Should I invite my mom to the hospital when this baby is born?

This may not be the best place to post this but really would like some opinions. Basically I want to know what you all would do in my shoes, if I should invite my mom to the hospital when my baby is born or not. I'll try not to make it TOO long but want to give you the idea of what has gone on.

Let's just say me and my mom have pretty much never had a good relationship. She is generally a pretty angry person, distant and not very supportive most times. The only time I would say things were ever really "normal" between us was about 5 years ago when I got pregnant with the twins. Suddenly she was wanting to be involved in my life, she threw me a surprise baby shower too. Me and DH had to move across country early on and she made an effort to call me, email, tell me she loved and missed me (stuff she NEVER did my whole life.) Frankly I was shocked but thought, maybe she has turned over a new leaf. She even came down when the twins were born for about a week. I thought maybe she was going to be the mother/grandparent that I always wanted her to.

When the twins were about 1.5 years old, we moved back to my hometown (where my mom and the rest of my family were.) Not long after things basically went back to the way they were my whole life. She was mean and unsupportive and we had several fights and one big falling out. Awhile later I basically patched things up with her but I knew that things would never be good again. So since then I have made an effort to be civil and nice to her (when we have contact at all) but we pretty much have no relationship to speak of.

When I found out I was pregnant I told her and she seemed happy. That was almost 9 months ago. In that time, she has called me exactly 1 time, emailed me maybe 4 times (not about the baby), and seen me once (and that was only because I needed to go to a childbirth class and asked my GRANDMA to babysit the twins, and my mom was there at her house.) I should also mention that my mom lives 5 MINUTES away from me! And hasn't come by once during my pregnancy to see how I am (it's been a terrible pregnancy, healthwise, also and it would have been nice to have the support.)

So now I am due in a week and I haven't heard/seen her since that day I dropped the girls at my grandmas (a month ago). She has not gotten me anything for the baby either even though I told her months ago where I was registered.

So I don't know whether I want to invite her to the hospital when I have this baby. I kind of feel like, she hasn't cared one iota since I got pregnant so why bother involving her now. It seems like she wouldn't care one way or the other. But I know my mom and if I don't tell her when I have the baby and invite her to come, she is going to hold the mother of all grudges and trash talk me to everyone (which is exactly what she did when my sister had her first baby.)

So sorry this is long but I just don't know what to do. I obviously don't need any added stress at this time and thinking about this is really bothering me.

 

No way. Enjoy your time and don't worry about your mom!

 

I would maybe call her and invite her to come to the hospital and see the baby after it's born (I don't like using "it" for a baby, but I'm not sure if you're having a boy or girl). But I don't think I'd invite her for the birth. You really don't need the extra stress during that time. I have a great relationship with my mom, but she's a major worrier. I asked her not to come when I had my children and she was really upset at first. But she got over it and is now glad about it. I just knew that I would be way more stressed out during birth if she was there worried about every little thing.

 

I would definitively not have her there for labor - if you are stressed or anxious it will affect your labor. As for afterwards, I personally would not invite her to the hospital. I would perhaps email her a birth announcement but that would be the extent of it.

I guess you need to decide which would be worse for you - having her come to the hospital or the fall out of not inviting her?

 

I'd wait till your at home with the baby

 

I wouldn't invite her either, I'd wait until I was home to let her know.

 

you don't need that crap when you're in labor....OR you could always defer to the nurse (who will gladly) toss her if she's getting pissy...

 

I would not have her there. Stress and worrying isn't something you should have to deal with while laboring. I *might* take Amy's advice and actually set up a hospital visit after the baby is born - first warning my nurse that she might be needed to be the heavy.

 

I would not have her there at the birth as well. I agree with the other ladies: I would either set a date for her to visit the hospital and take Amy's advice and speak to the nurse that is caring for you that day, so the nurse will politely tell her it's time go if she starts getting mean with you. Or I would arrange a day when you get home for to visit and maybe have another family member there with her (like your Grandma).

I do agree with Rachel, you have to decide what you can live with: dealing with her visit or dealing with the fallout of her smack talking you if you don't invite her.

I wish you all the best, it is not an easy decision. :hug:

 

I can relate to you because I have a very long-term, troubled relationship with my mother. I'm finally at a point in my life when I'm making decisions that are best for my family and I rather than sacrificing my happiness and adding to my stess level by trying to please her. I would advise the same to you. This is a happy time in your life for you and your immediate family. Keep it that way. Adults - even parents - need to realize that you get what you give. She does not deserve an invitation from you; at most, an announcement (call or email) afterwards. If she gets angry about it, I would simply remind her that she had shown little interest to date and you acted accordingly. Try not to beat yourself up about it--I know how difficult that can be . Good luck.

 

nope, I wouldn't either. it sounds like it would just be too stressful, and you should be able to enjoy your start with a new baby.