Seperating twins in school?

What is the general thought on this. We aren't there yet, they will start school next fall. Currently they aren't in any formal pre-school and are at home with me during the day.

DH wants to separate them because he is under the thought that one will answer and the other will copy. I am more wanting to keep them in the same class. I plan on also getting with the school to see what they think. But I kinda have no idea.

I can't believe that I am starting to plan for this.. They were just babies, right!

 

I think it really depends on your kids' personalities. Before my girls started school at age 4.5 they had never been apart AT.ALL! My husband and I made a pro/con list for keeping them together and separating them. I was concerned that starting school was a big change and the fact that they had always been together, would be difficult for them to adjust. DH and I were concerned that our more outgoing child would be the focus of attention to the detriment or our only slightly-less outgoing child. In the end we couldn't come up with a super compelling reason for either choice and left it up to the school. Of course the school separated them, and for us it worked out really well. My less social child (who if you compared her to anyone except her sister who is like the mayor of our town, would still be classified as outgoing), blossomed into her own and enjoyed the break from her sister. Plus my girls are pretty competitive and have different academic strengths. By being in separate classes they don't compare themselves to each other. There are twins in my girls' grade who will remain together this year (going into 1st grade). For that family it works because those girls aren't really competitive. So i guess this long rambling post is just to say, it depends on your kids. I would talk to the school too to see how they handle it. I know the twins that were together last year in K and will be in 1st, may be in the same class, but they don't share a cubby or a table to give them their own space. Good luck!

 

Like Leighann said, it depends on your kids. We separated our kids last year in kindergarten and plan on continuing with that this year. DD can be bossy (only to her brother) and she has a big personality. DS is quieter and more reserved. They are both pretty smart, but felt DS would be compared to DD and thought there were be issues. They both have told us they like being apart in school and enjoy just seeing each other in the halls. I don't think there is a right answer and it varies by kids/families.

 

This is one of those questions that you really need to look at the dynamics of your twins. My boys have been in the same class since pre-school; they will be entering 2nd grade in three weeks. When they began pre-school, we didn't have a choice - they had to be in the same class. We registered them late and there was only space in one classroom. However, after that first year, we've had the choice and have looked at all kinds of things, including the teachers perspective and input, to make our decision.

For my boys, it works. Some twin moms will swear up and down that no matter what, they need to be separated. I don't agree. There is also no consistent research to support that either. What I found, over and over again, is that there isn't one answer to cover all twins.

I'm not sure why, but my boys really want to be together. However, they don't rely on each other at all. There's no competition, no dependence, no harassment, etc. They have their own set of friends and sometimes the two groups of friends play together. Academically, they are very similar. They are totally two separate little guys, but they are twins. I will never say they are no different than two different aged siblings. They are different; I truly feel the twin relationship is different and special.

Being together all day hasn't had any affect on their relationship at home either. They are very close to each other, but also have their own friends and interests.

Long answer short, we've had no reason to separate them, other than the blanket thought that twins should always be separated. Since I don't agree with that, and my boys have not shown any reason to be separated and want to be together, they will be. You really need to decide what you think will be best for your twins. Each twin relationship is as different as is each child.

Good luck with your decision!

 

We are separating for kindergarten. I tend to think that's generally the best choice but not always. For us, they are competitive, they sometimes empower each other to less than stellar behavior, and DS is more classically academically smart so DD tends to say she "can't" do things that she can. I have no doubts about it being the right choice for us.

 

It definitely depends on your twins and how they are together. Do they depend on each other? Do they work alright independently? Does one speak more for the other? All these things may help answer your question of whether they could or should be separated. My twin boys got along fine in preschool until about 2-1/2 years old. Then things started to deteriorate. They were competing for attention and friends. Kids don't always speak their minds, so fights broke out and they were no longer learning in class. Also, I noticed the teachers were having a hard time not comparing them. Kiefer was generally a well behaved boy in class and Cameron was highly distracted and hard to settle. Cameron was good with math and art, so why isn't Kiefer? Cameron is acting out, so it's best to assume Kiefer will too. I had a hard time whenever I would pick them up form school. I always got to hear about the shenanigans Cameron got into but not often any of the good things he did that day nor did I hear anything about Kiefer's day. It's like they forgot about him. At home, they fought almost all the time. Kiefer was hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, and pushing Cameron which he never did at school. He had enough of Cameron at school, he didn't want to have Cameron in his face at home too. So, I moved them to a different preschool....one that would separate the boys. It was a dream! Kiefer thrived! He was making friends easily and talking in class (Cameron was talking for Kiefer in the other school or didn't give Kiefer much of a change since Kiefer was a much more shy). Cameron was able to have the class to himself and make his own friends. At home, they get along MUCH better. Kiefer still teases Cameron, but rarely makes contact with him. They play nicely together more often and even do plays at home and teach each other things they learned at school. It's amazing how much separating them changed their attitude towards each other! It's really a big change.

For me, separating them worked. Now they are in kindergarten and they are doing very well. They love to see each other in the hallways and they have plenty of stories to tell each other at home. It's nice that they can have different experiences that is new to each other. For us parents, it gives us more to listen to and more to share. They want to have a few classes together now. So, I'm hoping to sign them up for some after school activities together so they can share something at school. For now, I"m happy they are in separate classes. I plan to keep it that way at least through elementary school.

 

My boys have been separated in school since they started pre-school. Halfway through the year, one was found to have a massive expressive language delay and we had to move him to the public school pre-school disabled program. That same child was already reading at 3. That child through early elementary, was always ahead of his brother, and we didn't want them in a position where a teacher was comparing them, so they remained separate. Now, going into Middle School, they will have 2 of their academic classes together--one because they are both in the Honors Math class, and the other by luck of the draw. So, it should be interesting to see how it goes!

Like the others said, if one tends to be dominant, then separation is probably the best thing for both children. Remember, too, that most if not all the kids entering K, don't do so with a sibling.

 

My twins did pre-k together and I talked about this with their teacher towards the end of the year. I wanted to separate them, to give them some individual attention, keep them from being "the twins", etc., but I also wanted her professional opinion. She agreed with me. We agreed that one twin was a little more dependent on the other and thought he might do better being separated, kinda force him to be more independent. In case that back-fired, I was okay with putting them back together. She also mentioned that she had a lot of trouble with them fighting with each other. So I separated them for K and they've been apart every since, they go into 3rd grade this year.

Like others said, it really depends on you and your kids. If they are in the same day care/pre-k class though, I would ask their teacher what they think.

 

My girls are starting K in the fall and we kind of ended up with the best of both worlds - there are two morning K classes but they're in one large classroom with a dividing door. For the first hour or so, they keep the door closed and will be in separate classes but for the last part of the day, the dividing door is opened and they get to do centers together. It's a bit of a test for them - if they do well (which I anticipate) we'll keep them separate for K and likely through elementary (although we'll reevaluate each year) but if they find it really stressful, we'll put them back together.

After talking with their pre K teacher, my reasons for leaning towards separation have little to do with the girls and more to do with how others tended to treat them. Their teacher said she hadn't had any issues with one dominating the other or fighting or competitiveness, she said they tended to gravitate to their own activities on their own but she couldn't even begin to tell them apart after a year with them and almost everybody in the class referred to then as "the twins" even though there was another set of g/g twins in the class (however, they were fraternal and looked noticeably different from each other). I don't really want that idea that they're a set and always have to be to get cemented so I feel like some time apart will help avoid that. As I said though, we'll see how this year goes and move forward from there.

 

i THOUGHT i would keep them together as long as they wanted ... BUT... after the pre school recommended they be separated i decided to separate them for a swim class first... see what happens... WOW... I was keeping them both back in the beginning swim class because Seth couldn't do some of the tasks the teacher required to move up... Nathan could do them all... so i separated them... Seth actually ended up acing the class and the one above it.... and Nathan did as expected... Average... SO, i decided we would try this "separate Kindergarten" and i can always go back... i know come middle school i hope to get them in the same Pod so they will have each other but not have the same classes together... but that's a world away and we will see where life takes us ^_^

 

Mine have been together since preschool (just started 3rd grade) and it works well for them. As everyone else has said, there is no right or wrong answer, it just depends on the kids and their relationship. We used preschool as a testing ground to see how they would react to the classroom situation. The whole class (about 40 kids) was together at pit time (circle time or rug time), outside playtime, and lunch. They broke into small groups for art/craft and all the rest. My two were in different small groups. Preschool was where they got over separation anxiety, and generally learned to be part of the group - following directions, standing and walking in line, taking turns to speak, sharing materials, and solving a few minor social issues by themselves. If you are able to send them, I would recommend at least a little preschool. It doesn't have to be a whole year, but enough so they get an idea of what school is all about and you can see how they will behave together or apart.

 

My boys are fraternal, so the bolded part above is something I don't have to think about, and haven't as it hasn't been an issue for my boys (because they are fraternal). Kids that aren't their friends don't even know they are related, or don't figure it out until much later in the year. My guess is if you have identical twins, that is definitely something to add to the equation when making a decision.

 

My two are going to a small school through fifth grade, so separating them wasn't an option. If it becomes a problem we will have to move them to a different school.

Last year even though they were in the same class they had separate friends and each time I visited the school they weren't together in class.

The main thing I'm concerned with is them fighting at home because of being together all day and all night. I have noticed that in the past year they started wanting to be different. They don't want me to buy them matching outfits, they don't want to wear their hair the same way, etc. They want to be different from sister,

 

My girls were separated in kindergarten. I did not want a teacher to have both of them and compare them. I remember how annoying it was to be compared to my older sister by teachers. Dh and I had already decided we wanted them apart. My perfectionist would stop doing things if she thought her sister did it better than her. She would stop doing things because her sister could do them in her mind better than she could. Their pre-K teacher strongly recommended they be separated (which is our school policy unless you fight for them to be together). Since my girls are so different, I don't even write notes asking for 2 teachers who work well together. I figure the girls should get the teacher that matches them best, no who makes my life easier.

I remember in Daisy's when my girls were in 1st grade, girls in the troop did not even realize that my girls were twins.

 

We did pre k and k together and started separating in 1st. They were just acting so competitive with each other that I thought it would cause issues. If I was doing it again I'd do it the same unless something lead me to think they needed to be separate. Their your kids go with your gut

 

Mine start Kindergarten this month and we decided to keep them together, at least for this first go round. The teachers in their children's church class attempted to separate them because one was more out going and a leader and it backfired because our less talkative one was just that, less talkative. Taking his brother out the equation made him shut down. We've decided that since this is their first time in school, we'd like for them to experience it together. The we'll go from there.

 

My kids are still young, they will be 3 next month and they are at home with my parents, but they went to preschool for 2 months in the spring while my parents went home for a while. They were together, but that's because it was a short term situation and it was the only available option at that preschool. At home Vanessa is the leader, but she is shy around strangers. At preschool it was the opposite - Max is more outgoing so she was following him everywhere like a lost puppy. Max was interested in the other kids and he tried to make friends but since his sister was always in a corner, he felt like he needed to stay with her so they stuck together most times. I think if they were separate, Max would have been more social and Vanessa would have come out of her shell some. As it was, she had Max there to talk to and boss around so she didn't feel the need to interact with other kids.

There's no question about it, my kids will be separated in school - yeah it may be easier for them (and for us) if they were together but most other kids don't get to go to school with a sibling and that's OK. My brother is 19 months younger than me, he's my best friend, we have a great relationship, and we have a lot of common friends, but of course, we were not together in school and we both survived .

ETA: While in preschool, my kids had another set of twins in their class - fraternal boys - those kids were in preschool since they were 3 months old, they were independent and they were not always together, I think they can be together in school, since they don't bother each other or the class, so of course, I realize it's a case by case situation, but in my kids' case, the choice is clear.