Should I go back to pullups or continue on?

My DS potty trained very easily in early August. About the month before he PT, I started giving him naked time or undies time for an hour or so a day. One day in August, he stayed dry during his undies time so I kept the undies on. He had no accidents that day and did not have one accident at all for the next 6 weeks or so. It was like it just clicked, and he was PT.

In late September/early October, he started having accidents. He has them rarely at preschool or day care (some weeks none at all, other weeks 1-2 accidents). But he has them daily at home, usually 3-4 accidents a day. We started setting timers and making him use the potty at regular intervals which decreased the accidents a bit at first. Now it is becoming a struggle to get him to use the potty at home. He resists going to the bathroom at the established times, and will put up a massive fight to avoid it. (He's very strong willed.) When he does use it, he gets potty candy as a reward but that doesn't seem to matter. I seriously think he prefers to pee his pants and keep on doing what he's doing rather than stop to use the potty.

When he has an accident, he gets royally pissed off when I want to change his wet pants. He will fight me physically and scream/cry when I try to take off the wet clothes. I have no idea why the kid wants to sit around in pee pants, but he'd rather do that than let me change him. He also refuses to change himself.

When he does successfully use the potty, he will often pee his pants 15 minutes later. So I don't know if he is just letting a little out so he can get back to what he was doing or if he seriously needs to pee every 15 minutes.

So...... I am sick and tired of going through 3+ pairs of undies and pants every day with him, doing all that pee stinky laundry and fighting with him to use the bathroom. Is it time to back off and put him in a diaper or pull up? I seriously think he would love to be back in a pullup because he could pee his pants and not get wet, but still use the PT when he wants to in order to get candy. It'd be like the best of both worlds for him. On the one hand, I know PT has to be self-motivated to be effective and that it's not wise to get into a power struggle with a 3.5. On the other hand, if I give in now, will it be even harder to PT when I try later?

FWIW, he'll be 3.5 in January, and he's been "PT" for 3 full months now.

 

is there something else going on? Can you pinpoint something that may have triggered the regression?

 

He started preschool and day care at the end of August, and the accidents started about a month later. The accidents also coincide with some major behavioral problems. In general, he is defiant and pushing our buttons. If I tell him to do something, he will either scream "NO!" or run away from me. If I tell him to stop doing something, he will look at me in the eye and do it. If he is pissed off about something, he will scream at the top of his lungs while making eye contact with me. This all makes me think the PT regression is a bit of a power struggle.

ETA: He is generally cooperative at day care and preschool though. He may need a lot of reminders and some gentle persuasion to follow directions, but it isn't anything out of the norm for 3 year olds. It seems like his behavior is much worse at home.

 

Is he using the potty at preschool?
I would say, from what you are describing (I don't have 3 year olds yet,so I might be off base here) that I would give him a break from the potty maybe for a couple of weeks to a month and see how it goes from there.

 

He sounds just like my DS! We just successful potty trained him. (DD was PT'ed nearly 6 months ago.) DS on the other hand was not having it. He did well at first, but then decided he wouldn't have anything to do with it and began throwing complete fits when we even tried to get him to sit on the potty. It was so very frustrating because he would go for the ladies at church, but he fought me and DH tooth and nail at home. He had all the signs of being ready. I felt like I had tried everything...sticker charts, bribing with candy & toys, begging and even yelling (not proud of that part at all, but its the truth). I was at my wit's end! It took me awhile to figure out that the issue was not that he wasn't ready, but that we had locked our horns BIG time in a battle of the wills. AND...he was winning!

What really worked for us?? Not forcing the issue and making it be on his terms and/or his idea. I knew he was ready, so I kept him in big boy undies and told him it was up to him to keep them clean & dry. It was up to him to use the potty. It was also up to him to clean up his mess if he chose not to use the potty. He had to take off his wet clothes, take them to the laundry room and go get new undies out of his drawer. He was capable of doing all of these things. So, it was up to him. Once we changed tactics and didn't force the issue anymore, but rather "left it up to him", we slowly started seeing major changes. It took a couple of weeks, but he is now completely potty trained!! I don't know your sons personality, but mine is definately strong willed. If you have ruled out any physical or medical reason for the regression, perhaps it is more him just being head strong. :unknw:

 

I would say if you want to trudge forward do to... I liked Laura (momofb/gtwins) ideas. I know for us we're having a little regression and though they both actually like to clean up the messes... I think its a great idea to follow through and make them do all the steps (put wet clothes away, get on new clothes, clean up, etc).

the other thing I would suggest is that for us it seems that when we're home, I'm always trying to get something else done... and therefore not spending the time the kids might want being one of one (or one on two) with them... anyway, for us, things get better when we really cheer on all their successes, even if they are partial successes. like if they start an accident, but then finish up in the potty... you could make them help you clean up the accident, but definitely praise them for actually getting something in the potty.

 

Yes, Laura the kid is very strong willed. I've been doing a lot of introspection that past few days, and I realized we are engaging in power struggles over stuff all day long. I seriously think this PT thing is just one more thing he can dig his heals into and use to defy me. I don't mean that in a bad way, like he's a bad kid or anything. I can just tell that he is testing everything right now and figuring out that he has control over a lot of stuff. It's like a little light bulb has gone off in his head and he's realized "Hey, mom can't MAKE me do much of anything!"

Anyway, starting yesterday, I have stopped the 123 Magic and TO's that we've been using (unsuccessfully) for various things and instead are going all-out with the Love & Logic concept. I am going to give him as much control over things as possible by letting a lot of minor things go and giving him tons of choices throughout the day. I actually noticed a difference by the end of the day yesterday with the PT stuff. He started to pee once after dinner and ran to the potty. It was too late, but he realized he was peeing and tried to make it to the potty. Then he successfully peed and pooped in the potty before bed without any nagging or reminders from me.

I am hopeful that using the L&L techniques throughout the day will turn this PT power struggle around. I have decided I will not nag him or force the issue. I will bite my tongue and let him sit in wet pants. I may have to draw the line at letting him hang out in poopy pants though. If we don't see progress in a week, then I will give him the choice between wearing boring plain diapers or his cool Thomas underwear. (And really hope he chooses the undies!)

ETA: And Shelley, I totally agree about spending time actually 100% focused on them. That is also something I am making a commitment to do. The PT business with Aidan is definitely worse in the evening when I am focusing on getting dinner done, cleaning up after dinner, trying to have a conversation with DH, etc. I made a conscious effort to really stayed engaged with both kids from the time we got home from day care through to bed time.

 

sounds like a great plan you have in place, and you've already seen improvement! love that!