Separation anxiety. DS fiercely attached to me, DD to her dad

Nico is on fire trying to learn to walk and crawl at the same time. He also sprouted his first few teeth recently. Because of all this (he has demanded a lot of my time) he has become obsessed with me

aurora who is better at putting herself to sleep and playing solo has gotten the shorter end of the stick even tho I've tried so hard to give her equal time

a few weeks ago when sep anxiety set in for both of them I noticed she was more attached to daddy and our nanny. ;(

now we've been on vacation for 12 days and she is both suffering with teething and cries every moment, practically if daddy is not holding her

I can barely console her. Sometimes I can't at all. It's breaking my heart and I feel like I failed her and forced her to look somewhere else for comfort

I feel like I don't want my nanny to come back next week because she'll love her more.

What can I do? Will she re-attach to me after dh goes back to work?

I'm so sad

 

Why be hurt if DD loves her Daddy? What about that DS is attached to you and maybe shuns Daddy? In your DH's place, I'd be pretty hurt that you're hoping that she will become all yours again when he returns to work.

DH is a SAHD and I work outside the home. Long ago I had to adjust to the fact that they run to Daddy when they fall and hurt themselves. They don't love me any less. So I'm not trying to be mean about it, but honestly ask yourself why you take it personally.

 

I think they all go through a stage. My twin dd was like that for the past few weeks and just recently started separating from me and reaching for daddy. So happy that she has, because I don't want one of them to feel more attached to either of us, I want them to be the same with both of us. My twin ds definitely adores his daddy (he is the one working right now, as I wait out the summer until school returns), but will easily go to any one.

I'm sure that it will just be a phase.

 

I consider it the law of the jungle. My DS is attached to me and DD to her Daddy. He works and I am the one who is around all the time. You did not fail her at all. I think it is a totally normal thing. When my DD needs to be soothed and DH is around, that is her first choice. When he is not around, she will come to me. Don't beat yourself up! You are doing a great job meeting both of their needs :hug:

 

i guess i'm taking it personally because i read a stupid article online that concluded that when a child attaches themselves to someone other than the mother its because they have "an insecure attachment to the mother" and they "replaced" their mother by attaching to the father. it also said that father-attached children are "less mature" and that their mothers have "less positive attributes"

it was like taking a knife to my heart and twisting it around. this is why i feel like i failed her.

how does one un-read what has already been read ??? :blush:

 

That article sounds a little ridiculous to me. Babies & kids go through phases where they will be more attached to one parent or the other, or maybe even the nanny or Grandma or Grandpa, or in my case one of their siblings. Next week or next month it will be someone different. So, don't take that article personally, you are a mom of twins & no matter how hard we try to divide our attention equally, it can't be done on an everyday basis. The best we can strive for is that, over time, it will even out to equal attention for both. You love them both, I'm sure they can feel that. :hug:

 

Dont worry, its a phase. When LOs are starting to learn new things, they get afraid to strike out on their own so they reach for us to guide them and tell them it´s OK. My LOs are attached to me and they are on the verge of walking. Separation anxiety increases when they learn to walk - as I´ve been told. DD learned to crawl, stand up, sit down & walk alone with the baby walker this past week plus she got 4 new teeth and it was a tough week believe me! She only wants her "mama". I worry too about my twins preferring their grandmother but I´ve learned to let it go as they know who their mum is. I sympathise but it will change. It´s great you and your DH are so close to them and they reach for him too. My DH loves it when ours reach up to him with their little arms and ask for "papa" :wub:

 

That sounds like Freudian drivel to me! Don't worry yourself about it, if you can.

 

Aw I'm sorry your feeling are hurt over this!! :hug: I bet you next week she will be like ..Daddy who? where is my Momma? I'm quickly realising that babies are ever changing and so will this stage but you will ALWAYS be babies Momma!! Keep smiling!

 

This is me too - DH isn't a SAHD, but he has a little more time with them. DD LOVES DH and will totally snub me sometimes. DS is more even and maybe a little more mommy's boy. They are both still my babies. I've never felt like I have to be the only person or even the primary person that they turn to. Think of it positively. They have all these people to love and who love them - even when Mommy can't be there.

 

This sounds a little nuts to me! I've always read that children, particularly girls, with great relationships with their fathers grow up to have better self-esteem, less promiscuity. Of course, it's all meaningless on the individual level, but I think a strong relationship to their father - strong relationships with everyone in their life - is nothing but good!

Although I hear you on unreading stressful things you read!!

 

I agree with this totally. I love it that my boys come to me when they are needy, but I'm very relieved that they will take comfort from other people. There's no way I can meet all of their needs alone; they outnumber me 2-1!! I can't be there all the time, so I feel good that they love their daddy, their G'ma, and their nanny, all of whom can give them comfort.

And that article sounds like BS. You can't unread something, but I'm certain you can find other articles that prove the complete opposite. If you can't put it out of your mind, so some more research and find literature that balances it out.

 

Thanks everyone