Separation Anxiety

So we made the 1100 mile road trip north to visit our families, many of who are just meeting the girls for the first time. This means there have been a lot of new people around the girls. They have been showing separation anxiety for some time now, but it has gotten much worse since we've been here. Baylinn especially. Today she decided that she only wanted ME to hold her...not even her dad could calm her down.

My sister spent an hour trying to feed her, hold her and play with her today and she just screamed the whole time (no tears, just screaming). How do I deal with this? Is there a some way to overcome it? Everyone has been waiting so long to meet them and it just sucks that Baylinn won't let anyone else to hold her.

Any advice?

 

sounds like she needs her mama. her comfort and happiness are more important than any of the adults. they will understand that she is a bit overwhelmed and needs some time and space to feel comfortable. would she be comfortable with someone reading to or talking to her while you hold her? sort of ease into interacting with new faces?

 

My kids both kind of do this when it is too much at once. Meaning too many people, unfamiliar location and too much going on. It really sucks, but nothing outside of me holding and playing with them has ever helped me. Mine will eventually warm up to other people, but it takes some time. Can you try and keep the groups smaller and make sure they have some familiar toys with them or maybe a blanket they are used too? Good luck.

 

My girls used to do the same thing. I'm sure someone may disagree with my logic, but if she was upset, I went to her. I wouldn't let people hold them, try and play with them, do anything with them, if the girls were upset. I would wait about a half minute and if she didn't calm down, in I went to scoop her up. It eventually got much better over the months.


eta: Sometimes I would hold whoever was upset on my lap but facing outward, toward the person that wanted to see them. If she got a little upset, I brought her in close to me, but would try and inch her closer to the person so eventually they made contact (holding hands, etc.). It seemed to work most times.

 

I agree with pps. When my kids are shy or nervous around people they don't know, I always let them stay with me. I never force them to go to someone they don't want to. Especially as babies. They would always warm up eventually if we were there long enough. I know it's hard when you want family to be able to enjoy them. For me, how my babies felt was much more important.

 

Agree with pps - if your babies want you and only you, the best thing to do is go with it.

Here's my experience. We've been having Early Intervention come every 4 wks since the babies were home. They've had intense stranger anxiety for months now. When the EI rep comes in, they FLIP OUT and start screaming. So she just keeps her distance for a while and talks quietly while I cuddle both babies or have them play very close to me, and gradually they warm up to her. She starts coming a little closer, and I start putting the babies down on the floor to play, and by the end of the hour they're grinning and giggling and cooing at her and happily letting her hold them! And I'm sure this would NOT happen if I didn't respect their fears and just dumped them into the situation with no transition.

So just stand your ground and have people keep their distance for a while. It won't be long until the girls warm up to everyone and ham it up like crazy! Hope you have a good visit.

 

I would try to break this habit now - since my daughter is now almost 3 1/2 and not over her anxiety. My husband and I can never go on a date unless she is sleeping at night - then we sneak out. It is not fun, church is even an issue..... Do it while they are young, or it will never happen....

 

Mine never went through this too much which was shocking to me since they stay at our house with my mom... Beau acts shy but never crys and Savannah gets a little upset but if i say you are ok i am right here she calms it down so not alot of advice. Just know that it will pass and i know you are eager for them to see how they are with you at home but it just might take them some time...

How was the trip?

 

My 5 year old is still like this. He is so shy. He will hide behind me and hold on to me for dear life if he is uncomfortable around new people. I am taking the twins to church and I let people there hold them so they can get used to being around unfamilar people.