sex issues

Is anyone else having trouble with their sex life after twins??? I had a C section, have lost more weight than I gained, but feel so "undesirable". I start out wanting to have sex, but then do not want him to touch me down there!! Anyone else?????????

 

How old are your twins? I can't say that I had that problem after the twins, but after my 4th child I did. I think I was dealing with some PPD. Are you doing ok with depression? Any other area of your life effected as well?

 

the twins are almost 6 months old. There are sooo many changes going on. My husband had back surgery 2 months ago and is on workers comp. So, that has been really hard. I am finally going back to work next week. I hope that helps.

 

We are STILL trying to get back into our old "groove". I feel unattractive and DH sees me as a Mom. We're working things out and it's tough. Hang in there!

 

We are finally up and going again! Thank goodness. At first it was really hard because I had a low cervix so it was extremely uncomfortable, but with time it has gone away. I totally feel gross with saggy twin skin, but DH doesn't seem to care. He is totally supportive of me, and tries to make me feel better, he gets on me when I rag on myself. I guess I am lucky. I cannot wait to get my tummy tuck!

 

I can't help the fact that I feel Sooo unattractive/undesireable because of this twin skin crap.. DH tries to make me feel better about it, but I can't just ignore the fact that it's there.. and it's not going anywhere anytime soon <_<

That's my only conflict I've found with the whole sex issue. Seems like you've got a lot going on though. With the finances, your DH's surgery, your C-section, you starting work soon, etc.. And if you've got really young ones at home [or more than the twins] I can see how that could add to the stressors in the home. Hang in there hun, things will work out. :hug:

 

Yeah we've had some issues - we're both exhausted and I feel like my midsection is hideous!

 

We have issues mainly with just being tired and not in the mood. Not to mention the twin skin. :bad: (Which DH doesn't seem to notice, but I notice it and hate it.)

 

Our issue (make that my issue) is that I'm just too tired. Working full-time, trying to get somethings done around the house, raising 3 kids, doesn't sink in to my DH that I'm tired. He gets it if I start crying, but then he says I need to do less laundry and relax more. Umm, who's going to do the laundry then? I have 3 pair of pants that fit. Then when the kids are asleep, I just want some down time. He doesn't understand that I would find it extremely attractive if he voluntarily did some laundry without me asking.

 

QUOTE(bkpjlp @ Nov 4 2008, 02:55 PM) [snapback]1055965[/snapback]
He doesn't understand that I would find it extremely attractive if he voluntarily did some laundry without me asking.


i think it finally sunk in for my DH that the sexiest thing he can is clean after he surprised me for our 5th anniversary by cleaning the whole house, top to bottom (he did a good job too!) & i was "in the mood" several times a day for a month! :lol:

that being said, things have been really slow since the girls were born. i generally don't have the energy, and it's still fairly sore down there. i've never had to use lube before & for some reason find it really embarassing to have to use it now (even worse than twin skin for me - how weird is that?). also, i'm totally freaked out about getting pregnant again too soon - i haven't started taking the pill yet because my doc said that one possible side effect is a reduction in BM supply & i've worked so hard to get my supply up, i just don't even want to risk it. anyway, i do miss our old care free intimacy days & am looking forward to being able to be more spontaneous & enjoy it again, hopefully sooner rather than later.

 

QUOTE(miss_bossy18 @ Nov 4 2008, 05:23 PM) [snapback]1056021[/snapback]
i think it finally sunk in for my DH that the sexiest thing he can is clean after he surprised me for our 5th anniversary by cleaning the whole house, top to bottom (he did a good job too!) & i was "in the mood" several times a day for a month! :lol:

that being said, things have been really slow since the girls were born. i generally don't have the energy, and it's still fairly sore down there. i've never had to use lube before & for some reason find it really embarassing to have to use it now (even worse than twin skin for me - how weird is that?). also, i'm totally freaked out about getting pregnant again too soon - i haven't started taking the pill yet because my doc said that one possible side effect is a reduction in BM supply & i've worked so hard to get my supply up, i just don't even want to risk it. anyway, i do miss our old care free intimacy days & am looking forward to being able to be more spontaneous & enjoy it again, hopefully sooner rather than later.


Hi there...reading your post...I just wanted to mention that vaginal dryness is a side effect from Breastfeeding! don't get embarassed, grab the lube!

 

My issue is sheer exhaustion and BF twin girls. They are at the boob all day long so the last thing I want at night is my DH there I am so tired by the time he finally gets home that I can barely keep my eyes open let alone "get the job done". Weekends are a little better but he has now been gone for the past 3 weeks so that settles that. I'm hoping once everyone gets into a better sleeping pattern we'll have more energy for "mommy and daddy time".

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Nov 4 2008, 12:39 PM) [snapback]1055934[/snapback]
Yeah we've had some issues - we're both exhausted and I feel like my midsection is hideous!


ditto...
and before that it was that I was too huge & uncomfortable...
and before that it was because I was going through fertility treatments...
and before that....(notice the pattern?! :lol
My poor poor DH

 

I had issue in the beginning because I was SOO scared of getting pregnant. Now that my Dh has had a vasectomy and the tests have come back, I'm feeling much better and things have resumed.

 

We resumed sex the night before my 6 week checkup (our twins are 7 weeks old). I anticipated it being awful like it was the first post-pregnancy, but surprisingly it went wonderfully and we got back in the groove like no time had passed. And after that night we had sex each night for a week. As exhasuted as we are when we collapse into bed each night, we make some kind of "intimate time" for one another. Even if one/both of us aren't in the mood, we force ourselves to start and then we can't stop! Haha.

BUT with that said, don't let my story fool you - I have the disgusting twin skin too. My god it's the most unattractive thing I've ever seen! The stretch marks, the last 10 pregnancy pounds I want to lose, the bags under my eyes, the list goes on and on.....all of that physical stuff doesn't seem to register with my hubby, I don't think he sees it because what he tells me is how much he loves me and what a terrific mother I am, and that he's lucky to have me. So I let the ickiness go and just enjoy that I'm still attractive and sexy to him - post preggo body and all.

 

A sexy garter might cover up that twin skin. I know we are all exhausted but it only takes a second to slip into one and it may just bring out your inner porn star.

 

QUOTE(pamallhoney @ Nov 4 2008, 02:06 PM) [snapback]1055598[/snapback]
How old are your twins? I can't say that I had that problem after the twins, but after my 4th child I did. I think I was dealing with some PPD. Are you doing ok with depression? Any other area of your life effected as well?

I see you are pregnant, and they are going to be close together. PM is you every want. I have 23 mo. old and 8 mo. old twins and they are 15 mo. apart to the day.

 

I have 4 other kids besides the twins and between all 6 of the kids keeping me going nonstop throughout the day, keeping up with the house, weekly household business, up off and on throughout the night, because if it's not the babies, it's the stupid dog (and as much as I love my puppy... at 3am, both babies sttn, and he has to pee... I feel I have every right to call him a stupid dog!), and the fact that I am still dealing with the feeling of being undesirable... even if DH isn't... (he... bless him... has no problem with the way I look), sex is honestly the last thing on my mind! There are moments when I don't mind it, but usually I just don't have the desire to even have a "quicky". AF is visiting at the moment and that has given me some reprieve, but beginning in a day or two the "come on honey" and all the touchy feely stuff is going to begin again... and I am right back to feeling guilty for not being "in the mood". I hate the fact that I am just not in the mood like I use to... we usually have a great sex life, but I am just not there yet. I hope it changes soon. I really do feel bad about it. I guess what I am saying is... you're not alone!

 

Sex is still quite painful for me almost ten months later--even if I were in the mood, which I rarely am, it usually comes to an abrupt halt because it hurts too much.

I'd gladly trade my lack of twin skin for a little libido.

 

Just curious...have any of you mentioned the lack of desire to your OBGYNs? I haven't - just one thing that's uncomfortable to bring up in my mind. And my OBGYN is a male - don't know if it would be easier than a female.

 

We did it right after my 6 week appointment and just started up again last night (woohoo). That is a 5 week break b/c it hurt...a lot! It was better last night...guess we just need to be careful...

Oh, and it's much better now that I'm breastfeeding less. I was dry and had a weird odor...gross! That didn't put me in the mood AT ALL, but it's over now...things are starting to get back to normal...whatever normal is in our house!