Share Bedtime Routines 2-3YO?

Hi everyone,

I am feeling like such a failure lately. It has always been really important to me to have a peaceful, safe and routine bedtime experience for my kids. And for the first two + years we managed to do just that. I was a big proponent of CIO, we used it at 5 months and then whenever we had a flare up of sleep issues after that, and it always worked quickly and relatively painlessly. I used to brag that my kids were so easy for anyone to put to bed! They just went in and talked to each other or sang themselves to sleep without any fighting it at all.

WELL...say goodbye to those good ol' times! Suddenly I have little almost three-year olds who seem to rule the house and who have definitely gradually taken control over me! I am starting to dread bedtime, and I can go a whole day without losing it with them and end up screaming in their room at 8pm, something that is definitely contrary to how I'd like to be parenting, especially at bedtime.

Here are the issues that I think especially affect our current miserable situation:

1) They are still in cribs though each of them has climbed out once and we are going to have to change to toddler beds (the cribs convert easily) now anyway so that when we go away in June they won't need cribs when we travel.
2) My son no longer naps more than 2 days a week, my daughter still very much needs a nap. However, either way she has to go potty at 8pm and is awake by 5:45am.
3) DS is not yet potty training, DD is, and EVERY NIGHT has to go #2 on the potty after getting in bed - this can take up to an hour to accomplish, but she's not making it up because she does in fact go!
4) We have let go of the schedule because of all of the variables in napping and potty-going. We used to have them ready for bed by 7, lights out at 7:30. Now it is more like 9pm before the screaming (theirs and mine) stops.

Can anyone help me? Should I stop all naps? Tell DD she can't go on the potty after a certain hour? Just let them cry it out? Should I fix this before I change to beds or go ahead and change to beds and get all the transitions over with at once? They seem to need a lot longer to wind down before bed, whereas we used to have dinner, play for a while, have milk, read a few stories and then go to bed - now they are all wound up after a few stories and want more more more! What do you do that is successful? How do you manage your bedtime routines?

Also - what do you do about the middle of the night wake ups? The books say to ignore, or to put them back in without any conversation. But if we do that, one will wake the other. That never happened before but now that they are older it is happening constantly. DS wants water, DD needs to go #2. DS doesn't want to sleep. DD can't find her babies. All between the hours of 12 and 5am. And, oh yes - DD wakes at 5:45am every day!!!! DS sleeps till I wake him for school at 8:30am.

We are EXHAUSTED, not just from the late nights but from the emotional toll of arguing so much. I know I need to take back the upper hand. But how? Realistically? With two kids with different needs but the same age? How does everyone else do this?

Thanks so much in advance!

 

That's one of the reasons we waited so long to potty train our kids to be honest... really don't want to deal with late night potty trips... frankly we're not there yet so I can't really help... I'm really not sure how we'll handle it when we're ready for it...

For us we just put them in bed (brush their teeth, change into PJs, then lights out and they get a huge and a kiss, that's it), and close the door and leave. It's been the same routine since they were babies really. They don't always fall asleep right away but we ignore it... but they really don't call us or anything once we leave. If they do, we do the same as when they wake up in the middle of the night, we go in, put them back in bed and say goodnight. Sometimes they get a huge and if they're thirsty we'll get them a cup of water, but really it happens once every 3 months or something... for us CIO has worked great.

But again... we don't have then potty issues yet. We'd probably just take them to the potty and put them back in bed. You can't really ask them to hold it all night. Or you can put a potty in their room once they are in toddler beds, but at this age they won't be able to wipe well yet so you might end up with poop everywhere anyway... The only thing I can think of to change her poop schedule is to try and give dinner earlier or something.

 

Bedtime has been a struggle for us too. Mine are not even close to being potty trained so I can't give any advice on that. I had similar problems with them being way too wound up during story time. I have found that if I do pj's, then brushing teeth, then I let them watch 15-30 min of quiet TV, they are much calmer for stories. This has made it somewhat easier to get them to fall asleep at bedtime. They still take a long time to fall asleep, but instead of running around, jumping off their beds, etc they lay in bed and talk and sing. If they are still wild or loud for more than a few minutes after we put them to bed, we start enforcing consequences. First, we give a warning. Next, we take away any extra toys or stuffed animals, leaving them only with blanket and pillow. Last, we turn off their nightlight, leaving the room completely dark. Usually just the threat of turning the light off is enough to keep them in bed and get them to fall asleep!

As for the crying at bedtime, that went away for us when they were out of their cribs. Toddler beds brought a new set of problems but I'll take that over the crying! I would not think cutting naps is going to help. I find that if my kids are overtired they sleep worse, wake up more, etc. We do have to sit in the room at naptime to get them to fall asleep, but it is worth it to have them rested for the rest of the day! Good luck. This age is tough!

 

Bedtime has been a struggle for us in the past, mainly because my husband's bedtime routine for them differs from mine.. until he was told by a doctor that the kids were 'playing' him. I worked hard at getting out of the twins' bedroom. I'd sit in there and then leave when they were settled, often wasting an hour of my time and elevating my stress level. I remember having contractions while I was in labor with my youngest while sitting in there waiting. If I had not sat in there they kids would be playing and getting up and not going to sleep for hours. So once I got out I thought I was home free. NOT! DD asked my dh to lay with her one night and that was the start of being in the room again. Pretty soon they were asking for me and dh proudly stated that he would lay with them as long as they wanted because eventually they would not want company. :headbang:
Then at his work at Sleep Number, he attended orientation where a 'sleep doctor' spoke and had basic tips for getting kids to bed. Do you know it took one night of explaining the new routine to the kids to make the tips work?? :shok: Seriously. The twins were 6 and Evan was 3 when this happened. We give them a ride (on back/shouders) to their bed, tuck them in and leave. They all have their own rooms. Even my 3 year old who had started to enjoy someone laying with him bought the new routine hook, line & sinker! Both my sons are required to go potty right before bed. I do not tolerate 'going potty' just to postpone bedtime, but when you are freshly potty trained, it's hard not to. My youngest still wears diapers at night. But, it is funny because he will 'play' dh totally when he puts him to bed. I refuse to let my youngest up more than once after he has gone to bed but my youngest will get up several times when it is my husband who puts him to bed. He's smart.. he knows how to get his way.
Other tips are no tv or video games right before bed. We're not so strict on this but it apparently influences REM sleep. Same bedtime every night (ours varies by 1/2 hour furing the school year). Did you know that when Daylight savings time happens in the Spring and you lose an hour, the day after has more car accidents because of the hour time change?
Good luck! I hope you get some good suggestions! All kids are different!

 

Our rule is that once we say goodnight, you get 1 trip back from mommy and daddy and that is it. We transitioned to beds this past weekend and so far so good (knock on wood). We cut out all naps because they were causing them to stay up late. Our routine is bath at 645/7 and lights out by 745 (they sleep until 7am). We do books and songs and then tuck them in. My advice would be to figure out a schedule/routine you want to keep and then be consistent and strict about adhering to it. Good luck.

 

My twins are just one but oldest is 3 so I lurk here often so hope you don't mind but this is one of my pet peeves about my DH. He loves the night time routine with DS #1 and is always adding to it. I don't like to stay up there that long so it annoys me but DH enjoys the time with him. It goes like this:
Bath (most nights, not every)

 

I feel for you. It's rough. It's such a tough age with the potty and losing the naps and going into toddler beds. Ugh. My twins are 3 and we have dealt with similar things. If my Sarah naps, she will have a much harder time going to sleep at night and she'll give me trouble...so sometimes I skip the nap and she goes to bed at night much better, but then she is miserable at dinner times. It's a trade off. My girls were giving me a hard time going to bed when they were climbing out of their cribs. It became like a game/mission...they were getting into the routine of climbing out and getting all riled up. So we got rid of the cribs and put them in the toddler beds and it sort of broke the pattern believe it or not..... and they started going to be much better. When they go to bed now, they usually like the door open a crack with the hall light on. We tell them that if they don't go to sleep we will shut the door and shut the light off and that usually helps us. As for the pooping at 8pm every night..it seems like her body is in that routine. This might be a terrible idea but maybe you could change her diet a bit for a few days or give her a little Miralax for a couple of days and maybe her poop schedule will change to a different time of day???? Maybe you don't want to do that, but I might consider it if I was desperate! ha! ha! Last week, Sarah, tried to pull the ole "I gotta poop at bedtime" routine and she was loving it...sitting there taking forever, watching me wait for her. So I told her "let me know when you are done" and I went downstairs. Once the audience was removed (aka "Me") she finished up fairly quickly and got to bed....so maybe something like that is a possibility. My twins are #3 and 4 for me and I'm still trying to figure all this out! Good luck! I think the biggest thing is to break the pattern and set a new routine and stick to it.

shannon