She said they were a punishment?

Sorry, but right now I want to yell and must vent this one out-

Ok, I really can't rap my mind around this one. A women who I would call a best friend (and we have known eachother for about 10yrs) has basically just told me that my babies, these little wonderful babies, growing inside of me are a punishment!? To state her case clearly, she disaproves of my relationship. My partner and I have chosen for our own reasons to not get married and that we wanted to be domestic partners. This decision was made long before we got pregnant and having children was something we planned on. We have a 3 yr and 16 mo old and wanted to wait another year before having more, but... I will admit Im a little worried about 4 under 3 but look forward to a big family. Anyway, she is adimit that I am being punished with twins! That because Im not married to my life partner my children are punishments and if we don't get married soon it will only get worse for us? Worse? These babies are blessings! I don't know how anyone could say a child was or is a punishment! Honestly? My blood is bowling on this one and I must say, Im not sure I want to hold on to a friend like this. We've been such good friends for 10yrs but I don't know... Angry is the only word that can really come to mind right now.

 

Who says you have to be married to have a happy, healthy family?!?!

She really doesn't sound like much of a friend at all. (And I hope the 3yr didn't hear her refer to the babies as punishment! How horrible!)
I'm sorry she said that to you. :hug:

Congrats on your wonderful babies!

 

This woman is not a friend to you, and she isn't someone I would want my punishments sweet, darling children to spend time with either.

 

A friend would not say that!

 

People are STUPID and MEAN.
Children are a blessing and twins are a double blessing only given to special people who can handle them.
There are a lot of unhappy married people out there. As long as you are happy and it works for you it is no one elses business.
Congrats on the babies.

 

you were not punished, you won the lottery! and I think she is jealous!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

 

No one should ever feel as if they are being punished by having 2 wonderful new lives given to them - this person cannot possibly be the friend that you thought they were.
You are being blessed, not punished.....remember that!!!!!

 

She must have taken a page out of the Obama speech book...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbZJYWjkAPo

ETA: This is a joke.... And I am only pointing out that "punishment" sounds awful familiar. Perhaps her friend watches too much TV. (and is DEFINITELY jealous)
Not meant to draw a whole political thing out of this. Just my toungue in cheek way of making a point. I think we ALL agree that there is NO WAY a baby could be a punishment...

 

That's ridiculous ... who punished you exactly??? Is this Gods punishment? What a lovely God ...

When two loving people choose to have a child together and create a life that is wanted, it is never a punishment. I'm so sorry you have a friend (although I would never call her that again) that would say such a ridiculous thing to you.

I don't think I would want someone like this in my life.

If you did not want a child, then forcing you to keep it would have been a punishment (to the PP who mentioned Obama. He certainly was not talking about this situation).

Don't listen to anything to silly friend said. I agree with Heather, you hit the lottery!

 

She is a rude,spiteful twit and certainly not a friend. How sad that she can't be happy for you.

 

Find a new friend! FAST! Congrats on your 4 blessings! You can do it!!

 

ummmm....wow.....I really can't say anything but that because the censor's would blank out all my words!!! What a selfish, judgemental mean mean woman...I'd be finding new friends....quickly!

 

I'd say she has her own punishment coming.... losing a friend.

What a disgusting thing to say.

 

I think it's an awful thing to say and if it were me, I would tell her so.

 

Ugh I can't believe she said that! Your children are blessings, no matter how many you have! Twins are not a punishment, they are the best suprise any of us could of ever gotten!

 

What an evil woman. That is not God's will. In God's eyes ALL children are a blessing. I hate people like that that feel that they are entitled and better than everyone else. That is not a friend.

 

What a lovely friend you have!!! What a ridiculous thing for someone to say. I think you need to get rid of her and find a friend who doesnt have such stupid opinions and beliefs. x

 

Wow… what an amazingly thoughtless thing to say!
It must be especially frustrating that this came from a friend, and I’m thinking that during pregnancy is not the ideal time to cope with any emotional strain associated with ending or re-evaluating a long term close friendship.

Very sorry that you have had to deal with this, but in the end YOU know that your babies are a joy and not a punishment!

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Oct 26 2008, 11:12 PM) [snapback]1043272[/snapback]
Sorry, but right now I want to yell and must vent this one out-

Ok, I really can't rap my mind around this one. A women who I would call a best friend (and we have known eachother for about 10yrs) has basically just told me that my babies, these little wonderful babies, growing inside of me are a punishment!? To state her case clearly, she disaproves of my relationship. My partner and I have chosen for our own reasons to not get married and that we wanted to be domestic partners. This decision was made long before we got pregnant and having children was something we planned on. We have a 3 yr and 16 mo old and wanted to wait another year before having more, but... I will admit Im a little worried about 4 under 3 but look forward to a big family. Anyway, she is adimit that I am being punished with twins! That because Im not married to my life partner my children are we don't get married soon it will only get worse for us? Worse? These babies are blessings! I don't know how anyone could say a child was or is a punishment! Honestly? My blood is bowling on this one and I must say, Im not sure I want to hold on to a friend like this. We've been such good friends for 10yrs but I don't know... Angry is the only word that can really come to mind right now.


Um, WOW.

While what she said is awful, you have the advantage of knowing her 10 years, and perhaps have the advantage of knowing her personality over someone you didn't know very long..

First off, what is the personality of this woman? Is she usually mean? Does she try to force her opinions on you? Does she sometimes or often say something that comes out wrong? Is she super religious? does she have a poor sense of humour? Does she have any reason to interject her opinion on you like that, like have you been having bad relationship issues and confiding in her on that?

The reason I ask is I've been known to say things that come out awfully cruel and mean in ways that I did not intend, statements come out very different than I intended and because I'm not usually not like that I've upset peiple pretty bad without meaning too. I'm not saying that is your friend, but asking about the whole picture on her personality and your relationship with her...


I wish you the best in this. I am hoping that you are able to talk to her, let you know how you feel, and find out if/what she really meant. I am hoping the cruelity was unintentional on her part. You deserve to be treated better from your friends.

 

First off, what is the personality of this woman? Is she usually mean? Does she try to force her opinions on you? Does she sometimes or often say something that comes out wrong? Is she super religious? does she have a poor sense of humour? Does she have any reason to interject her opinion on you like that, like have you been having bad relationship issues and confiding in her on that?

Yes, Yes, and Yes. All except the relationship with me and my partner, our relationship is wonderful and I have never really had a bad thing to say except the funny "he takes up the whole bed at night" remark. And she has no sense of humour anymore. I guess the reason why I chose to "yell" here was because I did not want to yell at her. Since we have known eachother for 10 yrs we both know the good and bad of eachother and sometimes you just get the mud. Bless her heart, she tries her best to be helpful but it usually comes out very very wrong. And because of some of the battles of her own life she has "strange" ways of looking at things. Sadly, a lot of people can't really stand her and when we have large groups of friends or family over we usually avoid inviting her. My partner only "puts-up" with her becasue he loves me and knows that she and I are close. By the end of the night she has always affended someone. Becasue I know her and all the personal "stuff" I do my best to overlook things. This comment just really threw me. She was not always this bad. It's just the past couple of years now as problems for her have gotten worse. And I have to say, this comment from her just really hurt my feelings. All the things I expect from her I did not expect this.

 

OMG what a cruel comment! I really think this woman is jealous of you! Does she have kids??? How can two blessings be called a punishment? They are miracles! This lady cannot be a true friend!

 

wow....um...wow.

I am so sorry she hurt your feelings. I do admire how you are handling this. YOU are a true friend considering the problems she is going through that may have co ntributed to her comment.

Personally, I think you should tell her how much her comment hurt you and just put the ball in her court. She will either defend her statement (at which time you know to run very fast very far away form her) or she will be ashamed of what she said and apologize.

 

Rude RUDE Rude & RUDE!!!
I am voting her 'worst friend of the year'

I say write her off & enjoy your wonderful twin pregnancy! :hug:

 

What a horrible thing to say! I am so sorry she said that to you. I would be upset, too.

(By the way, I see we are due date buddies! Cool! )

 

"friends" who say mean things like this are usually jealous. i know i've had my fair share. they end up being toxic and need to be shown the door. remember that this is such a fun time and you need to be surrounded by positivity and people who love you - not friends who are jealous and try to hurt your feelings. if she is really sorry, she will apologize on her own!!

 

OK, I am a conservative "born again Christian", all for "conservative marriages" and all the rest, but HUHUHUHUHU?????

NO baby is a punishment, even for alcoholic 12 year olds! Babies are God's way of loving us. Twins? Are you kidding? What could be more wonderful?

Twins are God's way of telling you he loves you. (Yes, he also loves those with singletons or with one twin in heaven). But he loves us! (all of us in different ways!) Is there any question once you think about what he has given you? What could be cooler than that he put TWO babies in there?

She is still learning about God's love. (So am I!) She has not learned when to keep her mouth shut. (I'm still working on it.)

Sorry.

 

What a horrible thing to say! That sounds worse than when I told my good friend that I was pregnant, and he asked me whether I needed him to grab a coat hanger...and I chose never to speak to him again...friends should be happy for you when you have babies...and she is not a friend that I would want to have. Sorry to hear you had to put up with that...I wouldn't put up with it any further. Good luck to you and your family!

Jessie

 

QUOTE(myeggoispreggowithtwo @ Oct 27 2008, 05:51 PM) [snapback]1044670[/snapback]
What a horrible thing to say! That sounds worse than when I told my good friend that I was pregnant, and he asked me whether I needed him to grab a coat hanger...and I chose never to speak to him again...friends should be happy for you when you have babies...and she is not a friend that I would want to have. Sorry to hear you had to put up with that...I wouldn't put up with it any further. Good luck to you and your family!

Jessie



A coat hanger? Are you kidding me? You know, I don't get it. It reminds me when large families or families with multi's are out in public and get stupid coments like, "i would hate to have that many" or "how do you do it". People leave me speachless. Sorry he said that, at least she wasn't recomending I end their lives! Joke or not, your right, that was not funny.

 

I am so sorry your friend of 10yrs said that to you. Could it be that she is jealous?

 

Some people have no common decency...he's one of them. You're right, at least she didn't make that suggestion, but it still hurts, no matter what she says. Children are a blessing...no matter when or how they enter our lives. My domestic partner and I are not married either, and my family is putting the pressure on for us to get married, but as long as those kids get what they need from both of us, and we both know we're not going anywhere, I say what is the need for a piece of paper? I'm sure you guys are GREAT parents, and you don't need to be married to be so.

Jessie

 

Wow! If this is punishment so be it. I'll take this punishment any day of the week. So now I've finally found the reason I keep getting pregnant because we haven't gotten married yet. Thank your friend for figuring that out for me. From a fellow heathen living in sin.PS- There is nothing wrong with living your life however you please-if it works for you and you are happy that's great and a real friend would be just as happy for you.

 

My blood would be boiling too! What a horrible thing to say!!!! Who says marriage defines the perfect family? Good luck to you and your partner and congratulations on two more babies that are blessings!!!

 

One word - JEALOUSY!!

She can't stand that you're blessed 3 times (with 4 babies!!!) and thus she said all these!! I'd just put a big 'L' on her forehead and delete her off your speed dial or phonebook!!

 

I didnt read all the posts but... WOW that ticks me off.. children are ALL a blessing and NEVER a punishment!! And it doesnt matter how many come at one time!! Grrr... I could go on and on... but I will spare you. Sorry you had to hear that.

 

EVERY baby is a blessing and a miracle. No matter how or where or when they are conceived, every baby is a gift. Just because this friend doesn't agree with your living arrangement doesn't give her the right to call your babies punishments. I'd ditch that friend!