Sharing my frustration

Ok this is going to be long one I think but I need reassurance or outside perspective, I guess. I am not sure how to start so if I ramble or give too much info I apologize in advance.
Here is what is going on. I have a friend… my “best friend” or so she says, who I have been friends with for 8 years or so. She is a bit of a gossip hound and in my younger years I was a willing listener, never thinking she would discuses me the way she discusses others…RIGHT. So last summer when I was pregnant and hormonal I got into a conversation with a mutual friend of ours that lead to a lot of eye opening info. Basically my “best friend” talked to her about me the same way she talked about everyone else to me (a total DUH on my part). She lied about a lot of stuff to this friend and lied to me about a lot of stuff this friend had said and done. I tried to distance my self from her (the “best friend”) but my DH still talked to her and it just became more trouble then it was worth to do so, so instead I just limited time with her and became very careful about what I said to her.
Now fast forward to present day. She has a 20 month old little girl who is very aggressive. She recently hit her 5 year old sister in the head and caused her to have stitches!! Every time I have been around the child she has hit or bitten someone. She hit our mutual friend in the face with a book hard enough to give her a bruise and hit her 5 year old daughter in the head with a drum stick while the little girl was sitting on the floor getting her hair braided. I am concerned that she will injure the babies and I discussed this with the mutual friend who agreed, that after the stitches incident she too is concerned. So I told my “best friend” that I would rather not bring the babies around for a while out of concern for everyone’s well being. I tried to be as polite and considerate as possible and offered numerous other options but tried to make it clear that I would not bring them over until this “stage” passes. She badgered me and keep saying things like “well if you are so worried about my little bully I will put her down for nap when you are here” or “ you know it isn’t like the older kids don’t pick on her too.” Our mutual friend had a similar conversation with her. When she spoke to her my “best friend” tried to turn it all around on me, saying that I have hemmed and hawed around the issue and never really just came right out and said it and she wishes I could just be forward and honest with her the way our mutual friend was. She also tried to say that my older DS is constantly pushing her DD down which I assure you is not true, if it was I would get after him. She has always made comments about my older DS being a handful and now says things about my younger DS like “you looked just like your dad when you were born…my condolences” she wont look at her own daughter and admit that something might be going on even though her DD doesn’t talk and hits constantly. In fact the pediatrician had her take the girl for early screening test for autism. Which her DD passed but barely. I am concerned that she is ignoring a potential problem but more importantly I know that she will not let the not brining them over thing go. I have tried to be gentle about it because no one wants to hear negative things about their children and it very well may just be a stage but regardless if it was a accident or not she gave her older sister stitches so what could she potential do to two babies?
I don’t really have a question I am just venting I guess but she tries to spin it all to make me feel like I am wrong. It’s not like I told her I would never have contact with her again. I told her going to the park or zoo or someplace where everyone could do there own thing in a open environment just no home visits. Maybe that I the problem I just don’t know.

 

Hi,
wow what a situation. Well her kids are her problem, if her DD has behavioral problems and refuses to see that than that is her problem. I'm sure she knows it, maybe doesn't want to admit her kid has issues to another person out of embarressment.

I don't blame you for not wanting to bring your children around this girl, but i wouldn't assume the worse right off the bat. I would go, for one to get your friend off your back, and just keep a close watch on the little girl. when she gets close to them, you get close in case she decides to act funny with them. You never know, she may just act out with people who are older to prove she is tough. With babies, she could act completely different. who knows. The zoo is a good idea though.

Sounds like your friend is drama which I'm sure is the last thing you need, that's good you watch what you say around her.

 

I would stick to your guns. DO waht makes you confortable. maybe some time and space will help.

 

Are you interested in continuing your freindship with her or are you done?
If you are done, I wolud consider ending the friendship- she's bringing too much negativity to your life.
If you want to reamin freinds, try having a heart ot heart with her.

Good luck!

 

QUOTE(Mel G @ May 23 2008, 02:03 AM) [snapback]788806[/snapback]
Are you interested in continuing your freindship with her or are you done?
If you are done, I wolud consider ending the friendship- she's bringing too much negativity to your life.
If you want to reamin freinds, try having a heart ot heart with her.

Good luck!



Very good advice.

I agree with you being scared to bring the babies around this child.

 

You are smart to keep your distance, not only because she is a gossip and not a true friend but for the safety of your babies. Tell DH what is happening and ask him to stand by your decision and not have contact with her.

 

Ick.....I have dealth with to many people and situations like this to last me a long time. I personally would try to be there for her if she needed to talk or had a problem, but I really would limit my contant with her at this point. It sounds like she isn't the greatest friend to you, and she is bringing alot of drama into your life. I found after I had kids that I really pulled away from the people in my life who were negative and caused problems ...besides my in-laws, I'm stuck with them ... and focused on my family and on people who were positive in my life. You have enough to deal with in your life....someone else causing problems won't help anything! I would definitely tell DH to stop talking to her too if you decide to distance yourself...because you are totally justified how you feel towards her.

 

You sound like you are doing the right things. Protect your children. Keeping negative people out of your life. I think it is important to spend our limited time with people we love, care about, respect.

Heather

 

Several people have offered suggestions I agree with. Personally, I don't think I would want to be friends with her. We all have seasons in our life and perhaps your season with her is over. A girl I was best friends with in high school stole things from me, cheated on her husband, etc. I decided my time with her was done. She called me earlier this year and I talked with her on the phone but I have no desire to see her.

Do what is best for YOU and your kids!

 

Everyone gave good advice on both sides of the fence. I say if that is causing this much drama in your life.....then end the friendship. Like Jen said friends for a season. If the friendship is true and time passes and you and her can patch things up in the future then it was a good friendship. Honestly, someone who talks alot of gossip is very high schoolish to me and not worth dealing with. Learned my lesson the HARD way about that.

GL

 

Oh wow, what a tough situation to be in. :hug99:

I agree with a PP, maybe some time apart might help.