Separating them? Right choice?

HI-

Our twins are 9 wks old. They were in the NICU for 2 wks. When we brought them home, we had them sleeping together. After a week, we started to separate them because one of them always woke up the other one and then we would have scream-fest 2010!

We did have them on the same schedule, but really proved tough for me to feed, burp, change and try to get them both asleep. (Especially because one is colicky) We have since changed their schedules to be an hour off of each other. (This doesn't always work, but we do our best) My husband and I are now on separate shifts to save on daycare and we are always alone with the girls. We have one sleep in the crib in their room and the other in a pack n play in the living room. (This is so they can sleep without waking the other)

With other posts that we have read, it makes us wonder if we are doing the right thing with having them separated. Some people have posted that their twins wake each other but then they get each other back to sleep...ours never seem to do that. In addition, I wonder if we are "robbing" them of bonding time with each other. When we put them next to each other when they are awake(which is rare that they are both up due to the schedule we have) they just cry. Might sound crazy, but I'm afraid we are going to have more issues as they get older if we keep the separated...any thoughts on this? :unsure:

 

I did not have mine sleep together. Actually, they mostly ended up one on each side of me and DH slept elsewhere for the first few months. Mine had no NICU time, so I don't know if that affects things. They don't seem to have had trouble bonding.

 

That is such a tough decision! We had a hard time figuring it out at the beginning too. I think, at this point, you do whatever it takes to maximize sleep for ALL of you. We slept our girls in the sam crib for the first couple of months in our room and then we figured out one of them slept better than the other, so she slept in their room in her crib and her sister slept in our room.. we finally had to do some sleep training when we were all at our breaking point around 4 months or so... we did the sleep training in separate rooms and then we finally decided to put them in the same room.. they are fine together and learn to sleep around the other's sleep cycle... There are times we still separate them if they really need sleep.. like right now when one has a nasty cold and her sis keeps waking her up.. but for the most part, I think my LO's find comfort in the other... just trust your instinct and you can always change your mind later on when they are a bit older! Hugs.

 

I had an adorable nursery set up with plans for our BG twins to share a room, and maybe even a crib. This proved to be not the route we ended up taking. They woke eachother up constantly and I was miserable. Once we moved our DD into her own room, they slept muuuch longer. (We also put them on their bellies at that time which made a world of difference) They were going 2-3 hours at night and immediately the first noight we separated them Ike slept 7 hours and Lucy slept 5!!!! It was heaven on earth. 2 weeks later they were both going 11-12 hours and still do today at almost 5 months!!We made the switch at about 2 months. They were born at 31 weeks and spent 3 weeks int he NICU.

 

Mine spent 3 weeks in nicu. They were/are never seperated. They are always together. They share a room but sleep in 2 cribs.they learned how to deal with each other cry,...some times I'm surprised how one can sleep through another screamming crying like that. But they don't care.

My boy loves and adores his sis. He depends on her a lot. He got nervous couple first times when I took him out with me without his sis.he even gave her his farvote toy. They are best friends.

Keeping them together works the best for us

 

I don't think you can go wrong really.. to me sleep is more important than bonding time. They will have plenty of time together during the day, particularly as they get more active and aware of each other.

In our case, they slept in the same crib next to our bed for 4 months, and then we switched to separate cribs in their nursery but we never had problems with them waking each other. I always kept them on the same schedule too... fed one right after the other in the early days just so I could get back to sleep. But, you have to do what works for you. Every baby is different and has a different tolerance toward noise. We all do a lot of things in the early days that don't go with our 'plans' in order to get everyone sleeping and taken care of

 

Thank you for all your advice. My husband and I are at odds...he thinks they should be together because they will be in the same room when they get older. (Great point) My issue is that they keep each other up and we are constantly going in their room to calm them both down. I'd rather keep them separate and on different schedules so we can have alone time with each of them. I totally understand murtygirl!

My husband and I "take a twin" to sleep with us and we are trying to stop that habit. We rotate on the living room couch, but now we are both back to work and a night's rest in our own bed would be wonderful. We thought we would put them in the same crib and next to each other with the theory they will comfort each other, but this proved trying to our patience and sanity. They did eventually fall asleep (90min later) but we are not sure if we can do this everyday/night since we are alone.

Keep your advice coming! WE appreciate the help.

Also...I see people post in their replies DD and DS...what does that stand for??

 

Thanks!! Maximize sleep would be the route I want to go! Sounds silly, but I feel bad for the one that sleeps better because we put her in the crib and sleep with the other... :blush: I know they don't know, but I do.

 

Thanks! I started to wonder if what we were doing was the right thing...keeping them separate.

 

DS - dear son; DD - dear daughter...

we kept together, but they were swaddled separately and had sleep positioners around them which is now a big no-no I think.

anyway, what helped us get sleep... SWADDLING! hands down. we started up again at 5.5 wks and they slept through a 2am feed. we were hooked. you have to swaddle tight, b/c they really fight it but if you can get them to be swaddled it might help them settle down b/c they aren't frightening themselves by moving their arms in the night. there are many great special blankets out there... I recommend getting the 40" or larger size so that it will last when they grow bigger.

we swaddled until 6 mo.

the other big thing that helped us was white noise. and playing fairly loud. we played a cd of it for over a year, and finally just moved my dh's (dear husband) alarm clock in their room his has several sound options with no moving cd to have to play.

The Happiest Baby on the Block is the book we followed in the beginning regarding the swaddling, sushing/white noise etc.

hope you can figure out what works for you... our two do sleep through most of each other's cries as well, sometimes I'm amazed. and if they will be sharing at some point maybe it would be good thing to have them share... but your sanity is important too.

oh and by 8 wks we had about 8 hrs sleep... I credit it to the swaddling, white noise and probably also the feeding every 2-2.5hrs during the day which got in an extra whole feeding or so than if we were feeding 3 to 4 hrs...

good luck!

 

Ours dont sleep together, they didnt have NICU time and the only time they actually LIKE being near each other (which is rare) is during the day on play mats, cause one will make the toys move when/if the other cant...they share a room but never shared a bed...except for a few times in the early days of being home in the pnp in our room.


Id love to try and start the tummy sleeping, Im just terrified.

 

I also just wanted to add that until about 6-7 months you're not really starting any bad sleep habits either. At this stage they're really just crying because they want something or other (sometimes that's rocking or comforting too!). So don't worry about instilling any bad habits at this stage. If you're co-sleeping, just make sure you're doing it safely and worry about sleep training when they're ready for it. Some time after 6 months you can get them in the same room and into a more permanent sleeping situation. In the meantime it's all survival!