Separation anxiety

My LOs are 13 months old. My DD is at that age when she is very whiney, clingy and showing her frustration by screaming and crying. She has just started to crawl but still needs to perfect it so it uses a lot of energy and she gets tired out quickly (she naps well). She also wants to walk really badly and is only happy when I hold her hands and help her walk everywhere. Obviously, with twins, I cant be doing that all day! Recently, she has become super clingy and I can´t go anywhere without her melting down. I talk to her, tell her where Im going, etc but it´s no use and she works herself up into a frenzy (she has quite a ´temper´ when she gets going too!). DS is also clingy but he is more independent so it isn´t as bad as DD though he does cry when I leave the room.

The other day, at lunch, it was so bad I had to put her upstairs in her crib so she would calm down. I was trying to feed DS and she was screaming & crying for my attention. The timeout worked.

The only moment when I get some "peace" is when I put on Baby Einstein but I dont want to fall into that habit of using TV to distract them. At the moment it´s twice a day (to make lunch, then dinner) and they love it but I feel guilty all the same.

Any advice? Is this just a phase? Should I let her/them cry? I usually don´t have a choice as Im either changing her brother/putting him to bed, etc. Help!

TIA!

 

My boys are 18 months and we are at the peak (so says the books) of seperation anxiety. I can't even go to the bathroom without major meltdowns. Usually after a few minutes they will settle down and go back to what they were doing. When I come back, I don't make a big deal out of it either.


It's drives me crazy because right now they are playing very nicely downstairs, but I know as soon as I go down there, they will both be on me crying.

I know you don't want to hear this now, but they say it usually ends by the time they are 2.

What keeps me going is that I know it won't always be like this.

 

I agree with Judy...it is a normal phase they go through (annoying for us parents) but it does end and I keep thinking of that (I type this as my DD is upstairs throwing a tantrum).

 

Oh no! Another year of this Well, as you say, at least it ends. My LOs are going to nursery in September so I guess that will help?

DD is having major tantrums too, is this part of the phase too?

 

I'm going through this with my DD, she just started walking and it has eased some. I would say that in my experience, the more you deny a kid "you" -- time outs, etc. the longer it takes for a kid to work it out. Add to it that it's completely natural and age appropriate to do this -- it's all about a cub leaving the den and needing to make sure that you will always be there to take care of them... I don't think a time out would have any affect and could likely be detrimental to the kid. She can't help that she needs reassurance that you'll still be there when she moves away from you. so to be punished for this is a little odd. I'd stick with talking to her the whole time you have to do something else. Come back to her or in her line of vision as much as possible and grin and bear it.

We are the mature ones for a reason once we know that this ia normal, we just gotta muster through and let our kids test boundries and how we'll remain supporting them even if they are not attached to us.

Good luck, I know it's hard.

Teri D

 

One of my DS's did this for most of the second year. Not to scare you, but just to be honest with you. He is getting better now. He is a very sensitive child, so anytime he was slightly hungry, thirsty, cold, tired, scared, etc... you name it, he wanted Mommy and only Mommy. With twins, there is only so much you can do, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. I spent most of the last year holding him (or so it felt, anyway!), but I found that when I was extra-attentive to his high-maintenance little self, he would cope better (if only slightly). Sometimes, though, he had to just deal with life... and he did, even if he wasn't always happy about it.

:hug: Sorry you are dealing with this frustrating situation!

 

ahhh the joys of always wanting mommy! My DD went through a stage of this around 1 yr old, and it lasted about 6-8wks, then it got better for a few months, and now we are back in the "thick of it", she cries whenever I leave the room, no, make that SCREAMS when I leave the room! Sometimes she just has to cry when i am changing DS's diaper or tending to him, and I usually just talk to her and tell her she can have my attention in a minute, the other thing that works sometimes is giving her a "job" (I know yours are a bit young for this right now) but I tell her to go get her hat, or shoes or take the water bottle to the table...this works about 40% of the time.
I have taken to hiding behind couches and sneaking around in order to get out the door without her seeing me and throwing a tantrum. I just keep thinking that it will get better, and I am sure it will - for all of us!

 

actually it depends... one of my DD never listens when she gets up in the morning and see her dad.... she begins crying and nothing can calm her but her dad. as she knows he'll go out for a walk and she fears if he is not holding her he'll go out without her. she even doesn't let him dress up.
but the same baby waves happily to her dad when he goes to his office.
earlier when my DH used to leave the home for office both my DD's used to cry. but as the time passed they accepted it as his routine. but yes it took time.
any other time i just make efforts to switch their mind from what they want,sometimes its the music system, i switch it on and tell them to dance, i used to dance with them earlier for a while. they really love music and dance.