Separation Anxiety

My twin boys turned one last week, yay us! However for the last three weeks one of them has developed Separation Anxiety with me and daycare. Everyday we go in and whether I take him in first or second he bursts into tears as soon as I let go. He doesn't do this to DH on Friday's, just me. Unfortunately my DH travels so he can only do drop off on Friday. My other son is as happy as pie. I have tried everything from trying to engage him in play so I can sneak out, but I can't hang out for 15 minutes playing....to drop and run. Please tell me this is a phase and he will get through it. I literally cried all the way to the train this morning with guilt.

Anyone else have stories to share or advice?

 

One of my daughters cries and acts like the world is ending if she sees me leave for work. She stops crying and is her normal happy self within two minutes after I leave. As a result, I try to sneak out and when that's not possible, I hug her and leave without making it a long drawn out cry-fest. I think toddlers learn how to manipulate their mothers and it sounds like your son is already figuring it out!

Perhaps you can ask daycare how long your son cries? If it's just a few minutes after you leave, then my guess is it's a phase and you should just make the goodbyes quick and efficient. If he's crying for an hour after you leave and can't make the transition, then it might be something more.

 

Don't sneak out. Give him a hug, tell him you'll be back soon and say goodbye. Don't drag it out. Ask the providers how long it takes him to recover. Chances are, once he's distracted by everything there, he's fine. Our E/I preschool had a very strict policy on saying goodbye. They didn't want a child to grab a toy and turn around to see mom had vanished. That was more scary than mom saying she'd see them later.

 

The little boy I babysit went throught this for a couple of weeks.
I felt so bad for his Mom it was very hard for her to leave him crying but he stopped crying within SECONDS after she left.
He has never done this when his Dad has dropped him off. One thing I did that seemed to help is that I would take him and we would go give my dog a treat. Maybe at your daycare they could take him to a toy or something that he likes. (mind you he still cried until his Mom left) My girls have all gone through phases of this from time to time. It does seem to be just that a phase. Hope it ends for you soon hang in there.

 

My girls cry when I leave and the LOVE daycare. They even ask to see Jodie, but when I leave it upsets them. They have been doing this for about a year now, so I don't know if it is a "phase", maybe a very long one. But they do stop crying within a minute or 2 after I leave and they are fine for the rest of the day.

:hug: I know how hard it is to leave them like that. Most mornings I am teary eyed because of it.

 

We don't do daycare, but we started dropping them off in nursery at church b/c I thought before long preschool will be here & they should start getting used to me not being around a bit. They freaked!!! Even the sight of the building was enough to send them into screaming fits. If I let them bring along some special item from home, that helped a little. Snacks, too. Sometimes mine don't eat breakfast very well, so I'd bring a snack bag for the drive & that helped.

Good luck; hope it gets better!

 

QUOTE(momma*nic @ Oct 20 2008, 07:43 AM) [snapback]1033474[/snapback]
Don't sneak out. Give him a hug, tell him you'll be back soon and say goodbye. Don't drag it out. Ask the providers how long it takes him to recover. Chances are, once he's distracted by everything there, he's fine. Our E/I preschool had a very strict policy on saying goodbye. They didn't want a child to grab a toy and turn around to see mom had vanished. That was more scary than mom saying she'd see them later.

I just wanted to second this. I have to admit that my opinion is not based on my own experience, but rather my mom's advice after over 20 years of experience in preschool, daycare, and kindergarten. Sneaking out is actually worse in the long run, and may prolong this crying phase, because the poor child is constantly worried that if he turns his back, then mommy will disappear. If you do a short and quick goodbye, sure he'll cry for a minute because he's sad to see you leave, but at least you've been honest with him. He can at least be reassured in knowing that you're not going to disappear without warning. Good luck!

 

Thanks for the feedback. I am going to not sneak out, you guys are right. We have been me giving him a hug and saying bye. I will try and stick to it....just tough to do.