Sharing the Spotlight

My little sister and I are both pregnant right now. She is due December 16th with a boy (my first nephew!) and I am due February 14th with a boy and a girl. At the beginning it was a little bit rough between us because although neither of our pregnancies were planned, I heard through the grapevine that she felt I was trying to "steal her thunder" (imagine the day I called her and told her I was having twins!). My mom was very unhappy about my pregnancy as well (my sister and her are waaaaaaayyyyy closer than my mom and I are; I have a feeling a lot of my sisters animosity came from her). But over time things have gotten better and we all have become closer. We just had her baby shower last weekend and with the upcoming holidays, I am getting excited about not only being a new mom, but and aunt as well

Has anyone else gone through a pregnancy with a family member or friend?

 

No BUT my sister got engaged when I found I was pregnant and both my husband and I (and even my mom has alluded to it) that she gave me the cold shoulder because I was “stealing the show” that all the family that came in for this wedding would be focused on me, the very pregnant sister… then when my son was born… she came to the hospital once (I was there 6 days), visited us on Easter (my son was a week old) then nothing for like a year… then after she had been married a year she sort of started being interested… but it wasn’t until SHE had children that she realized how she treated her little sister… AND she also got in a huff when I moved into a new house… I had NO control when we closed escrow (it was a sellers market at the time) and she thought I was stealing the show from the birth of her second child by moving in to a nice house the month she gave birth… OYE!
BUT now that I’m expecting twins she has really been on top of helping me out and asking every week what can she do for me…. soooo I guess all this post is an example of my sisters lack “spotlight sharing”. I think it can come in all forms

FYI my sister is 9 years older then me… and i sooo feel like the older sister.

 

I'm due Dec. 3rd and one of my really good friend's was due Nov. 2nd with a singleton. She just delivered last night the same time I was in L&D getting checked out at the same hospital. I was hoping we'd be in the hospital at the same time.

We didn't 'plan' on getting pregnant at the same time, just happened. It's been fun comparing pregnacy stories through our pregnacies and comparing bellys....my HUGE belly compared to her 'normal' pregnancy belly!!! I'm excited our boys will be so close in age and able to play together!

 

I have had LOADS of friends pregnant at the same time I am, but they have all had their babies (singletons and ALL EARLY)
My brother and his GF had their baby late on April 11 and I found out I was having twins on April 12. My Dad laughed and said something about stealing his thunder. I didn't care, this was his second child - these are my first and he ALWAYS ruins my birthday etc with something, so it was like paybacks. lol.

 

With my first DD, my SIL had just had her first when I found out I was pregnant and she said, "Couldn't you wait so I could have the youngest grandchild for a little while?" I was floored because I was only 18 at the time and scared to death and it was totally not planned!

This time my best friend is 5 days behind me and we are both enjoying comparing things. Too bad she's all the way in England. <_<

 

Wow! Aren't families great some time.

 

My co-worker, we teach in the same room, is pregnant now with a singleton. We talked about how it would be fun to be pregnant at the same time (We had both got off of BC around the same month, and both got Pregnant very quickly). She was 11 weeks pregnant when we found out we were pregnant twins. I was afraid she would feel that I was stealing her thunder, but she knew we were trying as well and she is also a twin herself. It has been fun having both of us pregnant. She is showing more then I am right now, but I have a feeling I will surpass her in a few months. She is getting to experience the fun part of pregnancy (showing, feeling great, seeing her baby move) while I am still feeling like crap and only looking fat!

 

My sister is 6 weeks ahead of me with her 3rd child. I'm expecting my 1st and 2nd. It hasn't been difficult sharing preganancies, it's actually been fun -- but she lives thoundands of miles away.

But she did kinda make me mad when she got pregnant. I'd been trying for a year -- and had tried just Metaformin for 3 months, and was about to try my first round of met + clomid, all of this she knew. She called to tell me that she had her IUD removed, and they wanted to try for a third. She always had an easy time getting pregnant, her first she got pregnant with one act of unprotected sex. Her second her first cycle off of BCP. So, I knew that she would probably end up pregnant before me, and I was okay with that. And she did -- She called me on my CD 17 of my first clomid cycle to tell me she was pregnant. I was happy for her -- upset because I didn't think I had ovulated -- but I did (that day!).

But the part that made me angry was that she said, "Maybe you should wait a month -- so we aren't due at the same time." That really ticked me off -- I just laughed, but I was really hurt -- like after trying for so long that I would want to wait any longer, just so I didn't have to share the spot light (or our mother) with her! If she was that concerned about, perhaps SHE should have waited, seeing how she actually has some say over the matter. I didn't get pregnant that cycle, but the next, so I did "wait" but not because she said anything, and not because I actually had a choice. I just thought she was very insensitive about the whole thing.

 

A friend of mine is pregnant and she is 1 and a half / 2 weeks behind me with a singleton. She wanted to be and was planning to get pregnant I however wasn't planning on getting on pregnant. She thought it was wonderful because we could share all our appointments etc. Unfortunately I had to move away from her I live about an hour and a half away from her now although we still talk on the phone. I had to move closer to my family. When we talk she always seems to want to know about mine and I have to really push her into giving me information about her pregnancy. I said to her one day I am not the only one pregnant here you know you can tell me how you are going.

 

One of my good friends and I have been pregnant together, THREE TIMES! Our first and second born (both girls) are all within one month of each other's birthdays. Then this time around, I find out I'm having twin girls..and she's having a little boy! She actually just delivered last week and I've got a few more weeks to go. But we joke about taking our kids out in public again...that would mean 6 girls and 1 little boy, all under the age of 5! That is so NOT happening..lol

 

My Co-worker (and very close friend) and I are only a few weeks apart from each other. She's having her second son and I'm having my first.

We always joked it would be great to get preggers at the same time time to share in everything and have at least one of her kids growing up with mine.

Instead of all the joys of pregnancy I thought we'd go through together, she became the "know it all" to me and my twin pregnancy and she admitted that she was stealing my thunder and spotlight because she thought I was stealing hers. When I found out I was pregnant and then having twins and I told her, she told everyone, before I had a chance to tell anyone (friends and co-workers) the only people I got to tell was my and DH parents, she had told everyone else. When we found out the sexes, I told DH I'd like to keep it a suprise, well friend called and he told her because he was bursting with excitment and pride and within a day once again everyone knew I was having B/B twins and I never got to tell anyone .

To be honest it's been hard to bond with her on anything - everything that has happen in my pregnancy she has told me why it's happening and what I am doing wrong. When I registered for baby stuff she told me why I got the wrong stuff and why I should get what she recommended instead - to the point she even tried to change my registry by calling my mom.

Whenever I try to talk about her pregnancy and just talk about her, she blows it off and says its just like the first nothing new to report...


It's been hard but I've taken it with stride, I know I'm on a countdown (4 days) and she due next week. I think after ALL the boys are born things will be better (fingers crossed)

 

My SIL and two other close friends have been due during the same month as me (adjusted to 36-37 weeks for me).

In the very, very beginning it was hard, because they announced their pregnancies when we were trying our last clomid cycle, and I *really* didn't think the cycle would work. But they were all very sensitive in the way they talked to me about things, so that really helped.

Then I found out I was pregnant--and then found out there was twins. And really, it's been an incredibly positive experience to have other sharing in the same joys/trials of pregnancy. These three women aren't competitive or overbearing, so that makes it more fun. And some of them knew how hard we were trying, too, so I think that helped, too.

It's been especially fun with the one girl who lives fairly close to me--we've been joking that we might have triplets (she's due any day now, too). Someone took a hilarious picture of us trying to hug with our three babies in between us.

 

My SIL and I are due 2 wks apart im pretty sure ill go before her thou; she is having a singleton thou--and she had the nerve to tell me NOT to expect a baby shower; sheesh i wasnt expecting a shower but people are already asking me what we need-

 

My sister called a few weeks ago to tell me she was pregnant. She is married with two stepdaughters and has never indicated an interest in having a baby. We tried for 2.5 years before our successful IVF. I was happy for her, but also felt a little like my thunder had been stolen. Now I feel guilty for having those thoughts because she lost the baby last week. Pregnancy sure gives a person complicated feelings.

 

I have 4 friends that are pregnant with me right now, and one that just had a baby. It is so fun being pregnant all together. My one best friend is due just one week after me. Her son and my second son are exactly one week apart in age. We joked about getting pregnant together this time and then it just happened coincidentally. Now we laugh cuz she has to ask me how far along she is. I love being pregnant with all of my friends and we all are excited for our kids to be the same ages. I don't think anybody has felt like the others are stealing their glory... I'm glad there are no hard feelings.

 

My two BEST friends from high school are pregnant right now and I am THRILLED!!!! I love hearing about their pregnancies and I am so happy that my little ones will have playmates their age when we visit my friends.

 

I don't like my sister and her only child (now 9) is painful. Found out my sister is pregnant and I think she only tried to have another one cause she found out I was trying. There are numerous comparisons where my sister has attempted to copy me including her present profession.....
Instead of giving her son a brother or sister when he could have used one instead of becoming a spoiled, self-centered child.... she waits until I have mine. Found out she is having a girl -- I'm having twin girls. I hate the thought of my girls being compared to hers or even playing with her children and picking up on their bad habits. (yes I do sound negative and angry don't I ?) I hate hearing about her pregnancy and I think both my mom and sister thought there would be some "sister connection" with us both being pregnant together ----nO way. I am angry that she would bring another child into this world since she argues all the time with her husband, he is an alcoholic for years, she finally has a job that pays decent enough she could leave the relationship and now she has another kid with him. My parents end up trying to compensate AKA spoil their grandson to make up for the parents lack of maturity.

I feel like my two are going to be the normal ones, who don't need the compensation from grandparents and will end up getting less attention ----- because they don't NEED it as much as my sisters' broken children. I hate the stress this puts on my parents too.

I have other friends and cousins who are pregnant and I'm happy to share the spot light with them.

Just wanted a little happy alone time......

 

It took me 2+ yrs and 2 m/cs to get pg with the girls, and I was so happy. When I was in my second trimester DH's niece got pg, for complicated reasons. At first I was mad, because it was supposed to be my time. After a while, though, I decided it was good, because that baby would keep SIL out of my hair.

 

Oh, have I got the story for you!
My husband & I tried for 7 years, off and on to have kids. Finally we had to resort to IVF, but didn't tell too many people the *how* part. Well, about 5 months before we did IVF (we had the initial OB appt. already set up) we found out that my SIL was pregnant (oops!). Well, we announced our pregnancy in December. So, their girl is 4½ months older than our twins. Well, jump forward to earlier this year. She got pregnant again (they were trying). She confided in my OTHER SIL this statement: "At least *I'm* the only one pregnant this time!" So, in August, when I announced our pregnancy, my OTHER SIL couldn't help but laugh at the coincidence... since this pregnancy was natural and unexpected - but wanted! She likes being the center of attention!

 

My SIL is pregnant, we took tests (from the same package!) within 24 hours of each other! I think it's great, I love how big our extended family has grown. The more the better!

 

I am due in April, my sister is due with her honeymoon baby June21. Her wicked SIL is due the week before her. Her SIL told the parents just hours before Jen and Jason got there, totally taking any of the happiness that they should have had from sharing with the parents. My sister wants to kill this woman on a daily basis. I told her the hormones of pregnancy can give her some leeway on being a bit snarky to her!
We have a cousin who is due in Feb, I have a friend due St. Patty's day, 2 others due in Feb and a good friend from church who is 6 weeks behind my April 30 due date.

 

My sister and I are both preganant, she is due in March with a singleton and I am due in January with b/g twins-I found out first and announced it and she announced hers a month later-our parents are so excited for both of us and hopefully my sister doesnt feel over shadowed by my twin pregnancy...just this weekend she was visiting (She lives in another state) and we went baby clothes shopping and of course I look like I could be due any day now and you can hardly tell she is pregnant so I get alot of public attention-I felt kind of bad that no one says anything to her (because they dont know). But you better believe everytime someone said something to me I turned right around and said this is my sister and she is having a baby a month after my twins! I feel proud and happy to share this experience with her!
I also have lots of friends that are due soon or just had babies-sometimes I am a bit envious of their "easy going pregnancy" but then again I also feel very lucky that at the end I get two more babies!

 

Well I come from a big & close family (my maternal-grandma had 7 kids and each of them have on average 2.5 kids, I'm about in the mid to low end), the wife's side not so much (only a few of her cousins live in town and she's the oldest). When we were expecting our 1st my sister was 3 months ahead of us and I had 3 other cousins within 5 months one side or the other from ours....so my grandma got 5 new great grand kids in about a 7 month time period. Lucky for us it was the first on her side so it didn't seem like we "lost the spotlight" with so many other new one's on my side.

This time around my sister-in-law (wife's sister) is expecting her 1st, we our 2nd & 3rd as twins. It's hard for us as we want to be happy for the SIL, but a lot of attention is coming to us right now w/ twins. It doesn't seem like she's upset and we hope it stays that way. We actually held off telling people we were expecting so we wouldn't steal her thunder, but then the twins announcement came along and blew that away. If the dates hold up we would be due 3 days after the SIL.

 

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"Her wicked SIL is due the week before her. Her SIL told the parents just hours before Jen and Jason got there, totally taking any of the happiness that they should have had from sharing with the parents. " QUOTE

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i don't think it is right for people to spoil a pg woman's right to tell her family and friends. That is a nice time to see the reaction of family and friends. My parents were wonderful at letting me have the excitement to see peoples's reaction. It was great and I love them for it.

Heather

 

QUOTE(KimsTwins @ Nov 5 2007, 02:26 PM) [snapback]482439[/snapback]
My little sister and I are both pregnant right now. She is due December 16th with a boy (my first nephew!) and I am due February 14th with a boy and a girl. At the beginning it was a little bit rough between us because although neither of our pregnancies were planned, I heard through the grapevine that she felt I was trying to "steal her thunder" (imagine the day I called her and told her I was having twins!). My mom was very unhappy about my pregnancy as well (my sister and her are waaaaaaayyyyy closer than my mom and I are; I have a feeling a lot of my sisters animosity came from her). But over time things have gotten better and we all have become closer. We just had her baby shower last weekend and with the upcoming holidays, I am getting excited about not only being a new mom, but and aunt as well

Has anyone else gone through a pregnancy with a family member or friend?

Yes, twice, with 1 of my SILs.

The first pregnancy we went through together was all about her. I believe she felt "threatened" because she was always always always boasting that she was 1 week ahead. She was also very happy that she had her baby first, like it was a race.

The second pregnancy we went through together I was pregnant with twins and I think that made her feel less special. She was 1 week ahead of me (again!) so I got to hear all about that (again!). I did end up having my boys a few hours before her 2nd dd was born. She was upset about that.

So yeah, I've done it and didn't care for it. It's not that I must be the center of attention, I just don't like dealing with someone who's competitive that way. It's pregnancy, not a race to see who has their baby first.

 

QUOTE(heathertwins @ Nov 8 2007, 06:00 PM) [snapback]486648[/snapback]
I don't like my sister and her only child (now 9) is painful. Found out my sister is pregnant and I think she only tried to have another one cause she found out I was trying. There are numerous comparisons where my sister has attempted to copy me including her present profession.....
Instead of giving her son a brother or sister when he could have used one instead of becoming a spoiled, self-centered child.... she waits until I have mine. Found out she is having a girl -- I'm having twin girls. I hate the thought of my girls being compared to hers or even playing with her children and picking up on their bad habits. (yes I do sound negative and angry don't I ?) I hate hearing about her pregnancy and I think both my mom and sister thought there would be some "sister connection" with us both being pregnant together ----nO way. I am angry that she would bring another child into this world since she argues all the time with her husband, he is an alcoholic for years, she finally has a job that pays decent enough she could leave the relationship and now she has another kid with him. My parents end up trying to compensate AKA spoil their grandson to make up for the parents lack of maturity.

I feel like my two are going to be the normal ones, who don't need the compensation from grandparents and will end up getting less attention ----- because they don't NEED it as much as my sisters' broken children. I hate the stress this puts on my parents too.

I have other friends and cousins who are pregnant and I'm happy to share the spot light with them.

Just wanted a little happy alone time......


I have friends who do that. This particular family that I am very close to well anyway there are 6 children in this family and 3 of the children have kids. They all constantly compare the others way of raising their children and not always in a nice way it is some sort of competition between them all. Even the mother does it as well. I am glad that I am not in that position. Between two of the girls when one has a baby the other one is sure to get pregnant so that she can have the youngest therefore the attention is on hers.

I have one sister who doesn't have any and the other who has 4 children and I think we all realise that we will be raising our children the way we want to and that is it.

 

Lets see. With my first pregnancy, my sis was three months behind me. And a lifelong, very close friend was 5 weeks behind me. With my second pregnancy, my brother's wife was three months behind me.



This time, my best friend is a week ahead of me, and my coworker is about 6 months along.

 

With my first (singleton) my 2 best friends were pregnant, one 2 months before and one two months after. It was great sharing everything! (Including clothes we had grown out of) But it was kind of hard at first, because we didn't have each other to help when the babies came. I couldn't just go over for an afternoon while my friend slept and I watched a baby, I had my own baby and my own sleep deprivation!
Funny story though, on of my friends, I'll call her Sue, was pregnant with twins and due after me. When I had my son she came that night to visit and the nurses wanted to admit her! Ha ha very funny, no I'm just here to visit. The next morning I got a call, she was in the room down the hall, her water had broke during the night! So our boys are 2 days apart, born in the same hospital, in the same NICU just across from each other. We got to sit together in the hospital while we watched over our boys.

This time, with the twins, only my son's day care provider, and friend of mine, was pregnant. She had 2 boys and wanted a girl but got another boy. I felt really bad telling her I was having 2 girls.