Should I assert my preferences or let it go?

How do you let your family know that you prefer they care for your child/children in a particular way or do you just let it go? Of course if it is something I feel very strongly about or it is a safety issue I would have no problem.

For example my step mom and aunt came over yesterday afternoon and hung out with me and the boys. Every time one of the boys started to cry even the slightest they would rush over and pick them up and then hold them until they fell asleep and sometimes longer.

My current thoughts are such, given these are my first kids I know I still have a lot to learn.

It appears to DH and I that on days where this happens they boys get used to it and then want us to continue, which as much as we would love to be able to hold them 24/7 we simply cant. I am thinking that for the occasional afternoon visit maybe its not that big of a deal and family doesn’t know the boys as well as DH and I do and know what is an “okay” cry and what isn’t. Or should I let them know now what our preferences are as this will just become a bigger issue later on.

 

Sorry you are having to deal with this but I think most of us have run into this with well-meaning family and friends.

For me if it was someone who only visited a little bit I let them hold the babies quite a bit, but did try to encourage them to put them down when they were were calm or sleeping. Usually if I just said something about ...trying so hard not to get the babies use to always being held... the guests understood completely!
If the person doing it is around the babies alot I would definitely let them know, but in a nice and encouraging way. As you will be the one to deal with the outcome of babies always being held.
Good luck

 

I would let it go. If they want to hold your babies when they cry I would just let them - unless you're in a situation where your IL's live with you or you see them on a daily basis.

 

It depends. If they are going to be caring for your kids a lot, I would definitely tell them how you do things. But if its just an occassional visit here and there, let people do it their way unless of course its a safety issue. I was such a hovering momma when the girls were small and now I realize I should have just gone with the flow a little more and actually accepted help.

 

In those kinds of situations, I went with the flow. I mean, I wish I could have held them both more, so to have someone to do some of the snuggling for me, I felt was an overall good thing.

And we found when they were around other people, in any case, it would kind of throw a burp into the routine that we'd have to work out (whether they were being held a lot or not).

 

QUOTE(joannabug @ Oct 14 2008, 09:13 AM) [snapback]1025484[/snapback]
In those kinds of situations, I went with the flow. I mean, I wish I could have held them both more, so to have someone to do some of the snuggling for me, I felt was an overall good thing.

And we found when they were around other people, in any case, it would kind of throw a burp into the routine that we'd have to work out (whether they were being held a lot or not).


Ditto to joannabug, I went with it too.

 

I would just go with it, especially this early. If someone is going to be around consistently though you will have to be up front with them and set more boundaries later.

 

I would let it go. Esp if you dont see them on a daily basis. I have had to let my mom know how i want to care for my babies.

 

My mom comes over once a week for the day & she has to play by my rules...but DH's mom only sees the girls a few times a month & I let it go (within reason of course!)

 

I had to let it go b/c the visits from my family are so sporadic. I had to correct the situation when they left, but it was easier than constantly telling them what to do and depriving them of feeling like they were helping. Even when I would tell them to let the baby cry for a little bit, they'd ignore me anyway, so it was a losing battle! GL

 

I would let it go for now because you cannot spoil them before 6 months. I would make a side comment, like oh they are okay to cry they get used to it when it is just me and then laugh it off. There are certain things to put your foot down about so when those things come up put your foot down and don't feel bad, you are the parent!

 

When my mother visited after my first, single child, I took full advantage and showered, slept, ate, whatever! I didn't care if she held him for hours at a time!! I do let things go, even now, as I am grateful my children will have their grandparents in their lives.