Separation anxiety

Has anyone experienced separation anxiety where it's really bad with just one parent? This week has been really really hard. It's escalated to a whole new level. Makes any of the incidents the past few months seem like a breeze. Now when I set him down to play he's fine as long as I'm a few feet away. I get up and take two steps away and he goes from happily playing to all out screaming and crying and crawling after me still screaming and crying. I'm still always in sight and he can easily see and follow me - no barriers keeping him from me. To avoid the frustration today, I literally spent the day sitting next to him while he played, and picking him up and taking him with me anytime I needed to get up and do something.

My husband hasn't really been around to see the worst of it this week. Today I took a nap when he got home while the babies were napping. When they woke up my husband got them and I was still asleep. He had no problems, just the typical whininess we'd been experiencing, but not what I've been experiencing this week. I come down and he immediately reverts back to his screaming and following. Why is it just with me? I stay home and am with him all day. I would have thought if anything, it would be this way with my husband since he doesn't get to see him as much, or if I worked outside of the home then I would understand it more.

Is this typical with separation anxiety? How do you deal?

 

I am no help what-so-ever. It's definately typical of what we have seen. And like you, it's only me. DH can come and go as he pleases and they are just peachy. But if I am around and move 2 inches away from them it all goes to pot. One the boys literally must have a hand on me at all times. If I get out of reach he screams bloody murder. Thus far, for my sanity, I just tote my new attachment(s) with me for the most part. Though for the times I have held out long enough once I get out of sight and stay that way for a few minutes it stops. And they play contentedly until they spot me again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

QUOTE(beemer @ Jan 23 2009, 11:16 PM) [snapback]1159978[/snapback]
Though for the times I have held out long enough once I get out of sight and stay that way for a few minutes it stops. And they play contentedly until they spot me again. Lather, rinse, repeat.


This is how it used to be, before it escalated. Maybe half the time I could give it 5 minutes and he'd forget and go back to playing. Now he is so beside himself I don't know what else to do other than giving in and picking him up.

Here's a video from yesterday. I know, how mean am I for filming this rather than rescuing him? I was at my witts end and wanted to show my husband what he was doing all day.

http://s421.photobucket.com/albums/pp300/d...01-23234339.flv

Does this look like "normal" separation anxiety? I asked the doctor about it the other day and they said to try not to give in and pick them up or it will just prolong it. But so far I have not found any other way to distract him. (Other than my husband being here and calling for him).

 

QUOTE(DeniseT @ Jan 23 2009, 07:52 PM) [snapback]1160018[/snapback]
Does this look like "normal" separation anxiety? I asked the doctor about it the other day and they said to try not to give in and pick them up or it will just prolong it. But so far I have not found any other way to distract him. (Other than my husband being here and calling for him).


You know we have a public health nurse who is also a lactation consultant in my town. She has been nothing short of phenomanol since I had the twins. I call her for everything and find her advice to be wonderful no matter what the situation is. When we were/are dealing with separation anxiety she suggested the exact opposite as your doctor...she said get a sling or backpack carrier etc and babywear them ALL DAY LONG. She said let them nap in there, let them do everything. Show them you will meet their need by giving them 150%!! My DD also was figuring out if she took her paci out of her mouth and threw it, then she'd cry, Id pick it up and we'd repeat the process. Separation anxiety and object permeance (soemthing exist separate then themselves) normally occur aroudn the same time.

Long story short- I wore her all day as suggested and it worked like a charm! Now whenever she gets fussy/clingy like you describe I wear her for a few hours and shes golden again. She knows we are separate and that Im going to be there for her.

GL!

 

My son is just going through this now, a little late, but not with me, with DH. The boy can crawl but when DH goes to a different room Luke has a nuclear meltdown. So a lot of the time DH just carries him around and it seems like having sometime to be close to daddy calms him down and then DH can put him down and Luke's fine with DH going into different rooms, so in my own wordy way, I totally agree with the pp!

 

It's worth a shot then. I was afraid picking him up all the time would make him more clingy, but if it's worked for others I'll try it for awhile. I hope this is a short phase!

 

We still have this. Not to the same degree anymore, but Tyler is my "momma's boy." He still has a meltdown when I go out the door without him. Cant wait for it to be done!!

 

I didn't read all the replies but I wanted to share my experience with you. DS was absolutely terrible. He wouldn't even sit beside me - he had to be on me and it nearly drove me nuts. Especially as his twin had a touch of the SA monster too.
He eventually grew out of it and it was only really bad for about a month and it only happens again after he is sick and I spend a lot of time holding him - it seems like he gets used to it and needs more attention. Same with DD.
It wont last forever (but he's still a mummys boy) lol.

 

When does this usually start?

 

QUOTE(julesbabies @ Jan 24 2009, 07:33 PM) [snapback]1160764[/snapback]
When does this usually start?


I'm not sure. I think I've seen between 8-10 mos on average? But I'm sure it can start sooner, and definitely go on until after the first year. My son was always a little clingier. Then he got sick around 8 mos and was used to us constantly holding him and picking him up to comfort him during the night. He got used to this treatment and then started throwing tantrums after he was better and we weren't as quick to go and pick him up. We ended up having to do CIO (it was mainly a bedtime issue) and it worked in 2 nights. He was a little clingy during the day, but not so bad. Then this past week (so nearing 10 months), it's back with a vengeance, but mainly during the day now (not so much at night), and just with me. So I guess he's not done with it.