Seperating the Babies

My b/g twins are almost 14 months and have never been away from me for the night or separated from each other. I am a SAHM, my MIL babysits one morning a week so that I can go out by myself and also occasionally puts the babies to bed at our house so that my husband and I can go out to dinner. She recently mentioned that she would like to buy one car seat for her vehicle so that she can begin to pick one of the babies up for a one on one visit. I am feeling anxious about her taking one of the babies on their own for a visit. I am sure there are many reasons for my anxiety, the twins are my only children and they were preemies. Also, I think I feel a little jealous that she will want to do things with them that I would like to do first, also my own mother lives several hours away and is not able to spend that kind of time with them.

My MIL is the mother of two boys and these are and may be her only grandchildren, she quit her job when the babies were born even though I didn't go back to work, I greatly appreciate her help but I sometimes wish we lived a little further away so that I didn't have to constanly set boundaries.

Can anyone relate?

 

My mom lives 4 miles away. Although she didn't quit her job, she did buy a few pack n plays & two carseats so she could really help out in their lives. The only time these two have been seperated has been when one is sick and she'd take the well one to her house to play while I took care of the one who was sick. It does have a lot to do with your feelings about it. What does your husband say? I don't like seperating the two of mine and they are my only kids currently and were full-term and then some it seems!
It seems as if she is just trying to help and wants to have some babies around. Would you rather she take them both for a time so you can get a break? Like I said, it is all your families' choice, but it seems she is just trying to be helpful. Please don't limit their time with her just because YOUR mom is so far away. That isn't fair for the kids. Let them get grandma's love & affection! My MIL lives over an hour away and doesn't get to see the kids as often as my mom (& dad) do. I know she feels bad, but it's just the way it is. Don't look at it as what is fair. Look at it as help & a caring grandma. :hug99: HTH

 

When my guys were one, we started taking one over to see MIL/FIL for a little one on one time. I figured it gave me a bit of a break, some one on one time with one of the boys-we usually ran errands which is soooooo much easier with one child and gave them some bonding time w/o juggling two little ones or compeating for attention-the boys that is. I am really glad we did, my FIL made it a point to be there and one of my boys just ADORED him. This was on and off for about eight months or so and then my FIL passed away. Now, I do not know that my boys will remember, but I feel better that they were able to spend time alone with them.

Now, this is not to say I do not have some issues with my MIL s choices, but, usless they are a hazzard to my kids, I am learning to, like with my kids, pick my battles.

Good luck, it might be nice for you to take advantage of one child at a time too. If you only have one bidding for your attentionyou do not have to feel like you are choosing.

 

One on one time is great. I'm a single mom and really can't run errands by myself with both of them. We split mine alot and they really enjoy the time with just me or just nana

 

They are at a great age to start some separation and one on one time. Think of it as time you can spend one on one as well! It is good to separate them once in a while and get them used to it, because at some point you are going to have to do it, and you don't want the first time to be when they are 3+ and fight it, simply because they don't know how to be apart. I once met a mom whose boys were a year older than mine--5 at the time, and they had never been apart. So much so she couldn't send one to school without the other, because of the tantrums they would throw. She did blame herself because she never separated them when they were younger and she had the opportunity.

 

I too think it is good when you have an opportunity to separate them for a while.

My DH will sometimes take one up to NH for an overnight
and it is just amazing how easy it is with just one to care for!!
The one who stays loves the one on one time and attention from Mommy;
while the one visiting gets all the attention of Daddy and Grandpa.
It is so good for them to feel special in this way, and so good for DH and I
to have just one to focus on.

We didn't start doing this until they were older, but I wish we had started sooner!!

 

Thanks for the encouragement ladies, I know the first time will be hard for me but I'm sure it will get easier especially as I start to see the benefits.

 

WE just started doing more one on one time with our boys in the last year. I WISH we would have started this a long time ago. It is wonderful for your children and wonderful for you! It is SOOOOO EASY to have just one child. I can run errands with one that I could never run with two. And my mom or husband who has the other child can also do things with one that you can't do with two. I have two very very active boys, so many things are quite difficult to do with both of them. It's so nice to have one on one time with my son's. I feel more bonded to them as individuals than as a "twin set." I really enjoy time with each of them individualy. I know it's hard, but let go of your reservations and just give it a try. You will be suprised at how much you enjoy it - trust me!