Shoe Jealousy!

Help! Uh oh! Yesterday our babysitter brought the boys new shoes as a belated birthday present. Unfortunately she presented exactly the wrong pair to each boy. She gave the "cars" shoes to R and the "Iron Man" shoes to J.

R is perfectly cool with his shoes (my guess is that he would have been fine with the other pair), but J totally wants R's pair. This is causing enough constant strife that we are considering going out and purchasing another pair for him.... I hate to do that! Of course J's pair has already been muddied and no longer looks new so I'm guessing it would be difficult to return them.

Are there any strategies you might suggest that won't involve giving into this? Thanks! /Joel

 

I can't believe it! Don't tell me that people are stumped with this one?! We're just dealing with this on a minute to minute basis!

 

Since you think R would be cool with the other shoes, is just asking him to switch with his brother an option?

 

in my experience...wouldnt matter if the shoes were given the other way around, my Peter always wants what Jamison has. I would attempt to alternate wearing the shoes (J one day R this next) so each can wear both and then naturally theywill begin to form a preferance (hopefully). Or you can talk about how cool J's shoes are. We have also made statements like..."these are blue and match your eyes" (Peter has blues eyes, Jamison has green). This worked for some PJs that we had similar fights about.

I have learned...to either come home with 2 of the same things...or have the boys pick them out themselves. but that does not work for gifts. Or tell friends that give gifts to not put names on things and let them pick it out.

Good luck!

 

Hey! Unfortunatley, R has already bonded with his shoes and I just don't feel right about taking them from him.

Hmmm, I almost like the idea of sharing.... it's better than the idea someone else had about each getting one half of each pair of shoes! (They are the same size.)

 

i like that idea of each wearing 1...hahah! we did that for the pairs of converse all stars...but that was dad's idea one day of being "crazy"

..wouldnt work for the Pjs though!

 

Well maybe I'm a softy but I would go buy both of them another pair the ones they don't have. I wouldn't alternate shoes, not the best for their feet.

What I sometimes do with 2 different things (although too late now), is put them behind my back and they each pick an arm, so sometimes helps.

 

In a situation like that, I would probably go out and buy another pair. If your child is anything like my Allison, she would absolutely throw a fit and refuse to wear the shoes. If I buy different types of shoes I usually let Allison pick the first pair because she is my pickiest. Sarah could care less and has never shown a preference for anything so, as unfair as it may seem, she usually gets what is left--but then again, she really could care less.

 

I ran into that situation over and over again with more than just shoes. We had a lot of hand-me-downs and there were few identical anything. Taking turns helped. I also let the girls work it out for themselves. One would get the prized shoes, and the other would cry, so her sister would feel bad for her and surrender the shoes, and they would both agree she would get a turn to wear them next time. We still hit snags like this every now and then. The lastest being over a skirt with butterflies on it. One thing that helped was my rule -- if you can't share it, you can't have it. Every now and then they will choose to simply not have something, but most of the time they come up with very creative ways to share things. And hey, if wearing one shoe from each pair creates happiness, then so be it. They grow so darn fast, it won't be long before these pairs of shoes no longer fit and there will be something else to negotiate.

 

QUOTE(somebunniesmom @ May 15 2008, 12:48 PM) [snapback]775007[/snapback]
One thing that helped was my rule -- if you can't share it, you can't have it.


I use this phrase a lot with my girls, whether it be a toy, clothes, etc. Share or its mine! We also take turns a lot. So today is X's turn to wear the shoes, it will be your turn tomorrow, type of thing. If it was a constant, ongoing issue and the item wasn't too expensive, then I might go buy a duplicate of the "desired" item, but I'd definitely try the sharing thing first. They may even grow tired of the item quickly, you never know with kids.

 

Well I must be a big meanie (or a horrible strict nanny ) because at this point I would ignore the strife/tantrums and wait for him to get over it. I don't think you can constantly make things fair or even, sometimes one twin is going to want something the other has which they don't and they need to learn how to deal with it IMO.

Don't get me wrong, I try as much as possible in situations like this to make sure that if they care they get a say. But seeing as the shoes were a gift (so you couldn't make sure they each got the 'right' ones) and R is now attached to his shoes (so they can't just swap) I think that there isn't much that can be done.
As a pp said it is not good for their feet to have them share shoes (although I do quite like the one shoe from each pair each idea if they would be happy with that).

I assume that they have at least one other pair of shoes each. What I would do is when it is time to get shoes on offer J a choice of 2 pairs of his shoes. If he mentions the car ones just explain that he can't wear those because they belong to R.

Maybe you could try getting a couple of small Iron Man toys/books so that they can get more 'into' Iron man and then J might be more excited about his shoes. Also the next time you need to get them shoes you could let him go with you and pick out his own.

 

Oh I really like the idea of one boy wearing one of each shoe! Why not?! I'd do that with my two, except I'd have one in a ballet slipper and one in a football cleat!

 

QUOTE(MamaD @ May 15 2008, 08:21 PM) [snapback]775385[/snapback]
Oh I really like the idea of one boy wearing one of each shoe! Why not?! I'd do that with my two, except I'd have one in a ballet slipper and one in a football cleat!

:rotflmbo: oh - I can picture this!! thanks for the laugh. I like the idea too!! what would it hurt really? so far, I think this is the ONLY thing my girls haven't faught over yet. I just bought them each a pair of squeaky shoes. one pair pink, one brown, and I alternate between them. one day Nat wear the brown ones, the next day Carley does. BUT - if they do start fighting over them, I would put one of each on them! what a great idea! AND - next time maybe let people know to get exact things for both twins?

 

My kids fight over the color of their jackets. They both prefer the brown jacket and don't like the yellow jacket. Our rule is that whoever gets ready to go out first gets to choose their jacket. As soon as I say, "We're going out! Get dressed and get ready!" the kids take their pajamas off, change into their day clothes, put on socks and shoes, and go to the bathroom. Whoever is first gets to choose the jacket. It's great because it saves me from nagging them over and over to get dressed, put their shoes on, etc.