She is just very DIFFICULT!

Michael will have his fits, but they are manageable. Mikayla has gotten so bad, it is really hard to deal with her. She whines about something, asks for help, then whines and cries when you help her. She throws herself on the floor if she doesn't get her way. When I offer her something to eat she turns her head like she doesn't want anything to do with it. She wants to be independent...but she is driving me crazy! I've been putting her in time out more often. A few weeks ago she had bitten me really badly on the shoulder.

She also gets frustrated when she can't communicate what she wants. Michael is talking up a storm and he doesn't have that problem. Uggh! The twins are disciplined the same...so why is she acting out so much more?? Are girls just harder??

Bridget :unsure: :wacko:

 

Moshe runs away when he doesn't get his way, or pushes away whatever's set down in front of him. He will kick and scream. I don't respond to his tantrums in ANY way. No reaction whatsoever. I calmly and quietly tell him that we don't ask for things that way and if he wants to tell me something, he can. He has slowly learned that tantruming will not get him anywhere. I find that the most important thing is consistency. Be consistent and NEVER react to the tantrums. It might drive you nuts, but be firm. I also tell him calmly, what did you want? A drink? Come here and I can give you a drink, but even when I say that, it's very clear that his tantrum didn't do a darn thing.

 

Have you tried Babysigns? I find that children who can communicate via whatever means possible often are less prone to tantrums and more content. I'm a speech pathologist, and I can assure you that signing will not delay speech production or comprehension of language, and actually has been shown to improve both! If you haven't tried it, I highly reccommend it, esp. since it seems your little one gets the most frustrated when she can't get the message accross. Babysigns, by the way, do not require any special learning, as you and your child can make up signs for things that are meaningful only to you. For instance, my daughter LOVES cheerios, so we made the sign by making an o with our thumb and forefinger. She picked that sign up in one hour and was using it so often I had to say no at times! Other signs take months for them to use themselves, but believe me, if the sign is valuable enough, they pick it up quickly.

 

I have found it's this way with Evy and Henry although Evy is the more verbal twin but she's also the most prone to tantrums. Evy can sign and speak very well but she's just more reactive. She gets upset more easily, she more sensitive and just overall more demanding. I just don't cater to her tantrums though and it is getting better for the most part, but we do have our moments with her.

 

One of my girls was slower to speak clearly, and she would throw herself onto the floor screaming if you even acted like you didn't understand her. EXTREMELY frustrating! This "phase" lasted about 6-8 months for us.

I wish I had thought of or known about the previous poster's baby signs tip; I think it would have helped immensely. I think my daughter just wanted to be understood. The only thing that sometimes worked for us was that I tried to get her to "show me" what she wanted - but she didn't always feel like cooperating.

 

It sounds to me that this is normal behavior for her age, and this, just like everything else, is a phase that she will eventually grow out of. Making your expectations clear and being consistent are really the only things you can do at this point IMO. I do not know a lot about signing, but it wouldn't hurt to try. Also keep in mind that even though you want things to be "fair", it is okay to discipline the children differently. One of mine is much more stubborn/hard-headed and he requires a different type of discpline than his brother.

To answer your question, "Are girls just harder?"......no, they can't possibly be. I have 2 very strong-willed, very challenging boys, and I can't imagine girls being harder than they are.

 

you know, about 50% of the time I hear boys are harder, the other 50% I hear girls are harder. In our case, Thomas has always been a little less easy going. He throws tantrums way more. Usually I know what it is what he wants, but I can't give it to him (for example a pair of scissors) I'm trying to ignore it as much as possible.

 

QUOTE(mel&2 @ Jul 2 2007, 11:25 AM) [snapback]314366[/snapback]
Have you tried Babysigns? I find that children who can communicate via whatever means possible often are less prone to tantrums and more content. I'm a speech pathologist, and I can assure you that signing will not delay speech production or comprehension of language, and actually has been shown to improve both! If you haven't tried it, I highly reccommend it, esp. since it seems your little one gets the most frustrated when she can't get the message accross. Babysigns, by the way, do not require any special learning, as you and your child can make up signs for things that are meaningful only to you. For instance, my daughter LOVES cheerios, so we made the sign by making an o with our thumb and forefinger. She picked that sign up in one hour and was using it so often I had to say no at times! Other signs take months for them to use themselves, but believe me, if the sign is valuable enough, they pick it up quickly.


Yes, I've been teaching the Deaf and hard of hearing for 19 years. I started signs with the twins when they were born. They know at least 25 signs. Mikayla is just throwing fits! She is still frustrated, and is frustrating me!

Bridget

 

i have 2 girls-- one is very easy going and the other is very challenging and difficult. Here are my suggestions, besides the obvious, "don't give in"

1. for whining: apple cider vinegar. Child is whining. you say, "wow, you sound sour, like vinegar". give a baby spoon full (or eyedropper) of vinegar. You make a yuk face. say, "yuk. You sound sour when you whine". Then say with happy face " i want you to sound sweet like honey." We have been doing this treatment this week and have seen a remarkable change in behavior. No time outs for whining. just vinegar, at the smallest hint of whining. Then when they are happy and singing and it's great to be around them, we re-inforce this behavior by giving a small spoon dipped in honey. "You are acting so sweet, you sound like honey. We like it when you sound like honey." I still have some "baby spoons" from when I was doing baby food and these are the spoons I use for vinegar. Now the whining child may resist the vinegar and beg for honey. In which case I say, "if you want honey, you are going to have to change your attitude and your behavior so you are sweet like honey." the difficult child generally likes sour things like lemons, but hates this vinegar treatment.

2. (i'm advising myself on this one as well). I've found I need to stop asking her questions like "do you want...?" and just say, "it's time to..." If I ask a question, she will automatically say, NO (400x).

3. for tantrums, throwing in the floor. I tried ignoring, but that didn't work. I find it works well for me to say, "Reel yourself in, get control. You are out of control". I hold her close while saying this. Then I continue with the vinegar speech. Of course, thru all of this I remind them, USE YOUR WORDS. I have also used time outs or spanking for tantrums, depending on the situation.

I also find that if she's not sleeping well at night that she's going to be more fussy. Are there any sleep issues with her?.