Sharing or ownership

In the act of constant refereeing and peace making between my 12 month olds, I'm starting to question my tactics. So far, the toy stealing has been met with giving the toy back to its original owner and distracting the thief with something else. A couple of nights ago I started wondering about whether I'm effectively not teaching them about sharing. It's hard to explain sharing to a 12 month old but should I be modelling it for them. I do leave the toy with the grabber if the grabbee isn't upset and just finds something else to play with but my boys can keep a favourite toy (like a sock!) in their little hands for a long long time, not giving the other a chance to play with the treasured item (like a sock!). And, in the inexplicable way of twins, offering another sock just doesn't do the trick.

Chances are that I'm over thinking but I was just wondering what you all think/do.
Thanks

 

If (for example) James takes Sean's toy and Sean doesn't cry then I let it be. If Sean does cry I tell James to wait his turn and give it back to Sean. Until they're 2ish or 3ish sharing isn't a concept they can really grasp. I model sharing by sharing with my husband. The kids think it's pretty funny and they seem to get it.

 

I think teaching not to grab is just as important as teaching to share, so I think what you're doing is fine! Sharing is really hard to learn & twins are forced into it a lot earlier than other kids. My kids are a lot older, but we have the "no stealing" rule now. If someone else is playing with something, you just can't take it. They might hold onto it for a long time, but that's the way it is. I'll ask the original "holder" of the toy if they would like to share & I'm surprised at how often they do! :wub:

They really like Dora now, too, so sometimes we'll do the "Johnny, no swiping!" thing.

 

In toddler class they teach that there are certain things that belong to you and you do not have to share. There are other things that are for sharing. Look at your life.. do you share your car with anyone? There are just certain things that belong to you and you do not have to share. IF you want to, fine, but it's not necessary.

 

I think you are doing the right thing by giving back the toy and distracting the other one. I think 1 year olds just don't understand the concept of "sharing." I think it's even hard for 2 year olds.

At 3 years old, my kids do understand sharing. I used to tell them to "share" their toys, but another twin mom told me that this inevitably creates more fights. She said "taking turns" is a better concept and creates less fights. I followed her advice and it has cut down on the fighting. Now I say, "Wait your turn. Wait for your brother to finish playing with XYZ."

 

QUOTE(naomi02 @ May 29 2008, 07:59 PM) [snapback]799912[/snapback]
They really like Dora now, too, so sometimes we'll do the "Johnny, no swiping!" thing.



We also say "swiper, no swiping!" and the kids love it! We try to model sharing also. I do give the toy or object back to the original owner and tell the "swiper" that their brother/sister will let you play with it when they're done. Then we redirect the attention to another toy.

I think you're definitely on the right path. It isn't until they're a bit older when they understand sharing. Even then it is confusing there is the difference between waiting your turn and sharing a toy. Not everything needs to be shared all the time.

 

I only get involved when there is hitting, it takes to much to disbute every fight they have. It there are many through out the day they usally are pretty good about settling it themselfs.

 

Just watched super nanny the other night and she had a solution for this. If your child has one favorite toy that they don't want to have to share, let them put that one toy to the side and make sure they know that they have to share everything else.