like my house is pretty clean....but it is a HUGE responsibility to do it all myself...taking care of two 2 year olds and a house....I'm often amazed that I still smile!!!

 

I don't think there is a perfect answer...

I think that this seems to be a uniquely 'mommy' problem. I teach full time which means I have vacations to be with my little ones. I striggle every day with the decision whether or not to work. I am not sure that I would be a very good SAHM... But I am not sure that I want to lose all this time with my kiddos. I think many women feel this conflict so intently, and I think this is the source of the "Mommy Wars", where WOHM and SAHM resent or judge the other... we feel torn about either decision.

Another mom on this site suggested planning day. This is what I intend to do if I choose to stay home next year. I am used to writing lesson plans so I plan to do the same for the 3 of us next year if.......

Wow I guess that wasn't very helpful but either decision is hard, either way we feel torn. I will say that if you work outside the home, laudry, house cleaning and dishes still need to get done you just have to do it after work....

Good Luck!

 

quote:
In my experience, the age they're at now is by far the hardest. Life with twins or a singleton at 18-24 months is a nonstop whirlwind of "NO!", temper tantrums, and saving them from injuring themselves

Really?? Oh, thank you so much for this thread - everyone's comments about the age group is making me feel SO much better. My boys are 19 months old and they are just running us ragged. Seems like they are so cranky all the time and tantrums are causing me to lose my marbles. I'm so glad to hear this is a phase!

I was home with the boys for the the first 8 months, then I went back to work full time and DH took over as a SAHD (for the time being anyway). I also don't feel like being a SAHM was possible for me. As much as I love every minute with my boys, I was getting seriously depressed at home. The same daily routine over and over again, being stuck in the house with no help was REALLY hard on me.

I think the ideal situation would be a part time job because I would love to still be able to work. But working full time is also very draining and I wish I could spend more time with the boys.

to you Sarah. I know how hard it is. You sure as heck are NOT a bad mom - you are doing the best you can!

Michelle

 

Gosh, you could have described me somedays. I am so sorry you feel this way most days. It just feels so awful. On the whole I love being with my kids adn being a SAHM. That said, I believe that if you are unhappy your kids will feel that. You have to do what you feel is best for you and it will translate to them. Financially will you be able to cover the cost of daycare and possibly someone to help come in and clean the house and have some left over to make it worth your while? If so, I'd say go for it.

If not, Personally I would try to change some things around to make your situation better. Good luck.

 

You've gotten lots of good feedback, I don't want to be redundant. I am also a SAHM, haven't worked since my pregnancy and I also feel a little "stuck" at times. I personally feel the ideal situation for me would be to work part time, but I haven't been able to work that out yet. I can't really imagine not seeing them all day (OK, there are days when that sounds good, lol) but really, I wouldn't want that.

Here are some things from my experience:

Housework - do one big cleaning thing a day, like floors, a bathroom, dusting, whatever. I can't seem to get anything done while they are awake, so I do this during naptime or after they are asleep. I also do at least one load of laundry a day to keep on top of it. DH cooks and does the dishes (YAY!), although I do still have to mop the floor and clean counters. See if your DH is willing to pick up at least one housework chore. Mine decided to take what was the least horrible one to him. Can you afford a housecleaner maybe once a week?

Get out of the house! Hard to do in the winter, but it makes the day go much faster. We go to Gymboree on Tues, Storytime on Fridays, and I'm checking into some playgroups. I also take them along on errands. Might seem like a waste of time, but hey, going to CVS to pick up prescriptions can kill an hour. That's one less hour of "get off the table".

Can you section off a room to be their playroom? We have a basement level family room and playroom that they are free to roam. We spend most of their time down there. The TV and fireplace are gated off, there's no coffee table, and I don't mind them getting on that couch. So, I don't spend too much time telling them no, don't touch. I am forever herding them out of the bathroom after they follow me in.

I understand how you feel. There are days I feel like I can't do this anymore, what was I thinking, but then the next day they are all cute and sweet. Stick around TS, this place is great for advice!

 

Sarah, you are not a bad mom! Everyone does the best they can.

I work FT, and on those days when I'm home with the girls (15 months old), I enjoy them, but it also reaffirms that I would not be happy being a SAHM. I hate feeling like everything child- and home-related is my responsibility, and I know if DH and I didn't both work FT, that's what would happen. My kids are in daycare, which they love, and I like knowing that they get more stimulation and interaction with other kids than they would with me.

That said, getting a job would not solve all your problems. There is still the housework and laundry to be dealt with, and if DH isn't an equal partner, it's going to fall on you to either do it or hire someone (if you can), whether you are working or not. You and DH would also need to decide what kind of childcare to use, and what happens when someone gets sick.

I think you need to really think about whether you would be happier working vs. taking care of the kids all day (which is totally possible -- it is certainly true for me), but also recognize that there are things you and DH need to deal with so that you don't feel like it's all your responsibility, whether you work or not. And also be aware that even though it looks like all the other SAHMs are doing a better job than you, most of them get frustrated (and have messy houses) too. That in itself is not a sign that something's wrong -- but if you are really unhappy day-by-day, that may be a sign that something should change.

and good luck to you!

 

My twins are into everything too and I also live in a 2 bedroom ranch. I keep my bedroom door closed & bathroom. Then, I have a gate going into the kitchen and into my office. The only area they have access to is the living room, hallway and their bedroom. There is not much to get into that way...just toys which are easily picked up.

I am a SAHM but at the same time, I am not! I work 16 hours a week in my house as a Staff Accountant and go into the office 1 8 hour day per week. Then, 2 days a week, I put the kids in the car...(all 3 of them) and bring them to my husband's work at 3:30, do the kid switch-a-roo so that I can be to my other pT job by 4-8:30pm. I am home with them most days...all day excpet 1.

 

i know you've already got alot of posts. I often wonder the same thing... should I go back to work? especially after we pay bills and wonder how we are ever going to get ontop of things. but that's another story. it helped me alot to get a weekly routine for myself.
Monday Laundryday and library time, cleaning
Tuesday someone comes over
Wednesday Play Group
Thurs Laundry , cleaning
Friday family day
Saturday clean
Sunday church, recover from the weekend
I involve the kids as much as possible in the cleaning. I organize the days around play times/themes and chores. Chores usually happen right after meals.

For me, I've decided the best place for me is at home with my kids, creating a safe place for them and DH.

 

To all you kind ladies...A big THANK YOU. It is so helpful to know I am not alone and you all aren't sitting in you clean houses, with children happily listening to you. I think before my SAHM days I used to think...wow how nice & easy that would be...they have "all day" to get things done. I will definately take the good advice from you all and use it where I can. Maybe I will give it till 24 months to look for a very part time job or some class they can take a few days a week.

Susanna--your advice especially hit home....I feel and do much better when I am johnny on the spot about showering and getting myself together.

Thank you all again and I feel like I have more answers and resources to look into.

Sarah

 

I do feel for you... I am a working mom who went back to work when the twins were 2 for a couple reasons and one was the feeling that I was seriously failing at being a good mom 24/7... my hubby does not help at all at home, and we are at odds about discipline so it was all on me.... his attitude was, he worked I stayed home so I should do all the housework, cooking etc... so I ended up going back to work in order to save my sanity... we have wonderful childcare, and I love my job, but there are always days that I wish I could be home with them... I miss it I suppose the grass always looks greener on the other side... but winter is a horrible time to make decisions like that, not only is winter the most depressing time but it is harder to get them outside and so a free moment to yourself to sit in a lawnchair and enjoy a tea/coffee while they play in the yard is rare Try to remmebr, spring is coming soon, so there will be more oppurtunity to get out and by next winter, they will be older and easier to handle!

Good luck

 

HI! You are not alone. My whole life all I wanted to be was a SAHM. Now that I am, I really don't like it. My 25 month old boys are doing everything in their power to drive me to the loony bin. I've never been a "neat freak" but I like it clean. And now... AHHHH!!! I am also a night student 3 nights a week, and so trying to study while they're destroying my house is all kinds of stressful. My only break is school, and that's not really a break, iykwim.

As of yesterday, we have decided to find a babysitter for 2-3 days a week (2-4 hrs a day) and get a house cleaner 2 times a month. In August I've found a 2 day a week preschool. It was that or I quit school. Or loose my mind. After graduation we'll either have another baby and then I'll look for a job, or work a year and then have a baby. Depends on how the twins are behaving.

 

Hi! I often feel the same as you, i really did with my DD and that was before twins too. It can be stressful and taxing doing the SAHM thing. It sounds like you are going through a bit of a tough "phase" and to me it sounds like you need a social/mental/physical outlet for yourself. 5 hours on Saturday is a great start, but not enough. I do somethings out of the house, and while it keeps me busy a lot i feel a great appreciation for being home with my kids. find a in expensive hobby, get out a night a week with another mom, take walks etc...

If it really is a job and career you miss then you can think about pursuing this, but as a former "Career" woman and now a SAHM for almost 5 years i have to say you can never get these years back. before you know it the twins will be in Kindergarten...

we also have a ranch and it's hard ot "Gate off" areas. i have climbers too, so i just put all the chairs in our bedroom and we take 2 out IF we ever get to sit and eat with them. all the bedroom doors are baby gated and the kicthen is gated off to, so the only access they have is the living/dining room great room (no chairs) and their room.

it also helps to segement your day. we kind of break the day into hours, and we try and schedule the week too... so it's easier to not get "Stuck in a rut"

 

Oh, I so hear you! I was SAHM for the first year and decided SAHM wasn't good for me or the boys. The daycare seemed a bit early at the time also the high cost for two. After switching three diff. nannies, I was able to find the right person and she's been with us for more than 1 year now. I work full time and my job is not demanding, so it allows me a lot of flexibility to take care the family (doc appt., nanny not showing up...) Most importantly, the nanny is very loving and caring to my boys. I get home happy and I see my boys are happy. No matter if you decide to work at all or being SAHM, i believe childproof a section of the home is a MUST. We installed gates to the kitchen and the stairs, removed most of the furnitures downstairs so downstair is almost empty for their play. We have been doing more and more childproof as the boys moved to diff. stages. Nanny is happy too because she doesn't need to yell "no" all the time, she just needs to play with the boys or take them to a nearby park. My only suggestion is: babyproof a section off. If you can't do it for tricky area, hire a professional to try it. I spent $300 to install the metal gates and all the latches and it now seems all worthwhile.